Chapter Twenty-Three:

Ryan came home to an empty house. He stood in the lobby and listened. In the past it had been something that he'd been used to, never given a second thought to but now Kate was here, it felt strange. He wondered where everyone was. He walked into the living room and stopped dead when he saw Marissa sitting on the sofa. She seemed to be staring into space. He dropped his satchel on an armchair and watched her start. She then turned her head and looked at him. He scanned her face. Once upon a time she had been his entire existence. The moment he'd seen her, waiting to be picked up by Luke, he'd fallen for her. He'd admired from afar for a little while, she seemed so precious, so untouchable and not for a moment did he even entertain the idea that this spoiled princess would express an interest in a boy from the wrong side of the tracks, a Sandy Cohen rescue case. But she had and he'd fallen instantly and powerfully in love. They had lasted a while, broken up a few times but always gravitated towards each other until it had finally and permanently ended. It had taken him a long time to come to terms with the fact that they were completely done but he had. Now they were the best of friends and he was a responsible 'uncle' to Mia.

He shrugged off his suit jacket and draped it over his satchel.

"Where are Kate and Mia?"

"Kate took her out, shopping, pizza, that kind of thing," Marissa explained.

"Kate did? Wow"

"Why would you say that?" Marissa rose and followed Ryan into the kitchen, watching him open the fridge and take out a bottle of beer. He pulled out a second bottle and offered it to her but she shook her head and he replaced it. She watched him bump the door closed with his hip and open the bottle and take a swig.

"Because since she's been here, Kate hasn't left the property. She gets hassled by the paparazzi," A slight smile drifted across Marissa's face.

"I remember the pictures, you didn't look happy at all," Ryan took another swallow of his beer and rolled his eyes at the same time. Marissa smiled again at the expression. She then took a deep breath.

"Can we talk?" she asked and he looked at her, a faint frown on his face. Marissa looked pale and if he had to be honest, more than a little nervous.

"Sure," he replied.

"Let's go out on the balcony," she invited and began to walk away. Ryan put his bottle on the kitchen worktop and followed.

Marissa stood staring out across the beach. Her arms were folded tightly across her body and she was frowning. He just looked at her for a moment, all of his old alarm bells ringing in his head. He didn't like this.

"What's wrong Marissa?" he demanded and she turned to look at him. She stared at his face.

"It's about Mia," she told him. Ryan frowned.

"Is she okay? Is she sick?" To his relief she shook her head. She went and sat down on one of the chairs. Ryan didn't move.

"Then what is it?" He watched her take a couple of deep breaths, as if gearing up for something. This time he did move, occupying the vacant seat beside her.

"Is this about her father?" he guessed and Marissa started, staring at him with wide blue eyes. Then she nodded. She looked at him for a long moment.

" You're her father, Ryan," she whispered.

For a second he just stared at her.

"What? What are you talking about?" Marissa took a shaky breath, clasping her hands together, her fingers turning white with the tension.

"She's yours," she repeated. He sat back, frowning now.

"No she's not. I asked you, you told me that she wasn't," he retorted, his brain trying to assimilate the fact that he had a child, a daughter.

"I lied," Ryan absorbed that piece of information silently.

"It was the night we were meant to go to the concert," she offered as explanation but Ryan didn't need the reminder. It was stuck vividly in his head. And ironically enough it had been one of Kate's concerts they'd been going to go to. They'd made their way through a bottle or two of wine instead and didn't make the concert at all. A month later Marissa had headed east, to New York and he hadn't seen her for a long time, except for the occasional phone call. The next time she'd shown up, she had a year old child with her, whom she'd introduced as her daughter, Mia. And he had asked then if she had been his daughter and Marissa had looked him in the eye and flat out lied.

Anger bubbled up within him. He'd missed out on years of Mia's development, missed out on that crucial father-daughter connection.

"Why?" he demanded. He stared straight ahead; he couldn't bring himself to look at her, to see the expression on her face.

