Disclaimer: If anyone actually thought I owned Lost, I suggest they take a close look at Abandoned. Yeah, didn't think so.
AN: I'm sorry for the wait, hope everyone hasn't given up on me. This chapter needed major work and I didn't have time. Please review, because if you guys think it was too bad then I'll scrap this chapter and start again.
Chapter Seven - Fading
Let me feel one more time
What it feels like to feel
And break these calluses off of me
One more time
Oh I don't want a thing from you
Bet you're tired of me waiting for
The scraps to fall off of your table to the ground
Cause I just wanna be here now
"Breathing" - Lifehouse
She felt his tongue swirling inside her mouth, his hands roaming over her back, under her shirt. She moaned a little in his mouth. She'd been thinking about this lately, she just wanted to feel him again.
He'd kissed her. That meant he still wanted her, right? She was still so confused. She had a feeling that this time would be just like the last, they'd forget about it. Except this time, she thought that he'd be the one walking away. She wished everything wasn't so complicated.
She stopped thinking and decided to just start feeling. His fingers threaded through her hair, his lips sucking hers. She reached up and braided her fingers through his hair before running them down his back. She slipped her tongue back up into his mouth.
After a few seconds he pulled away. "Are you sure you want to do this?" he panted slightly.
She smiled, "Yeah, are you?"
He gave her an incredulous look, "Do you think anyone'll come back? Looking for us?"
"Boone, we've ran away from the last place anyone saw us." She paused. "Besides, who cares if they do? They'll get a show, huh?"
He blushed and she grinned, slidng down his chest and unbuckling his belt.
Kate frowned, "So it was all just a scam, basically, to get Shannon and Boone together?"
Sawyer shifted uncomfortably, "Not exactly," he finally answered. "I was tryin' to help 'em get through their issues, like I said."
"Oh," she paused. "Why?"
They'd gone back to the beach after leaving Sayid with Shannon and Boone. Sawyer had refused to tell her the story till they were comfortably sitting in his shelter. Then he'd poured out everything, leaving Kate figuring it out.
He sighed, leaning back in his seat. "Not really sure, Freckles. Sticks needed a friend."
"So you--you of all people--chose to be that friend?" Kate interupted. "I don't believe it."
"Christ, why is it so damn hard for y'all to believe that I can be nice?" Sawyer cried, sounding frustrated but a smile was playing on his lips.
Kate shook her head, "Do I really need to answer that question? We're talking about the same girl that you would have let suffocate if I didn't kiss you. And you led us all on thinking you had her medicine when you didn't. You're the one who's acted the bad ass jerk ever since we crashed, and you expect anyone to believe that now, you wanna help people, when there's nothing in it for you?"
Sawyer shrugged, "Yeah? Hell, Freckles, we gotta live together, right? That's becomin' more an' more obvious, with the lack of rescue boats an' ev'rythin'. Might as well help out those who ask me. Not like many do." He paused, "And I felt sorry for the girl. Bein' in love with her stepbrother must be tough."
Kate frowned again, "Are you sure that's it? That she is in love with him?" Sawyer shrugged again. "I just, I don't know, it seems too unreal. Don't you think?"
"Not really. Why are ya thinkin' this?"
Kate sighed, "Look at how she acted around him, like she hated him. It just seems to me that since he's been hanging out with Locke, she just wants his attention again."
Sawyer shook his head, "She's been different, Freckles. You haven't seen it, but I have."
"Okay," Kate said slowly. "Why did you bother making up Madison? Why didn't you just tell me, straight out?"
"I wanted your help. I thought if you knew how Sticks actually felt, you'd refuse."
"Why did you want my help, anyway? Now that I think about it, why did we help them? It's not productive in any way--we go from hunting boar to playing matchmaker."
Sawyer grinned lazily, "Well, I thought you only got involved cause you were desperate to spend some time with me."
Kate looked away, biting her lip. "Likewise, you only wanted to spend time with me." She stared back at him, as if daring him to disagree, but his grin only widened.
"Aw shucks, look at you Freckles, you're all with the figuring it out, aren't ya?" he teased. She rolled her eyes.
She finally undid his belt and he grabbed her hands, pulling her back up and kissing her again. He flipped them both over so he was on top of her, her back grinding into the dirt. She pushed him up a little so he wouldn't crush her and deepened the kiss, massaging his tongue with hers.
