"Miss Mars, I have some good news for you." The doctor smiled and Veronica's stomach plummeted. "You're pregnant." The tears spilled over the flood gates and the doctor, mistaking this for a joyous reaction, smiled and offered her a box of tissues. "I get this reaction all the time," he assured her.
I bet you don't, Veronica thought bitterly.
"Will your husband be joining us at your next appointment?" he asked gently, assuming in that naïve way of his.
Choking slightly on the ball of grief that had lodged itself in her throat, she managed to spit out, "No, he won't."
---x---
2 years earlier
"C'mon, Veronica! I swear I'm good at this!"
Veronica eyed her friend dubiously.
"Don't give me that look!" Melanie exclaimed. "I know you're gonna like this guy!"
"You mean I'll like him even more than the last two you fixed me up with?" Veronica asked, voice dripping with sarcasm.
Melanie sighed dramatically. "Are you ever going to drop that? What am I saying? Of course you're not. Please, V? Just try one more guy? For me?" she wheedled, poking out her lower lip in a pout.
Veronica rolled her eyes and laughed. "No fair, you know I can't resist the pout!" Melanie made the pout more pronounced and widened her eyes. "Fine," Veronica relented. "One more. After tonight, blind dates no more!"
Melanie squealed and hugged Veronica. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
Smiling, Veronica watched Melanie bounce from the room. True, Melanie wasn't exactly her type of person. She was a bit more peppy than her other friends, scarce as they may be, but Veronica was drawn to her. Always looking on the bright side, she could find the bright side in any situation, something Veronica needed after a high school experience like hers. And she didn't believe any of the rumors that still circulated about Veronica. The same nasty rumors and cutting insults that had floated about the Neptune High bathrooms and lunch tables had, indeed, followed her to Hearst College like a black cloud constantly trying to block any glimpse of sunlight. She had expected one or two of the lies to make their way to Hearst. After all, it was in Neptune, however close to the city limits it may be, and Neptune, in general, sucked. But all of them? That was a bit much. Giving herself a little shake, Veronica drew out of her reverie. It couldn't lead to any good to dwell on the rocky past.
A quick glance at the clock told her that she had to start getting ready for her date if she didn't want Melanie trying to dress her up. This date was going to be bad. She knew that. Despite what Melanie claimed, she wasn't good in the least bit at setting up blind dates. With a sigh, Veronica dragged herself over to the closet.
-x-
"So, Victoria, tell me about yourself." Veronica's date, Mark, leaned back in his chair and surveyed her.
It took all of her strength not to hit Mark. "For the third time, it's Veronica. Not Victoria, not Violet, and definitely not Kristen."
Mark looked unabashed. In fact, he looked rather excited. He leaned forward and Veronica groaned inwardly. She had seen him perform this same action at least six times since their date started. It meant he was about to launch into a long-winded supposed-to-be anecdote about some famous person he knew or something like that.
"Did I tell you about the time I met Oprah?"
Rolling her eyes visibly – something that went completely unnoticed by Mark – Veronica tuned him out, turning her mind instead to her latest case. Or lack there of. No one seemed interested in a teenage private eye anymore. Especially not one in college. It struck her as odd that she had had more cases in high school, when it would seem less likely that people would trust her, than she did in college. She knew it probably had something to do with the fact that most of those cases had first been her dad's, but she chose to overlook that fact because of her insane boredom without a case or two to solve. She needed something to work on. Anything.
"So, Veruca, tell me a little something about –"
Veronica cut him off at the pass. "I'm going to get a drink from the bar." She strode off, not bothering to ask if he wanted one. She contemplated buying him one and giving him a trip to the dentist, a la Madison, but stopped herself in horror. Since when did she want to be like Madison Sinclair? Shuddering slightly, she changed courses and veered towards the ladies' room, only to have her path altered again when someone grabbed her arm.
"Veronica Mars?"
Veronica's eyes widened slightly. "Casey Gant?"
Casey smirked. "Well now that we know each other's names, what're you doing here?"
She groaned. "Blind date with a guy who loves his own voice way too much."
He studied her for a second. "Let's blow this popsicle stand, darlin'," he said with an odd accent, not quite sure where that statement came from. Veronica looked slightly taken aback, as well, but she recovered quickly, giving him a little half smile and a nod.
"All right. Let's make a break for it, Clyde. Before my date thinks of another riveting anecdote," she said that last two words with air quotes, "and comes looking for me."
