Author's note: I acknowledge the miss spelling of O'Neill. Hooked-on-phonics is no help what so ever in this situation. I also need a bit of assistance with background for the story, since I haven't seen every episode of SG1. If you're willing to answer my questions, please hit that email button on my profile page, thanks!
Crumpets Aren't My Style
By Marz
UFBs
O'Neill pulled off his barrowed skull mask. A towering form that could only be Teal 'c fired over his head. Behind him someone howled in pain as the Jaffa's staff weapon found its mark. O'Neill's eyes scanned the skirmish line. He saw Carter half concealed behind a headstone twenty yards to the right. A few yards farther he saw the wide brim of a green hat that was probably covering Daniel's head. There were half a dozen other soldiers he didn't recognize, but their uniforms looked like British Special Forces.
"Come on kid we're almost there," O'Neill said, grabbing the boy's arm and giving it a tug.
There was no response. He squeezed his wrist harder. The boy had no reaction to what must have been a painfully tight grip. On the plus side O'Neill did feel a pulse. He supposed that last tackle hadn't done the kid any good. Grumbling, he rolled the kid onto his back and dragged him along by the collar of his robes. It seemed like forever (though crawling under enemy fire always seems to take forever) before he got to the tenuous cover of a large headstone a few feet to Teal'c's right.
"I am relived to see that you are not dead, General O'Neil," Teal'c said as he fired another shot into the crowd of goons, who needed to learn how to duck.
"It's a relief to see you are not dead Teal'c."
O'Neill bent over the kid and pulled off his mask. The boy's eyes were rolled back in his head and small trickles of blood ran from his nostrils. O'Neill felt the pulse in his neck. It was steady, but his skin was clammy and cold. Starting to go into shock, wonderful.O'Neill pulled off his own barrowed robes and tossed them on top of the kid. He ducked as a huge blast of green light flew over his head.
"Sir?"
He looked up to see Carter scrambling toward him, weaving around headstones and under flashes of light. After inspecting him for a moment (probably to make sure he was free of alien parasites) she handed him a zat and an ear piece. He nodded in thanks, and shot a goon that appeared out of nowhere behind them.
"What are we dealing with sir?" Carter asked.
"Some kind of alien tech, I don't know the specifics: energy weapons, teleportation, the works. Oh, and there's a giant snake around here somewhere. We don't have the man power to take out their base. I think getting the hell out of here is the best plan."
"We've got transportation a half a kilometer south of here sir." She pulled out her radio and started organizing with the Special Forces guys.
"Check on the kid, will ya?"
"Sir, I think he's in shock," she said.
O'Neill bit back a comment and searched the graveyard for Greasy, eventually catching sight of him, crawling towards the ivy covered headstone that shielded Daniel. His robes were smoking slightly and it was clear he'd taken a hit in the leg. The enemy fire was focused most heavily on him. Daniel sent a questioning glance at him, and O'Neill made little waving motions, indicating that Greasy should be allowed through. Watch him, O'Neill signed before turning back to the fight.
"Where are we?" O'Neill asked.
"We are in Little Hangleton, General," Teal 'c answered.
"Which is where exactly?"
"I believe it is three miles west of Great Hangleton," Teal 'c answered, with a faintly amused expression, but he always had a faintly amused expression, so that wasn't saying much.
One of the Special Forces guys crawled over. Carter called him Cooper, and after a few seconds of arguing and arm waving, Cooper put the kid across his shoulders, and started down the hill, away from the fight. Another Special Forces Agent followed close behind them. When they were out of sight, Carter told Daniel and Greasy (she politely called him the civilian) to pull out next. That's when things started to go bad, again.
He supposed someone had finally pulled Gray Cloak out of the bath, or wherever the hell he'd been while they were breaking out of his little fortress. Gray Cloak focused on O'Neill immediately, and O'Neill stared right back into his horrible red gaze. A strange sensation came over him and the battle faded away. Everything faded away and he was weightless.
"Sir? What are you doing Sir?"
Carter's voice echoed through his fogged mind. He looked down at his hands and saw he was aiming the zat directly at her.
"What are you doing, Sir?"
"I'm going to shoot you," he answered vaguely.
That didn't sound like the right thing to say at all. He looked back at Carter, who turned her rifle on him. That also seemed rather off.
"Put your weapon down Sir. You've been compromised."