She ran her fingers through his hair, and he rolled them over again so that she was on top again. What the fuck, she thought foggily before forgetting the pointlessness of his actions and releasing his lips to press hers against his neck, which she started sucking gently. "Shan," he moaned softly, grabbing the hem of her shirt and pulling it over her head, proceeding to undo her bra. She pushed her lips onto his again, interrupting this as she slid his shirt off. He ran his hands over her bare chest as she went back to taking off his pants.
Sawyer looked out over the beach, "So, Freckles, while we're bein' honest...why aren't ya hangin' around Doctor Jackass?"
"I don't really know," Kate said slowly, "I guess it's like I told you before...it's getting boring up at the caves. There's nothing to do. I've been talking to Sun, but she's upset about Jin and I can't really comfort her. So, other than talk to Sun my other choices are either Jack or you, or Sayid. Sayid's been preoccupied with Shannon and Jack's got something on his mind...no doubt the raft...so for now, my best option is you."
Sawyer grinned, "I'm gonna take that as a compliment."
Kate rolled her eyes, "Take it however you want to--"
"Kate? What are you doing up here?" Jack's voice interrupted. Kate and Sawyer both looked up to see him walking over to Sawyer's shelter with Sayid in tow. "Sun's been looking for you, and, so have I."
Kate smiled at him, "Really? I'm sorry, I've just been talking to Sawyer pretty much all day, must have lost track of time."
"No need to apologise, Freckles," Sawyer muttered.
Jack glared at him, "What's he not giving you now?" he asked with a sigh.
"Nothing," Kate said, one hand on her hip. "We've had a pretty good day, right Sawyer?"
"Any day with you's a good day, sweet cheeks," Sawyer grinned and Jack scowled, which just made him smile more.
"Well, just as long as you're safe...and you're not suffering too much harrassment from Sawyer..."
"I'm fine, Jack," Kate gave him another smile.
Sayid moved uncomfortably from his stance behind Jack, and Sawyer finally acknowledged him."Heya Arabian Princess, what are ya doin' up here with Wacko Jacko?"
"Sorry, Sayid, didn't see you there," Kate apologised.
"Don't mention it, Kate," Sayid smiled at her, "And I'm flattered that I have another new nickname, Sawyer."
"Sayid actually wanted to talk to the both of you, give you a progress report for something," Jack looked over at Sayid curiously.
"That don't explain why I had to see Doctor Nick," Sawyer muttered.
"Doctor Nick?" Jack shook his head, confused.
"Ain't you ever seen The Simpsons, doc?" Sawyer smirked in disbelief.
"Anyway," Jack looked away from Sawyer, whohe thoughtwasn't talking sense, "I had to talk to Sayid about a battery for the raft--"
"--I still refuse, Jack,I cannot allow you to compromise the safety of--"
"--and so that led us here. Believe me, Sawyer, I didn't wanna see your ugly mug today either."
"My ugly mug?" Sawyer chuckled, "That the best you got, doc?"
Jack frowned, and decided to just ignore him. "Sayid? Progress report?"
"Oh," he looked at Kate and Sawyer, "Your plan, I suppose it worked. I know about their background now. I left her with him."
"Wait--what?" Kate sputtered, "What do you mean?"
"She said she couldn't be with me any more," Sayid shrugged. "We did what was best...but I don't know what's happening with them both now."
"They're still not back," Kate started.
"Which means they're takin' my advice!" Sawyer cried.
"Which was?" Kate asked in a wary tone.
"They're gettin' it on in the Jungle of Mysteries." Sawyer clasped his hands over his stomach while Sayid and Kate grimaced.
"Still getting used to the idea over here, Sawyer," Kate pointed out.
"Who are we talking about?" Jack finally asked, sounding annoyed.
Sayid, Sawyer, and Kate looked at him. "...Shannon and Boone," Sayid answered.
He kept kissing her but held her hands so she couldn't get his pants off. They struggled a little, until she broke the kiss. "What the hell, Boone?" She asked, her expression and tone unreadable.
"We can't - we can't do this," he said slowly, his breath hitching.
She rolled her eyes, hoping that she wasn't feeling hurt and trying to hide it if she was. "And you mean what by that?"
