Yes. I magically acquired the rights to YYH since last week. However did you guess?

chapter three: in which fateful things are uttered

Getting back into the demon world wasn't terribly hard. It helped, of course, that he was incredibly well known. There were some demons that the guards had never really argued with when they crossed, and Kurama was one of them. He had raised plenty of hell in the past thousand years or so, but it had very rarely been border-related, which thus made him much dearer to the border guards than the average demon.

It also helped that part of his reputation included his power level.

He had only been running through the telltale woods of the demon world for a few minutes when he realized that someone was trying to quietly follow him. Kurama sighed, ran a few more steps, and effectively disappeared.

His pursuer skidded to a halt, looked around, and swore quietly.

"So they make you out of demons, too," Kurama observed from the tree above the demon zombie. "You really aren't that clever, are you? Must you keep tracking me onto my home ground?"

"Yes," said the demon zombie, "because you just keep going onto said home ground. I don't know, I'm not the one after you. The one who raised me is the one who wants me to follow you."

"Am I the only one you're supposed to be looking for?" Kurama asked, swinging one leg idly. "Or do you have some big list where people tack up names and you all go out and have a whack at whoever comes up?"

"What the hell kind of idea is that?" the zombie demanded.

Kurama shrugged. "Humans in Rome used to do it, or something very like it. Well, am I?"

"I don't think it's you personally," the zombie mused. "I mean, here I am, minding my own business, and you go racing past, and suddenly I'm off after you without my legs so much as consulting me about it. Bloody pain in the ass, that. And considering that I seem to have, in my infinite wisdom, decided to chase after you, I think I'd better ask you not to make that a reality for me."

"Good man," Kurama said approvingly. "So who was it that raised you? I want to talk to them."

"You could have just asked," said the zombie in a much more melodic tone. "I don't want my dears being hurt for information about me, so I choose to not tell them and get in touch myself."

Kurama blinked. "So you just gave it a miss the first time I asked? Or can't you keep track of every single slave you send to try and kill me? And if you don't want them hurt, why send human ones against me unarmed?"

The zombie with its new personality seemed to consider this. "Well, I did wonder if you would hesitate to kill humans. I know that there are penalties for that sort of thing."

Kurama looked sharply at the zombie. "What are you playing at?"

"I am playing at nothing," the zombie replied. "And it is not so much of a loss. I shall collect the bodies, put them back together, and they will be quite well taken care of."

"Put them back together?" Kurama asked. "Just how do you do that?"

The zombie looked at its hands. "One of my little gifts," he said modestly.

"Along with raising the dead and projecting yourself into the bodies of dead people," Kurama continued. "You seem quite skilled."

"I am that," the zombie agreed. "I should like you to understand, of course, that any attempts that have been made on your life as well as the lives of your human companions are purely a business matter. Nothing personal."

Kurama decided that since Hiei wasn't there, he could pursue a particular line of thought without a twinge of hypocrisy. "Do you know who you raise, or do you do it indiscriminately?"

The zombie smiled. "Well, by now all the souls in the hells that I've opened should have been tagged by my power and be searching for their bodies. What happens after that is up to the strength and determination in the soul."

Kurama exhaled slowly. "Indiscriminate it is, then. You're a necromancer."

"We did cover that, yes," the zombie said with the necromancer's voice.

"Do you know if it's common for a dead person to try and find the one who killed them, or perhaps finish a job they started when they died?" Kurama asked. "Or do the dead have more to occupy their time?"

The necromancer shrugged the zombie's shoulders. "It's really up to the individual. Some people are just obsessive. Very often revenge is discounted in favour of simply continuing life as usual. Why, are you expecting company?"

Kurama considered. "Well, after a thousand years of living life the way I have, I suppose that not getting any angry zombies showing up on my doorstep at all would be a bit odd."

"I think you're expecting someone in particular," the necromancer said. Off Kurama's look, he added, "But you don't like that suggestion, do you?"

"No," said Kurama. "I don't. Do you mind telling me just why you've set out to raise the dead?"

"Yes," the necromancer said. "Yes, I mind."

Kurama blinked, then pursued, "All right. Do you mind telling me why killing me was a business necessity?"

