Chapter Eight - Dreams

Forget about the fight to wear the crown of scars
'Cause you've already won
Forget the pain and leave the tears behind you
Bury underneath your feet the remains
Of what's been left behind
'Cause you have got a long, long way to run
But now you dance the rest of the way
And you don't look back
Can you hear that angel singing
As you rise

Will you fall against the wall that you have built with your own hands
When you trip upon the thorns that you have tied your legs together with
When you walk upon thin ice that you know you know you should not be walking
Why do you wonder why that you fell through?

"Crown Of Scars" - Lifehouse

Shannon left Claire after about ten minutes. She really needed to be alone, to think about what Boone had said. It looked like Sawyer's shelter was empty, so she sat a few metres away from that, down the beach. She ran her fingers through the sand absently.

She knew he'd talked to Locke after he'd left her, there was no other option. She wondered if Locke knew about them, hadn't Boone said he didn't? Well, it won't be long now before he finds out anyway, she thought, groaning. Why had she told Sawyer everything? What the hell was wrong with her? And - Sayid probably thought she was disgusting, so any chance for friendship with him was gone. She didn't really care what Kate thought of her, and it didn't seem as though Jack knew about anything further than the fact that they weren't related.

Why the secrecy? Why couldn't she have just Claire the truth when she'd asked? She realized that on the island, event after stupid event passed by and she could have prevented them if she'd thought about it. But then, she was never fantastic with thinking about the consequences of her actions. She shouldn't have said Boone was her brother, she shouldn't have been a bitch to him, she shouldn't have started hanging around Sayid, she should definitely not have kissed Sayid, and she shouldn't have told Sawyer. But she couldn't take it back, and reminiscing about her carelessness wasn't going to change anything.

She knew that, despite Locke, somewhere deep down Boone still loved her. She figured that he'd been such an ass before because he was trying to convince himself to feel differently. And as much as he infuriated her, she sort of thought that was cute. What he said didn't really hurt her, now that she thought about it. It was more the fact that he'd tried to hurt her. But still, she did find it cute somewhat, like an adorable puppy trying to get a bone down from a table two metres taller than him, and she was standing there watching him, smirking, because she could help but chose not to. Then, she'd always felt like that with Boone, he was the little puppy she liked to play with.

She shook her head. That was why he was being this way afterall, he didn't want to be a puppy any more. Because of Locke. Or maybe not. How long did she really expect him to drool over her for, anyway? Did she just assume he'd forever be her slave, and never grow a backbone?

She kept her gaze focused on the ocean as someone walked out past her and stood there. "Sticks," he acknowledged.

She pushed as much fury as she could muster into an annoyed sigh as her response.

"I guess you talked to the good docter, huh?" Sawyer said lazily.

Shannon glared up at him, "Who else have you told?" she snapped.

"Look Sticks," he faced her, "I promised Freckles I'd tell her what was goin' on after we led you guys into the Magic Forest. An' as for Jackass -"

"What, he was eavesdropping?" Shannon said sarcastically, getting to her feet.

Sawyer gave an exasperated sigh, "I slipped up."

"It's not in your nature to beg for forgiveness, is it?" she asked disdainfully.

"I ain't your dear Metro, darlin'."

She peered at him, her arms folded, and eventually sighed, "It's okay, Sawyer. I forgive you."

He did a small double take, "What? Why?"

She shrugged, smirking, "You owe me." He rolled his eyes. "I guess I still want someone to talk to."

He gave her a small smile and led her to his shelter that was lit with a stick of fire, "Come on in." They sat in their usual places.

She gave him a curious look, "Why are you so nice to me?"

"Curiousity killed the cat, Sticks," he said absently.

She rolled her eyes, "No, really."

He scratched his head, "I donno, we're friends ain't we?"

She looked thoughtful, "Yeah, but...why?"

"Hey, Sticks, I always liked ya," he said offhandedly, "So you gonna tell me what's on your mind or not?"

She let out a breath, "I had a fight with Boone."

"Here I was expectin' somethin' diff'rent." Sawyer settled back in his chair, as usual.

Shannon rolled her eyes again, "It was different," she insisted, then sighed. "He hates me now."

"Sticks, he doesn't hate you," Sawyer said in a patient voice that had hint of impatience, too, "An' you know it. He doesn't wanna be at your beck an' call anymore."

"I know," she said quietly, "It doesn't make me not miss him."

Sawyer paused, "Have you told him that?"

"Well, I tried to," she started, mentally retracing her steps. "Okay, I was going to, but I was pissed at him for something else."

