A/N: I think the timeline may seem a little confusing, so I figured out when everything happened-the night of Chapter 1 is the night when "Numbers" started. Chapter 2, 3, 4 and 5 all take place the day after, which is the day after the night that Hurley talked to Sayid in "Numbers". On the show, they had Hurley leave camp that day. In my story, he waited a few days to do that. Chapter 6 and possibly 7 happen on the day after that, and Chapter 8 should be the day after that, and that's when Hurley leaves camp and they all follow him. So basically this all takes place over four days (if you count the first chapter) as opposed to "Numbers" which took, like, two days. Sorry if that made it more confusing, I felt like I had to clear it up. I've pretty much followed "Numbers" for the first few scenes of it, then put a few days in between Hurley leaving. And I realized that in Chapter 2, when I had Sayid talking to Locke, if it had been on the show Claire would have been there.

Sorry if all of that just made it worse, lol. I'm not too great at explaining things, obviously.

Old disclaimer still applies, sadly JJ Abrams didn't visit me last night and give me the rights to Lost. It might happen tonight, though, you never know.

Thanks for reviews last two chapters.

msmith4815: I would have rathered have Sawyer tell Kate to piss off, but I'm going somewhere with the whole matchmaker thing. I think. And, the Madison thing (I'm not really happy about that either) was basically just to keep her away--if he'd told her to piss off she'd just keep bugging him. So, he had to make up that stuff. Something like that.

Faran1078: Heh, I hate reading and watching Shayid with a passion, but I don't know where I'm going with this in that way. I might have to throw it in...but I doubt it. I'm glad you think I'm doing Sawyer okay, because I think I'm overdoing his whole voice thing. Right, Carlyle...and thanks for reviewing every chapter :)

Chapter 5: Unsteady

This cannot be happening

This is over my head, but underneath my feet
Cause by tomorrow morning, I'll have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy

Cause I'm waiting for tonight
And then waiting for tomorrow
And I'm somewhere in between
What is real and just a dream...

Lifehouse - "Somewhere In Between"

About half an hour later, Boone found her sitting in that same spot. He sat down next to her silently, not wishing to disturb her thoughts. After a few minutes she turned to him, a little uneasy.

"Hey?" she said questioningly.

He gave her a halfsmile, "Hi...why the questioning tone?"

"Well, I meant...what are you doing here?"

He furrowed his eyebrows, "Uh, talking to you?"

She rolled her eyes, "Yeah, that's what I mean, shithead. Normally you're off with Locke, you don't care about me any more," she bit her lip and looked back out at the water.

"Shannon, that's stupid," he protested, putting a hand on her arm. She pulled her arm away. He sighed, "Of course I still care about you, I just--"

"What?" she snapped, facing him again, "I'm not good enough to even talk to you now that you have Locke? Is that it?"

"No, Shan, God, you know it's not like that," Boone said in a pleading voice, stumbling over his words.

She folded her arms across her chest, "Then what is it like?"

"I don't know," he mumbled, his eyes darting uncomfortably, "It's like I said last night...I just figured you wanted space."

"Right," she scoffed. "There's more to it than that and we both know it."

He looked over the ocean, "Maybe," he said softly, and neither of them spoke a few minutes. She was still getting used to being around him; he was used to the fluttery feelings whenever she was around, but for her they'd only been very faint. Up till now. Up till she'd had that dream.

"It all goes back to that damn dream," she muttered.

"What are you talking about?"

"What?" she hadn't been aware that she was talking aloud.

"What all goes back to your dream? What dream?"

She blushed a little (God, since when do I blush? she thought frantically), "That dream that I had...about, how there was no island, but you killed me?"

"Oh, right, and we were in a tub together?"

She blushed darker and let out a strangled "Mm hmm."

He grinned, "What are you blushing for, Shannon Rutherford?" She looked away. "If I didn't know better, I'd think that you actually didn't hate me."

"Good thing you know better, then," she spat at him, and his grin faded.

"Yeah," he said sadly, "When you like guys, you try to charm them, you don't blush. You still hate me, you're just being uncharacteristic. Right? But then it's back again, the bitchmode is up and fighting..." he moved to get up, "Sorry for bothering you, Shan--"

She put a hand out to stop him. He came crashing down onto the sand. "I don't hate you," she said quietly. "And it's me who should be sorry, Boone. I was wrong...about everything."