"I do not mind telling you that," the necromancer decided. "My first impulse was to try and dissuade Koenma from going after me, either with exorcism or with brute force. I think I have kept him from using exorcism, but the complications of attacking you and your former teammates proved to be more trouble than it was worth."

"Really?" Kurama asked.

The necromancer sighed. "There was the issue of my not being able to even find half of your number. You keep moving, that other demon and the full human are both where I just can't think to look, and Urameshi Yusuke...well, I've sent many of my dears up against him with shatteringly bad results."

"You would not be the first person to have that sentiment," Kurama said gravely. "Would you mind leaving me alone now?"

"Even if you had not asked, I would be withdrawing and regrouping," the necromancer replied equally solemnly. "But I do try to be cordial to everyone, as everyone will eventually fall into my reign. I go now, and you have my assurances that I will not target you with my dears. I may choose other ways, however."

"I'll keep it in mind," Kurama said dryly. "Now go away, please."

"I go, I go," the necromancer replied with a smile that managed to be charming even without evidence of teeth or lips. When the smile died, the zombie said in a more normal tone of voice, "I feel so violated."

Kurama laced his fingers together under his chin and waited.

"Oh shit," said the zombie when it caught sight of him again, and bolted.

Kurama had to admit that he felt strangely flattered.

"That was an interesting conversation you had," piped up another voice before he could swing down from the tree. "Not that I was deliberately eavesdropping, you see, but I feel it is in my best interests to know about all the emerging powers. Very often they need loans."

"You call that an emerging power?" Kurama asked scornfully. "He didn't even bother to send anyone worth killing after me. I would be insulted if I thought he might have been seriously trying to kill me. And don't lie, you eavesdrop shamelessly all the time. How else would you make money?"

"On the interest, my good youko, interest," said the greenish caterpillar-looking creature that still somehow managed to resemble an oily banker. Perhaps it was something in the brown fuzz that puts one in mind of a bad toupee.

"Personal interest, you mean," Kurama corrected.

"Semantics, semantics." The caterpillar waved it off airily with one stubby appendage. "What do you need for your masquerade today?"

"As much as you can give me and then maybe some more," Kurama said. "You heard about what's been brewing. I need mobility, and in the human world that can't be done without money."

The caterpillar gave the impression of raising one eyebrow. This was impressive, considering the lack of discernible eyes.

"All right, fine," Kurama conceded. "I don't have to get money before I start. But I don't want to waste time planning and staging a major heist. I need this now."

"And what, pray tell, are you going to give me for this?" the caterpillar asked. "If you want as large a sum of money as you're hinting at, I want something a little more concrete than an IOU, you backstabbing bastard."

Kurama accepted these aspersions on his character without a twitch. "I would have thought that you would want more than concrete, Pelf."

"And don't be a smartass," Pelf added. "It doesn't go well with your face."

Kurama sighed. "You'll get what you want, but not here. Wait for me at the border."

"After all the history we have! And all the transactions we've made in which I've been honest, or mostly so and then fully when encouraged! Do you still not trust me to have a vague idea of where your lair is?" Pelf wailed.

"Not in the slightest," Kurama told him. "Because you're a blackmailer and a snitch on top of your general air of dishonesty, that's why," he added when Pelf seemed about to argue. "And there's more, but there are people waiting for me in the human world and I'd be in a hurry anyway. Go and I'll catch up."

Pelf started to argue, but the tree that Kurama was sitting in creaked ominously. "An excellent idea," the caterpillar demon said hastily. "I'll just be over there. Somewhere. Now."

Kurama favoured him with a brilliant smile, watched him go, then breathed something to the tree trunk. He stuck one hand into the rapidly opening hole, rummaged around for a bit, then came up with several pawn receipts. After some quick mental mathematics and the addition of another receipt to the pile, Kurama muttered a few more words to the tree and dropped to the ground.

It really was quite convenient to have such things stored in every tree for at least a square kilometre.

"How come it is," Pelf began when Kurama walked up and silently proffered the receipts, "that you never give me anything worth really looking at? Always bits of paper with you. I thought you liked your shiny things."

