AN: As mentioned many times before College is occupying much of my time and energy, so sorry this took me so long to get out. I don't know when I'll be able to have the next one out either. My birthday was just yesterday (Sunday, October 24); I'm 19 now, yay! Staying up to finish this chapter is sort of a birthday present to me.
I pulled from multiple fics in here, and I simply elaborated them for my own purposes. Even though I'm not a big fan of songfic, I don't intend to make fun of the one I pulled from; it simply inspired me in a sense. This chapter's not quite up to par, but is long enough. I'm going to break this day into two parts because there's too much for one chapter. Many thanks again to my reviewers, students, staff, and Yvi. Welcome to my newest staff member WittyFae who largely motivated me to get this chapter finished.
To my recent flamer, if for some odd reason you're still reading: This is the realm of fanfiction. We writers are all "ripping off" other people's ideas. By the way, why do you read all the way up to the last chapter if you hate the story so much?
Important Note: I'm still accepting enrollment forms, so feel free to send them in. Make sure to follow instructions! Once again, I will state them. Copy and paste the form in chapter one to an email, send me the email, and do not post on my review board. I will ignore applications posted on the review board or incorrect applications emailed to me.
Ch. 5: A Day of Chaos, Crossovers, and Cameos: Part One
Abby got up early the first day of classes. She quietly crept out of bed and brought out a bottle containing a colored liquid. Then Abby moved over to the other side of the room where Glinda-number-twenty slept and kept her personal items.
"Ah ha!" thought Abby silently grabbing a bottle off the other girl's dresser. "How stupid is she to leave her stuff out like that?" After obtaining her prize, Abby left for the lavatory, bringing the two bottles with her.
---
Glinda-number-twenty hurriedly dressed; she had woken up late and as a result lacked the time necessary for primping. She sighed irritably. Why hadn't the other girls woken her up? It was the first day of class, and being late was the last thing one wanted to do.
"I'll have time to put on make-up when I get to class," she thought shoving various cosmetics into a small, pink bag. Before she left she grabbed the bottle of rose blossom scented body splash and sprayed it liberally all over herself. It was an intoxicatingly sweet scent. She was definitely going to lure a few canon characters smelling like she did.
---
Trying very hard not laugh when Glinda-number-twenty entered the classroom, Abby bit her lip and held her breath.
A few snickers were heard as Glinda-number-twenty sat down.
"What were they all laughing and whispering about," she wondered. She dumped her items on the desk and proceeded to open her make-up bag. Pulling out a mirror, intending to apply her lip gloss, she finally caught sight of herself, shrieking when she did.
Thinking it was some trick of the light; Glinda-number-twenty thoroughly examined herself. Everywhere she had spritzed the body splash, her neck and arms were thoroughly splotched a bright salmon pink. In horror, she attempted to wipe away the color from her skin. The color remained as brilliant as ever.
Abby permitted herself a slight smirk. Nothing was better than a revenge plot successfully executed.
Having stumbled across the art supply closet during Orientation/Welcome Weekend Abby formulated a rather clever plan for a fangirl. She took some paint, mixed the colors until she had a satisfactory shade of salmon pink, and added it to some water. On the morning of class day, she'd emptied most the contents of Glinda-number-twenty's body splash and replaced it with her salmon pink concoction. The other girl wasn't able to tell the difference because just like almost everything else she owned, the bottle containing the scent was pink. It would take a lot of scrubbing to get the color off one's skin.
---
In the kitchen of Little Edibles Catering Company, no wait, it was the kitchen of OWFU, which happened to strongly resemble the kitchen of Little Edibles Catering Company, Emily had yet another sobbing, heartbroken fangirl on her hands.
"I know, but I just...it's so hard, I can't..." Allie broke down into tears. She was the fiftieth fangirl in her first weekly counseling session that Emily had seen that day lamenting over the fact that Fiyero was unattainable as a romantic partner.
"Yes, I know it's difficult to accept, but...oh watch the ham and your hand too! Oh, go work on the gingerbread houses; it's less dangerous," replied Emily, guiding the girl away from the stove where she had been flying ham slices and almost singed her skin off.