Grabbing her hand, Casey walked rapidly in the direction of the door. Not missing a beat, Veronica followed, neither one looking back, even as they heard a voice yell, "Hey! Where're you going? I didn't tell you about the time I met Tom Cruise yet!" but rather speeding up until they were flat-out running, jumping into his old Boxster and speeding away in a cloud of dust with the sound of squeal of tires lingering behind. Two minutes later, they pulled to a stop at a red light. For a second, he was unsure of what to say to her. Finally, he came up with a brilliant statement. "How've you been?"
"Okay," Veronica answered, silently commanding her heart to stop doing flips. It was getting to be kind of annoying. "You?"
"I'm good," he answered automatically, but then he paused for a moment. There was something about Veronica Mars, maybe it was the fact that she had more than enough experience with personal disasters, or her ability to relate to Neptune's craziness, or maybe it was just her cute little half smile. Whatever it was, it made him say, "Okay, I lied. I've been feeling pretty crummy lately."
Her brow furrowed slightly, a sign that she was thinking. "It has something to do with your deprogramming, doesn't it?"
It was Casey's turn to be taken aback. "Yeah, how'd you guess?"
"You aren't the same distant, atypical 09'er I graduated with. You're the Casey I met at the Half Moon Collective. One I actually like."
"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked indignantly.
She shot him a pointed look.
"Okay, so I know what that means," he admitted. "And you're right. I'm not that guy anymore. To tell the truth, I don't know who I am. I keep getting all these memory flashes and they're confusing me." There was another thing that confused him, but he wasn't going to tell her about it. She had a recurring part in those memories and the mere sight of her sent waves of joy tinged with confusion coursing through his body and made his chest ache. He had been to a doctor, who could find nothing wrong with him. When he had asked the doctor to check again because there had to be something wrong with him, the doctor had just laughed and told him "love is tricky." Stupid doctor, what did he know? As if he was in love with Veronica Mars, of all people. She was watching him again, with that unnerving stare of hers. He had seen her use it numerous times in high school, the funniest of those times being against Sean. The poor guy had almost wet himself by the time she was through. "What're you thinking, Mars? Spit it out."
"You knew I would be at the restaurant tonight. You need my help."
That was another thing he had forgotten about her. Her brains. She had that unsettling ability to see right through you. With her, honesty was usually the best policy. "Yeah. You caught me. I got your number through a friend and called your dorm. Your friend, Melissa or something like that, answered and told me where you were. I want to figure out exactly what my parents had done to me and how to fight it. So, will you help me, Veronica?"
Veronica studied Casey for a moment, wondering why he was coming to her, of all people. He was an 09'er, always had been, save for a few weeks at the Half Moon Collective, and she was the anti-09'er. Not exactly the most likely combination, but when had life ever been normal? "All right," she agreed somewhat reluctantly. She wasn't sure this was the best move, but she couldn't stop herself from saying yes. This lack of control around him unnerved her but what could she do? She had already agreed. "Meet me at my dorm tomorrow at 6 pm. Room 36B."
-x-
A girlish giggle escaped Veronica's lips and rather than cringing, she grinned. Just the sight of his picture made her smile. It was a constant marvel to her to see how much Casey had changed over the past year. He had gone from just another cookie cutter 09'er that she barely even acknowledged, save for a few nasty glares or cutting remarks whenever he gave her a hard time, to a genuinely nice guy. One she had grown to care and about and possibly even love. Surprises were the norm with him and they never failed to delight her. Some people might liken the feeling she got from him as being back in high school, but not her. She actually liked Casey now, for one. And second, she was truly happy, something she had never really achieved after Lilly's death, not even with Logan or Duncan. Something she had thought would never be possible again. So when he led her into a karaoke bar, to a table reserved for "the most wonderful woman in the world," she couldn't hold back the giggle, nor did she want to. Yes, it was corny, but she didn't care. She had changed almost as much as Casey in the past months. For once, she just wanted to let go of her cynicism as best she could and enjoy life.
Smirking, Casey got to his feet, kissed her on the cheek, and walked towards the stage.
"Casey," Veronica said slowly, realizing what he was about to do. He was going to sing. To her. In public. This would be a sweet gesture, except for the fact that he couldn't carry a tune for beans.
Blowing her a kiss, Casey climbed onto the stage, whispered something in the manager's ear, and took the microphone. The opening strains of a Christmas song filled the bar. Casey opened his mouth and belted out, "I don't want a lot for Christmas. There is just one thing I need. I don't care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree."
