Disclaimer: I do not own Wicked (the book and musical) or The Wonderful Wizard of Oz and their characters. I humbly bow and acknowledge the fact that they are the creation of Gregory Maguire, Stephen Schwartz, and L.F. Baum. However, the characters live with me in the realm of fanfiction, and in all my "Wicked" memorabilia.
This story, long-overdue, is a spin-off of the splendid Official Fanfiction University of Middle-Earth by the brilliant Camilla Sandman. After finishing this story, directly proceed to read hers.
AN: Salmon pink is one of the ugliest colors, if not the ugliest, in the world!
Also, I don't know if this is going to work, but if you go to The University of Louisville and love Wicked, email me, especially if you're the girl who, last Friday (Sept. 10—so you know this is recent), wore the black official "Wicked" t-shirt and passed a short, Asian girl wearing a polka dot shirt who stopped and stared speechless at you for a good minute or two.
Important Notice: To everyone who's enrolled thus far, make sure to read the fine print at the bottom of your acceptance letter. To those applying, please add a brief physical and personality description to the enrollment form or send it separately, and be humorous about it. To all those interested in a staff position, you must be a well-established writer to even be considered for a position. In other words, you've been writing a while and are proficient at not only writing but grammar as well. If you don't post please send me a sample of your writing. Do NOT email me saying, "Hey, I wanna be on staff. What do I do?"
Ch. 3: Thinking of "Defying Gravity?" Not a Good Idea.
"Could someone please tell the Tinman to can it!" yelled Lan from her office. She was experimenting with a variety of expressions she hoped to intimidate students with. Immediately after she said it, she took the remark back, "Wait! Hold up! Stop! Rewind! Bad pun! Just tell him to be quiet; this isn't the set of 'The Wizard of Oz' you know!" She went back to practicing her facial expressions from an icy gaze to a clever smirk. It was very important that she looked imposing on the first day as she was rather short in stature and was often not taken seriously because of it.
"Begging the all mighty headmistress's pardon," drawled Elphaba sarcastically. "I know this will be a grave disappointment to you, but the whistle that just sounded was made by the train that just arrived carrying all our lovely little pupils, not the Tinman singing."
"Oh," replied Lan. She paused momentarily to think. "Well, then head out with everyone else to meet the students."
"Gladly," muttered Elphaba discontentedly as she turned and left.
Back on the train, Abby and the other members in her compartment were becoming increasingly excited as they felt the train begin to slow.
"We're going to Shiz, we're going to Shiz, we're going to Shiz," sang Abby, bouncing up and down excitedly.
"Hey," said Ethan. "Oh, hallowed halls, and vine-draped walls," he began in a slightly off-key voice. The rest of the group quickly caught on, and soon the entire body of students on the train was singing the rest of "Dear Old Shiz;" very few of the people were actually on-key.
Right as the train began to slow to a stop and one student prepared to go into Glinda's famous aria, a loud booming voice sounded throughout the train.
"For the sanity of all, please refrain from any further attempts at singing or severe consequences shall ensue."
That stopped the girl right then and there. She, like so many others, had learned from experience the meaning of "severe consequences."
The train finally halted.
"Everyone off!" ordered the conductor. The students quickly gathered themselves and any belongings they had kept with themselves on the train. The obsessive fans had taken their aggression out on one another, thus they were not a current threat to the lives of the other fans. Once they had finished bashing the pseudo-fans, they turned on one another, each insisting that he or she was the exact image of a canon character.
The crazed girl that Abby had met bore some nasty scratches and a couple of bite marks; her hat was ripped and sat at a skewed angle on her head. A smug look was on her face; clearly, she was the victor in the battle for the title of "Elphaba."
Abby planned on avoiding her at all costs.
"Hey, how far are we from Shiz?" she asked Lauren.
"I don't know. We can't be far though," replied Lauren. Her "acute" Elvish senses were suddenly alerted. "I'd say we'll be at Shiz very shortly. I hear the sound of carriages."
"Umm…they're coming around the corner," pointed out Abby.
"Of course they are, but only I could hear them," replied Lauren.
"Riiiight," thought Abby.
"Oooo…maybe we'll get to meet some of the canon characters," squealed Cathleen. "Oh man! Please let Fiyero be there! Come on God! Just this once help me out here!" she prayed.
"Fiyero is nice, but Boq is sooooo cute!" exclaimed another fan girl.
"Glinda is HOT!" added Ethan. He decided he'd speak for the small male Wicked fanfiction writer population.
"Oh my God! Glinda, Boq, and Fiyero," thought another student by the name of Colleen. "That's almost too much hot to handle!" She was desperately trying not to go into cardiac arrest at the thought of all three of her lust objects being present in the same place at once.
The carriages all came to a halt. Slowly, the canon characters began to emerge. The group was led by the single most worshipped idol in all of Wicked fandom. The students felt they ought to pay homage to this character of characters, but all they managed to achieve was staring with their mouths and eyes wide open in awe of this green goddess of fiction.