Emily had decided to hold counseling sessions in the kitchen due to her recent desire to create gingerbread houses and cook the same food as that provided by Little Edibles Catering Company (the place she worked at when not at OWFU) which was all rather delicious. Although December was still far off, to Emily, gingerbread houses were good at anytime of the year, especially when combined with Little Edibles Catering Company food.
Just after setting Allie to work on icing a group of gingerbread houses, Emily turned around to see the kitchen catch on fire.
---
"Just not quite as popULAAAAAAAAAARRRRR...AAAASSSS...MEEEEE!" sang a horribly off-key voice passing by Miss Lan's office.
"Argh!" Miss Lan winced. It was the fourth time and the worst rendition she had heard of "Popular" during the day so far. It was part of her job to provide for the sanity of the canon characters as well as the rest of the staff though. She had already made it clear that there were to be no song requests made, and was seriously considering banning the singing of all "Wicked" numbers as well as those from any other popular Broadway show.
Then again that seemed unduly harsh, and would be something even Miss Lan couldn't hold herself to all the time. What these students needed was some sort of training. Most weren't that bad, although there were some who were tone deaf—Miss Lan would have to find some way to deal with those people. Hmmmm...
"Oh how very convenient," thought Miss Lan upon checking her email. She found a pleasant email from a person who wished to join the staff as the music instructor. "Here's an excellent writer who is additionally a professional and experienced vocalist! Exciting!"
Miss Lan began typing a response. "I have received your application and believe you to be highly qualified to fill the position requested. Nevertheless, I would like to conduct an interview before appointing you to the position."
Just then a screeching voice sounded out. "The Wizard...AND IYEEEEEEEEE!"
Miss Lan deleted the entire message she had just written and in its place wrote, "I believe you are definitely qualified to fill the requested position. Please come as soon as possible." Directly after finishing, she pressed "send."
The singer was suddenly interrupted by someone crying, "FIRE!"
"Already?" thought Miss Lan running out of her office.
---
Clearing the flames proved to be a tough task, but eventually it was done. Then, lo and behold, Emily discovered that someone had spilled an entire bottle of "Do Not by Any Means Allow This Bottle to Spill into Strawberry Goo" into a bowl of strawberry goo.
Out of the bowl was rising a thick green blob of sorts.
"OOK!" cried Emily.
The blob took the form an odd looking creature, with long blue arms, large green eyes that stuck out of the head much like a crab's, and blue antennae. The thing had no legs, and floated over to Emily's side where she began petting it affectionately.
"Well, that was highly exciting," said Miss Lan to Emily as they and everyone else who had helped put out the fire walked out of the kitchen looking very sooty and disheveled. "Where are all your students? I assume you evacuated them all outside?" she asked, briefly glancing around.
No sooner had Miss Lan spoken, then a horde of screaming girls ran back inside. Miss Lan mentally cursed herself, hurrying towards the front hall.
Facing the hysterical girls, she bellowed, "SHUT UP! Now, what in Oz's name are you all screaming about!"
The girls stood huddled together whimpering.
"Well!" demanded Miss Lan.
"It's raining," ventured one of the girls timidly.
Miss Lan rolled her eyes. How could she have not expected that the numerous "Elphabas" or "fourth witches" would be allergic to water?
A crash of thunder sounded, and a bolt of lighting flashed. At that moment a strange figure appeared at the open front door. Many of the students gasped expecting some murderous madman from a cheesy, horror film to appear. Much to their surprise and disappointment it was a rather short woman wearing a raincoat and carrying an umbrella. The Boq lusters had been hoping to use protection from an insane killer as an excuse to get near their object of desire, overlooking the fact that Boq really wouldn't have been the best person to protect them from an insane killer.
"This is Shiz University right? And the place where the Official Wicked Fanfiction University is being held?" she asked, looking at Miss Lan.
"Yes," replied Miss Lan.
"Hi, I'm WittyFae, your new staff member and music instructor," said the woman introducing herself and extending her hand. She turned around and waved at the coachman who was unloading her luggage before stepping through the door. In closing her umbrella, she unintentionally splashed a few of the girls with water.