"I want bits of paper in return," Kurama pointed out. "And plastic."

"How much of each?" Pelf asked, rearing up and twitching some of his foremost appendages. The air between them started to shimmer. When Kurama rattled off two sums, three credit cards in three different names and a sizeable lump of bills dropped to the ground. Pelf summarily snatched the receipts from Kurama's hand with a long, ropy tongue and devoured them. "See, now that's a mark of how well I trust you, in that I never ask for payment in advance."

"Eliciting guilt is not a thing that suits you," Kurama told him, picking up his share and starting out along the border.

"A pleasure doing business with you!" Pelf yelled at his retreating back. "Come back any time!"

Back in the human world, Shizuru poked her head outside one last time to look at the thoroughly clobbered zombies which she had fashioned into a makeshift barrier outside the door, then sighed and went to go hunt up her brother's kitten.

Once found, moving the kitten to the carrier took fifteen minutes, fourteen of which were spent trying to unhook all of the kitten's claws from the rug at once. It seemed to Shizuru that for every claw she unhooked, four more sprouted out of nowhere and latched more firmly on. However, she finally managed to get the kitten into its carrier and the two of them out the door. One bus ride and three cigarettes later had her rapping on Yusuke's door and trying to keep Kuwabara's kitten from shaking the carrier out of her hand. "Yusuke! Open up! I want to know where my brother is and I don't have Botan to threaten!"

To her slight bewilderment, it was Keiko who pulled the door open. "Yusuke's on the phone with Kuwabara. He and Yukina are coming here from some border or other."

"Yes, well, while he's out flirting with his lady friend, I'm being attacked by creatures that I swear are zombies, or at least really gnarly-smelling demons," Shizuru said irritably.

"Yusuke says that they are the undead, and they've only just left off trying to get in here," Keiko said. "You'd best come in."

"Do you have anywhere I can put an angry kitten?" Shizuru asked as she stepped out of her shoes.

"Probably anywhere," Keiko said thoughtfully, opening the carrier door. Its prisoner flopped out bonelessly and lay in a sulking heap on the floor with one eye glaring malevolently and the other hidden by a foreleg.

Atsoko poked her head over the top of the couch blearily, cigarette affixed to one side of her mouth. "'Lo, Shizuru. You having problems with the undead too?"

Shizuru was long past wondering what kind of bizarre world she lived in any more, but that greeting was still on the weird side. "I got sick of beating them off for no reason that I could understand other than that they were zombies, and I've seen too many movies for me to want them near me."

Atsoko waved her over to the couch. "Speaking of movies, there's one on now. I figured we'd want to brush up on our anti-undead techniques."

Shizuru and Keiko looked at each other, then plopped onto the couch and started to watch avidly.

Fifteen minutes later, Yusuke walked into the room with a recently lit cigarette and observed, "This is the sort of moment that requires popcorn."

Squinting at him through the haze of three currently lit cigarettes, Keiko added, "This is the sort of moment that spawns lung cancer."

"Yeah, yeah," Yusuke said, squishing himself onto her lap and turning the volume on the television down. "Kuwabara and Yukina are going to be along in a little while with news from Koenma. They were explaining, but then the bus driver turned out to be a zombie and I figured that I'd have to wait."

"Typical," Shizuru murmured. "I was hoping to find my brother before I left. I'm going to Genkai's temple, you see, and I figured he'd go apeshit if he came home and his precious kitten was there alone."

Everyone turned to look at the kitten. It glared back. "I see," Yusuke finally said. "You know, while we're having this conversation, I don't suppose that you'd mind persuading my mother and Keiko to come with you?"

"Has she got satellite television?" Atsoko asked.

"The best of all three worlds," Shizuru replied, poker-faced.

"I am not being gotten out of the way!" Keiko said indignantly. "It's not like I've never gone with you before!"

Yusuke rubbed his hands over his eyes. "All right. Remember all those times when you went with me? You were usually a little bit removed from the death and maiming that occurred. Now, it's starting to look like the death and maiming is going to be all over the place. You won't be able to watch without someone coming after you, at this rate. Besides, I'm feeling the need to be in three places at once, and Genkai's is one of them."

