Disclaimer: We all know the drill. J.K., the goddess, is their creator

A/N: Phew! Long time no see, huh? It seems life gets more complicated by the day. Still I won't give up on my writing! So for this month you can be sure that there will be more of LMLMN. As for TMH… Time will tell. This chapter is short. In the future, the chapters will be longer. I hope you enjoy it! Thanks a lot to Jamie and Lildove, my beta readers!! And thanks a million to all of you who reviewed!!!

Chap. 28 – Memories

"Harry?"

Harry opened his eyes, blinked and then stared around, confused. The oval room he was in was cozy and simple. There was a single bed in the corner, a trunk with the Hogwarts' crest and a desk near the window. He realised, stunned, that he was in what used to be his bedroom at Hogwarts when he was a seventh year. He looked at the calendar on the table and froze. He felt his hands becoming sweaty and cold.

"Harry?"

His heart sank as he turned around and saw Remus Lupin with the same set of casual robes that he always wore. Remus had a gentle expression on his face but he wasn't looking at Harry – not really – but at a young man sitting on the bed. The young man was Harry at the age of seventeen.

The present Harry began to panic, but he knew the drill. There was nothing he could do to stop this scene from being displayed again. He couldn't understand why he had to relive those things every time he fell asleep. It was an endless nightmare. When he wasn't watching his mother die, he was watching Sirius fall through the veil, or his last battle with Voldemort. Or this. And out of all the awful memories, this was one of the most painful.

He leaned against the wall and put his hand on his chest to see if he could ease the pain. Then he sighed and silently watched his memories being played in front of him as if he were watching a movie.

On one side of the room there he was, his old stupid self, sulking like a spoiled brat, ignoring Remus' attempts to make conversation with him. At the other side was Remus, always so calm and serene, trying to break Harry's defences and fill in the void that Sirius' death had left in Harry's heart. Harry felt the usual despair that followed him every time he saw this scene.

Since Sirius' death, Remus had tried his best to be a substitute for him. But nothing Remus did could ever satisfy Harry. On the contrary, Harry was constantly angry with Remus. It wasn't because he hated Remus. It was just that Harry had been trying hard not to care about anything or anyone anymore. The only thing Harry obsessed about was destroying Voldemort and seeking revenge for his parents, Sirius, and everybody else that had suffered in that monster's hands. In order to focus on the task ahead, Harry had alienated himself from his friends. Harry couldn't help himself. He wanted to protect those he loved so much, and to do that he had to get away from them.

He spent his days always tense and alert. He was always waiting for the prophecy to be fulfilled. He didn't care if he lived or died. He just wanted things to end.

So when Remus had entered Harry's room to bid him goodbye before going on a mission for the Order in his seventh year, Harry had behaved as usual. He had pretended not to hear Remus' gentle voice asking him how he was and if he needed anything. He had treated Remus as if his presence was an annoyance. Most of the times he resented Remus for being alive while Sirius was dead. He knew it was absurd, but he couldn't help feeling that way. It hurt to look at Remus and Harry hated himself for that.

He didn't know that when Remus left his room, he wouldn't come back ever again. He had no idea that five hours later Remus would be as dead as Sirius, and that his stupid grudge would weigh on his chest so much that he would wish he was dead too.

It was far too painful. It was worse than watching his mother die, because he knew he couldn't have done anything at the time to save her, after all, he was only a baby. But with Remus things were different. Harry could have done something for Remus. He could have said something. He could have hugged him and told him how important Remus was, and how Harry was grateful that Remus was alive and by his side, taking care of him. But he had let Remus go without saying a word. He hadn't learned anything from Sirius' death. He had repeated the same mistakes. He could have prevented both Sirius' and Remus' death if he weren't so stupid and hot-headed.

"Harry?" Remus called to him softly. "If you need anything, anything at all, just come and see me. If you need to talk–"

"I know," Harry answered without looking at him. "I know."

The present Harry watched his old self struggling with his emotions. He could still feel the exact same things he had felt that day. He wanted to beat his old self up until he regained his senses. He wanted to yell at him to stop being such a baby, to tell Remus the things that really mattered. But he couldn't change that moment anymore. He could only watch as Remus glanced at him sadly one last time before going away.

