I do not wake for the rest of the journey. In fact I do not wake at all except for once briefly as we land, shocked into awareness by the sudden heat and humidity. After that I sink back into the dark dreamworld, visited by phantoms who steal away as quickly as they come. The Jedi children stand solemnly in a line before me, accusing, until they fall down dead and I see that behind them is Leia. But she screams and falls away from me even as I try to catch her.

When I am not dreaming, sometimes Qui-Gon Jinn comes, but never says anything, never, never. His mouth moves and says nothing.

And when they are all gone I am alone, dark and cold and alone, worse than the prison, worse than anything. I yell for Padme and Obi-Wan, but no one ever comes and I am still here, trapped, can't move or breathe or speak.

Sometimes I am aware of being hot, or cold. My skin, whenever I feel it, is damp. Once or twice I catch the aroma of food being cooked, and once even Padme's perfume.

I do not know how long I stay that way, in the void, the twilight between sleep and wake, dark and light, life and death. The sameness of the dark destroys all sense of time, all feeling of movement.

Sometimes I feel people in the room with me and try to call out to them, but I am never strong enough to do anything more than that before slipping, as always, back into the dreamscape. I can never pull myself out.

But now Padme is here, I sense her, beside me, sad, whispering to me, though I do not know what, and I try again to speak and pull myself out, trying one last time to live.

"Padme," I call bleakly again, straining to pull myself into awakeness, "Padme…"

And then there are cool hands on my brow, and words, but I can't make them out, can't hear or feel, but I know she is there, and it is this that finally pulls me into awareness.

I open my eyes but cannot see well, the world is a blur, splashes of color here and there against a mainly brown background. I blink a few times, trying to clear my head.

"He's awake!" a shrill voice yelps suddenly, "Everybody, he's awake!"

Padme.

I cannot see her features through my clouded vision, but it doesn't matter. She presses a soft kiss to my lips, and warm, happy tears fall from her face to mine.

"I can hardly believe it," she says breathlessly, sitting up and rubbing my hand, "Today's the only day I can be down here this week, and you're awake, this is so perfect! I'm down today to celebrate the twins' birthday and, oh, Luke's going to be so happy!"

And then there is Obi-Wan standing in the doorway holding a dark haired baby under one arm and a fair child by the hand. "Mommy!" calls the blonde one, who I think is Luke, toddling to Padme as fast as his short legs will take him, and catapulting himself into her lap. She bounces him on her knee and tickles him. "Hi, Lukey," she says playfully, "Why is your face so messy? Were you causing trouble?" If I squint, I can make out pale yellow smears across his cheeks, forehead, and lips.

"No!" He screams, giggling happily.

"I thought it might be nice if Luke helped with the cake," Obi-Wan admits, stepping beside Padme. She kisses Luke's forehead and sets him on my legs before wordlessly taking Leia from Obi-Wan. Luke seems to notice me for the first time and looks fearfully from Padme to Obi-Wan. "It's okay, Luke," Obi-Wan says reassuringly, "Your daddy woke up now. Why don't you say 'hi' to him?"

Luke shakes his head and jumps off the bed, waddling over to Obi-Wan, who picks him up obligingly. "Hello, Anakin," he says finally, "Good to see you awake again. I must say, you've picked a very convenient time to wake up; we're getting ready to celebrate the twins' birthdays."

"So I've heard," I say groggily. I realize suddenly how thirsty I am. "Could I have something to drink?"

"Certainly," Obi-Wan says, "Anything in particular?"

"No. Anything's fine."

"Alright, then, in that case I'll get you a glass of water. Stay here, Luke."

"Thank you," I reply, watching him set Luke down and retreat in a blur of color. I think I see him rubbing his eyes as he walks away.

Luke runs to Padme and buries his face in her skirt. "Why don't you go sit with Daddy, Sweetie? Mommy has to hold Leia."

"You holded Leia. Hold Luke," he demands.

"I'll hold Leia, if she doesn't mind," I offer. "Leia, do you want Daddy to hold you?"

No reply.

Wordlessly, Padme transfers Leia over to me and scoops up Luke.

The instant I see her face, I know something is wrong. Her eyes are open, but dull and unfocused. Her mouth hangs open, too. She is smaller than Luke, and when I set her on the bed, does not sit on her own, but falls back into a laying position.

"What's wrong with Leia?" I ask, worried, "is she sick?"

Padme bites her lip. "Lukey, honey, why don't you go out and finish helping Uncle Obi-Wan with the cake?"

"Okay, Mommy. Bye-bye."

"Bye-bye, Luke. Mommy loves you."

"I love you, too, Luke," I add as he toddles away, stumbling out the door.

"Alright," I say as soon as I think Luke's out of hearing range, "What's wrong with her?"

"I really don't think we should be having this conversation right after you just woke up," she says nervously, "Can we just relax for a while and enjoy ourselves, and talk about it later?"

"Padme, tell me what's wrong with my daughter," I demand in low tones.

"No, I really just don't think—"

"Now."

"Okay," she says, "Please, though, don't get upset. Understand, Ani, you've been sick for at least half a year, basically comatose these past three months—I just don't want you to get hurt again."