Keiko looked boot-faced. "You are just saying that to make me feel important."

Yusuke didn't challenge this, but twisted to look Keiko in the eye. "Please? I swear, it's not just a protect-the-womenfolk mentality."

"Yes, it is," Keiko said heavily, "but I suppose it's a wise enough one, considering the power of the stuff that's tried to kill you in the past. I'll go to Genkai's."

"Thank you!" Yusuke said cheerfully, kissing her. After five seconds of their being thus occupied, Shizuru and Atsoko both found other really fascinating things to look at.

"Urameshiiii!" The idyllic moment was firmly squashed by Kuwabara's shriek from the front doorstep. "Open up!"

Keiko turned an unhealthy shade of pink and shoved Yusuke off of her lap as Shizuru let Kuwabara and Yukina in. "You know, considering your visitors, I don't think they'll mind," Shizuru pointed out. She then wheeled on her brother and thumped him on the head with a fist. "Where have you been?"

"We got lost," Yukina said apologetically. "And...um, distracted."

Shizuru decided to not address that point further. "So Keiko and Yusuke's mother and I are going to Genkai's temple to see if we can be of use, because Yusuke begged and puppy-eyed and whined until Keiko agreed."

"I did not use the puppy eyes," Yusuke objected. "If I had, she wouldn't have held out as long as she did."

"Would you like to come?" Shizuru continued to Yukina, ignoring the interruption.

Yukina opened her mouth, then bit her lip and thought. "I will take you there," she finally said. "If Genkai needs me, I will stay, but I would much prefer to remain here with Kuwabara, if this is all right."

"If that's your plan, you should probably go before the next wave of zombies shows up or the trains break down or whatever it is that's going to happen next," Yusuke said decisively.

Shizuru groaned. "I refuse to pry that kitten from the carpet again. Kazuma, get your cat and put it in the carrier; I've already had my hands shredded."

The ensuing whirlwind of activity finally left Yusuke and Kuwabara waving at a receding train, both of them with lipstick smudged over their mouths and slightly giddy in the brain area.

"Is it getting hotter in here?" Kuwabara finally deigned to ask as comprehension returned and it occurred to them that they were very near to being trampled by people fleeing the city as fast as they could find a train.

"Considering that Yukina is no longer here, it's possible," Yusuke agreed. "Oo-er."

There was a very quiet, hastily stifled burst of laughter from behind them. "You know, usually an increase in temperature is due to the presence of your lady friend."

"Gah!" said Kuwabara, whirling around. "Don't scare me like that! Where did you come from?"

Kurama laughed again. "I just shoved my brother onto a train with more cash than he could spend in a year and a few pointy sticks and told him to find my parents. Then I got on a different train and came here. Hiei should be waiting for me outside; I told him where to go. You see, I'd called in enough favours from him today, so I decided not to push my luck by making him come with me on a train. We'd rather like to talk to you two."

"I see," Yusuke sighed. "Well, we'll go back to my place, then."

Kurama slipped between the other two as they started to walk out. "You know," he began thoughtfully.

Yusuke had a feeling that he wasn't going to like this. "Yes?"

"If you two really do want to venture into the wearing of make-up, I feel obliged to tell you that neither light blue nor hot pink are good colours for you," Kurama confided.

"Let us never speak of this again," Yusuke said magnanimously, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. Kuwabara quickly did the same.

"Even if I want to tell you that you missed a spot?" Kurama asked, eyes wide and innocent.

Yusuke made a disgusted noise and scrubbed more ferociously. "So what have you been doing lately?"

"Mostly looking for you," Kurama said. "And trying to get my brother out of the city. It's actually been pretty uneventful, except for the zombies. You've been very hard to reach, do you know that?"

"It wasn't deliberate," Yusuke explained. "It was his fault," he added, looking at Kuwabara.

"It was not my fault!" Kuwabara retorted as they passed through the glass doors and walked into the darkness. "There was just a lot to tell you!"

Yusuke felt Hiei formulating a sarcastic entry line before he heard it. "You talk too much regardless of whether or not there is a lot to say."

"Gah!" Kuwabara swung around again. "Don't do that! And I do not talk too much!"

