Ok, so this is totally stemming from the sad and pathetic world of Law & Order: CI the PC game (which I got for Christmas- could my mother love me any more?)… It takes about 5 minutes of mouse clicking on Deakins to try to get him to acknowledge you, let alone turn you down for a search warrant- which he always does. Bobby's rock of Gibraltar, Eames, is nowhere to be found, and so he's stuck making all of those cool quips ("These room service charges are a crime."), which really doesn't suit him. I am in no way dissing or complaining about the game- VDO's lack of enthusiasm in his voiceovers actually give him this sexy, sultry sound that I could listen to for hours. And the cases are actually quite difficult…Anywho, below is a little bit of drabble from Bobby Goren stuck in the PC world…

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I mentally wish for my Nokia, which for some reason is hovering above me in my left peripheral vision. It mercifully comes to me. I've got about half a dozen witnesses to interview and the damn "Criminal Profiler" on my computer says that the mom is 95percent likely to have committed the crime- what the hell does that mean?

I wish Eames were here. I apparate around NYC now like it's no big deal. The big blue SUV that Eames used to call "The Canyonero" has now been replaced by some cheap-ass grey sedan that I don't even get to drive. Beam me up, Scottie.

I wish Eames were here. I have 5 faces that I wear now- empathetic, straightforward, flattering (I feel like such a sleezeball), deceptive, and confrontational. The last two are Eames' affects- why do I have to behave that way? Sometimes I hear myself saying "I know friend in immigration and I can have yo' ass deported if you don't tell me what I know you're hiding." The only reason it makes me smile is because I imagine my partner doing that. She's good at that. I just come off as an ass-hole when I say it, but Eames sounds smart, witty, and tough. If life were a bitch, she'd be its pimp.

Jennifer from Records and Research is putting the moves on me, I swear. She always leaves messages on my phone saying "Those reports you wanted are ready. Come by and we can discuss them in further detail…" Who is this Jennifer chick and why is she all of a sudden acting like a bad girl? I thought that was Eames' department as well- "Stay put like a good boy, Bobby, or I'll have to cuff you to the bed."

Then there's Deakins. I thought only women went through PMS. He just sits there adjusting his tie and occasionally looking out the window. Captain? Captain? CAPTAIN!

I guess the worst part is not having Eames around. There's so much she could say and do. I'll just pretend she's off on holiday in some revealing bathing suit, making all the guys on the beach jealous… making me jealous… where's my Nokia?