Chapter Thirty-Three:

Ryan entered the office. He still carried some vestiges of the anger that was left over from talking to Julie. Maybe a few hours in front of his drawing board would help to clear his mind and the office was closer than home. He saw Kirsten and Kerry in the lobby and it made him stop in his tracks. He frowned at their expressions.

"What?" he demanded. The two women exchanged glances.

"We weren't expecting to see you today," Kirsten replied. He noticed that she held a sheaf of envelopes that she'd been in the process of sorting through.

"Mia is with her grandparents and I have to catch up on projects so I thought I'd come in for a while. Is that a problem?" His tone was unintentionally sharp and Kirsten looked at Kerry again and that annoyed him once more.

"What's wrong?" Kirsten sighed and picked up a square white envelope from the top of the pile she held.

"Kate was just here ten minutes ago. She left this," He took the envelope from her, ignoring the sick feeling welling in his stomach. He looked at the two women again.

"Hold all my calls today would you Kerry?" he requested and both women watched him disappear into his office and close the door firmly behind him. Once more Kirsten looked at Kerry.

"Anything that can't wait, divert to my office instead, okay?" the receptionist nodded.

Ryan dropped the envelope onto his desk and looked at it. He was scared to open it and see what she had written. He kind of already knew what it would say and he was all of a sudden furious that whatever it was, she hadn't had the guts to say it to his face. He sat down and looked at it. Then he picked it up. He looked at it and took a deep breath and then opened it. He took out the single sheet of cream coloured paper and unfolded it.

"Ryan,

I need to think. And i can't do that at your place so i'm moving out for a while.. You and Mia also need to find your fit and i'm probably getting in the way of that too . Any matters regarding the Bait Shop can beforwarded via my attorneys. I hope to see you soon.

I love you Ryan,

Kate"

He screwed the single sheet of paper up in one hand and threw it across the room.

He lifted his head from the desk at the quiet tap on his door.

"I said no interruptions!" he yelled. There was a brief pause and the handle twisted. The door opened. Ryan sat up in his chair when he saw Kirsten's head peep around.

"Actually you said to hold all your calls," she reminded him quietly. She slipped into the office, closing the door behind her. He sighed irritably.

"Same thing." Kirsten saw the frown marring his brow; the lack of work and it confirmed her suspicions about the content of Kate's letter. She saw the screwed up piece of paper on the carpet and stooped down to pick it up. Slowly she walked to his desk and dropped it down in front of him.

"I take it wasn't good news," he looked up at her.

"She's gone," Kirsten saw the look of defeat on his face and her heart ached for him. She slipped into the chair opposite his desk and just regarded him.

"Will she be back?" he just shrugged.

"She's put everything into the hands of her attorneys. Why didn't she just talk to me directly?" he snapped. Kirsten shrugged.

"Maybe because talking to you right now hurts her too much? And it hurts because she loves you?" Ryan glanced at her and then looked away, a quick movement of the eyes she knew so well.

"Give her time Ryan. If it's meant to be then she'll be back,"

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Chapter Thirty-Four:

She had to admit that it was tougher than she imagined, being apart from him. Every time she saw a guy with blond hair, her heart stood still. Every time she went out she expected to bump into him, or see Mia. She thought about him every single second of every day, wondering where he was, what he was doing and whether he was missing her as badly as she was missing him. She was back at the hotel she'd stayed in when she'd first arrived back at Newport Beach, thinking about her future, whether she and Ryan still had one, and dithering about buying a house if they didn't. It was funny how life seemed to have come around in a full circle. More than once she thought about calling him at work but she was unsure of the reception that she'd get so she didn't.

A message arrived confirming a time and date to take a final look around The Bait Shop was waiting for her a while later. She'd been tempted to ask the receptionist whether the caller had been male or female. She'd reigned herself in though, more than likely the call would've come from Kerry. She wondered whether Ryan would be the one to accompany her but somehow she realised that he probably wouldn't. She hadn't heard a thing from him. But she still wondered, hung on to a last vestige of hope that he would be there.