Yusuke and Kurama both took on a faintly martyred look. "Would you two stop?" Yusuke nearly wailed. "I know you always want to reinforce that in no way do you even think about talking to each other civilly, but it has been a long day and if you're going to keep at it then I need alcohol first."

"I talked to the one who's behind all this," Kurama said, utterly derailing the argument.

"You never mentioned that," Hiei said sharply.

Yusuke blinked. "What did he tell you? Screw that, where did you find him?"

Kurama examined the pavement. "I didn't, really. He found me. He has the ability to project himself into his undead slaves. I don't know what he looks like or where he is, but I know his voice."

"Do you know why about five zombies tried to randomly attack me for no good reason? That they didn't even know why?" Yusuke asked. "Explain while we go," he added and took off down the street.

"That's too fast!" Kuwabara yelled. "Urameshi! Stop running! Dammit, not you too!" he added woefully as Kurama and Hiei both went after Yusuke. "I've done enough damn running today! Slow down!"

Kurama was winding down his rather short explanation by the time Kuwabara fell over the first of the zombies outside Yusuke's door. "Are you all right?"

"Fine," Kuwabara said faintly. "The pavement broke the fall."

"Was that all, or was there more?" Yusuke asked as he fiddled with keys.

"Yes," said Kurama, then paused. "I did ask if he thought that the dead would try to avenge themselves if they thought it necessary. He said it was up to the zombie in question."

"Oh, shit." Yusuke exhaled and thumped one hand on the door frame, then walked into the house. "Well, shit."

"On the bright side, at least we're not being actively targeted right now," Kuwabara said, reshaping his nose carefully. "Ow."

"We don't know when 'right now' ends, though," Yusuke pointed out, reaching for the remote and turning the zombie movie back on. "So do we brush up on our chainsaw and rifle techniques or do we watch bad late-night television?"

"I demand bad late-night television," Kuwabara said, jumping onto the couch and taking the remote from Yusuke. A scuffle promptly broke out which overturned a table, turned the DVD player on and off about five times, and finally set the television to the weather channel.

"Is there a point to this?" Hiei asked at the table-overturning stage.

Kurama shrugged. "Maybe they're working off stress."

"Interesting."

Kuwabara poked his head up from over the back of the couch about half a minute later. "You know, how come you two never fight?"

Two identical blank stares met that question. "That would be a bad idea," Hiei finally said.

"I can imagine," Yusuke muttered, firmly putting the remote on the upended table and getting up. "Last time the pair of you did that, it was a bloody mess."

"Convenient for you, though," Kurama pointed out. "And it wasn't your bloody mess."

Yusuke grimaced. "It's not a mental image that I cherish. I'm going to go make sure that no one is breaking in and trying to bite us all to a horrible walking death," he added, heaving himself off the couch and heading for the as-yet-unchecked back rooms.

"No, really, why don't you ever fight?" Kuwabara persisted. "Friendly-like."

Again with the blank looks. "Has he finally lost it?" Hiei demanded, deciding that the best course of action was to ignore Kuwabara.

"You weren't there, were you?" Kurama inquired, peering at Kuwabara. "No, I met you later. Get Yusuke to explain it. There is no 'friendly-like' fighting with us. If we tried, someone would be bleeding and unconscious in about five seconds, and chances are it wouldn't be either of us."

"Hey!" Yusuke yelled from the bowels of the house. "I'm ordering out for food! Anyone have spare cash?"

"I take this to mean that there are no zombies?" Kurama asked, drifting out of the room.

Kuwabara was about to follow when Hiei spoke up unexpectedly. "There is also the small matter that Kurama fights incredibly dirty."

"No, he doesn't," Kuwabara replied, confused.

"Oh yes," Hiei said, a smile playing across his face. "He does."

"All right, food is ordered with what look like stolen credit cards but since Kurama assures me they're okay I will pretend I didn't notice anything," Yusuke announced, re-emerging into the room with Kurama in tow.

Kurama looked faintly hurt. "They're fine."

"All right, I trust you," Yusuke said. "But you have to admit, someone like you handing me odd-looking credit cards registered to a completely unknown person is always suspect."

