Disclaimer: See chapter 01 for full disclaimer.
Millions of thanks to my betas Jade, Alice and Joel!
Chap. 40 – OF THINGS LEFT UNSAID
Draco felt the hand on his shoulder a block before entering his building. He jumped away from it, whirling around with his wand at the ready. His heart was beating several miles per hour with the thought that it might be one of Harry's crazy fans, a homophobic maniac, or – he shivered violently – the person threatening him.
But it was none of those. It was just Bill Weasley wearing a long black leather jacket, a tight white shirt underneath it and dragon boots that Draco had given him before everything fell apart.
"Bill!" Draco exclaimed with his hand on his chest, but all the same relieved to see his ex-boyfriend.
"I'm sorry if I've scared you," said Bill with the hoarse voice that Draco had learned to adore.
Seeing Bill while he was feeling so lonely awakened the part of his heart that had really cheered for their relationship to work out. The redhead looked so handsome and elegant. And not at all depressed, which annoyed Draco a little. Draco gulped and held the urge to embrace his ex-boyfriend tightly. That silly action would lead to things he preferred not to think about, like a passionate 'hello' and a 'I miss you' kiss followed by a night of very satisfying sex in his bed.
Draco felt mortified by his train of thoughts. He loved Harry; there were no mistakes about that anymore. But even though his heart belonged to the Golden Boy, his body still remembered Bill and missed him… especially now that he was alone. He frowned with disgust at the weakness of his body. He could almost hear Harry's sneer in his head: 'I knew you wouldn't last a week without sex.' He would prove Harry wrong. He was strong. He and Bill were just friends now, if that much. They hadn't talked since that awful encounter in Diagon Alley.
"Are you ok?" asked Bill with a frown.
"Yeah," muttered Draco, nodding his head absent-mindedly.
"Can we talk?" Bill asked with his head down, as if he was afraid of facing Draco. "The last time we talked was a real mess… Too many strangers butting into our business… And I'm to thank for that… I wasn't exactly fair to you that day… But… I was hurt. You weren't exactly fair to me either. So… can we talk? Then I can ask for your forgiveness properly."
Draco sighed. They did need to talk properly about the end of their affair. To say that things had been messy between them the last time was an understatement. They had been terribly messy. They exchanged a look. Draco nodded once again and asked Bill to follow him inside.
Not a word was exchanged between them on the way up to Draco's flat. However, Draco could sense the tension growing between them. And it was all Harry's fault for leaving him and depriving him from sex for a week, plus not bothering to contact him at all. Harry deserved to be cheated on since he didn't care to let Draco know he was all right. Draco shook his head and gripped the strap of his briefcase harder until his knuckles turned white. He shouldn't think that way. He had come too far to just give up on their relationship on the account of his stupid insecurities. Besides, it wouldn't be fair to Bill to use him as a rebound just because he was upset with Harry.
Draco undid the magical ward of his door before opening it, and made room for Bill to come in. Once inside, Draco asked Bill to choose between one of the two small sofas or the leather armchair to sit down. Bill was about to do just that, but when he passed by Draco their bodies touched slightly, and it was as if time froze between them. Bill stared at Draco, who stared back at him. After their eyes locked, their breathing became unsteady. Draco's body was reminded of what it was like to feel Bill's strong body on top of him, thrusting inside him, making him come. He blinked to make the spell dissipate from his mind, but it didn't seem to work. The distance between them faded slowly, and the next thing they knew they were trapped in each other's arms, desperately kissing one another until they were out of breath and hard.
Just as fast as their bodies came together, the image of Harry invaded Draco's mind and he repelled Bill with a vigorous push. He cursed Bill for being such a good kisser. They stared at each other, gasping for breath. Draco sat down hard on an armchair, looking dejected.
"I'm sorry," he said. "This can't happen… Harry… you know?"