But he wasn't. Kate had to swallow down the sharp disappointment that welled up when she saw Kirsten waiting for her on the pier. The older woman slowly turned and looked at her. For a second they just stood there, observing each other.

"You were expecting Ryan" Kirsten stated. Kate slowly walked towards her and shrugged, hoping her disappointmentdidn't show too plainly on her face.

"Not really" she replied. Kirsten just looked at her

"Shall we get on with the tour?"

"Lead the way," Kate responded.

She walked through the interior. Her project was completed, and on time. Everything was new, neat and shiny. Rejuvenated. The floors shone, waxed to a high quality sheen, all the wood was natural, stripped back, protected by a coat of heavy duty varnish that allowed the wood grain to shine through. The new, Tiffany inspired lead windows gleamed, the new upholstery and seating arranged just so. Everything was up and running towards the grand re-opening that she had planned. She had people in the process of interviewing and hiring staff. She stood and turned a slow, complete circle, absorbing it all.

"You like it?" Kate looked at Kirsten and she smiled.

"It's perfect. Ryan's team did a great job,"

"So now all you have to do is organise the grand re-opening. Anything planned?" Kate shrugged.

"One or two things" she replied with deliberate vagueness. Kirsten took the opportunity to look around.

"Are you still planning on running this place yourself?" Kate looked at her.

"Or am I planning on hiring a manager?" she finished and Kirsten just shrugged.

"I'm planning on running it myself, that was always the plan," she informed her.

"No plans to return to Los Angeles?" Kate folded her arms, frowning now.

"To do what? My life is over there. I've closed down my house; I plan to rent it out. I don't plan on recording again or touring or any of that anymore. It's over. My life is here now,"

"It'll be awkward, if you run into Ryan," Kate's heart clenched hard in her chest when she heard his name.

"Maybe it will. I'd like to think Newport Beach is big enough for the both of us,"

"You sound as though you and Ryan are done," Kate shrugged.

"I don't want it to be," she admitted in a small voice.

"Then tell him that. Whatever this is, I'm sure you can work through it" Kate turned away from her, blinking back sudden tears.

"I'm not sure it can be. Did Sandy tell you about his conversation with Ryan?"

"No he didn't" Kate turned again. Kirsten frowned when she saw the pain in her eyes.

"Ryan proposed to me, he asked me to marry him" Kirsten's eyes widened briefly.

"He did? He didn't tell me about that," she breathed.

"He asked the day after Marissa's Wake, and my head was all over the place from something Julie Cooper said and it didn't work out well…"

"What did Julie say?"

"I don't want to get into it, but Ryan got hurt by it and everything went horribly wrong and I left," she felt tears threaten again.

"But you love Ryan, right?" Kate sighed shakily.

"I've had relationships in the past, some that were hugely publicised, some that weren't. It would go so well and then they would start wanting a commitment and the moment that they did, I would get scared, I'd get claustrophobic and want to get out of there,"

"And you did the same because Ryan wanted a commitment?"

"I don't know… maybe. Ryan always seemed to be the type of person who didn't buy into the whole marriage and kids ideal, when we talked in high school; it definitely wasn't one of his goals in life. He told me a bit of his background and I understood why and I could relate too,"

"You're talking about Marshall Cole and your mother, right?" An unsettling chill shrouded her as Kate remembered those hellish months all too clearly.

"They had a marriage made in hell. He made her miserable, she made me miserable and they thought they would inflict that kind of hell onto me with ahusband of their choicewith or without my permission, soI ran and that'swhy I never came back here til now. I don't want a repeat of that," she admitted. Kirsten stared at her.

"And you think that would happen if you married Ryan?" she breathed. Kate looked at her.

"It's a position I'm not willing to put myself in to" fresh tears scalded her cheeks. She then took a deep breath and wiped at her face.

"Oh God, I didn't mean to talk so much. Just forget I said anything. I have to go…. If you forward all bills to my attorney, I'll see that they're paid," Kirsten opened her mouth to speak but Kate had spun around and all but ran out.