Disclaimer: Not mine… blah, blah, blah… J.K. Rowlings created the story, but the twisted plot is mine. No, I have no profit with this… I'm just writing for my own pleasure.

Thanks a lot to Jamie, Jade and Lildove, for being such wonderful beta readers and friends.

And to the wonderful reviewers, a big thank you! dirty dancer (actually, there's a little bit of Draco's past in this chapter!); DemonessOfPunishment (Yeah, I think so to! XD); Kuraii Koneko (lol!); DemonRogue13 (I like playing with Harry. Mwuahahaha!); dragonrose (Yeah, you're right. The kid hit Draco's head hard! XD. Thanks for giving me a chance. A clueless Draco is unusual, but very fun to write about.); grrrr (Oh, the big moment has a number: 24!); CuriousDreamWeaver (Mrs. Black is an old hag, but she's very fond of her boys! Hahaha!); SexySiriusBlack (Ok. The big moment is coming! But when, you ask. How about… five chapters after this one? Too long?? XD); hermoine21 ; Mistal: The Poisoned One; eyes0nme19 ; AlleyKat686 (hehehe! I'm sadistic too!); Tsuyuno (I like a clueless Draco tôo. I think it's so cute!!!); SilverDragon161 (Very interesting question! I won't spoil though! XD); silver emerald eyes (Wow. Long review!! I love it!!! Actually, Draco is confused, because he doesn't really know what Harry wants. I won't make Harry gaygay. Just Dracogay. Hahaha! Sorry about your exams! I hope you do better next time!); Rowenna (lol! They will!); ziona2000 (Yeah, tension is great. But Harry will give in pretty soon. He's cracking! Lol!); endilwen ; SpikedDraco ; xhappyxpeoplex ; RedXTears (Yay for the big moment!); kt ; ura ; Raiknii ; driven to insanity ; Dragenphly (You've touched a very interesting point. Narcissa will make an appearance, and things won't be nice…).

Chap. 19 – Thoughts about Harry

"Go easy on the chocolate, Draco. You know how sick you were the last time you ate too much of it," warned Bill.

Draco shrugged and took a big bite from one of Honeydukes finest chocolate bars. It was his third bar already. No wonder Bill was calling it to his attention. Draco's stomach didn't have a good tolerance for chocolate. He would probably feel sick later, but right now he couldn't care less. Chocolate was the only thing that calmed him down when he was feeling anxious and distressed. And feeling anxious and distressed had become a habit now that he was living with Harry.

Draco had never met anyone in his life who could get under his skin like Harry. Draco had always imagined Harry to be a simple guy, but Harry was turning out to be pretty complicated. Harry's behaviour had improved that week, Draco couldn't deny that. But Harry's moody nature was hard to overcome.

As if Harry's difficult temper wasn't enough, Draco had had to deal with his cute side too. And Harry's cuteness was even harder to deal with. Just when Draco thought he was getting over Harry, the brunet did something that took him by surprise and completely knocked him off his feet.

With an angry sigh, Draco took another bite from the chocolate bar as memories of the previous week overtook him. Draco couldn't forget about the way Harry had agreed to walk with him in Grimmauld Park and how the brunet had patiently waited for Draco in the hallway every morning. Harry had also waited for Draco for dinner, and even though they didn't talk much, they managed to engage in polite conversation.

When Harry threw tantrums at Draco, he quickly apologised by telling Draco something personal about himself. Draco now knew everything about Harry's fourth year at school and the way he had felt during the Triwizard Tournament after Cedric's death. Draco had also heard Harry tell him about his fifth year and the things he had gone through with the horrible Umbridge. Draco was shocked at the way she had tortured Harry – even if at the time he would have found it very amusing and well done.

Draco also didn't have good memories of his fifth year. It was true that he had perfected his spoiled-brat façade back then, but it had all been an act. Well, most of it anyway. He had enjoyed being a Prefect. He had enjoyed having such power over the students. And he had enjoyed Umbridge's actions. But it was in his fifth year that he had started to feel restless about himself, and he had questioned his father's motives. To everybody he was the same as ever, but inside he was falling apart.

His sixth and seventh years had been unbearable. In his sixth year, he had felt as if nothing would ever be right again. Draco had slept with a Slytherin boy and had liked it. He had gone through the denial and self-hatred. He had tried to suffocate that obnoxious side of him, only to realise that it was impossible. He had picked on Harry mercilessly; after all, Harry had always been his favourite scapegoat. And a year later – the same year he was allowed to join the Order – he had found himself deeply in love with the Boy-Who-Lived.

He didn't tell those things to Harry though. Some things were better left unsaid. He knew Harry wanted to know about Draco's past. He could sense Harry's curiosity in the way the green eyes looked at him expectantly. But Draco couldn't voice his past worries and sufferings. It was too hard for him. He had been such a brat back then. He knew he had deserved what had happened to him next. But knowing that didn't make him feel any better. And he hated to remember how weak and pathetic he had become.