He gave her a confused look. "What do you mean?"

She shrugged, "I don't know, I was wrong to treat you the way I always have. I don't hate you, Boone, far from it."

"Why are you telling me this now?" he was furrowing his eyebrows further, and she shrugged again.

"Um, I just realized...some things. I don't know, okay? God, I just wanted to apologize..." her expression clouded over.

He gave her a small, easy smile, and her clouds cleared, "'Kay, Shan. Thanks. And it's okay, about how you 'treated' me--"

"It's really not, but whatever."

"Yeah, well. We can get over it, right?"

"If you want."

He smiled wider, "I want." Then he stood up, and extended his hand out to her. She took it and stood up next to him. His hand was a little clammy but she thought that hers was too. She didn't want to let go...so she decided she wouldn't. He gave her a funny look but didn't release her hand either. "Want to go for a walk?" he asked her softly.

She offered him a small smile, and even though the scared part of her was sceraming 'Get away! Run! Run now!', she replied, "Okay."

They walked along in silence, the waves lapping at their bare feet. He looked down at their intertwined hands in confusion, then up at her face in the moonlight. She was biting her lip, thinking, and the wind was blowing her hair out behind her. She looked like an angel to him. "So, um," he broke the silence, "What were you thinking of before I joined you?"

"Uh," she looked away, and bit her lip harder, "Nothing much, just, like, our lives together and stuff."

"Oh," he gave her a teasing smile as he paused, "So you were thinking of me?"

She hit his chest lightly with her free hand, "Don't get all smug, I was thinking more of me."

"Aww," he frowned, fake-upset, "You got my hopes up there."

"I'm sorry," she faced him wearing a genuine look, "What can I do to make it better?" She inched closer to him, until their faces were almost touching. His eyes widened and he felt frozen; trapped, but in a way that he liked. She always did this to him.

"Uh," he cleared his throat, but before he could say anything they heard footsteps, someone running.

"Shannon, I'm so glad I found you, I--" it was Sayid, he was coming up behind Boone, and from his point of view could see what only looked like something very non-brother-sisterly. "What are you doing?" As he got closer he could see that they weren't kissing, but were holding hands.

Shannon rolled her eyes, "I'm drunk, go with it," she muttered to Boone. When Sayid reached them she dropped Boone's hand and threw her arms around his neck. "I love you so much, big brother," she slurred, "You're the bestest brother I ever, ever had, ever!" she slumped into his body.

"I'm the only brother you ever had, Shan," he spoke unevenly, struggling to keep her from falling.

She stepped back, blinking at him and wobbling, "W-what?" she stammered, her eyes pooling, "How could you say that?"

"Um...okay, I'm not?" he raised his eyebrows.

She grinned and threw her hands up in the air, "Yeah, I know! Wow, I love this place, what a great holiday, Boone!"

"Yeah, um, holiday. Yeah it's great--" he was cut off as Shannon rounded on Sayid.

"Heyyy, I know you! You're that guy...you know...that guy," she looked to Boone for help.

"Yeah, that guy," Boone agreed and nodded, moving towards her. "We should probably go back up to my tent, Shan."

Sayid stared at her in shock, "Shannon, what's wrong?"

"Wrong? Nothing's wrong!" she squeaked and started spinning in circles, "I love this place! Oh, and I love Sawyer!"

Both Sayid and Boone shuddered at that statement, but it gave Boone the idea that Shannon hoped it would, and when Sayid asked him, "What is going on?" he had an answer.

"Sawyer." He said simply. "Gave her some alcohol from the plane. She's drunk."

"Sawyer has alcohol?" Sayid asked suspiciously as Shannon spun around and around behind him.

"Oh, yeah, loads," Boone rolled his eyes. Shannon collapsed on the ground, and pretended to pass out. Sayid crouched over her.

"Shannon, are you okay? Shannon?" he tapped her cheek softly.

Boone gently pushed him out of the way, "Don't worry about it. Look, trust me, I'm an expert on taking care of her while she's drunk, just go back to whatever you were doing, she'll be fine." Boone gathered up Shannon in his arms and started to walk away.

"Boone!" Sayid called after him, "Why was she drinking, anyway?"

Boone thought fast, "Raging alcoholic!" he yelled over his shoulder as he made his way up the beach.