"Okay," Sawyer drawled, "Why don't ya ever tell him the truth, Sticks? Why the coverin' up?"

She shrugged sadly, "I don't know."

"Ya know," he said thoughtfully, "You don't gotta be all 'oh I love you, blah blah blah'...You don't have to make yourself vulnerable."

She flinched, "What are you talking about?"

"You're like me, Sticks. I know how you work. You don't wanna get hurt so you lie. But you don't gotta lie to Metro, that's his problem, he's sick of the lies. That's my guess anyway."

Shannon shifted uncomfortably, "So what are you actually suggesting?"

Sawyer shrugged, "Honesty. Tell him you miss him. Then walk away. Don't push it. He'll come to you."

"How do you know?" she asked, hating how her voice resembled a five year old asking if Santa was real.

"I seen the way he looks at ya, darlin'." Sawyer reached over and picked up a magazine. "Now, would ya mind leavin' before I completely turn into an agony aunt?"

Shannon smiled. "Thanks Sawyer." She stood up.

As she was leaving he called her back, "Sticks?" she turned to face him. "I'm sorry for tellin' Jackass an' Freckles your secret," he said honestly.

Shannon smiled again, "I already forgave you. But it means alot that you said that. I guess we are friends?"

Sawyer nodded, "Yeah." He looked down at his magazine, and Shannon, still smiling, left his shelter.

She ambled down the beach to Boone's shelter, not exactly sure why she was heading there. But when she reached it, she typically found it empty. She narrowed her eyes and let out a small angry sigh, stalking away from the tent. As she walked she ran into Hurley, or more like Hurley ran into her. He was walking fast, his eyes fixated on something she couldn't see. Regardless, he walked straight into her, and she nearly fell over.

"Watch it," she snapped.

"Whoa, hey, hey," he said, holding her by the arm to help regain her balance, "Uh, sorry." He sounded like he was trying to hide something, and a little nervous.

Shannon sighed, "Yeah, it's okay." They stared at each other awkwardly.

"Uh, so, you going somewhere?"

"Have you seen Boone?" she asked in her old bitchy voice, surprising herself.

"Boone?" Hurley repeated.

"Yeah, you know, kinda short, rosy cheeks - " she started sarcastically.

"I know who you're talking about," Hurley said quickly, "Haven't seen him."

Shannon gave him a suspicious look. He didn't want to talk to her, she could tell. "Uh, okay."

"Yeah. Sayid's over there with Jack, though, if you want him." Hurley pointed to where Sayid was waving his hands around as he explained something.

"Why would I want - oh, right - uh, thanks," she remembered. Hurley didn't know about their...break up? "You're trying to get rid of me." She added.

"No, I, uh," Hurley stammered. "Yeah."

"Okay, whatever, see you," Shannon rolled her eyes and walked over to Sayid, leaving Hurley looking after her.

He shook his head, "Weird," he muttered before hurrying back to the caves.

As soon as she approached, Jack and Sayid looked at her, silent. "Don't let me stop you," she rolled her eyes again.

"You feeling better?" Jack asked her tenderly.

"Fine, thanks," she said tightly, watching Sayid, who was avoiding her gaze.

"Okay, I uh, should probably go check on Michael, I think he said Walt had a cold," Jack said quickly befre dashing away.

Sayid was holding a bunch of plastic junk, "He is lying," he said softly, turning the junk over as he looked at it.

"Yeah." She nodded, wrapping her arms around herself. They stood in silence as he tinkered with his toy.

Finally he looked up at her, "Why are you here, Shannon?" he asked wearily. "What do you want from me?"

"You said no hard feelings!" she cried. "I thought - I thought we could be friends."

He gave her a dubious look, then sighed. "Alright. But I have just one question, Shannon."

"Yeah?"

"Last night on the beach...were you really drunk?"

"Yes," she said immediately, so used to lying that she couldn't really control it.

Sayid sighed, "Alright." He paused. "Did you have any distinct purpose for coming over here or were your intentions simply to - "

"I just want to be friends," Shannon said stubbornly, not sure why she was pushing this.

Sayid sighed, and placed his peice of plastic junk next to his other stuff, "Of course we can be friends, Shannon," he said, stepping closer and brushing his hand against her arm. "Didn't I already tell you that?"

Shannon shrugged, and attempted a smile, "Just making sure."

Boone was filling two water bottles at the caves. He sat on a rock and soaked a peice of cloth in the water, bringing it up to his warm, almost still stinging cheek. He sighed. He didn't want Shannon to hate him.