But sometimes, when Harry looked so adorable, Draco felt like pouring his heart out. And those were the times Draco hated Harry the most, because then he just couldn't resist Harry. Like yesterday. Harry had been so tempting yesterday as he took care of Draco's wound that Draco had found it very hard to hold back his desire. For a moment there, he had been certain that the sparkle he had spotted in Harry's eyes was lust. More than once Draco had caught Harry staring at him with such intensity that it had made him unbalanced, but when Draco was ready to make his move, Harry had drawn back. Draco tried not to care, but he was frustrated. He didn't understand Harry's attitude. In fact, he didn't understand Harry at all.

After spending a month with Harry, Draco would be the one in need of a St. Mungo's psychiatrist.

"Draco?"

Draco, who was lying on Bill's couch, looked up to stare at his boyfriend. He felt guilty as his eyes met Bill's. Draco shouldn't be thinking about Harry. He only met Bill on weekends. They were supposed to be enjoying their time together. But Draco's thoughts kept going back to Harry and the way the brunet had stroked his face tenderly after cleaning Draco's cut. Or the way Harry had stared at him lustfully when Draco had undressed in front of him.

"Draco!"

Draco blinked, confused. "What?"

Bill sat beside Draco, took the unfinished chocolate bar from Draco's hand and leaned forward to steal a kiss. Caught by surprise, Draco took a while to react. And just when he started to kiss Bill back, the redhead parted their lips with a frown.

"Did you kiss him again?" Bill asked crossly.

That was news to Draco. He had never seen Bill lose his temper. In fact, Bill was always so calm that Draco had doubted his bloodline. After all, all the Weasleys were hot-tempered. Today Draco was seeing how much of a Weasley Bill really was.

"Or did you do something else?" Bill pressed on. "Why did you come here if you can't stop thinking about him?"

Normally, Draco would have smirked at Bill and told him to stop acting so ridiculous. He hated this kind of discussion. Draco didn't like displays of jealousy, and Bill knew that very well. So if Bill was disregarding Draco's aversion for these kinds of confrontations, then it meant that the redhead was really angry. Draco knew that Bill wouldn't like it if he smirked, so he decided to answer him seriously, "For your information, I didn't kiss him that time. Well, I did, but it was just a stupid challenge. It didn't mean anything. And nothing happened this time."

Bill frowned. "You could barely look at me afterwards, Draco! How can you say it didn't mean anything?"

Draco held the urge to roll his eyes. Instead, he smiled sweetly. He knew his smile was hard to resist. "You look cute when you're jealous."

That did the trick. Bill's angry face softened a little. "Don't try to put me off, blondie."

Draco pulled Bill on top of him and stroked the red hair softly. He loved burying his fingers in Bill's long hair. "Nothing happened this week, I swear. In fact, Potter was rather boring. I'm all yours." Bill shot him an angry look and Draco cocked his head. "I'm serious. Don't believe me?" Draco captured Bill's lips in a deep kiss. "Then I'll have to prove it to you."

Their foreplay began slowly. Bill's hand slipped down Draco's navel and pulled his shirt up. Draco closed his eyes and sighed softly as Bill kissed his belly and made his way down. His jeans were unzipped and his fingers dishevelled Bill's hair. Draco closed his eyes. And then it happened. He started to remember the way he had felt when he had pinned Harry's hands on the floor during their last big fight. His body fired up at the memory of a helpless Harry Potter lying under him, at his mercy. Draco shut his eyes and pleaded for the image to go away. He couldn't do this to Bill. It wasn't fair to both of them.

The image lingered, though. Draco bit his lower lip hard and buried his face in his hands. His mixed-up emotions turned him off immediately. Bill raised his head to look at him.

"Draco? What's wrong?" Bill gently took Draco's hands away from his face and stared at him worriedly. "Are you feeling sick? I told you not to eat so much chocolate." Bill's intonation wasn't of an angry jealous guy anymore. He did sound very concerned about Draco.

Draco smiled at Bill. "I guess you were right. I am feeling a bit sick." It wasn't a lie. He wasn't feeling well, but it wasn't just the chocolate's fault. It was Harry's.

Bill kissed the tip of his nose softly and then said, "I'll get you some medicine."

"No, you don't have to. Just stay here with me. I'm sure it will pass."

"You always need your medicine."

Draco pouted. "I'm telling you I don't need it."

"Let me take care of you."

"I'm not a baby, Bill. Honestly… The problem is that you spoil me too much. Not that I don't like it, but when I tell you something, could you please not argue with me?"

"I'm not arguing with you!"

"Yes, you are," said Draco moodily, crossing his arms. He then realised that he was behaving like a child. No wonder Bill treated him like one. He was about to apologise and cover Bill with kisses, when an owl came through the open window, dropped a letter on Draco's head and then flew away. Draco cursed the bird as he took the letter in his hands. He froze as he recognised his mother's handwriting next to the Malfoy crest.

He didn't want to hear anything about his family anymore. He was through with them. Nothing good could come out of Narcissa or Lucius' letters. Draco had learned that the first time he had received a letter from Lucius right after his father had been imprisoned again, and then from his mother telling him what a disgrace Draco was.

Draco wanted to rip this letter up into tiny little pieces, just like he had done with the other two letters Narcissa had sent him that week. But Bill snatched the letter away from him before he could have the pleasure of destroying it.