Some of the girls hissed and others screamed. Of course that set the rest of the girls, even the ones who hadn't been splashed, into another fit of hysterics. Miss Lan glared at them, irritated.
Unfazed, the woman continued, "Where is my office, please, as well as my classroom? I plan to set up and have class in session as soon as possible."
Shaking her new staff member's hand, Miss Lan decided she quite liked this woman's business-like manner. Miss Lan pointed Professor WittyFae towards the offices and gave the professor directions to her classroom.
As Professor WittyFae left for her office, she said, "Oh, there are still students standing outside in the rain. You might want to let them know they can come back in."
Another crack of thunder was heard, and the sound of hoofbeats followed...
---
Meanwhile, in "Characterization 201: What Makes a Witch" Abby was squirming uncomfortably, having been made the center of attention by Elphaba.
"You," Elphaba had pointed at her. "What makes a witch?"
"Umm...magic?"
"Nothing else?"
"Well, that's pretty much it, unless you wanna talk about looks." Abby silently added, "Or Miss Lan."
"WRONG! Being a witch is more than having magic!"
"Oh, yeah! You gotta be good or bad!"
"Define 'good and bad.'"
"Good is like...like...being nice...and like...sweet...and like..."
"Glinda?"
"Yeah!"
"What makes Glinda good?"
"Well...ummm...she's nice...and popular...and helpful...and umm...pretty..."
Elphaba snorted. "There is much more to Glinda than you think. Simply because she's called Glinda the Good doesn't mean she floats around Oz in her bubble rescuing puppy dogs from being carried off by screaming eagles or is sweet to a woman whose shoes don't match her dress. One of the many points of this class is to enable you to break away from limited viewpoints of characters. Your assignment tonight is to read the chapter on stereotypes in 'Are You a Good Witch or a Bad Witch: Character Characteristics.' There will be a quiz and discussion the next class. Be certain to read as I will be asking very detailed questions."
A chorus of complaints followed. Elphaba was about to dismiss class when a bold soul raised her hand.
"Just wondering, and don't worry nobody outside this class will tell, who was your first? We all know it wasn't Fiyero. "
Elphaba flushed. "That is none of you business," she snapped. "Class dismissed!"
Several murmurs of "Aw man" or similar statements of disappointment went around the room as the students gathered their belongings.
Suddenly a foreign voice said, "I can answer that."
Everyone whirled around to see a man, whose skin was oddly enough, purple, standing in the doorway.
"And who are that you are so knowledgeable about my personal life?"
The man smiled warmly. "How could I not know? I was your first, and I'm rather hurt you don't remember."
Elphaba looked ready to murder someone.
---
A troop of medieval knights stood in the front hall of Shiz University looking very noble while dripping water onto the floor.
"We are here in search of the Wicked Witch of the West! We learned that she has gone into hiding here," the leader of the group said, striding forward.
"Where are you from and why are you looking for her?" demanded Miss Lan, hands on her hips.
"We are the knights of Camelot and our king has died!" proclaimed the knight.
"So what does that have to do with you wanting to hunt down the Witch of the West?"
"Well..." replied the knight, "we were looking for the Holy Grail, but that quest got to be too hard. Then Arthur died, and we needed something to do. As we are the Knights of the Round Table, it is our job to protect and serve the king and the people of Camelot. Since we aren't stupid and do read the papers, we learned that there was witch escaped from Oz; we felt we ought to pursue and capture her. She coincidentally arrived in Camelot one day; we shot at her with our cannons and succeeded in knocking her broom down. She managed to elude us though and make her way back to Oz."
"Uh huh," said Miss Lan. The situation was rather puzzling, but she was beginning to distinctly sense a bad crossover.
"And what were you planning to do once you found her?" asked Emily.
"Well...she's a witch; we'd burn her," said the knight non-chalantly.
"By all means please burn me. It can't be anymore painful than listening to this moron, who keeps following me insisting that he's 'my first,' spouting love phrases or trying to get me to remember our 'nights of passion!'" said Elphaba storming into the room, closely followed by the strange purple-skinned man.
"She's not a witch!' exclaimed on of the other knights. "She doesn't have a wart!"