Bill sat down next to him and smiled feebly. "Actually, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. So, I take it that things between you and Harry are running smoothly. Or not. But you finally have him. Right?" There was a hint of jealousy in Bill's voice, and something that resembled hope. But he wasn't angry with Draco, just sad that things between them didn't work out.
"Actually, I don't know. I think so." Draco made a face at Bill's questioning expression. "Let's just say that we realised we are in love with each other, but Harry had to leave for a while, so… I don't know."
"Leave?" Bill frowned. "To where?
"He just needed to do something personal," Draco said, trying to make it sound like it didn't matter much. And he was really pissed off about that. But at the same time glad that Harry had a chance to find himself, even if it was away from him. Draco felt like bashing his head in the nearest wall.
"But why didn't he take you with him?" Now Bill looked not only puzzled but also very upset.
"Because… well, he couldn't. He wanted to, but he couldn't. And besides, I have my work. I can't just take off somewhere with him. I have my responsibilities… And it isn't as if he's gone away forever. He'll come back."
"But you've just began your relationship! How could he leave all of a sudden? When will he come back?" Bill insisted.
"Bill…" Draco sighed tiredly and asked him to stop the questions with a pleading look. Bill obeyed him against his will.
"I just want to make sure that you're ok," Bill declared.
"I know. And I am. It's just… well… it's been a week… And then I saw you… And we've shared something very special together… You were the first guy I actually thought about settling down with. And I adore you. So, seeing you like this… My body missed yours… but I'm with Harry, so… No." Draco was fully aware that he was babbling, but he couldn't stop from making a fool of himself.
Bill leaned against the sofa and sighed tiredly as well. "I understand. I thought I'd be able to just talk to you without wanting to kiss you and hold you… but… I also missed you. Which is why I can't believe Harry's gone. Because it was hard for me to give you up. I was being honest when I said you were the first man to tempt me, Draco. You were the first one to really make me believe that I could have a deeper relationship with another man and be happy. I do admit, though, that perhaps I first found myself attracted to you because you reminded me of Jacques. And since you were a lot more mature than he was, I found myself in love with you."
"And how is the brat by the way?" asked Draco, ignoring the thumping in his heart from Bill's last statement. He convinced himself that he was just needy. In a way, having sex with Bill would be a way of getting back at Harry for not being in touch with him.
Bill made a face at the way Draco switched the conversation to Jacques in order to avoid hearing about Bill's true feelings for him. "Still acting like the immature brat that he is. I've been ignoring him, and he's been stalking me."
"But you like him, don't you?"
Bill shrugged. "And since when is just liking someone the answer to anything? It's quite complicated, that's what it is. But yes, I do like him. Against all reason I may add."
Draco smiled sympathetically. "I share your pain."
Their eyes met for a moment. Draco was again reminded of the warmth and security Bill had always been able to give him and contrasted it to the anxiety Harry made him feel. But then again, Bill's kisses had never made Draco feel like his legs would turn to jelly. Having Bill in his apartment only made Draco uneasier about not having Harry around for Merlin knew how long.
"Anyone is better than Fleur, I guess," said Draco. "Even the brat."
Bill chuckled at that. "Fleur is a good girl. She's just… too eager to get her hands on the things she thinks she wants. You know, Jacques told her about me. She went ballistic."
"Oh, my!" Draco exclaimed. "I so wanted to see her face."
Bill shook his head. "Trust me, it wasn't pretty at all."
"I can imagine. I know the bitch very well."
Bill told him about how bad the Delacours had taken the whole matter, and how they almost had Bill arrested for sleeping with Jacques while he was a minor. In the end, it was Fleur who came into Bill's defence by alleging that Jacques had always been a little whore and therefore, if anyone had been misled in their relationship that person was Bill. Since Jacques had also declared that he had lost his virginity with one of his Uncles, and if Bill should get arrested then so should Uncle Phillip, everything was quickly buried and forgotten and the family welcomed Bill.