"What are you doing?" Draco asked angrily.

"No, what are you doing?" Bill knew he was stepping into dangerous territory here, but he couldn't help it. He was more than aware of the fact that Draco hated when Bill meddled in his problems. But he was tired of Draco's cold attitude. If they were a couple, they should share everything, the good and the bad sides of life. And since Harry was now a threat, Bill was feeling very distraught about everything; hence he was now having the courage to confront Draco. "Isn't this your mother's? How can you just rip it up?"

Draco clenched his fists, clearly upset. "This is none of your concern!"

"Oh, isn't it? Aren't we having a relationship now?" Bill asked seriously. "When two people are having a relationship, they share everything, Draco. I'm here for you. Why can't you just let me in?"

Draco stood up and turned his back on him. "You know I have a problem with intimacy. I don't know how to open up my heart. I was taught to keep my feelings and thoughts to myself. I can't change my habits just like that!" Draco turned to face Bill. "You told me you understood that about me. Were you lying? This is so typical, isn't it? First step in a successful seduction plan: Lie about your true intentions; make the other person believe that they are understood. You only told me you were ok with the way I was because you wanted to get into my pants! Now you suddenly want to change the rules of the game!"

"Is this what it is for you? A game? Do you think our relationship is a game? Well, things don't work that way, Draco!" Bill exclaimed. "I respected your feelings, as I do now. But back then I was just giving you the space you needed. I was trying to build your confidence in me. I thought that by now you would trust me enough to tell me what's in your heart. People grow with relationships. They don't keep hiding things from each other forever. That's not what a relationship is about. And I want to be a part of your life, if only you'd let me in!"

Bill's words cut Draco deeply. He knew Bill was right, but he wasn't ready to tell Bill everything. He didn't know how to do it. It was too scary. If Draco let Bill in, there was no turning back.

Draco sighed with the weight of the world on his shoulders. "I'm not ready to tell you all the things you want to hear, Bill. All I can say for now is this: my mother is a bitch. She isn't like yours at all. Narcissa would rather see me dead than living the way I have been. She will only love me if I become the man she wants me to be. The thing about my family is that love is just very expensive merchandise, but merchandise nonetheless. So forgive me if I don't want to hear any news about that sick woman, because nothing good can come out of her fucking letter!" Draco shouted.

Now Draco was definitely feeling sick. He ran to the bathroom with one hand over his month and slammed the door, leaving a very tired Bill in the living room.

Bill didn't know how to make things right for Draco, but he could at least be the boyfriend Draco expected him to be. He slowly walked towards his room, took out a small bottle from his bedside table and then knocked on the bathroom's door. He opened it carefully, not sure what he would find in there.

Draco was sitting next to the toilet, his face as white as a sheet. Bill knelt down beside him and gave him the small bottle quietly. Draco drank the purple liquid gradually until there was nothing left. Then he looked at Bill with a saddened face.

"I'm sorry," he muttered. Bill knew how hard it was for someone like Draco to show his weakness so openly. The redhead smiled at Draco and kissed his forehead.

"I'm sorry, too."

Draco got up and rinsed his mouth. After taking the potion, he was feeling a lot better. Bill stood behind him quietly. Draco's eyes met his through the mirror on the wall. Bill looked so handsome. Of all the Weasleys, Bill was the strongest. His body was well built; his hair was red silk cascading down his back. He was also the tallest. Draco wasn't short, but next to Bill he felt small. Bill also had the same taste in clothing as Draco. They both liked only the best.

But their similarities ended there. Bill's personality was calm and quiet. Draco was the opposite. He picked on Harry for being so edgy, but Draco was the same. Bill had infinite patience with Draco. This was the first time Bill had questioned Draco since they had started going out. Draco had the feeling that Bill's sudden outburst had to do with the fact that Draco was spending too much time with Harry.

Bill was the perfect boyfriend. And Draco shouldn't get angry with him just because Bill wanted to get closer to him. Bill was right. Draco should trust him. But old habits die hard.

Draco wanted to stop being so stupid, turn around and let Bill make love to him, but this time he couldn't take the initiative. Harry was still on his mind, haunting him. He was afraid of kissing Bill. He didn't want his thoughts to switch to Harry while he was with Bill.

He was so frustrated. Those two weeks he had spent with Harry had only showed him how wrong they were for each other. But that knowledge didn't change the fact that his heart still beat faster when Harry was near him.

Bill hugged him from behind and Draco rested his head on Bill's chest. The blond enlaced his fingers in Bill's and sighed. Why wasn't Bill enough for him? Was his father right about Draco? Was Draco incapable of love?

"Are you feeling better now?" Bill asked.

Draco felt a pang in his heart, but he smiled feebly. "Yes, I am. Let's go out tonight."

TBC…

A/N: Hmm… Draco, dear, you have no idea what lies ahead on your innocent night out with Bill… /big grin/

Yay! The big moment, the awaited moment, now has a number. 24!!! I'll be 24 years old this month, so chapter 24 will be my present for you, guys!! Start the countdown and REVIEW!!