The present Harry felt a pang in his heart and tears in his eyes. He looked at the seventeen-year-old Harry and whispered, "You're such an idiot. You could have said something to him. You could have stopped him. He would have stayed with you if only you had had the courage to ask him. He would be alive today. They'd both be alive today. You fucking heartless bastard!" he shouted to vent his anger.

And then something new happened. The younger Harry looked straight at him with cold red eyes and smiled wickedly.

"You're just like me, Harry. We are the same," hissed the younger Harry with Voldemort's voice. "You let everybody down. You're meant to be alone."

An evil laughter filled up the room. Harry covered his ears and cried out.

---------------------------

Harry woke up trembling and panting. He took a while to come back to normal and realise that he wasn't dreaming anymore. He took a deep breath, wiped his tears away and looked around. He was in a hidden room that was behind one of the shelves of the library. He was at his desk and the computer in front of him was turned on. Through his blurred vision, he saw a blank page on the screen. He sighed tiredly. Not for the first time he had fallen asleep in front of the computer.

For two years Harry had been writing about his school memories. One of the shrinks Hermione had sent him to had once told Harry to write down his experiences in order to leave his past behind and start over again. Harry had made fun of the idea, telling himself that journals were for girls. But one day he had begun to write it just to past the time, and he had been doing it ever since.

He had to admit that he liked it. His first three years at Hogwarts were an easy ride. Even the memories of Voldemort at those times couldn't stain the good things he had had at Hogwarts. The problem began when he started to write about his fourth year, and then his fifth. His bad dreams had become more frequent after this. If before he had enjoyed remembering all the good things he had lived through at Hogwarts, now it was rather painful.

His fears that Voldemort might possess him struck him. Never before had someone in his nightmares looked at him or spoken to him. He was scared of the meaning of that. But perhaps it had nothing to do with Voldemort. Perhaps it was just himself fighting against his traumas. Perhaps now he was finally facing his fears. He had always thought that he couldn't change the things he saw in his dreams. Perhaps this time he could, if only to soothe his heart.

He sighed heavily and put his glasses back on. Then he left the hidden room and went to the living room to get some air. He was tempted to get something from the bar but he held himself in check. He had been trying so hard not to drink. He wouldn't ruin things now. Still, he needed some relief. He looked at the big wooden clock on the wall and sighed. It was 4:00 P.M., way too early for Draco to come home. Harry missed him desperately. He needed to feel Draco's body near him, to listen to his heartbeat, to feel his arms around him. He let out a strangled moan.

It was amazing how Draco was fitting in his daily life so perfectly. It was also very scary. Harry didn't want to depend on someone like that, but he couldn't help himself. Once they'd passed the initial hostility, Harry had realised that he not only liked the physical part of their relationship but the emotional as well. Draco was intelligent and fun to be around. Harry liked his cunning sense of humour. He even liked the times Draco pouted when Harry said or did something that displeased him.

Their problems still remained the same though. Draco didn't want to open up to Harry. His past was forbidden territory. Harry also didn't know how things were between Draco and Bill. As far as Harry knew, Bill was still Draco's boyfriend. The thought of Draco and Bill together made him sick to his stomach. He had rages of jealousy every time he thought of Draco sneaking from work to meet Bill behind Harry's back.

Harry knew it was irrational. He didn't own Draco. He didn't even know what they were. Besides, Bill and Draco were together long before Harry came into the picture. Harry was the other one. He was somebody's mistress. He made a face at that.

He was sure about one thing, though. His feelings for Draco were growing. Love or hate, he wanted Draco by his side.

And the scary thing was that it had only been a week since they had first slept together, and three since Draco had barked into his life. They only had one last week together. Things between him and Draco were going way too fast. But Harry didn't want things to end so soon. There was still a lot he wanted to know about Draco.

Resolutely, he climbed the steps towards his room, took a quick shower and then dressed up. He left his glasses on because he felt more self-assured with them than with his contact lens. He picked up the phone and waited. It answered after three rings.

"Merlin! Is it really you Harry? Did something happen?" asked a worried voice.

"How did you know it was me?"

"Don't ask stupid things, mate! And you are the Muggle here... Your number appeared on my cell phone's screen."

"Oh..." Harry felt really stupid.

"Never mind that. What happened? Are you ok? Do you need anything?"

"Actually... yeah, I do."

"What?"

"Fred... I need to borrow your car."

TBC…

Please, review!!