She stands up and walks to the open door, pulling it shut. She stops and faces the wall as she speaks to me, wringing her hands with anxiety. "Anakin, she's never really recovered from—whatever Palpatine—and you—did to her. She never started crawling, or talking, or walking, or any of the things Luke did. He keeps getting farther and farther ahead of her, she just isn't progressing any farther. She can't sit up, or feed herself, or even roll over from her back to her stomach."

A wave of sickness rolls over me as I look at Leia. I did this to her, I ruined her life—but I saved her life, I did, I tried.

I stare at Padme blankly.

"She's brain damaged, and we don't know how much because we don't have the scanners or equipment to find out, but it seems to be permanent…" she dissolves as she speaks, turning to face me again, brown eyes pooled with tears. "I'm sorry I'm such a mess," she cries, "I just don't like talking about it…and this was supposed to be such a happy day, I don't want to ruin it. The twins' birthday, and you woke up—this is a happy day, and I'm ruining it for everybody. I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," I say quietly, staring into Leia's eyes.

"It's just she's a year old today, and she seems like a big newborn. I always dreamed of having a daughter, and I'd tie her hair in ribbons and we'd do all sorts of mothery-daughtery things together—but Leia's never going to do any of that stuff."

"No, she's not, is she," I say dully.

"No," she agrees turning to face me, "I love her, though, I love her so much."

"I do, too," I echo hollowly.

I pick Leia back up and push myself back so that I am resting on the backboard, cradling her lightly in my arms. Before I know what's happening, my shoulders shake with dry sobs, and this time it is Padme comforting me, rubbing my back, until I get control moments later.

"I'm fine," I gulp.

There is a knock at the door. "Hello?" Obi-Wan calls, "I've got your water; sorry it took so long."

I shoot Padme a quick smile, and reply, "Come on in."

Obi-Wan opens the door and sets the glass on my bedside table. "Are you both alright?" he asks cautiously, "You seem upset."

"It's nothing," I say, "I was just hearing about Leia."

"Ah," he nods knowingly, taking the other seat next to Padme's, "But you know, she has the sweetest personality of any child I've ever met," he consoles me, "She hardly ever cries, and she's very easygoing."

"Has she been getting any treatment?" I inquire.

"There really aren't any places we could take her for that on Degobah," Obi-Wan says slowly.

"Well, why can't she go off planet? Palpatine knows she exists, it wouldn't do any more harm than what's already been done."

"She's stronger when she's with Luke," Padme says passionately, "When she's away, she won't eat, and she cries all the time."

"So…she's been living on Degobah?"

Obi-Wan nods. "I've been caring for them both, and Padme comes down whenever she can get away from the Senate."

Suddenly, Luke is in the doorway. "Hi, Luke," I greet him.

He ignores me completely, turning to Obi-Wan, "Read," he demands, thrusting out a book wrapped in a pudgy fist.

Padme scoops him up, and for a minute he looks like he's going to cry, but she tickles him and says, "Obi-Wan is talking to Daddy, Lukey. Mommy will read to you." They swoop out the door together, Luke giggling.

Obi-Wan and I talk for over an hour. He tells me all about Luke and Leia. "Luke is a lot like you," he informs me, "he gets into a lot of trouble, but he's very bright."

I learn my son's first word—water—and how old he was when he took his first step—ten months.

He asks me once about my experience in prison, but on seeing my stony faced silence, quickly changes the subject.

I lean back and let Obi-Wan's voice wash over me, drinking in the past three months.

"I can't see," I blurt eventually, in a brief pause, "Everything's all blurry."

"That's probably from malnutrition," he says gently. "You were very ill."

"Is it permanent?" I ask.

"Maybe," he says softly, looking away. "Probably."

"Okay," I swallow and bite my lip. "Okay." I turn and smile at my friend, who looks worried. "I've had worse news today."

"It's good to have you back," he says softly. "I've missed you. Force, I've missed you…"

I smile, and then remember something that has been nagging on the back of my mind. "Obi-Wan—I'm sorry about that clone." I suddenly feel ashamed. I shouldn't have let him die for me, I should have died—shouldn't have been such a coward—

His mood changes abruptly, from happy and relaxed to tense and even almost angry. "Let's talk about something else," he says abruptly.

"Okay," I agree, frightened.

"Good."

"But, before—can I ask one thing? Was he executed instead of me?"

"Yes, he was."

A heavy silence falls.

A soft vanilla scent floats in. "Mmm…" I inhale deeply.

"Luke had a lot of fun making that," Obi-Wan says fondly, grinning, our previous exchange forgotten. "He did make a bit of a mess though."

"Good boy," I laugh.

"He can be a bit rambunctious," Obi-Wan concedes, "but he really is a good boy."

Padme walks in, balancing the cake plate on one hand as she slides through the door with Luke. "Here's a cake for the birthday kids!" she says happily.

The cake is put on my bed and the candle lit.

"Happy Birthday to you," we chorus, "Happy birthday to yoouu! Happy biirrthday Luke and Leia! Happy birthday to you!" Luke leans over from his spot on Obi-Wan's knee and blows out the candle.

I catch Padme's eye as she leans down to cut the cake, and we smile at each other.

And I am happy.

A/N:

Here's today's update. Not much going on in it. Anyone else think the pacing in this chapter is kind of off? Hope you enjoyed though!

Padfoot Reincarnated