"I remembered the situation with Teresa, of how noble you were. I didn't want to put you through that again," this time he did look at her and she saw the fury flashing there.

"The difference is that Mia is my child, you stole those years from me deliberately!" Marissa stared at him with huge frightened eyes.

"You still saw her…." Her voice tapered off to a whisper as Ryan glared at her.

"You lied to me! She's mine and it's only now that I find out? Why are you telling me now?" his voice rose. He stood up, walked to the balcony and gripped the railing so tightly that his knuckles turned white. The fury of Marissa's deception roared inside of him, filling his head and heart with a rage so pure that he wanted to scream. A child, he was a father, had been a father for the last seven years to a precious little girl he'd privately come to think of as his own, only to find out that in fact she really was his. Anger raged anew.

"I'm sick Ryan," he wasn't sure he heard her hushed admission and he froze. Slowly he turned and looked at her.

"What?" she looked up at him and then away again, her fingers twisted together.

"I'm sick. I have cancer," she admitted. Right then the wrath left him, left him deflated. He felt his own body tremble as those words replayed in his mind…cancer? He walked back to sit back down, facing her this time. Automatically he reached across and took one of her hands. It was icy cold and he enclosed it between both of his.

"Since when?" she looked at him, sighed raggedly.

"About a year now," she replied and his eyes widened and his mouth dropped open…a year? He tried to search for the right words to say to her. Instead he could only look at her. Yes, her face was thin, porcelain skin pulled over high cheekbones. There were shadows beneath her eyes, he'd put that down to tiredness, being a single parent was the toughest of tasks and could take a lot out of a person. How could he have failed to notice this? Because Marissa was the queen of keeping secrets when it suited her.

"Have…have you had any treatment? What do the doctors say?" she stared into his eyes, blue on blue. Then he realised that his hands had gone cold also.

"It hasn't been working. The doctor's think it's only a matter of time," she whispered to him.

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Chapter Twenty-Four:

He wasn't sure that he'd heard her correctly. He heard her say the words; he wasn't sure whether he'd understood them.

"There has to be a mistake. You're too young," The coldness he'd felt in his hands began to permeate throughout the rest of his body.

"There's no mistake, believe me, I've lost count of all the second opinions I've looked for," her voice wobbled and automatically he squeezed her hand.

"Have they said how…how…" his throat seized up and he couldn't speak.

"It could be weeks," his eyes widened. He looked at her. He leaned across and drew her into his arms and held her to him. He felt her arms slip around his waist and he closed his eyes. In the space of five minutes he'd discovered that he had a child and was going to lose the woman he'd always considered to be his first love. He blinked hard, taking a deep breath. Then he looked at her again.

"That's why you're here isn't it? To tell me about Mia?" he watched her wipe at her eyes and nod at the same time. Then she looked at him.

"I want you to have her…when this is all over. You're her father and I want you to raise her," Ryan blinked as he absorbed this.

"What about your mom and dad?"

"I don't want my mother near her. Her heart can be in the right place sometimes but I remember being Mia's age and miserable and I don't want her to go through that,"

"But I don't know anything about parenting a child," he breathed, fear pure and adulterated flowing through his already shell-shocked system. A small smile crept across Marissa's face.

"Then you learn. How do you think that I coped?"

"You've got a seven year advantage over me, I don't know a thing about being a dad, especially to a little girl,"

"I'll help you. And you have Kate. It's a learning curve Ryan, sometimes you make mistakes and you feel like the worlds' worst parent but then all of a sudden something clicks and it's not so hard, at least til the next bump in the road," Ryan looked at her.

"We'll need to tell them both. Mia and Kate" Marissa just nodded.

"Have you told anyone else about this…about the cancer?" this time she shook her head. Briefly Ryan closed his eyes.

"I can't face them. I can't cope with the thought of seeing the expressions on their faces. You're the only one who knows"

"They need to be told Marissa, it's going to be the hardest thing you've ever had to do but they have to be told," he told her quietly. She looked at him.