Shannon opened her eyes and hit him again on the chest, "Asshole."

He shrugged, "Don't bite the hand that feeds you, Shan."

"You're not feeding me."

"No, but I'm carrying you." He pointed out.

She shut her mouth, then opened it again and pouted; "God, did you have to say that? Now he's gonna be all, 'Oh, Shannon, I can help you get over your habit,' blah blah blah."

Boone shrugged again, "That's not my problem."

"I could make it your problem."

"No, you couldn't."

She pouted, because he was right again, and he said it all in such an obvious tone.

They fell into silence, something that was not uncommon lately, until he said in a humble tone, "You're a really good actress, Shan."

She waved it off, "Practice."

"Yeah, well, I'm not denying that, but still...it was a good idea."

"Being drunk comes naturally," she grinned up at him, then dropped her gaze and realized that she was in his arms. In. His. ARMS. In Boone's arms. And her head was against his chest and she could hear his heart beating, feel him breathing, smell his distinct Boone-smell that wasn't soap and aftershave anymore but now smokey and grass-stained. Her eyes widened. He was so close. Too close. "You can put me down now," she whispered, and he looked down at her, then over his shoulder to make sure Sayid was nowhere near, and then did so, laying her down on the wet sand and sitting next to her. For some reason, she forgot her need to not touch him and rested her head in his lap.

"So, what do you think, big brother?" she winced as that slipped out. She had to stop calling him that, but then it was one of her best nicknames for him, coz it got him squirming. But she couldn't keep shoving the fact that they were legally related into his face if she wanted him to know that she loved him. But maybe she didnt want him to know, wasn't it best to just act normal? Screw normal, she'd already blown that. God, why did this all sound so much like high school?

So that meant she needed to get some new nicknames. Maybe she should go back to Captain America.

She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn't feel his identical wince, and almost missed his lazy reply, "About what?"

She knew that the topic was stupid of her, she knew but she couldn't stop what had already started, "About...Sayid," she sighed despondently.

She felt him shrug, "Uh, he's your new boytoy?"

Her body tensed, "Don't, Boone." He started to protest but she cut him off, "Look, this is nice, right? I don't want to waste tonight arguing with you."

"Okay," he said, slightly confused. He skipped a beat, "But he is your boytoy, right?"

"No, Boone," she rolled her eyes even though he couldn't really see them, "He's just a...just a friend, I guess." He opened his mouth and she said quickly, "I know we kissed, but I don't want anything with him. I told him I did, though, I think...I thought that I wanted a new start. Your buddy Locke made me think I did. But now I'm starting to see sense. But, um...I think he likes me, though."

"You think he--you think he--" Boone sputtered disbelievingly, "Shannon, I cant believe how oblivious you are, of course he damn well likes you! Did you leave him much choice? Ever since we crashed, you've been parading around in skimpy skirts, tanning topless, I swear, Shan...you really led this one on, if he's not even gonna get a pity fuck like I d--" he cut himself off and looked at his hands, ashamed.

I wore the skirts and went topless for you, she thought sadly, when what he'd said had sank in and she sat up, so she was facing him. Well, facing the top of his head, his face was buried in his shirt somewhere, and he was avoiding her gaze furiously. "Is that what--Boone! Look at me," he refused and she tilted his head up. She searched his eyes, "God, Boone, I can't beleive you'd think that...listen to me," she pushed his head back to face hers as his eyes had wandered away again shamefully. "God, don't be ashamed. It--it wasn't a pity fuck, okay?"

It was her turn to look away while he stared her down, "What?" he asked, his throat dry. "No Shan, it was, don't lie to m--"

"Boone, you know me better than anyone, you know I'm not lying," she said softly. He shook his head and she nodded, "I wanted it, too. I just, I don't know, but I know I'm...I'm sorry. Not because of what happened," she said quickly, "but because I made you feel this way. I never meant to, I--" she cut herself off and stood up, "Shit," she muttered, turning and walking away.

He sat in the sand, completely bewildered by what she'd said and that she was now not sitting with him.

Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
Don't be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again
I don't want to run away from this
I know that I just don't need this

She found herself outside his shelter, her hands resting on the hem of her skirt, a sheepish look on her face. She had no idea why she was here, but she guessed it was just her second nature to go to whatever seemed like Boone's home.