"Us, this, it can't happen, we can't -" he caught himself and took a breath, "We aren't supposed to -"
She crawled off of him and grabbed her shirt, holding it over her chest. She scowled at him, "'We aren't supposed to'?" She mimicked. "We aren't fucking supposed to? Since when? Who says?"
He sat up when she did, running a hand through his hair, a confused expression on his face. "This isn't right," he muttered to himself, "Not - not now, not when I -"
"What the hell are you talking about?" she snapped, pulling her shirt back over her head.
"Why are you so pissed off?" he suddenly cried, standing up. She sighed and did the same. "All you do is use me, anyway! Christ, Shan, I'd understand if you just wanted to get laid but there are plenty of guys on this island who'd love to do you, if they haven't already -"
She glared at him, "Shut up, idiot. Fucking listen to yourself, what the hell is wrong with you?"
He blinked at her, seemingly calm. "Sorry, Shan," he said finally. "I just - I'm..." he shook his head. "Confused."
"Yeah well, so am I, but you don't see me flipping out on you."
He ran his hands through his hair again, "Yeah, but - you don't understand..." he trailed off.
She waited for an explanation but when it became evident she'd get none she sighed again, "So what now?"
He looked up at her, as if realizing something. "I have to go." He turned and bent over, picked up his shirt, and pulled it over his head.
"What?" she cried, grabbing his arm and making him face her. "Why? What the fuck has gotten into you?"
"I - I'm sorry Shan," he said again, "This just - wasn't supposed to happen. And now I gotta go talk to someone."
"Who? Your girlfriend?" she sneered, dropping his arm.
He shook his head, "No," he smiled a little, and started to turn to walk away.
"Oh, so it's your boyfriend, then?" she asked in a mocking tone.
He faced her again, another half smile on his face, "No, Shan," he walked back over to her and gave her a chaste kiss on the cheek. "We have to talk later, okay?"
"Why can't we talk now?" she crossed her arms over her chest.
"I gotta see someone. Like I told you."
"Boone--" she started but he turned away.
"Later, okay?" he called over his shoulder.
She stared at his retreating back, helpless and a little angry. She turned away, feeling angrier by the second. "Ugh," she muttered, knocking her fist against a tree trunk. She hated that he left her and she hated that she cared.
Shannon sighed, leaning her back against the tree, and looked up at the stretch of sky through the treetops. A bird flew above them and she suddenly felt very small. Where the hell was she, anyway?
Jack stared blankly back at Sayid, "What?" his expression changed and he laughed a little, "Okay. Who were you really talking about?"
Sawyer shook his head, grinning at Jack's apparent stupidity. Kate rolled her eyes at Sawyer and Sayid sighed at the behavior of them both. Kate realized that neither Sayid nor Sawyer were correcting Jack so she decided to. "He wasn't kidding, Jack. We're talking about Shannon and Boo--"
"But they're brother and sister," Jack interrupted, "Are you telling me that Boone's sleeping with his sister?"
"Nope," Sawyer answered lazily. Jack opened his mouth furiously but Sawyer continued, "Calm down, Jacky. They ain't related."
Jack blinked in confusion, "But--but they've both said..."
"I know," Kate said gently, "But they're not. Apparently, Boone's mother married Shannon's father twelve years ago."
"And not too long ago, Sticks' daddy died. So they ain't even legally related no more."
Jack furrowed his eyebrows, "But why would they lie to us?"
Kate shrugged, "Who knows? They've got this big, 'I hate you, I love you' thing going on. I guess now we're just stuck in the middle."
Jack was still trying to comprehend it, "So how do we know this?"
"Well, see, Sticks came an' told me their story--" Sawyer started.
"Wait, wait," Jack said, smiling a cocky grin, like he thought this was a dream or something. "Shannon? Shannon came to you and willingly told you...well, anything?"
"Yes," Sawyer said testily, seemingly unwilling to tell Jack any more.
Jack was looking confused again, "I'm not buying it, Sawyer."
Sawyer sighed, "'Course you're not. Look, I don't have ta justify myself or anyone else's actions to you, doc," he said in a kind of snarl, then calmed down a little, "Person'lly, I think you're just pissed 'cause someone didn't tell the great hero their information."
