So I finished my paper. So that means that I can write a chapter of this instead of starting my reading for my Holocaust class. Which, today in that class we had to watch this video, and I was so upset after watching it that I had to sit there for like five minutes to compose myself before I could leave. And then as we were walking out, all these other kids were looking at us, and I would imagine that it's quite a sight to see a bunch of kids fililng out of the room with red, puffy eyes. I swear I'm going to have nightmares from it. It's like when I watch Schindler's List and I'm wrecked for like a week...anyway, I just can't read for that class right now, and so you benefit! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: As much as I wish that they were...the characters are not mine.

The next week seemed to be a whirlwind for Ryan. He should have been settling down into life with the Cohens these couple of weeks after he moved in, instead they were waiting for Kirsten to be released from the hospital, getting the house ready for her when she did come home, and waiting for what would happen next to Marissa.

On top of all of that, he was adjusting to being back at school again for the first time in a long time. His teachers, along with Seth's and Summer's, were very understanding about the accident and allowed them to take all of the time they needed. Ryan also got a real sense of how beloved the Cohens were in town, when his western civilization teacher stopped him as he was leaving to ask him how Kirsten was doing on his first day back.

"Is she being released from the hospital yet?" Mr. Gray had asked. "How is she doing? Did she start physical therapy yet?" Ryan answered no, fine, and yes, and then tried to escape, but found that he was not done asking questions yet. "Tell her that we're all thinking of her." Ryan knew that everyone was thinking of her; he and Seth had been on Newpsie phone duty, which meant fielding calls all day. And then listening to them talk about how much they loved Kirsten, how they were praying for them. Seth had gotten upset once, slamming the phone down making both Ryan, and Summer, who had been spending the majority of her time there, jump in the air.

"What's the deal Cohen?" Summer demanded, placing her hands on her hips. She had been getting quite good at maneuvering on her crutches.

"God! They're acting like she's dead! 'She didn't deserve this…how are you all holding up? Our prayers are with your family at this time…' I know it's nice. I know that they're trying to be nice, but if I talk to one more goddamned Newpsie, I'm going to commit a double homicide!" Seth stalked away leaving both Ryan and Summer looking amazed after him.

"What was that about?" Summer asked shaking her head.

"He came too close to losing her," Ryan answered. It happened with Sandy too, every once in awhile, when they were at the hospital and Kirsten was off at physical therapy, Sandy would get this far away, sad look in his eyes and Ryan knew that he was thinking about what would have happened if she hadn't made it through. All of them had to imagine her being gone, and it had been too real, too scary to just move on and forget that they had almost lost her. "He's just…"

"I'll go talk to him," Summer interrupted.

"No," Ryan said. "Stay here. I'll go talk to him." And he found Seth in the poolhouse, not really doing anything but staring at the phone as if he was daring it to ring.

"Sorry about that," Seth said monotone.

"No don't worry about it," Ryan said waving his hand and dismissing Seth's apology. "Are you okay?" Seth shrugged.

"She's okay, and I know that, but God…what if…what if she wasn't?" Seth's voice shook, and he shook his head. "And I can't stop thinking about that what if."

"She is okay though, Seth," Ryan said softly. "Why don't we go down to the hospital and see her? Give your dad a break." Sandy had taken time off work, and had told Ryan that he wasn't going to go home until Kirsten did. Ryan hoped for both their sakes that that day would be soon. Sandy was exhausted.

"Yeah," Seth nodded. "That's a good idea." He needed to see his mother. He needed to be reminded that she was okay. And she was okay. She was even supposed to come home in a few days. His dad had ordered that he and Ryan have the house spotless for her arrival. Generally Seth disapproved of physical labor, and was opposed to any type of cleaning, and although this time, with his broken arm, he did have an excuse, he had complied and cleaned his parent's bedroom for his mother. This had been detrimental to his health in a different way, when he discovered a negligee under the bed that seemed to a piece, a very small piece, of sheer cloth with some bows. The pair of handcuffs that he found when he opened up his mother's top drawer of her nightstand to place the remote in were the final straw, and he had walked downstairs, handed the rag that he had been using to dust to Summer, and claimed that he was going to be sick.

From that point on Summer handled Sandy and Kirsten's room, Seth was too mortified to go back in, and Ryan really did not want to learn things about his new foster parents by discovering anything. Summer had instead cleaned, and kept her mouth shut when she discovered the almost empty bottom of whipped cream that had rolled under the bed, or the second piece of lingerie which Seth was right, was no more than some string and some lace.

When they got to the hospital, Kirsten was awake and talking quietly with Sandy. Seth went to his mother's side immediately and took her free hand.

"Hi sweetie," she said smiling wanly at him. It killed Seth to see her in as much pain as she was in. "Sweeties," Kirsten corrected when she spotted Ryan and Summer hanging by the door.

