A/N: A bit of smut in C 25. Don't read if you are offended by smut.

Chapter Twenty-Five:

Ryan stood in the doorway and watched his daughter sleep. His child. Every time he said that to himself, it was like a punch to the gut. Ryan Atwood, father. The phrase whispered continuously around his brain. Mia was sound asleep, on her stomach. Her blankets were almost on the floor again, one leg in view. A raggedy looking toy rabbit under one out flung arm. He crept in and straightened the bedding, making sure that she was adequately covered, comfortable. He stood by her bedside and watched her sleep, her hair a blonde streaked tangle on the pillow. A lump rose and knotted in his throat. He turned and sat down on the small chair in the corner of the room and rested his head in his hands, his elbows on his knees. He drew in a deep shuddering breath. Then he lowered his hands and tipped his head back to stare sightlessly up at the moon washed ceiling, his eyes wet with unshed tears.

He still hadn't come to bed. Kate sat up and listened. The house was quiet. She slipped out from beneath the covers and went in search of him. He was in the bedroom he'd converted into a home study/studio, behind his drawing board. He looked up when he came in.

"Can't sleep?" he asked. She came further inside.

"I should be asking you that. Do you know what time it is? You have to be up early in the morning." He put down his pencil.

"You should go back to bed," he told her. She shrugged. He watched her sit on his chair behind his desk.

"Only if you come with me," she slipped off the chair and walked towards him. All that she wore was a white t-shirt that fell to mid thigh, affording him a great view of her long legs. He watched her approach him. He turned in his seat to face her. He watched her place her hands on his chest, palms down and smooth the material slowly, her fingers dipping between the buttons and he felt his pulse hitch when he felt her nails gently scratch at his skin. He stood up as she began to unfasten the buttons. She looked at him, and he kissed her. He grabbed at her waist and lifted her slightly and walked with her until her back connected with a wall. She gasped as thethumpmade the breath hiss from her lungs. She slid her arms around his neck, pressing herself up against him. He yanked her t-shirt up and in the next second was dragging her underwear down. Her hands reached for his belt buckle, for the zipper and she was freeing him, eager for him. She gasped as he thrust into her and for a second he was motionless, allowing himself to feel her around him. She opened her eyes and stared into his. Her heart was pounding from seeing this different side to him. Right now it both scared and exhilarated her.

It was fast and all she could do was brace herself and hang on. With every brutal plunge it created an exquisite sensation inside of her that quickly built up to a frantic crescendo. Her release felt like an explosion and she would've screamed if Ryan hadn't kissed her then, swallowing down her exclamation. He kept on thrusting until with a whispered, agonised gasp, he emptied himself into her. Silence fell after that, all that she could hear was him trying to breathe, felt the pounding of his heart against her own. With agonising slowness he withdrew. Neither spoke. He kept his head pressed against her shoulder, the side of her neck and she became aware of the softness of his hair against her cheek.

"I'm sorry, God I'm so sorry," he whispered. Kate wanted to reassure him that it was okay, that she understood, kind of, but the words wouldn't emerge. Instead she wrapped her arms around him and held him.

---

He lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. He turned his head and looked at Kate. She lay on her side, her back to him. He looked back up at the ceiling and swallowed. His gut churned as he remembered what had happened between them in his studio. Despite his background, his early upbringing, he had never ever treated a woman the way he had treated Kate and shame warred with the churning. He had lost control. Since Marissa had told him about her illness it was as though he'd switched off internally. He went through the motions of living, of talking, of existing but inside nothing was happening. With Kate, he'd been trying to feel something, anything. And he'd lost it.

---

The interior of the Bait Shop was currently nothing more than scaffolding, rubble and dust. Soon it would begin to take shape and privately Kate was looking forward to seeing the final result. She knew that he was in here; she could hear the banging and crashing of him tearing out the old fixtures and fittings. She guessed that he needed something physical to tear apart. It had been a touchy few days since the studio. He'd been very quiet at breakfast, almost sullen and she'd watched him, her heart aching for him. He'd left for work in jeans, a wife beater and an old faded shirt, unbuttoned of course. Dressed for physical exertion. She went in search of him and soon found him. The shirt had been discarded and he stood there in his jeans and wife beater, coated in a thin covering of plaster dust.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded. Ignoring the prickle of annoyance at his greeting, she held up a brown paper bag instead.

"Lunch," she replied. He just looked at her.

"You can leave it over there, I'm not hungry right now," he instructed her, pointing across the room. Kate just looked at him and didn't move.