"Hey man," Hurley slid down next to him. "Hey, dude, your cheek looks sort of, more rosy on that side. And, ouch. What happened?"

"Oh, uh, ran into a tree." Boone winced, taking the cloth off his face.

"Hate it when that happens," Hurley sort of smirked.

"Yeah, so uh, what are you up to?" Boone asked conversationally.

"Me?" He asked, surprised. "Uh, not much, dude, there's the raft, and just...thinking, you know...you mind if I ask you something?"

Boone nodded, "Sure," he pressed the cloth back onto his cheek.

Hurley shifted sort of nervously, "Do you believe in curses? Like, bad luck?"

Boone dropped the cloth again, slowly. "Curses? I uh - never really thought about it. I guess the crash was sort of bad luck, if you're superstitious. But I don't think anyone's cursed."

"Yeah, no, guess not." Hurley looked away.

"Why the question?"

"Oh, you know, just thinkin'." Hurley nodded.

Boone gave a tight nod, too, then touched the cloth to his cheek again.

Hurley breathed out in an almost whistle, "Dude, that was one feisty tree."

Boone let out a low chuckle, "Yeah, you're telling me."

"So, uh - oh, dude, before I forget, Shannon was looking for you."

Boone did a double take, "What?"

"Yeah," Hurley said, not seeing why he was surprised. "I ran into her before I came here. Literally, man. She seemed a little shook up...asked if I'd seen you."

"So she doesn't hate me," Boone quietly mused.

"Definitely didn't seem it, dude," Hurley shook his head. "And then she saw Sayid and Jack, so yeah, she's with Sayid I'd guess."

Boone nodded curtly, "Right. Uh, of course. Look, man, I've got my water so I'd better be going. Thanks for telling me, you know, about Shannon."

"No problem dude," Hurley said absently. Boone grabbed his bottles and left the caves.

Jack was sitting next to the signal fire, staring into the flames, as Boone came out through the trees. "Jack!" he said, reaching him. "Hey, man. Do you know where Shannon is?"

"Hey, Boone," Jack said, and as Boone got closer, he reached out to inspect the other man's face. "Nasty mark you got there. What happened?"

"Feisty tree," Boone smiled. "So, um, you seen Shannon?"

"Uh, last I saw, she was..." he looked up the beach, squinted, and pointed out past Charlie playing his guitar to Shannon and Sayid. "There."

"Thanks man," Boone said, walking up the beach. Shannon was laughing at something Sayid was saying. He walked up behind her, neither of them noticing this presence. "Hey, Shan," he said quietly.

She spun around and glared at him. Sayid jumped a little, "Boone."

"Shannon, can I talk to you?"

She looked over at Sayid, then nodded, following Boone a few metres away. "Yeah?"

"I'm sorry about what I said before. I didn't mean it."

She frowned, "Yes you did. You were trying to hurt me."

He looked away, "I'm still sorry."

She moved closer to him, cupping his non-swollen cheek in her hand, "It's okay," she whispered. They looked at each other until she wrapped her arms around his neck. "I miss you, Boone." She stepped back quickly, following Sawyer's advice.

He looked at her, confused. "Shan, I - "

She smiled softly, the wind blowing her hair back from her face. "I've gotta go, see you around, okay?"

He nodded dumbly and watched her walk away. Strings from Charlie's guitar filtered through the air and Boone sighed, shaking his head.

She sat on the beach alone. She figured it was about eight or nine, considering how dark it was, but if they really were close to Fiji like the pilot had apparently said, then it depended on Fiji's daylight hours, right? And she didn't know those, and it was really was too much thinking for her right now. Especially considering time didn't really matter here.

She stared out at the dark blue waves crashing into shore. She supposed that if Sawyer was right, all she had to do was wait, and eventually things would work out. But she couldn't do that, the whole patience thing. She proved that in Sydney by going to his hotel room - she couldn't just wait for his forgiveness. She just hoped that she'd changed since then.

She knew one thing - she didn't need to fight for him, to prove to him that he should be with her. He already knew that he should, and she didn't need to fight because she'd already won. Now she just had to wait for him to get over this phase with Locke. And while she waited, she had to find a way of getting over everything that had happened in the past, and she knew that she had a long road ahead of her if she wanted to be with Boone. And she knew it would sometimes be hard, and sometimes be scary. But overall she thought that by the end she'd finally be happy.

AN: Thanks for the reviews last chapter. I think it took me less than a month to update this time. Yay. Anyway, I think there are only four more chapters to go, so I'll try to write them fast. Hopefully I'll have time.