Veronica sank lower in her seat and bit her lip, trying to stay the burgeoning grin, but her attempt was to no avail. By the time he finished with the final line, "All I want for Christmas is you, baby," on an ear-popping screech masquerading as a high note, she was ready to fall onto the floor, her petite body quaking with laughter.
Casey hopped off the stage and returned to the table, grinning. "Did you like it, baby?"
Wiping the tears of mirth that had leaked from the corners of her eyes, she shook her head ruefully. "I think you should definitely keep your day job or else we'll go broke."
He burst into laughter and nodded his agreement. "But at least I made you laugh," he pointed out, proud of himself for accomplishing this feat. Not that it was hard. Lately, her life had become something that resembled normal. No more deaths or trials or mysterious crashes. Just a normal girl enjoying her life with her normal boyfriend and the freedom that college offered. Little did she know what lay ahead in their future.
-x-
Casey ignored the pain in his left knee and looked up into Veronica's stunned face, straight into her blue eyes which sparkled a little more than usual and not just because of the tears pooling there. "I was a crappy person. That I know. But with you, that's changed. You were the first person to actually care about me. I will love you until the day I die. Veronica Mars, will you make me the happiest man alive by becoming my wife?"
Grinning, she made no attempt to stem the tears that had sprung free and now cascaded down her cheeks. Instead, she nodded furiously, trying not to squeal with delight. "Yes," she whispered.
"Speak up, child, I can't hear you!" an old woman yelled from across the restaurant that Casey had filled with white roses, her favorite.
"Yes!" Veronica yelled, throwing her arms around Casey, completing this picture perfect moment, the likes of which she had never thought she would experience. Life was perfect.
-x-
"Veronica?"
Veronica whirled around at the sound her name, not believing who she was seeing. "Duncan?"
"Hey," he said.
"Hey," she mimicked with a smile. "Is that all you have to say after all these years?"
Smiling back, Duncan stepped forward and swept her into a hug. "How've you been?"
"Pretty great," she admitted, her smile growing as the diamond on her finger glistened in the fluorescent supermarket lights.
Duncan noticed the engagement ring and remorse flitted across his face before quickly being replaced by a grin. "Wow, that's some rock? Who's the lucky guy? Anyone I know?"
"Surprisingly, yes. Casey Gant."
As expected, Duncan was taken aback, just as everyone else who heard about them was. "Wow, that's…"
"Unexpected?" she supplied.
"Yeah, to say the least."
"Well, he's changed a lot," Veronica said, sounding slightly defensive. She often thought about the man her future husband had been as a reminder that people truly can change and of how lucky she was that Casey had, but she didn't like other people reminding her of Casey's high school self.
Throwing his hands up, Duncan said, "Hey, I didn't say anything."
Veronica took a calming breath and changed the subject. "So how's little Megan?"
"She's good." Duncan's face lit up at the mention of his daughter, the reason he and Veronica had broken up back in their senior year. It had been an amicable split. Duncan had to focus on his daughter, especially after Meg's death, and Veronica had understood. She hadn't liked it, but she understood. But still, she missed him and was curious about Meg's daughter. So she readily agreed when Duncan suggested they get some dinner. Unfortunately, they got wrapped up in reminiscing about the good and the bad times and it was eight o'clock before either realized it.
"Oh, God, I have to go. I left Megan with my parents. There's no telling how corrupted she may be by now."
Veronica laughed as she checked her voice mail. Casey had left exactly five messages. And he had sent six text messages. It was with some trepidation that Veronica entered their apartment half an hour later, bearing two cartons of Ben 'n' Jerry's and a rented DVD.
"Casey? Baby, where are you?"
"In here," came the gruff reply.
Slowly, she made her way to the bedroom where an angry Casey greeted her.
"Hey, Case. I got your messages. What's up?" she asked cautiously.
Slowly, he turned to look at her. "I got promoted at work. I wanted to take you to dinner to celebrate," he told her, his tone wooden. "So I called your cell. No answer. I left a message and when you didn't call back in half an hour, I tried again. Still no answer. Again and again I tried, but no answer." His voice was growing louder and angrier with each word. "Where were you?"
"I had dinner. With a friend."
"Who?" he asked dangerously.
"Duncan," she admitted, holding his stare.
"Duncan Kane?" he asked with a snarl.
Veronica shot him a disdainful look. "Oh, get over yourself. It's not like anything happened. He's just an old friend that I ran into at the supermarket. I wanted to hear about Megan so we went to dinner. Nothing happened," she repeated, stressing the words.
"Oh? Then why, pray tell, did it take three and a half hours?"
"We had a lot of catching up to do."
Casey snorted.