"And you'll have me to back you up. I'm going to be with you and Mia every step of the way," he promised.

Marissa was sitting in the kitchen, a cup of coffee in her hands when Kate and Mia returned. Kate watched the little girl run to her mother, chattering a mile a minute about her adventure with Kate. She watched Marissa lift her onto her lap, with a little difficulty, she noticed and listen to her intently. Mia then wrapped her arms around her mother's neck and hugged her and it made Kate smile.

"I'm sorry we took so long, shopping took longer than expected" she held what seemed like a dozen carrier bags in her hands which she lifted slightly.

"I hope you don't mind that I bought Mia some things. If you have a problem with it, it would be no problem to return them," Marissa smiled sadly.

"I don't mind at all, Mia loves to shop and I'm sure she loves everything that you've bought for her," she looked back down at her daughter and hugged her again.

"This is just a fraction of what we got today, there's more in the car," Kate smiled and lowered the bags down by the table. She straightened up, her eyes scanning the kitchen.

"Ryan's on the beach," Marissa told her. She lowered Mia to her feet and led her upstairs for a promised bath and bedtime story.

It was beginning to get dark. Kate's bare feet sank into the cold sand as she walked across the beach to the shoreline. Judging by the tone of Marissa's voice, Ryan now knew that he was a father. She tightened her grip on the flashlight that she carried, keeping it trained ahead of her. She wondered where on the beach he could be? She made her way to an outcropping of rocks that dipped into the sea that dipped straight into the sea. She'd often watched the sea pound those rocks during stormy weather. Maybe he was there.

He was. Silhouetted against the dusk and the dying sunlight, he was starting out across the horizon. He turned his head but didn't say anything, just watched her as she made the easy climb onto the rock beside him.

"Hey," she greeted, settling herself down beside him.

"Hey yourself," he replied in a low voice. She reached out and took his hand. It was freezing cold.

"You're cold. Do you want to go inside?" He didn't pull his hand away and she rubbed it gently between her own. He glanced briefly at the action, then at her and then back out to sea again.

"Not particularly," he replied. She looked at him, at his profile. He was frowning, lost deep in his thoughts.

"Have you been here long?" he just shrugged. She sighed quietly. She had to expect this. It would take time for him to absorb the news that he had a child, to come to terms with it and accept it. He had to realise just what a gift he was getting in having Mia as his daughter.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.

"About what?" he turned his head.

"I don't know. You tell me. Marissa said you were out here…"

"You know about Mia don't you?" he interrupted, his voice quiet.

"Yeah," she confirmed and she heard him sigh.

"Does Marissa know that you know?" in the fading light he saw her nod.

"She lied to me Kate, I asked her whether Mia was mine and she told me that she wasn't"

"I'm sure it wasn't intentional. She didn't want to put you in the same situation that Teresa did back then?" he looked at her and frowned.

"How did you know about Teresa?" he demanded a little sharply. Then he rolled his eyes.

"Seth," he sighed.

"I didn't know back then whether that kid was mine or not, Mia is mine," his voice rose and her heart ached for him.

"It's not as though Marissa deliberately kept you out of Mia's life, from what Mia has said and from what I've witnessed, you see a lot of her," Ryan looked away, back across the horizon.

"Even though Marissa and me have been over for a long time, I would've taken care of my daughter. I would've provided for her, she kept that away from me"

"You can't have those years back Ryan, you know now and all you can do is move forwards, sort out a visitation arrangement with Marissa and take it from there. You can be a father to Mia now," Kate told him. He looked at her.

"That isn't the worst part Katie…Marissa is…she's… dying," his voice was barely above a whisper. Kate stared at him wide-eyed.

"What?" she whispered in disbelief. Ryan seemed to be staring at a spot somewhere over Kate's shoulder, reliving the moment Marissa had told him the news. He shrugged.

"Cancer. She won't go into details. She wants me to raise Mia,"

"Oh my God" Kate breathed as she realised the possibilities. He looked at her.