Chapter Three: Love's Suicide…
I'll Be your cryin' shoulder
I'll Be loves suicide
I'll Be better when I'm older
I'll Be the greatest fan of your life
Two months after Serena and Darien hooked up, things were going great…at least, that's what Serena thought.
"Sere, I think we need to see other people." Serena looked up at Darien, her mouth hanging open in shock.
"What? Why!" Serena fumbled over her words, so many things in her brain dying to jump out, but none of it made sense to her.
"I never loved you Sere…I just said that to see what you were like in bed. You see, Alex and I had a bet to see if I could get you to fall in love with me, and consequently to lose your virginity to me. And surprise! I won." Darien smirked and turned to walk away.
"Darien…" His name came out in almost a whisper, while she grabbed his arm. He spun around once again and gave a cruel grin, his beautiful steel blue eyes ice cold, his stare hard.
"Don't you get it Sere? I…Don't…Like…You…I…NEVER…Liked…You…" And with that said he turned around, and the last thing Serena saw before her eyes filled with tears was the sight of him walking away, out of her life…forever.
Serena fumbled through the next few days, crying over anything that reminded her of Darien. She would go through the day without even seeing or hearing anything, feigning joy, but feeling pain. By the end of the day that Darien had broke up with her, everyone important knew about it, and now she couldn't go through two minutes of alone time before someone came up to her and expressed their condolences and asked if she was ok. What the fuck? Did someone die and nobody decided to tell me? She thought after a particularly pushy girl from her English class, who had been asking her every day whether or not she was going to be ok finally walked away.
"Sere! We need to talk. Stat." Mina said as she pulled Serena by her shoulder towards the girls' bathroom.
"What is it Min? I have to get to lunch, I think I'm going to need to drown my sorrows in carbs…lots and lots of French Fries." Serena sighed as she felt the tears welling up again that had been the first thing she ordered the morning after she woke up in Darien's arms.
"No time for French Fries Sere, guess what I over heard that hot new guy Ty saying?" Mina gushed excitedly, apparently either not noticing Serena was on the verge of tears, or not caring.
"What did you hear Min? That he wants to jump your bones? Congratu-fucking-lations." Serena growled as she turned to walk out of the bathroom.
"No, Sere he said he wanted YOU, you Sere. He wants YOU." Serena paused with her hand on the door. "Yeah, that's what I thought. Sere, he said he was going to ask you out when you got to lunch." Serena turned around and gave Mina a totally uncalled for look, shook her head and slammed out of the bathroom.
When Serena got into the hallway she ran into something rather solid and fell to the ground.
"Serena! Are you ok? I am so sorry! Here let me help you up!" Serena raised her head and found herself staring into the eyes of the most gorgeous boy she had ever seen in her life. "Serena? Are you ok?" McGorgeous was holding out his hand for her to take so he could help her up, and she did a mental head shake and took it.
"Hi…yeah, I'm ok. Sorry I got in your way." She stammered, blushing when he didn't let it go.
"No, I'm sorry that I got in yours. Anyone so beautiful had to have had the right away." He smiled and Serena's heart, which had been so stony and ice cold since Darien had dumped her, melted.
"I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name…" Serena smiled back and did her signature hair toss, the move she knew made guys feel heat.
"Oh, right. I guess you wouldn't remember me. I'm Harper, we went to grade school together and then I--."
"Your family moved to Oregon! Oh my God Harper! How have you been? Why are you here?" Serena cut him off and jumped into his arms, hugging him hard, and noticing that those muscles really WERE as amazing as they looked. When she realized that it had been several seconds and the appropriate time had came and gone, she blushed and let go.
She looked into his eyes and saw they sparkled like someone else's she had longed for for weeks. Harper must have seen her face fall because he immediately stopped laughing and looked concerned.
"Sere, what's wrong?" He asked her while he brushed her arm with his hand.
"Nothing…ok…something…I just…you remind me of this guy, that's all." She sighed and started walking towards her locker at the end of the hall.
"Sere, where are you going? I thought we were going to hang out." Harper asked, following Serena as she stalked down the hall.
"I'm going home. I suddenly don't feel like being at school. Sorry Harper. Call me and we'll hang out, k?" Serena grabbed her books, slammed the locker door and ran out the double doors into the rain. As soon as she got near her car, so threw her books on the ground and tilted her head towards the sky, letting the cold rain drench her thoroughly, letting it wash away all the feelings she had thought she would never have again after seeing Harper again, letting it wash away all the heartache and pain and most importantly letting it wash away her tears.
Serena walked through the front door to her Park Avenue loft that her parents bought her on her sixteenth birthday, to get away when she needed to and froze. HE was standing at the door. HE was standing, searching for the hidden key that he knew she kept. HE was standing there in his Armani suit looking absolutely gorgeous. Why was HE standing outside her door? She must have drew in a breath louder than she thought because he spun around and stared at her, smiling as she took shaky steps towards him.
"Sere! How ya been? Good? That's great. YOU look great Sere." He rambled as she got closer, his words increasingly frantic and nervous. Good, let him suffer, let him feel even a thousandth of what I've felt lately. Serena thought bitterly as she unlocked the door, slipped inside and closed it sharply behind her, nearly catching Darien in the crossfire.
"SERE! OPEN THE DOOR! Serena, please! We need to talk!" Darien pounded on her door, harder and harder, for minutes until she finally felt like answering.
"I thought I was just a bet Darien. If I was just a bet, why are you here? What is there to talk about? You and that jackass had a bet, you won and I got hurt, game over. There's nothing left to say." She smiled as he started pounding harder and examined her cuticles. I never thought being bad could feel so good. She laughed again, loud enough for him to hear.
"Sere! I want you back! Please! I lied, you weren't a bet! I was scared! Sere, PLEASE!" He sounded like he was crying and she had to stifle yet another laugh.
"I'm sorry Darien, I have a date tonight." Oh snap, what the hell did I just get myself into.
"You WHAT! Sere, what the fuck?" He screamed through the door , and started pounding harder.
"You heard me Dare, I have a d-a-t-e. I know you can spell, so think about it long and hard and maybe you'll get the point."
Serena heard him slump against the door, still pounding against it, and that's when she finally broke down. She went into her bedroom, which faced the west. She sat there while her phone rang and rang, no doubt it was Darien trying to convince her he loved her more than life. She stared out that picture window until she saw the April sun start to set, she stayed there until the sun was gone and all she could see were city lights and stars…and that's when she started to cry. She didn't know why she was crying, for herself, for Darien, for Harper, for her friends, for joy, for pain, for sadness…for everything…and as she reached into the nightstand next to the bed, she pulled out the pair of scissors she used to cut stray strings off her clothes…and cut into her wrist.
The pain was unbearable for a second, and then it was numbed by the tears flowing down her face. She cut deeper and longer until the pain in her heart was out done by the pain in her wrists. She couldn't help but laugh as she looked down at the blood flowing from her wrists onto her perfect, tiny hands, to see the reddish brown liquid pouring from her body, feeling weaker and weaker every passing second. Her last thought before she fell unconscious was a song she had heard at the Homecoming dance that year with Darien.
"I'll Be your cryin' shoulder
I'll Be loves suicide
I'll Be better when I'm older
I'll Be the greatest fan of your life"
I'll be loves suicide…but who'll be the greatest fan of my life? Serena thought before her world went completely black.