Draco listened to Bill's story with a horrified expression. Once the tale was over, Draco began to narrate his own, leaving out Harry's nightmares and Sirius' sudden rise from the dead. He told Bill about how Harry had confessed his feelings for him, and how Harry had left suddenly to take care of some personal business.
"I'm glad to know that he loves you. He finally woke up to reality then. Are you happy now?" Bill asked quietly.
Draco's eyes flickered and he looked the other way with a feeble smile. "I am."
"Are you really?"
"Well, you know… everything is new, so there are no guarantees… But I'm happy. He told me that he loves me, right? Even though he left right afterwards… He'll come back soon. I hope," Draco frowned. "Besides, I need some time to myself. Harry needs it, too. It was all too sudden, too soon… so…" Draco knew perfectly well that he was babbling again. He cursed himself under his breath.
Bill didn't seem very convinced, but he said nothing. Instead, he changed the subject.
"You know, I also came here to ask for your forgiveness and offer you my friendship," Bill said, never taking his eyes off Draco. "After all, we've always been good friends, even before we became lovers. So if you ever feel like talking, you can come to me. If Harry doesn't come around, I'll make him."
Draco chuckled softly at the last sentence. "Thanks. I'll keep that in mind. And I forgive you if you forgive me as well." Bill nodded and Draco went on in a teasing tone of voice, "Just don't invite me for double dates with that little blond shrimp and our friendship will be just fine!"
"That's fine with me. After all, I'm not seeing Jacques at the moment. So… Do you want to use me as your sex toy while Harry is away?" Bill asked. "I'm still available. And let's not forget that I was your boyfriend first."
Draco's cheeks tinged soft pink and he chuckled more openly this time. "Don't tempt me…"
"Well, if you want me, you know where to find me," Bill said with a mocking but seductive tone.
"What would the little brat say?" Draco asked, amused. "I don't want him stalking me with a murderous look. He's quite sassy."
"He'd probably wait for you in a dark corner and stun you. Or worse."
"He can try…"
They laughed at each other's silliness. Then Draco rested his head on Bill's shoulder and sighed. "I really love you."
"So do I," said Bill, stroking Draco's silky hair. "But you're crazily in love with Harry Potter."
"I am. Can't do anything about it. Can't make it stop. Last time I saw him he behaved so cutely. It made me want to bite him, fuck him and lock him away so no one could steal him away from me," Draco confessed.
"Uh! That intense, huh?" Bill made a face. "Perhaps I'm not that ready to listen to these kind of things just yet."
Draco raised his head and put some distance between them. "Sorry…"
"It's ok. I know what's like to be crazy about someone, and I mean really crazy, to a point where you want to strangle the person but also fuck him senseless until the brat can't walk the next morning."
"Hey, I'm the one who's not ready to hear these things!" Draco complained, making a face. They laughed again. "Bill… I really miss you. I hope we can remain being friends."
"Me too." Bill brought Draco closer to him and held him into a tight embrace. Then he kissed the top of Draco's head and pinched his nose fondly. "I hope you find the happiness you're looking for, Draco. And I hope Harry appreciates you, because you deserve the best."
Draco felt his eyes wet. "Thanks. I hope the same for you, too. I hope the brat can appreciate you."
They gave each other a peck on the lips to seal their new friendship. While Bill held him, Draco let his mind drift to Harry. Did he think about Draco every minute of every hour just like Draco had been thinking about him? He had no idea. All he could do was hope that Harry would still want to be with him when he came back.
------------------------------------------
Bill went back to his apartment close to midnight, and he found an enraged Jacques waiting for him. He made a face as Jacques cornered him at the entrance of his building.
"You were with him!" Jacques accused. "You were, weren't you?"
"You should know. After all, weren't you following me?" Bill said with a scowl, entering the building.
Jacques followed him to the elevator. "I was not!"
"I saw you!" Bill exclaimed. Jacques stood next to him with a pout.