"You need to eat something, a cup of coffee isn't breakfast," she reminded him.

"And if I wanted my mother, I would've asked for her" he retaliated.

"If your mother had ever given a damn about you in the first place, I'd have gotten her for you!" she snapped back. They just stared at each other. Then she sighed.

"Fine," she replied, turned on her heel and slowly walked across to where he'd directed and dropped the brown bag and accompanying bottle of juice down beside his discarded shirt.

"Kate…Kate..." she felt his hands on her arms and he turned her around. She looked at him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you," he apologised. She stared at a dusty smear on his cheek.

"The other night…Ryan… it doesn't matter…I understood why," he lowered his head, releasing his hold on her.

"It matters to me… I didn't mean for it to happen…like that… I …I never meant to..."

"I know Ryan… as I said, I understand" she assured him. He looked at her, his expression wary.

"You're in shock, you're worried about the future, and I get that…"

"You get it? Then please, help me to understand because I'm not getting it at all!" he retaliated, suddenly angry all over again. Like a match to a touch paper, it ignited and heated. He spun away from her and walked across what had once been the dance floor then stopped.

"I just found out that I'm a father, that soon I'm going to be a single father…" he turned around and looked at her. His eyes were anguished, tortured. She went to him.

"Why does Marissa want me to raise her? What kind of a role model am I? Her grandmother died an alcoholic, her grandfather and uncle are both in jail doing long term heavy duty prison sentences… what the hell am I doing evencontemplating being a father to this kid?" Kate stared at him in amazement.

"You're not those people Ryan. You were always the smarter one. You take care of those around you, you always have. And it comes naturally to you." He looked at her.

"But blood will out, isn't that what they say? After all I'm an Atwood!"

"You're a successful architect, you've worked for everything that you've achieved and that's what Mia will recognise. She won't care that you're an Atwood, to her, you'll just be dad," he swallowed. She recognised the expression in his eyes and she reached out and took one hand.

"You'll do it, like everything else, you will do it" she promised him.

---

Chapter Twenty-Six:

She sat with him as he ate lunch. Then his cell phone began to shrill and she watched him answer it. A prickle of foreboding shivered up and down her spine as she watched the expression on his face begin to change.

"I'll be there as soon as I can," he informed his called and then broke the connection. Immediately he made another call and stood up as it rang. Kate followed suit, tidying up the ignored remnants of his lunch. She straightened when she realised who he was talking to.

"Mia? It's Ryan. Kirsten called me and told me what's happening. She's on her way to you now. When she buzzes the intercom, just let her in, okay? I won't be long," He listened for a while and Kate watched him clench his jaw.

"I know you're scared, I am too. I won't be long," he broke the connection and turned to look at Kate. His eyes were dark with pain and she was almost afraid to ask.

"Mia tried to call me at the office, she says Marissa's drowsy, hard to wake up. Kirsten is on her way over, she's called an ambulance" he looked around as if trying to gather scattered thoughts.

"You go. I'll follow," Kate urged. Ryan just looked at her before turning and running out of the Bait Shop.

Kate followed Ryan back to his house. Her mind was in turmoil. When she'd left, Marissa had been up and about, she and Mia had walked on the beach and Marissa had seemed calmer, almost at peace with herself. Could things turn around that quickly? Fear tremored through her system.

---

The security gates were open. There was an ambulance outside of the house and the front door was open. As Kate got out of the car, paramedics came into view, manoeuvring a stretcher. Kate stood motionless as she watched it being moved to the back of the ambulance. Marissa lay still, her eyes closed, an oxygen mask over her nose and mouth. Kirsten emerged behind it, holding Mia's hand tightly. Kate watched Ryan run to the stretcher and then to the little girl. It was then that she forced herself to move. Mia would be petrified. Mia then caught sight of her and released her hold on Kirsten's hand and ran towards her. Instinctively Kate reached out and caught her, hugging her to her. Ryan stood beside Kirsten and watched the little scene unfold. Then she turned towards the ambulance. Kate watched him hurry towards it and get in the back. She turned her head as Kirsten approached.

"What's happening? What's wrong with Marissa?" Kate looked down at the little girl. Kirsten then seemed to understand.

"We'll talk more later," she continued.

Kate made sure that Mia was securely fastened in the car. They looked at each other.

"How are you feeling honey?" she asked. Mia's eyes were wide, fearful.

"I'm scared. Mom told me she was sick and I got frightened when I couldn't wake her properly. So I called Ryan at work. Mom said that he's my dad, my real dad," Kate looked at her, her breath caught in her throat.