"I am reformed," Kurama said gravely.

There was a general moment that felt very much like two teenage boys and a demon all not knowing whether to laugh or to look supportive. "Way to make me feel like a social worker," Yusuke finally confided and changed the channel at long last. "Good God, is that InuYasha?"

"They make it look so easy on television," Kurama said wistfully. "And a lot more fun than it often is."

"Yes, but their fox demons look really...odd," Yusuke said. "At least, if you're anything to go by, being as you're weird anyway."

"Thank you, I think."

"You know, that reminds me," Kuwabara said thoughtfully. "Why is it that all the girly demons in fiction can never really do anything but stand around and plot? You never see them fighting honourably. Or even if they do, they're not that good overall, like here." This was accompanied by a vague wave at the television. That's even kind of true in real life, too. Most of the girly plotting demons can't really take a hit."

Yusuke laid a hand on Kuwabara's shoulder. "Are you sure that you want to continue in this line of thought right now?"

"Why not?" Kuwabara inquired. Yusuke hastily withdrew his hand and inched away. "Anyway, is it some kind of universal phenomenon? I mean, I guess that the more time spent on appearance means less time training, so obviously the pretty guys are the ones who suck the most. Unless you're good-looking already like me."

"Kuwabara, you may have just signed your death sentence. In hairspray," Yusuke hissed. "Um. He's tired," he added hopefully to the house at large.

"Waugh!" Kuwabara announced, falling over. "Why is your floor trying to eat me?" he asked Yusuke plaintively. "Ow!" SLAM. "Meep!" WHAM. "Yowoo!"

Hiei didn't even look up. "Are you trying to kill Kuwabara?"

"Of course not," Kurama said absently from his perch on the back of the couch. "I'm too busy primping."

Hiei said conversationally, "You know, I think I kind of love you right now."

"Why, am I doing something?"

Yusuke clapped one hand to his forehead. "Will you stop?" he asked. "Kuwabara, apologize to the angry demon. Kurama, give me one of those bootleg credit cards again, the food's here. And Hiei, you just won me a lot of money. Thank you. Kuwabara, pay up." Fortunately for all parties but Yusuke, Kuwabara was still trapped in the floor and by now close to senseless.

"I don't think I want to know what kind of bet you're talking about," Kurama confided to Yusuke as he handed over one card, the floorboards going back to their normal position in his wake.

Yusuke decided that his audience would not be receptive to his speech on the matter. "Is there a reason you're losing your temper today?"

"Yes," said Kurama easily, and walked away.

It took rather a long time for the delivery girl to get Yusuke to remember that she was there.

And there goes another bet. And oh, what a bet it will be. ominous music

Bluespark: Aww. Have fun with your computer wrestling.

Kooriya Yui: I'd believe it, just...the mass of Mary Sues seems to have buried everything.

A lilmatchgirl: I don't know, it just seems very...Kurama. Politely asking how he's supposed to kill someone.

Oya: That comment was just left wide open. I couldn't not take it.

Aithril the Elf-Maiden: I seeeee the lurkers. Ahaha.

KyoHana: I love this hook thing.

Evene: There is the point that it's not unique hits, so even I'm ratcheting them up. It feels very different from IoV. I mean, this is silly, but it's a different kind of silly. IoV started dark and got silly, then got dark again. This starts silly, and...well, you'll see.

Liviania: Yusuke's back now. But I think you guessed. help i need your email.

Nyte Kit: Everyone needs to read the manga. I'm probably taking it to another level, but...everyone needs to read the manga. The subtext is very aggressive.

kikira-chan: Johnny Depp was my first film actor adore, because of Edward Scissorhands. (Lord, I'm old.) I still adore anything Tim Burton-Johnny Depp-Danny Elfman. Because that combination just rocks. It makes me sad that people adore him without ever having seen Edward Scissorhands, though...

Capella Alpha Aurigae: I hope my chapters get progressively better. I really hope I'm learning, I do. And the cell phone issue was less of a dimension shift than a simple lack of reception. There will be more cell phone-age.

feedback is kindness. it truly is. perform a random act of kindness today.

(i can totally see you if you don't)