Jack stared at him, then shook his head, "Shut up, Sawyer," he snapped, and turned and walked out of Sawyer's shelter. Kate sighed and followed him.
Sayid looked over at Sawyer, "I don't know why you did it. But I am glad, in a way, that I now know the truth."
"What are you tryin' to say, Ali?" Sawyer rubbed his forehead, not surprised to find another headache starting up. "Are you flirtin' with me?" He asked sarcastically.
Sayid sighed, but tried to smile at the same time. It came out as more of a grimace. "What I'm saying, is, thank you, Sawyer." He gave another small smile, and left the shelter, too.
Sawyer glared after him, and pressed his hand against his head.
Boone stepped around another few trees and saw Locke talking to Claire. They both looked up when they noticed him. Claire stood up. "I need to go...talk to Charlie," she mumbled, and with her hand holding up her stomach, she stumbled through the trees.
Locke wiped his hands on his pants, "What can I do for you, Boone?"
Boone sank down onto a log, and put his head in his hands, then took a deep breath and looked up at Locke. "I was letting go of Shannon. I was doing it, John. But I've really screwed it up now."
Locke gave him a questioning look, "What's happened?"
"I--I just--I've done the opposite...opposite of letting go of her, I nearly destroyed everything...and now she thinks, God, I don't know what she thinks. I just left her. And, I don't - I don't know. I don't think I want to let go any more, John. She doesn't want me to. She's different now."
"Boone," Locke sighed, sitting next to him on the log. "Are you sure about this? Are you sure she's really changed? Have you thought this through?"
Boone shook his head. "No. It was really kind of...uh...spontaneous."
Locke sighed again, "See, Boone, on this island, everyone gets a second chance. Now, I don't know much about what you're going through, relationships or siblings or otherwise, but I do know this--when you had that vision, you were not happy with Shannon. The survival on this island of you both depends on you letting go. Being with Shannon will bring nothing but misery. You saw her with Sayid. She's happy with him. She's still dependant on you but this is only because you're her last tie to civilization, to what she knows. Soon she'll grow to be completely reliant on her new ties, most of all Sayid. And you'll be forgotten. Rather than get hurt then, why don't you just let go now? Save yourself the heartache. And as your vision told you, not letting go could led to the death of either one of you. I know it may seem drastic, but..."
"No, John, I get it," Boone nodded. "She'll be happier without me weighing her down." He turned and started to walk back to the beach.
"When you get to the beach, tell Claire she's welcome back whenever she feels like it," Locke called after him.
"Will do," Boone said over his shoulder.
"Where the hell am I?" Shannon asked herself, poking through the trees. She sighed; she'd been walking around for a while now, and it must be afternoon, she figured, because the sun was lower in the sky.
She hadn't noticed the sun before, now that she saw it she knew which way the beach was in, because of the direction and position of the sun when she'd been tanning. She grinned, Boone had thought it was stupid of her to spend her days sun baking, but now that was what would lead her back.
She grew angrier thinking of Boone. How could he just leave her here, in the middle of nowhere? How was she supposed to find her way back? According to him, she didn't know anything about tracking. She could have been eaten by a polar bear or something...
She shook her head, trying to shove down her anger, and headed in the direction of the sun.
Jack and Kate were standing at the edge of where the trees met the beach. Kate had finally caught up to him after he'd stormed out of Sawyer's shelter.
She sighed and placed a hand on Jack's arm, "What's wrong, Jack?"
"It's nothing, Kate," he said, shaking his head. They paused. "Are you going to be at the caves with me tomorrow?"
"Do you want me there?" she asked with a smile.
He smiled too, and gave her a small nod, "Yeah, I think - " he was interrupted by someone bursting out of the trees right behind them. Jack hurried towards them, Kate followed quickly.
"Shannon?" Jack asked.
She rolled her eyes, "Who does it look like?" she asked, her throat dry.
"I'll get you some water," Kate said, hurrying away.
Jack felt Shannon's forehead. She swatted his hand away. "I'm fine, Jack. I was just a little lost, but I found my way back alright. I followed the sun."
Jack grinned slightly, "Um, good work then, I guess." Kate came running back with the water.
"Here you are, Shannon."
Shannon sighed, "Thanks," she said, taking a sip.