She shook her head at her thoughts, he wasn't even in there, she'd only just left him on the beach. She felt like she'd be invading his privacy if she went inside without him there.

Shannon looked up and down the beach. It couldn't have been an hour after sundown, yet the only light on the beach was coming from the sticks of fire strategically placed around it. All around her was a flurry of movement, and she scanned the castaways for any sight of Sayid. She thought she was good till she saw him sitting outside his shelter, a moping expression on his face. She pondered whether she should go talk to him, admit that she hadn't been drunk...or go into Boone's tent, think about how she'd changed lately, maybe go to sleep...

The second option sure sounded more promising.

She sighed, wouldn't talking to him be the right thing to do? The less-selfish thing to do? She'd certainly been acting less selfish lately, and if she went and talked to Sayid, wouldn't she be actually proving that she'd changed?

But who was she trying to prove that to? Herself? Sayid? Boone? It wouldn't make a bit of difference to herself if she acted selfless right now, she decided. Sure, she figured that if she wanted Sayid, she'd have to be selfless. But did she really want him?

And to prove to Boone that she wasn't selfish, she'd have to act that way towards him. Not Sayid; that would just get him pissed off. Or would it? No, she came to the conclusion, it wouldn't, but it would just make him avoid her again.

And she was tired of being avoided.

She slipped into Boone's tent before Sayid noticed her presence. Sighing, she slid herself into a seating position on his makeshift bed. She dropped her head into her hand and tried to figure out why she was being like this. Why she felt so different about him. Why she had changed.

She hated this change. She hated that she didn't even notice it coming until it had really, really happened. She hated that after all the years she spent knowing that her stepbrother was in love with her, she'd become more like him just because they spent a few weeks crashed on an island. She hated that the island had changed her. She hated that finally, his love had changed her. She hated that she didn't really mind.

But most of all she hated that he probably didn't care anymore. She felt so unloved, for once in her life, she felt unloved by him. Two months ago she would have laughed at the thought. She felt like she'd missed her chance, because he'd been in love with her and now she was finally ready to admit that she could return that, and what, he just didn't care about her now? Who came up with that?

It was twisted, and stupid, and she was pissed. She blamed Locke.

But then she realized that that accusation was stupid, too. Because she was the one who'd pushed Boone away.

God, why did it have to happen like this? she thought as she lay back on his 'bed'. She made it through her parents dying, she made it through Sabrina, she made it through living with a stepbrother who was in love with her. She'd even begun to deal with being stranded on a fucking island. But why, for the love of God why, did it have to be now that she realized her feelings for Boone? He hated her now, or so she thought, and besides that everyone thought he was her brother. And Sayid only made matters worse.

This was probably just payback for all the bad things she'd done; the scamming, the sinning...the hurtful way she'd chosen to live her life. Only thing was, no one really ever noticed that she'd always been hurting, too. She thought that Boone knew, she really thought he'd understood, but if he was so willing to let go of her, just like that, because his little boyfriend told him to, then maybe he'd never known her at all. Or maybe, he'd just thought that since the abusive guys were fake, her feelings were too.

Damn it. He'd probably never trust her again.

Sawyer was right. She had dug her own grave. In more ways than one.

Maybe she should just accept her fate and go be with Sayid. Where was the point in trying for Boone? She could settle for Sayid and pretend to be happy, after all she'd been doing that most of her life.

Damn this bet-type thing she had with Claire. What in the hell was she supposed to do tomorrow? She couldn't really act on anything with Boone...right?

Shannon curled up in the fetal position, and fell asleep thinking of how much she hated her life.

Boone didn't move from his seat in the sand for a long time after Shannon had left him. He just did not understand anymore.

Locke kept telling him to let go. That vision was supposed to make him hate Shannon...God, what was wrong with him? Why couldn't he hate her? Why didn't he want her to burn in hell? Why did he not even care that she was a bitch, why did he let her walk all over him? What in the hell was wrong with him?

It was easy, at first. Letting go. Because she was hanging off of Sayid, all singing and smiles. And yeah, he couldn't stand it, but she made it easier. He should have realized that nothing was ever easy with Shannon.

He didn't get her lately. She was like a completely different person. He understood Shannon when she was a bitch, he could read into that and know what she was really thinking. But now, she just seemed so uncertain, that he didn't have a clue.