"Kids," Sandy acknowledged. "Want to hear the good news?" He paused, and when he got a few nods, he continued excitedly, "Your mom can go home the day after tomorrow. She will still need to come in for physical therapy and she'll have to stay in bed." He turned to Kirsten and pointed a warning finger in her direction. "Which she will do." Kirsten nodded, and didn't tell her husband that she doubted that she had the energy to get out of bed.

"That's great," Ryan said grinning at Kirsten, who in turn beamed back at him. There was a moment where no one spoke and Kirsten quietly asked,

"What's happening with Marissa?"

"Her mother hired a pretty good lawyer, she got her license revoked until she's eighteen, and she got a pretty severe amount of community service hours, and she got fined, but other than that..." Summer trailed off and shrugged. Even though Marissa was her best friend Summer thought that just getting her license revoked and having to clean up garbage on the side of the road wasn't enough. She had almost killed Kirsten. She had caused all kinds of pain, and she herself wasn't hurt at all. Summer thought it was all kinds of unfair that Marissa had walked away from the accident. And clearly hadn't learned her lesson, because when Summer called over there, her best friend had sounded like she might have had a little too many.

No one said anything more about Marissa Cooper, and Ryan remembered Kirsten telling him when they were leaving Harbor the first time to be careful of Marissa. Kirsten had implied that Marissa was. He hadn't listened, and look where that had gotten him. Sometimes it amazed him that a month ago he didn't know any of these people. And then he met Kirsten, and that meeting at the construction site changed everything.

"That's great news though, about you coming home!" Summer said anxious to change the subject and ease the sudden tension in the room.

"We cleaned for you," Seth said proudly.

"You cleaned?" Kirsten asked in surprise. "Seth Cohen? Cleaned?"

"Hey, I will have you know that I am an excellent cleaner...I just prefer to save my talents for when they are really in need."

"Because picking up after yourself is far too much work," Sandy said rolling his eyes. "You wouldn't want to use up all your talents at once."

"Exactly, Father, I knew you got me," Seth said patting his father on the back. "And by the way…never again am I going into your bedroom." Kirsten blushed and exchanged a look with Sandy.

"What did you find exactly?" Sandy asked cautiously.

"I blocked it out for my own good," Seth answered. "But the item that you have in mom's top drawer of her nightstand will be disposed of properly yes?"

"Well, thank God, you didn't look in my nightstand," Sandy said, and was pleased when Seth made a gagging sound and pretended to run to the bathroom. "It's too easy."

"Ryan!" Ryan was taking out the garbage on the night before Kirsten was coming home. They were all excited, but no one more than Kirsten who just wanted to get home and into her own bed. He was surprised at the sound of his voice, and even more surprised to find out who was calling his name.

"Marissa," he replied flatly. She was jogging up the driveway and he wanted to turn and walk back into the house and slam the door in her face, but instead stayed put.

"Hey, I just wanted to talk to you…" She started.

"I have nothing to say to you."

"Ryan, please…"

"Seriously, Marissa, I have nothing to say to you."

"I just wanted to apologize…"

"Marissa…" Ryan said closing his eyes.

"No, I'm so sorry. I sent a card to Kirsten…did she get it?"

"I don't know," Ryan said honestly. He wasn't sure if Kirsten had gotten a card from Marissa, she had gotten so many cards and flowers and mini-muffin baskets that it was hard for them to keep track of what came from whom.

"I said I was sorry in it. I heard she's getting home tomorrow."

"Yes."

"I'm sorry, Ryan…what more can I do?"

"You did enough," he replied icily. "I'm going to go."

"Please! Please! Summer won't really talk to me, and my parents are so mad at me, and…"

"Marissa! Do you get that Kirsten almost died? Do you get that Seth, and Summer, and Sandy all broke a bone… We were hurt Marissa. Seriously hurt, and it was your fault. So, I don't care that Summer won't talk to you. I wouldn't talk to you either if I were her. Her leg is broken because of you. And it's good that your parents are mad at you. Everyone is mad at you Marissa. You fucked up." It was the most words that Ryan had spoken in a long time and he felt exhausted. Marissa had tears running down her face, and Ryan didn't want to deal with it. He didn't have the energy to deal with her.

"Go home, Marissa."

"I'm sorry, Ryan. I'm so sorry." Ryan shook his head. How many times in his life had a hysterical female apologized to him? How many times had his mother? And now Marissa. It was one of his favorite things about both Summer and Kirsten that they didn't seem to be highly emotional females. He was sick of being apologized to. He was sick of having things happened that had to be apologized for. Maybe, a long time ago, he could have forgiven Marissa. But not now. Not when she had hurt Kirsten and the rest of the Cohens, and Summer, and him too. Not when she had been stupid. A stupid, spoiled kid who expected him to just forgive her. Just like that. He turned to Marissa and looked at her, and sighed.

"I wish that meant something."