"How do you feel about that?" she asked her. Mia shrugged.

"It's okay" Kate touched her hand.

"You know you did the right thing calling the office" she got into the car. She knew that Kirsten was waiting for them in her own car so she started the engine.

---

The trio found Ryan standing in the hospital waiting area. Normally so calm and internalised, he was pacing, chewing on a thumbnail. He had washed some of the plaster away and Kate remembered that she had his shirt in her car. He spun around when he heard Kirsten call his name. He walked towards Mia and lifted her up into his arms and just hugged her. Kate watched the little girl slide her arms around his neck and hold him tightly.

"Any news?" Kirsten asked. Ryan looked at her.

"She's being worked on, that's all they'll tell me," He replied. He glanced back at Kate then back at Kirsten.

"Sandy is on his way, he's getting in touch with Julie and Jimmy, they should be here soon," Kirsten told him. He just nodded and carried Mia to a chair. He lowered her down onto it and sat in the vacant one beside her. The little girl reached out and slipped her hand into his. He held onto it.

---

Ryan stood by the window in the waiting room, his arms folded and he stared sightlessly out at nothing in particular. This was it. The final journey, the end, whatever the hell anyone else wanted to call it. Marissa's doctor had taken him to one side and gently explained that an infection had overwhelmed her already vulnerable immune system and she was just too weak to fight it. It was only a matter of time. Now it was just a waiting game and nobody was leaving. Everyone knew about the cancer now, and they sat around in various stages of shock and disbelief. It looked as though Marissa hadn't told a single soul about her illness. And on top of all of that, Mia knew. She knew that her mother had a terminal illness and that he was her father and she was the calmest amongst them all.

At this moment her parents were with her, Kaitlin was on her way home from college and his daughter sat with Kate. He swallowed. He wasn't ready for this; he wasn't ready to assume the responsibility of parenthood. It was too soon. When Marissa had told him, he'd assumed he'd have time to get used to the idea but it was as though she'd been holding on until he knew, until he'd promised her that he would take care of his daughter until the time came.

"Ryan?" Kate's voice was quiet but it still startled him. He looked at her, she scanned his face.

"Want to take a walk? It might help to clear your head a little," she suggested. For a second he wavered and then he nodded.

Once outside Ryan inhaled a lungful of air and closed his eyes to the sun shining down. Kate stood by and watched him, watched him stretch tired muscles; saw how sun-blond streaks intertwined with the darker honey gold of his hair.

"You need to sleep," she told him. He looked at her.

"I can't," he admitted, which she already knew. He was wound up tighter than a pocket watch. She moved closer to him, slipping an arm around his waist. He looked at her. She pressed a single kiss on his cheek and for a moment he leaned into her.

"Ryan!" at his name, he spun around and saw Jimmy standing a few feet away, holding Mia by the hand.

"Marissa is asking to see you,"

---

She opened her eyes when she heard the door open and smiled wanly when she saw him come inside. His expression was apprehensive and she didn't blame him. He walked to her bedside and took her hand, sitting down on the chair beside her.

"Mia knows about you," she told him, her voice barely above a whisper. He allowed a brief smile to flash across his face.

"I know." He replied. Marissa watched his face. He looked at her; she looked tired, worn out, as if she'd finally allowed the ravages of her illness to come forward. Then he remembered her the first time that he'd seen her, outside of the Cooper home, waiting to be picked up by her boyfriend. She'd looked so beautiful, vital, and fresh and he swallowed hard.

"You will be a great dad you know. I know you're scared,"

"I thought we'd have a bit more time y'know," his voice wobbled, he swallowed again. He wasn't going to cry, he hadn't cried since he was six years old and gotten the beating of his young life from his enraged, drunken father.

"I'm sorry, so sorry Ryan, I'd hoped so too," she whispered back.

"Just love her like I do, she's a great kid, and you'll be fine," his eyes filled up then, a single drop slipped down his cheek and he wiped at it with his other hand.

"I don't want you to go," he whispered back, gripping onto her hand. She looked at him and he saw tears slide down her pale cheeks.

"Do you think I want to? But I know our daughter will be in the best possible hands with you, and with Kate. You should marry her y'know," Ryan straightened in his seat and frowned. A smile misted across Marissa's face.

"You should. I know you love her. What's stopping you?" Ryan looked distinctively uncomfortable now.

"I remember high school Ryan, and how you used to look at her, some things have never changed"