"She's just a green skinned girl," added another.
"Can you people honestly think of a more original way to describe me than 'just a green skinned girl!'" fumed Elphaba.
"A green skinned girl who's not a witch," said the knight who had used the so loathed expression to describe Elphaba.
"Say, you're familiar!" said Elphaba. "You're the man in the black hood I met that one day when I randomly ended up in Camelot. You ordered your people to fire at me with cannons! You know how much trouble I had getting back to Oz because you broke my broom! You know how hard it was to get that broom fixed! You can be certain I'll be sending your new monarch one hell of a bill! There's cleaning, travel, repairs, and those are just the highlights!"
"Who tried to kill you, Elphaba, love! I'll wring his neck!" declared the purple-skinned man.
A knock on the door interrupted Elphaba's angry spiel. Everyone turned to face the new visitor standing in the doorway. He was a nice looking, young man in his early twenties. Many of the fangirls looked ready to swoon at the sight of this curly brown haired figure.
Addressing the crowed he said, "Ummm...could you give me directions to Oz? Also, I'm looking for the monument to," he looked down at the sheet of paper he was holding. He struggled to pronounce the name written on it. "El-pah-bah?" he asked hesitantly.
"I'm El-FAH-bah, but I don't believe there's a monument to me anywhere around here," replied Elphaba.
"Someone commissioned me to sing for your funeral at your monument," said the stranger. "It was specifically requested that I sing 'To Where You Are.'"
"I'll compensate you if you'll sing to me!" shrieked one girl, jumping up and down excitedly.
"Forget her! Sing to me!" screamed another.
"Oh my God! It's Josh Groban! Oh sing for me please!" begged one girl.
Josh Groban looked hesitant for a moment. "It can't hurt, and I always like to oblige my fans," he said finally. Miss Lan knew what was going to happen next, but before she could stop him he began singing.
"Who can say for certain," he started, his voice resounding through hall.
A small portion of the fangirl population swayed before crashing to the floor in a dead faint. They were run over by the rest of the girls who lunged towards the famous tenor. Unexpectedly, the overzealous fans were driven back and the singer was saved from a painful fate by three of the Mini-Time Dragons, Macguire, Gulinda, and Glindah. The Mini-Time Dragon's senses were attuned to seeking out fangirls. Having succeeded in preventing the fangirls from stampeding the visitor, the Mini-Time Dragons flew over and circled around him.
"Stampeding is NOT permitted at anytime towards anyone!" yelled Miss Lan. "How many times must I repeat myself for it to stick!" She proceeded to go into an extensive lecture about the consequences of not following the rules.
"Just so you know," said Emily to Josh Groban. "You don't want to go around encouraging fangirlishness by singing for whatever girl asks you. It can have pretty disastrous results as you almost found out. You also don't want to get Miss Lan mad; she's the short, Asian girl over there breathing flames at all those fangirls."
The Ook by her side uttered some sort of gibberish to add to her comments.
The singer's faced looked rather blanched.
At the same time, the knights were becoming rather restless just standing in the hallway.
Elphaba having become too irritated by the presence of "her first" whirled around and knocked him unconscious with one swift punch.
A blast of pipe organ music suddenly came from somewhere deep within the depths of OWFU.
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph on a pogo stick! Will these crossovers ever cease!" said an exasperated Miss Lan.
Disclaimer: Ok I borrowed/mentioned a lot of stuff in here, so that explains why this is at the end.
Wicked belongs to Gregory Maguire and Stephen Schwartz.
OWFU is a spin-off of OFUM by Miss Cam.
"Phantom of the Opera" belongs to Andrew Lloyd Webber and whatever guy wrote the book.
"Monty Python and the Holy Grail" belongs to the Pythons, and the witch scene just happens to be my favorite.
"To Where You Are" music belongs to Richard Marx and lyrics to Linda Thompson.
Josh Groban belongs to himself.
King Arthur and company belong to Sir Thomas Malory—author of the ORIGINAL collection of Arthurian legends which everyone should read.
Finally, the ending quote ("Jesus, Mary, and Joseph on a pogo stick!") belongs to Yvi.