This stuff with Sayid and Sawyer--what was that? She had started this whole thing, and to him it seemed like such a big...love triangle, or something, that she wanted Sawyer to sort out. And that would actually make sense to him, if he wasn't involved. It was almost as though she liked him or something, but no, that was impossible.

As impossible as being stranded on a desert island? a small voice in his head asked.

Ye-es, he replied testily, then caught himself. Wait a minute, that didn't make sense.

Okay, so what, he reasoned with himself. They were in a compromising situation which had forced Shannon to change. Probably for Sayid, how would Boone know? The only thing that really puzzled him was how she was acting around him, Boone. How he was even involved in the Sawyer stuff. It made no sense to him, and he didn't think he'd ever get answers.

He sighed, stood up, and brushed the sand off his jeans. He made his way up the beach, the castaways thinning out now, most of them gone 'home' to their shelters or just sitting around quietly. Like, Boone saw, Sayid was doing. He almost felt sorry for the guy. Almost. But hey, he thought, you haven't really lived unless you've been scammed by Shannon Rutherford in some way.

Boone shook his head to clear his thoughts of Shannon and Sayid, and wearily entered his shelter. He got into his 'bed' without looking and let out a cry of surprise as he felt someone laying there, asleep. "What the hell!" he yelled somewhat quietly.

Shannon sat up, rubbing one eye. She yawned, "The fuck is going on, asshat? I was sleeping."

"I noticed, Goldilocks, that's my bed," he slid away from her, but maintained his stare.

"Don't try and sound like Sawyer, with the nicknames, it doesn't suit you," she rolled her eyes, more awake.

"Oh, right, my place is as the doormat, sorry, I forgot that one," he glared at her, "Don't see how I could, though, since it's all I've ever been."

She was fully awake now, and glared back at him, "Oh, right, so is this the part where you get all self-deprecating?"

"Look who learned a new word."

"Wow, that was really funny, asshole. Why don't you just go back to your boyfriend, I'm sure he's wondering where you are, you sure you didn't miss a playdate?"

"Why don't you go back to yours! Did you happen to forget that this is my bed?"

Her glare faded, "I'm sorry, I just--I don't know. But I didn't want to go back to my shelter, um, Sayid would have seen me--"

He sighed, deflated, "Yeah, that's the only reason why you'd be here."

"What do you mean?" she asked, confused.

"It would have something to do with some other guy...it always has, you never just want to see me."

She looked down, "Maybe I do. Maybe I just can't tell you."

"Maybe I'm not falling for your bullshit any more."

Normally she would have started yelling at that, instead she gave him a sad look, "I know...You don't care any more, either."

He made an annoyed sound, "Will you quit saying that? Telling me how I feel? You don't know, okay, Shannon? You don't know what it's like."

His voice was steadily growing louder, but hers was hushed, "What's it like, Boone?"

He opened his mouth to tell her, but changed his mind. "Don't worry," he growled. "Now are you gonna get out of here so I can go to sleep?"

She sighed, climbing out of his bed and out of his way, "Is Sayid still out there?"

"Yeah," Boone rearranged what little cover he had around himself then looked up at her helpless expression. "You don't want to go out there all sober, right?" When she didn't reply, he rolled his eyes and lifted a cornre of his thin blanket, "Get in." And feeling like a small child, she did, assuming the position on his chest of the previous night when she'd gone to him.

"Boone," she whispered, "You going to Locke tomorrow?"

"Don't think so," he mumbled, his voice husky. "Night, Shan."

"Goodnight," she smiled, slightly happier that he sounded like the old Boone that she remembered, at least in that last sentence. Maybe things will be clearer, easier, in the morning, she thought.

A/N: Hey, I finished it...finally...God, that feels like it took forever. I just watched "Numbers" again, which I guess should explain why I did the 'timeline' at the top.

Nothing much happened this chapter, it was really just a filler (although I think I really packed too much into one day to give it four chapters), I needed to give them a chapter that was just what they thought, because that sets up the next one...which I really want to get out, so pleeease review!

And I just realized there wasn't any Sawyer, or Kate, or Claire or anyone else in here. Oops. Next chapter, I guess.

Hey, anyone know the name of Shannon's dad? They haven't told us, right?.