Once the shock had passed, the majority of the mass turned their attention to Fiyero. He wasn't clothed out of the ordinary; he wore only a shirt, vest, pants, and boots, much to the disappointment of the fangirls who'd read the book. They had been hoping for a low-cut shirt that would allow them to see the pattern of blue diamonds went unbroken from his face down to his chest.
The girls' eyes went hazy and their tongues lolled out the sides of their mouths. The beginnings of a flood were starting to form due to all the drool. Although the musical fangirls, who hadn't read the book, were wondering why he had blue diamonds tattooed on him.
Fiyero eyed them warily and maintained a distance of several feet. Their hormones finally kicking into overdrive, the girls attempted to pounce on the Arjiki prince. Fiyero looked panicked. Then a crash of thunder sounded; every girl had tripped and fallen face flat on the hard ground.
Elphaba stood watching smugly. The advantage of being part of this university was that she could make use of her traits from both the musical and book, magic being one of them.
"One of the first rules you will learn here is that stampeding is not permitted. You will maintain your disgusting, hormonal selves far from any of the staff, particularly Fiyero!" she snapped. "Now, listen carefully and put away all your ridiculous ideas to try and seduce any of the canon characters!"
"What if they try and seduce one of us?" asked one girl smartly, eying Avaric, who was looking rather promiscuous, in the process.
"There will be no staff-student liaisons occurring here," affirmed Elphaba, giving Avaric a dark look, which he pretended not to see. "Back to the matter at hand," she said turning back to face the crowd menacingly. The girls who had been part of the stampede began rising slowly, rubbing their scratched faces, and checking for broken noses, of which there were quite a few.
"We each will be reading aloud a list of names. After hearing your name called, you will proceed to fetch your luggage, follow the faculty member you are called by, and load it on to the coach you will be traveling in. There will be no switching coaches or attempts to sneak in with your favorite character. Now, if there are no other dim-witted questions, we shall proceed with the plan at hand."
One fangirl timidly raised her hand.
"Yes?" inquired Elphaba.
"Ummm, could you sing 'Defying Gravity' for me, I mean us students?" asked the girl. "You don't have to sing the whole thing, just you know, the part where you go 'So if you care to find me look to the western sky!'" she added.
"Yes, please!" chorused the entire group.
"And then sing 'What is This Feeling' with Glinda!" shouted out Abby. Glinda frowned.
"No 'Popular!'" exclaimed another fan.
"Forget those! Sing 'As Long as You're Mine!'" Fiyero winced.
Furiously, Elphaba began whacking each person who had requested a song atop the head with the handle of her broom. She went back and forth in a line, cracking her broom against the skull of a person each time she said a word.
"The, number, one, rule, of, this, school, is, there, are, to, be, no, song, requests, made, ever!" She finished by striking hardest the cranium of the person who first suggested she sing, which ironically was one of her many name-sakes (specifically the one Abby knew).
"From this point on, no one is allowed to ask a question until we get to the university! Miss Lan can deal with you then!" bellowed Elphaba tyrannically.
All the students stood petrified, with the exception of Abby and the other three who had made song requests. The four of them wobbled dazedly. Everyone however remained mute as they knew by now "severe consequences would ensue" if they didn't.
"Now, Morrible, if you will begin," stated Elphaba as she gave dagger looks to all the students.
Madame Morrible stepped forward. "'Elphaba,' 'Galinda,' 'Elphie,' 'Maureen,' 'Glinda,' 'Abby,' 'Lauren the Elf,' 'Elfie…'"
Abby noted that Elphaba was starting to look more and more peevish as the number of people who possessed her name increased.
Abby was glad she had used her real name, although, if she hadn't used her actual name, she would've of course gone by the name of "Galinda the Pink." Then again, Glinda was "Glinda the Good;" she wouldn't likely have the same reaction as Elphaba. Glinda, in fact, had seemed quite the image of calm. Maybe it wouldn't have been such a bad idea to name herself after Glinda.
After managing to load her heavy suitcase onto the back of the coach, Abby quickly got inside the carriage and claimed a seat by the window. She was one of the few girls who had brought only one suitcase, therefore she'd quickly been able to retrieve and load her luggage.
After about fourty-five minutes of waiting, all the girls were situated and Madame Morrible had finally taken her place. Some of the girls, having brought way too many bags, were forced to leave most of their items at the station.
"But, I can't leave my stuff here! Someone will steal it!" was the common cry.
"If you had read your information packets, you would have known that you were permitted only two items of luggage. I assure you that your excess bags will be awaiting you at the end of the year. This conversation has now ended," replied Madame Morrible.
Abby had apparently lucked out as she had forgotten to read the information packet.
The girls who had over packed sat sulkily, glaring at Madame Morrible who ignored them. Was it just her, thought Abby, or was the "Glinda" sitting across from her starting to turn a rather dark shade of salmon pink?