"So, um...where's Boone?" Kate asked tentatively.
Shannon flushed, "How should I know? He left me out there, okay?"
"Why'd he do that?" Kate asked. "Did you two--"
"We didn't do anything," Shannon snapped.
Jack glanced over at Kate, "I hate to say it, but I think Sawyer might have been right."
"Right? Right about what?" Shannon asked quickly, looking between the both of them.
Kate cleared her throat, "Um...Shannon, we know about you and Boone."
"What about us?" Shannon crossed her arms over her chest, "You don't know anything."
"Yes, we do," Jack insisted, "Sawyer told us."
"Well, he told me," Kate added immediately, "Sayid and I told Jack."
Shannon colored, "So, you guys know...everything?" She asked weakly.
"Everything? No, I only know that you two aren't related," Jack said, confused. "And that you guys have some sort of relationship problem."
"Sawyer didn't tell me everything," Kate said, "Just, um, Sydney, and some other stuff."
"Oh," Shannon sounded deflated.
"We won't tell anyone, Shannon," Jack said gently, "Not if you don't want us to."
"Okay," she said in a small voice. "Thanks. I'm just gonna go to my shelter now." Jack and Kate nodded, and Shannon traipsed over the sand, shaking her head. How could Sawyer and Sayid just tell them? She didn't want anyone to know.
She reached her shelter. A corner off the plastic had fallen down. She sighed, picked up the plastic, and tied the rope around the stick again, remembering the last time she'd done so, just the other day. Sayid was smiling down on her and complimenting her, and she'd felt somewhat happy. That was before everything changed. Before she was so confused.
She'd lost everything with Boone. There was something wrong between them - something even more wrong than the obvious - and she wasn't sure she wanted to found out what it was.
She carefully lifted up the corner of her tent and slid inside, laying down on her 'bed'. She shook her head, tired, angry, and confused.
Maybe it would be easier if she just got with Sayid, if she just sorted things out with him, and forgot about her stupid prick of a stepbrother.
She shuddered slightly, she didn't want that, she wanted Boone, but she was still pissed at him for just leaving her in the middle of nowhere.
She made a small, disgusted noise. They were stuck on an island, under pretty dire circumstances, and the most pressing matter on her mind was who she should sleep with.
That was pathetic.
She suddenly didn't feel so tired any more, and remembered that she had to meet Claire, and she still hadn't really talked to Boone. She rolled her eyes, hoisted herself up, and left her shelter, heading towards his.
Jack helped Kate step around a low tree branch, they were making their way over to the caves. "You think she's okay?"
"Who?" Kate asked, pulling a twig out of her hair. "Shannon?"
Jack nodded. "I just--she seemed pretty upset--maybe I should go back, see if--"
Kate gave him a look and said gently, "You don't have to protect everyone, you know. I'm sure she's able to cope on her own for now."
Jack sighed, "You're right, it's just that, I'm the doctor, you know? If she's got heat stroke or something from being in the sun all day, without water..."
Kate smiled at him gently, "She used to spend every second of the day tanning, I'm sure she's used to the sun." Jack opened his mouth to protest again, but she said quickly, "And if what's on her mind gets to be too much, she'll tell Sawyer."
Jack made a face, but sighed again, "I know." He paused. "Are you sure we shouldn't go back?"
Kate smiled again, "Come on, Jack," she said, her hand on his back as she led him.
Shannon reached Boone's tent. "Boone?" She called softly, tentatively.
The plastic in front of her shifted and he appeared, giving her a small, indifferent smile that she didn't like. He stepped aside to let her in, and they stood opposite each other, somewhat uncomfortable.
She stepped closer to him, suddenly overcome by anger at being left in the jungle alone, and slapped him hard across the cheek.
"Christ, Shannon!" He cried, grabbing his face. "What the - "
"What the fuck was that, asshole?" she hissed, his reddening cheek only angering her further, "You just leave me all by my fucking self? I could have been killed by whatever the hell it is knocking down the trees, and you don't even give a fuck because you have to see your precious boyfriend! But then, I guess you wouldn't have really been much help if we were attacked, you couldn't fight your way out of a crowd at one of your stupid marches let alone anything real, I guess that's why you left me, huh Boone? You're just a fucking pussy."