They remained silent all the way to Bill's apartment. When they were inside, Jacques exclaimed, "Ok, so I was following you! But that was just because I wanted to talk to you. You've been avoiding me."
"Of course I've been avoiding you." Bill sat on his couch and sighed heavily. He looked up at Jacques and held the urge to cuddle him. The young man's eyes looked frightened, but his crossed arms, pouting lips and red face were from anger. Bill adored that duality in him. One of the things that attracted him most to Jacques was the ability he had of looking so fragile while trying to act strong and bold. "Grow up, Jacques. You won't win me with threats and your whole family turned against me."
"I didn't mean for that to happen!" Jacques complained. "I was just telling them I would do anything to be with you."
"They wanted me arrested!" exclaimed Bill, losing his temper.
"Yes, but I threatened to tell on my Uncle if they dared to do something against you, didn't I?"
Bill made a face. The Delacours were so keen on their family reputation that after Uncle Phillip's tastes were cast into the spotlight, everyone became suddenly docile to avoid a scandal. They were so different from the Weasleys. Everything about the Delacours was phoney, which was one of the reasons why he had broken up with Fleur. Their families had nothing in common.
"We have nothing in common," Bill stated more to himself than to Jacques.
The blond young man's chin began to tremble. It melted Bill's heart immediately.
"See? You're about to cry," he said, annoyed, even though deep down he wanted to bring Jacques closer. "You might be older, but you still behave like a spoiled brat. I need someone who can be with me on equal terms. I don't want to baby-sit you. I want a partner, not a child."
"I'm not a child!" Jacques denied, but it did sound like he was. He pouted even more, then his chin trembled again and a few tears escaped from his eyes.
This time Bill didn't manage to hold back. He stood up and embraced the young man, making him rest his head on his shoulder.
"You really are a stupid brat, aren't you?" whispered Bill in his ear.
"Of course I am. I'm in love. Love makes us stupid," Jacques stated, wiping his tears away with the back of his hand. "Did you get back together with him?"
"No. We're just friends now. We just needed to sort things out."
Jacques looked into Bill's eyes. "Do you still love him?"
"Yes," stated Bill calmly. Jacques looked hurt. "But..." Jacques looked up at him hopefully. Bill smiled. "I've been thinking... that there's this one person that it's been on my mind for a long time. He's pretty and sassy. I kind of like his provocative ways. But he gets on my nerves pretty often. If only he was able to grow up once and for all. And stop behaving so immaturely. Then maybe I could consider dating him."
Jacques' eyes glowed. "Really? So all I have to do is..."
"Act more like an adult."
"Then you'll finally accept me?"
Bill cupped Jacques' face in his hands. "It isn't about acceptance. I really like you, Jacques. It's just this tiny bit of you that refuses to grow up. You're way too impatient. You need to let our relationship flow naturally. You can't demand that I be with you. Give me some space. Let me do the seducing once in a while. Do you get what I mean?"
"Yes. I'll try my best. I'll... be more patient. Although I've been waiting for you since I was sixteen..."
"You tricked me that night. You told me you were twenty."
Jacques shrugged. "A bloke has to do what he must to get the man of his dreams in his bed."
Bill shook his head and suppressed a smile. Jacques' attitude had given him a lot of headaches. "You'd better start behaving properly from now on. No more subterfuge. No more lies. Let's take things slowly."
"So you're really going to give us a chance?" Jacques was thrilled.
"Yes. If you behave properly and prove to me that you aren't just a spoiled brat anymore."
Jacques smiled mischievously. He moved forward to kiss Bill, but then retreated at once, putting some distance between them. Bill raised an eyebrow.
"What?" he asked.
"You told me to let you do the seducing," Jacques reminded him. His eyes were sparkling and he was smiling seductively. Bill felt his temperature rising. When Jacques was in his seductive Veela mode, it was quite hard to resist him. After all, it was in his blood to be sexy and use that as means to an end. And the end that night was Bill.