Veronica's temper flared. "Okay, you're right. You've caught me. I ran into him at the strip club I've secretly been working at and we went into a back room to have sex," she told him sardonically. "There, you happy? Is that was you wanted to hear?"
"That's it, I'm out of here."
"Where are you going?" she demanded, following him to the door where he was putting on his jacket.
"Out. Maybe I'll stop by your strip club. Don't wait up." The door slammed with a force that shook the walls.
Angrily, Veronica kicked the door and flopped onto the couch, blinking back unbidden tears. She hated when they fought, but she hated his jealous streak even more. Why couldn't he learn to trust her? Because then he wouldn't be Casey, the little voice in her head whispered.
"Shut up," she ordered it.
-x-
Why can't she just answer my questions? Why does she have to get all sarcastic and snippy? Because then she wouldn't be Veronica, the reasonable part of his mind said.
"Oh, be quiet," he told it.
He hated his jealous side just as much as Veronica, but he couldn't help it. The mere thought of her with another guy was enough to make him cringe and hit something. He trusted her, he really did. It was other guys he didn't trust.
So caught up was he in his inner debate that he didn't spot the barely visible patch of black ice until it was too late and he was spinning, careening out of control in squeal of tires a spray of slush, reminding him of Veronica and that first fateful encounter at the restaurant. And then his world went black, the darkness enveloping him against his will.
-x-
Leaning back against the cool bathroom wall, Veronica fanned her face, coated with a mixture of sweat and tears. Her stomach lurched and she bent over the toilet. This seemed to be a theme lately. At first she had blamed it on the grief. Casey had only been buried an agonizing six days ago, but now she could deny it no longer. She had to see a doctor. So she made the appointment with a heavy heart, hoping beyond hope that the tests would come back negative. She didn't know if she could take being pregnant on top of everything else that had happened.
Without Casey, she had lost her direction. Nothing seemed right. It took all her energy just to get out of bed and the only reason she did that was to throw up. That night, when the cops had come to the door, catching her when her knees gave out, and told her that her Casey was gone, remained imbedded in her memory, right next to October 3, 2003 – the day Lilly died. The wake and funeral had been too much to bear and she wept openly through it all, not caring that her former classmates, people she hated and had never wanted to see her cry, were present, watching her sob on her father's shoulder, offering empty condolences. She knew most of them thought she had been with Casey for his money, just as they had thought with Duncan and Logan, and didn't believe her grief was real but she didn't care in the least bit. Casey haunted her constantly; his face filled her dreams, his laughter echoed hollowly in her ears, and she could swear she saw him just ducking out of view whenever she entered a room. It wasn't any different when she entered the doctor's office. She had been in the same room several times with Casey, when either of them was sick. But the doctor who entered the room was new, he didn't know her or Casey and at first she thought it was a good thing. Until he asked The Question.
"Will your husband be joining us at your next appointment?"
"No, he won't," she managed to get out. "He-he's dead."
The doctor's hand flew to his mouth. "Oh, I'm sorry, Miss Mars. My condolences."
"Thank you," she said, not really caring. She supposed she should get used to it. It was the reaction people would be having for the rest of her life, whenever they asked where her son or daughter's father was. They would apologize, but they wouldn't mean it. They hadn't known Casey. They couldn't truly be sorry. To her way of thinking, it just wasn't possible.
"Um, Doctor Martin, I have to leave. Is that all?" She suddenly had the overwhelming urge to do what she had sworn she wouldn't.
"Oh, yes. For now. See my secretary to make another appointment," he told her before waving her from the room.
Ten minutes later, she stood next to a mound of dirt that was already growing fresh sprigs of grass, covering up the scars in the earth. She wished her own scars would heal that easily. Rubbing her stomach unconsciously, she bent down and ran her finger across the lettering on the gray stone:
Casey Gant
Beloved Son
1987-2008
The Gants, who had, of course, never approved of their son's choice of future wife, hadn't included anything that would indicate that Casey had had a fiancé, claming that beloved fiancé wouldn't "look right."
"I'm sorry, Casey. It wasn't just my fault that we fought, I know that now, but I'm sorry for perpetuating it. And I'm sorry you'll never get to see our son or daughter. I'm sure he or she will be beautiful." The grief swelled in her chest and she had to take a deep breath and calm herself. The tears she had thought to be dried up were once again flowing and she made no attempt to stop them. She had one more thing to tell Casey, her one true love. "I love you." A single white rose fluttered onto the ground and she stepped away, remembering her shining example that even the worst people can change. And that they can change you.