"First of all Shannon there's alot of shit you don't know about me now, alot I can do that you don't know about - "
"Don't want to hear about your techniques on your boyfriend thank you very much - "
"God Shannon you know what I mean, I've learnt to - "
"What? Grow some balls? I doubt it." She crossed her arms over her chest.
"Jesus, Shannon, I could say the same to you. How long have we been on this island now? And you're pissed I left you alone? If it had been Kate out there, she would have been fine - "
"Guess what? I'm not fucking Kate, asshole. I'm your sister! You're supposed to actually care about me - "
"See that's just it, isn't it Shannon," he interrupted her again. "If you're my sister, why are you so pissed that I left you before we could sleep together?"
"Uh, hello, Mr Cocky, I'm pissed because you left me to die!" She yelled, her hands on her hips.
"Yeah, sure, Shannon," he smirked, arms crossed, studying her.
"God, you're an ass," she hissed. "Are you going to actually tell me why you just freaking left?"
He sighed, the arrogant smirk gone, "I can't do this."
Her anger slowly melted into confusion, and she blinked, trying to comprehend his meaning but couldn't. She shook her head at him to continue.
"This. Us. We can't do anything, Shannon. Be anything. You'll be happier without me." He really sounded like he believed what he was saying.
"Do I look happy now?" she snapped.
"You will be. You were happy with Sayid, so - "
"Yeah, but thanks to you, shithead, he's not interested any more, is he?"
"I don't see how that's my fault. But it's beside the point, go screw Sawyer or someone, there are plenty of guys on this island Shannon, why me?"
She glared at him, "To tell you the truth I have no fucking idea, you were a fun toy in Sydney but I guess Locke's broken you now."
He frowned, "What, just like how you're a fun toy to every male here? Everyone knows you're the slut here, you just make it even more obvious what with your prancing around in tiny skirts and sunbaking topless. Drooling over Sayid was more than a little pathetic, though."
"Shut the fuck up Boone, you're talking shit. I'm not in the mood for your mind games."
He gave a hollow chuckle, "My mind games? What the hell happened in Sydney, Shannon? I guess you've just shown how incapable of actually loving anyone you really are, and because of that you'll never be loved, and you deserve it, you bitch."
She slapped him again on the same cheek and even though her heart wasn't really in it a small welt was beginning to show. She felt slight remorse but hid it from him as she stormed out of his tent. The minute her back was turned he collapsed onto his bed, his head in his hands, but she didn't see. She leant against a tree as soon as she was far enough away from him, panting a little. He couldn't have meant that. She felt the tears prick at her eyes but she ignored them. Still, the small thought that wouldn't go away escaped her in a whisper, "He was supposed to love me."
She took a few minutes to compose herself, because she remembered that she still had to meet Claire.
"I didn't really do it, Shannon," Claire confessed as they sat in the sand. "I told him I liked him but I didn't say what as. We're very definitely friends, though." She said in a bubbly voice, smiling.
Shannon forced out a tight smile, "That's okay, Claire."
"And you?" Claire asked.
"Well...we kissed," she said shyly, not used to giving away information about herself and Boone. Not that Claire knew who she was talking about.
Claire grinned, "Well, that's more than Charlie and I."
"Yeah, but, we also had a fight. I wouldn't be surprised if he hated me."
"Oh come on," Claire scoffed, "You have fights with Boone all the time, surely you can handle this?"
Shannon squinted at the other woman, slightly suspicious, then shook her head, "It's different," she said in a small voice, shrugging.
Claire nodded. "It's okay. I get it." They sat in silence. "So I guess we both lost the bet," Claire said blandly.
"I guess so," Shannon agreed without emotion. They looked at each other.
"It was a dumb idea," Claire said with a smile.
Shannon shrugged, "So just forget about it?"
"Yeah. But we do have to try to fix things up. Especially you. Okay?"
Shannon nodded, "Deal."
AN: I'm planning to concentrate on Boone in chapter nine. Plus I'm pulling back on the secondary couples just because I want them to fit in with the show.
Oh, and thanks goes to Marielle (msmith4815), because if she hadn't got me thinking that it's been a while between updates this never would have been out. In case you guys haven't guessed, I'm really insecure about this chapter especially, it feels wrong. Please tell me what you think.