Coming closer, Bill wrapped his arms around the smaller body and crushed it into an aggressive and lustful kiss until Jacques melted away. He then carried the young man to his bedroom where they spent the whole night making love.
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One week had passed by, and Harry was going insane. There weren't any miraculous cures or dangerous paths to follow in order to find himself. Tei Pei, or Master Yoda as Sirius liked to call him, looked just like any ordinary Tibetan monk. He was a bald little man with peaceful and clean brown eyes, and always wore a calm expression on his face. He seemed to be quite fond of Sirius, which was why they hadn't faced too many problems in finding his location.
Harry had expected to undergo a series of adventures to find the place, but nothing extraordinary had happened. After Sirius and Harry apparated across the border, Tei Pei had already been there, waiting to guide them to his temple at the top of a beautiful mountain.
And that was it. The ancient wizard hadn't asked Harry anything, just told him to prepare himself. Harry didn't even know exactly what he was supposed to be preparing himself for. Sirius told Harry that soon Tei Pei would lead him through a journey of self-discovery, but Harry couldn't understand exactly how he would do that when all Tei Pei asked him to do was help him in his daily morning chores and meditate throughout the whole afternoon.
Harry was bored out of his mind. And to make matters worse he couldn't stop thinking about Draco. During his meditation hours, his thoughts would always drift to what Draco was doing, where he was and with whom. If the image of Bill appeared together with Draco, then Harry's whole mediation session would be lost. He hated that weakness. He hated his jealousy. But he couldn't help but feeling that way.
And the fact that Sirius had thought best to cut any contacts with the outside world was another thing driving him nuts. He wanted to get in touch with Draco desperately, but he wasn't allowed to. He was quite surprised at how strong his feelings were. He didn't think he was so much in love. It took him some time apart for him to realise just how much he needed Draco in his life.
"Everything's beautiful here, isn't it?" Sirius asked as he saw Harry staring at the landscape beneath them.
"Yes," answered Harry without looking at his godfather.
"But you aren't thinking about the landscape, are you?" asked Sirius already knowing the answer.
Harry sighed wearily. "My mind is somewhere else. I can't help it. It's driving me crazy, believe me."
"Well, kiddo, you'd better start focusing on what you have to do, otherwise we won't be able to leave so soon. Tei Pei is quite a patient man. He'll wait forever if you want him to. But you don't have that much time, Harry. Not if you want to go back and be with the ones you love. I know it's hard on you, but try as hard as you might to concentrate and clear your mind."
Harry looked up at Sirius with a sulked expression. "And how am I supposed to do that? Isn't Tei Pei the guy who is supposed to help me clear my goddamn head? If I could do that alone, I wouldn't be here."
"This place is designed for our inner peace," Sirius explained. "But you have to do your part, too."
"Was it difficult for you?" Harry asked.
"Very." Sirius sat by his side and heaved a sigh. "Everything was such a mess. But Tei Pei really helped me. I was even able to marry Severus, so I guess we could give the old man some credit, huh?" he joked.
"How long did it take for you to heal?"
"About a year or so."
"A year!" Harry's eyes widen. "It's too much…"
"That's why I told you to do your best, Harry. You're allowed to think about your beloved ones. It's a must actually. It helps you, but only if you use their images as a positive reward. Think that as soon as you're finished here, you'll be able to go home, to go to him. Try focusing on you for the time being," advised Sirius. "You need discipline in order to heal yourself."
"It'd be a lot easier if Master Yoda was more helpful," said Harry frustrated.
"He'll help when he feels that you're ready. But in the mean time…"
"Be patient, right?"
"Yes."
"All right." Harry took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Go away so I can concentrate. I'll leave this place in no time. And if Draco is with Bill by the time I come back, I'll kill him."
Sirius smiled heartily at his godson. "I'm sure he'll be waiting for you."
'He'd better be', thought Harry, trying not to think too much about Bill and Draco together. He would rather think about the warm way that Draco would welcome him when he returned from Tibet.
TBC…