Chapter Four: You're my survival…

And rain falls angry on the tin roof

As we lie awake in my bed

You're My Survival, You're My Living Proof

My love is alive and not dead

Darien had been sitting outside Serena's door for hours now, crying, thinking, screaming at her to open it, wondering what she was doing, pounding on it and calling her. When he looked at his Rolex he saw he'd been sitting outside the door for 7 hours, it was almost 10 o'clock! If Sere had a date where is she? Why hasn't anyone shown up or why hasn't she come out? I'll wait another twenty minutes and if she isn't out I'll call the cops, there's something wrong. Twenty more minutes passed and he finally took the cell phone out of its ceremonious place against the wall, and dialed 911.

"Hello, 911 operator, what may I ask is the purpose of your call?" The voice on the end of the line said.

"Hello, this is Darien Shields and I'm at my friend's apartment on Park Avenue. She disappeared inside around 3, and hasn't come out since, she said she had a date, which means she should've came out…but she hasn't. I'm worried she's hurt or something. Please come!" Darien said frantically into his cell, worrying every second Sere wasn't walking out that door looking fabulous.

"Ok sir, we'll be there shortly. Do you want to stay on the line or would you just like to wait for the ambulance and police to get there?"

"I'll go wait for them, thank you." Darien hung up and felt a little more relieved, he finally felt a little peace, he didn't know why. Deep inside, Darien suspected that Sere had started her old habit again. The habit she had developed when her dad died when she was eleven from a heart attack while he was running.

The police had to break down Serena's door to get inside. The searched the place, but Darien knew exactly where to find her before they even got there…and he knew what to expect. When they opened her bedroom door, the paramedics drew in their breath, and it even shocked Darien, although he knew what to expect, he didn't think it would be that bad. The blood all over the bed, pooling in a puddle on the floor beside where Serena lay, his fragile, perfect ballerina…his baby…the love of his life…the girl that he'd been so afraid to lose before he got in over his head that he had to cut his heart in two. He heard someone scream, and distantly recognized it as his own voice. The police officers tried to hold him back but he pushed them off of him and took Serena in his arms, her body was cold…so cold…he pressed his body to hers, trying desperately to warm her in any way. He noticed the paramedics were working on her body that was underneath his, trying to take vitals and stats, he also noticed that tears were flowing down his face and washing away some of the blood streaked on hers, probably from wiping her own tears away. Then, the paramedic checking for a pulse said the words that sent his heart soaring with overwhelming joy and relief.

"She's got a pulse. It's weak…but it's there."

After many transfusions of blood, stitches and other medical mumbo jumbo, Darien was allowed in Serena's intensive care room.

She didn't look like herself. She was too pale, her famous hair too limp…she didn't look like the girl he had fell in love with in preschool. The rosy tinge was gone from her cheeks, her vibrant blue eyes closed and shadowed over with purple, her perfect body trying desperately to hang on and to heal. His heart ached to see her in so much pain, self inflicted or not, because he knew that on some level he HAD caused most, if not all, of the reasons she had thought of before she had decided to hurt herself again.

He sat in the chair next to her bed and took her delicate, fragile hand in his large, masculine one. Rubbing tiny circles with his thumb against her palm, he thought about all the times they had spent with one another, good and bad alike.

Flashback: First day of preschool

Darien clung to his nanny's leg, crying and pleading for her not to leave him here with strange kids he didn't know. She gently pried his tiny hands off of her leg and took them in her own.

"Darien," she said, "This is your first day of preschool, I know it's scary, but it's going to be great! I promise! Look over there, that little girl is sad too, and she has the same bear you do! Go talk to her Dare, I'll be right here when school is over." She kissed his forehead, pointed him towards the little girl and walked out the door.

Darien cautiously walked towards the little girl with the long blonde hair, who was clutching a polar bear stuffed animal to her chest, looking around with huge, fearful blue eyes and stuck out his hand. "I'm Darien Endymion Shields. Did you get your polar bear from Central Park too? I did, I named him P.B., which is short for polar bear. What's your name?"

The little girl shook his hand and smiled, "I'm Serena Kathryn Talbot. I did get my bear at Central Park and her name is Reni, like how my name sounds. Se-REN-a, and I added an i." She smiled a bigger smile and hugged him. "You're the first person to talk to me today. Thank you. Let's be friends. Best Friends."

Darien nodded and took her hand, "Let's go play with the blocks Sere."

"Why'd you just call me Sere? My name is Serena…" Serena looked at her new friend, baffled by the new name he had just called her.

"I don't know…I just thought it's the first four letters of your name, and it's easier to say. Don't you like it?"

"Yes, I actually do like it. Thank you for giving me a new nickname Darien. I'll call you Dare, and we can be Dare and Sere. Heehee." Serena giggled and took Darien's hand and led him to the blocks, where they played until their nanny's picked them up.

Flashback Ends

"Sere, can you hear my voice?" Darien asked, stroking her fingers. She didn't respond, but he knew she could hear him, so he started talking about all the things they'd been through together, all their great days and unforgettable nights. He talked until he ran out of things to say somewhere near 8 a.m.

He felt his eyes start to close, and climbed into bed next to Serena, holding her in his arms. "I love you Sere."

Serena awoke the next morning, not sure where she was, in pain and wondering who was holding her. She looked down at herself and found she was attached to lots of tubes and things that were beeping, she was in a hospital…wait, she was ALIVE. Oh joy, someone found me and had to be a good Samaritan, didn't they understand that I didn't WANT to live? She sighed and looked at who was holding her, which made the monitors she was hooked to start beeping frantically, it was Darien. She caressed his cheek with the back of her hand and his eyes fluttered open.

"Morning Princess, you don't know how happy I am to see that you're awake."

"Darien…why did you…why am I here?" Serena asked.

"Serena, you're here because I love you, because everyone you've ever known LOVES you, because I had a suspicion that you had started cutting again and that you would try something like this, and I couldn't let you die Sere. I love you too much." He kissed her forehead and her eyes opened wider than they already had been.

She put her head against his chest and sighed, and when he felt the wetness of her tears soaking his shirt, he pulled her harder against him and stroked her hair. A song they had danced to at Homecoming popped into his head and he whispered a line of it into Serena's ear.

"I love you more than anything in this world Sere..." Which only made her cry harder and when she finally fell asleep it was because the love of her life was holding her in his arms, whispering sweet nothings into her ear.