Oh crap again! He turned and fired off a shot at Gray Cloak. As the indigo light whizzed through the air the fog faded once more. The bolts of sizzling energy never reached their target. Gray Cloak merely held up a hand and the shots from the zat halted in midair. One of the Special Forces guys sent a hail of bullets after them, but those halted in midair as well. Gray Cloak waved a stick weapon in their direction. O'Neill couldn't suppress the feeling of horror that rose from some place deep inside him as the green light came at him. He huddled behind a tombstone and Carter did the same. On either side of his shelter the grass and weeds withered and died.
Daniel gave a rather incoherent call for help, and O'Neill whirled to see the giant snake was back. Greasy dove aside, barely avoiding the creature's first strike. Daniel got it between the eyes with two shots from the zat but the snake shook it off, lunging forward to sink its fangs into his boot. O'Neill started towards them.
A huge force caught him around the neck and he was lifted off his feet. He gave an undignified squawk as the ground got further and further away. He didn't want to speculate how things would have turned out had Teal'c not reached up and seized his ankle. O'Neill waved his arms, trying to dispel whatever was causing the unintentional levitation, but succeeded only in making himself look ridiculous. Floating in the air was not something he was all together apposed to, but in the middle of a fire fight it was not an activity he was eager to participate in. He looked down and saw Teal'c had grabbed the marble cross on top of a headstone to keep from going airborne as well. They'd become rather obvious targets, and only Carter's cover fire kept the cult members from landing a hit. Gray Cloak turned the stick weapon on them then.
"Get down!" O'Neill ordered, but Teal'c refused to let go of his foot.
A horrible shriek split the air and O'Neill's eyes went to the snake. It had released Daniel's boot and was whipping about like a loose fire-hose. Smoke rose from a rapidly expanding wound on its back, where a caustic substance was eating away at the flesh. He saw Greasy casually discard a small glass bottle, with a rather bored expression. In that same moment, Gray Cloak shrieked as well.
O'Neil fell from the air, and with Teal'c still grabbing his ankle he ended up landing on his head. The cult members seemed more then a little distracted by their master's shrieks.
"This seems as good a time as any to run like hell," O'Neill pointed out as Teal'c helped him up.
The engines of the Humvees were already rumbling as they charged out of the brush at the bottom of the hill. Special Forces had taken the good seats. Daniel shoved Greasy, who was limping badly, into the cab of the first vehicle, before climbing into the open tailgate with Cater. O'Neill and Teal'c leapt into the back of the second as it lurched into motion. They sped down the poorly paved road on the outskirts of Little Hangleton. A quick glance through the back window of the Humvee showed a field medic had already started work on the kid. O'Neill looked back at the brush they'd come from, his zat aimed, but the cult members seemed to have given up.
He barrowed Teal'c's radio.
"Carter?" he asked.
"I hear you sir."
"Thanks."
"No problem sir."
"O'Neill!" shouted Teal'c pointing into the sky behind them.
O'Neill rubbed his eyes, gawked, blinked, and rubbed them again.
"It appears that they are flying on broom sticks O'Neill," Teal'c said, for once looking uncertain of his own observation.
O'Neill could only nod as men in skull masks and wind-whipped robes soared towards them on primitive sweeping devices. A blast of red light came towards them, but it over shot. The first Humvee swerved around the crater it created in the road. Carter was nearly thrown from the open back of the Humvee, but Daniel lunged and caught the front of her vest. SG1 raised their zats, rifles, and staff weapons and returned fire.
O'Neill had to admit that the goons were much better at dodging in the air then they were on the ground. The constant evasive maneuvers the drivers were putting the Humvees through didn't help their aim much either. There was a muffled shout from Daniel as a near miss sent shrapnel raining down on him and Carter. As O'Neill hit one of the flying cult members and watched him slam into the side of a low hill they sped past, he wondered exactly what he'd been doped up with after capture.
"Sir!" Carter's voice buzzed in his ear piece.
He turned and looked at her. She pointed to the road ahead. Another group of robed figures on brooms sped towards them. Instead of black robes and skull masks, this group wore an odd assortment of blue robes, their intent faces exposed. Each had a bright orange feather tied somewhere on their person, most on the upper arm. A young woman with blue hair had attached one of the feathers to her head with a black cloth band, giving her the look of a very displaced 1920's flapper. For a moment he thought they'd be trapped between them, but the new group gained altitude and let the Humvees pass under. O'Neill looked up and the flapper gave him a funny little salute, before leaning forward on her broom, and soaring into the midst of the skull masked men. The others followed her, and blasts of brilliant light filled the early morning sky.
O'Neill stared at the battle-on-broomsticks until the Humvees turned down into a valley, hiding them from sight.
"Everyone else saw that too, right?" O'Neill asked as he slumped down in the back of the vehicle.