Ready for one of the most strange things you shall read?
Disclaimer: I do not own the persons/places/things/ideas that are from HP.
Oh, and there isn't much of a Christmas conversation in this one...the insanity got a little out of hand. (nervous laugh)
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#2: Cedric and Squirrels, Justin and Lamps
One blustery day, Cedric Diggory was looking out the window in the Hufflepuff boys dorms. Why ever would someone do that? You may ask.
The answer is simple.
He was bored. It was during the holidays, December 26 to be exact, and Cedric had just woken up.
Yesterday was the Yule Ball.
He cringed in remembrance.
It wasn't fair that they said nothing about it being a dance. He thought it was a kind of cheese.
Cedric sighed.
He only asked Cho to go with him because she ate small quantities, and he wanted to eat most of the cheese-ball himself.
Opening the window, Cedric screamed to the sky, "IT WAS A CHEESE-BALL! IT WAS! IT WAS!"
After startling all of the birds from the owlry and everyone enjoying the snow, Cedric closed the window and sat back down in a huff.
He hated being wrong about things.
"I wish my friends were here." He muttered as he picked at a loose string on his pillow.
"AAAAHH!"
Cedric blinked as the person who had just come into the room ran out just as quickly before he had said a word.
He then blinked in remembrance.
Justin Finch-Fletchy had linonophobia. If you don't know what it is, it's the fear of string.
Cedric had no clue as to how he got that fear, but there were rumors about something to do with Justin having to sew for his mum one entire summer.
Pulling out the string and hiding it from Justin's view (whenever he got back), Cedric reverted to his previous thoughts about wishing his friends were there.
But not the friends you would think.
FLASHBACK
"They should have been here by now." Amos tutted as he paced in front of the tree that he and his son were waiting under.
It was the morning of the Quidditch World Cup and Amos and Cedric were waiting for the Weasleys to arrive.
"I'm sure one of them just slept in. It is rather early." Cedric remarked to his father as he looked up to the tree. They had been standing for awhile and he was getting tired.
Deciding on the safest approach, Cedric climbed up the tree and sat happily on one of its sturdy branches.
Ten minutes later, Cedric was becoming quite bored and had climbed to the top of the tree.
"Who are you?" Asked a squeaky, munchkin-like voice.
He looked around him; no one appeared to have spoken.
The voice repeated, "Who are you?"
Then he saw it.
It was a squirrel; a cute, fluffy, brown squirrel that was staring at him with big eyes.
He blinked, "Uh…I'm Cedric. Cedric Diggory."
The squirrel sniffed at his hand, grabbed one of his fingers and pulled him towards the branch of another tree.
"Come, come. Or we shall be late for tea."
Deciding to go with the flow, Cedric jumped to the other (fairly large) branch. He rubbed his eyes and stared.
For on the branch, was a giant pumpkin.
And it had a door, and a chimney.
"Come along!" Squeaked the little squirrel who was now not the only one who was pulling Cedric along. All the little squirrels chorused, "It's tea time!" And pulled him through the big, mahogany door….on a pumpkin…
Trying to make sense of all that was happening to him, Cedric certainly couldn't make sense of what he found inside.
Inside it was much bigger than the outside, sort of like wizard tents.
The squirrels had little tables set up complete with cute little doilies and flower pedals.
Cedric and the squirrels that pulled him in walked over to a podium where a brown squirrel with a turned up nose stood.
"Smoking preference?" The old squirrel wheezed.
Now taking a closer look around, Cedric saw that the squirrels were wearing tuxes and gowns, they also were sipping out of little acorn tops.
He guessed that they used them as cups for their tea.
"Non." The little brown squirrel squeaked.
The squirrels were all dressed up as well.
"This way." He wheezed as they all were seated.
After tea was taken to them all, the squirrel that led him in, which he noticed to be a guy squirrel (which was quite funny because of his squeaky voice) because of his tux, tried to make conversation as two squirrels in evening gowns began to sing a duet about crazy cats.
"So," he said in his strange and slightly weird voice, "Where do you come from?"
"My parents." Cedric answered, trying to break the weird tension that the squirrel's voice created…with its squeaky-ness.
"Ah." It remarked, taking a sip from its acorn top/cup thing.
"And you?" Cedric asked, bringing the tiny acorn top to his lips and sipping on the drop of tea.
"I come from the magical land of eki-eki-eki-zootaang zoomboing-schroim-jim."
Thinking it was a joke, and the fact that it sounded ridiculously funny with the squirrel's voice, Cedric burst out laughing.
The squirrel blinked, obviously not expecting that kind of reaction.
Suddenly the rich, well mannered atmosphere abruptly changed; all the squirrels turned, facing Cedric with big crazed eyes. He got up from his chair and tried to run, but the squirrels started chanting "Human Pie! Human Pie!"
Cedric screamed.
This was not correct, civilized behavior.
The squirrels went rabid. They started banging their fists on the tables, ripping their nice clothing, and even biting and gnawing at the tables and chairs.
As Cedric neared the big door of the pumpkin, a fat squirrel cook came out of the kitchen, sharpening knives; but one of them slipped and chopped off his hand.
He shrieked.
The knife that used to be in that hand flew toward an unsuspecting squirrel and chopped off his leg. He started to crawl toward Cedric, chanting "Human pie! Human pie!"
Wisely deciding to leave, Cedric tore open the door just as two squirrels leapt at him; they hit the mahogany with a thud.
Jumping down to his father, Cedric noticed the Weasleys and Harry had arrived.
Mr. Weasley asked at Cedric's out-of-breath state, "Are you alright?"
Cedric could only put on a tight smile and nod.
END FLASHBACK
Cedric shook his head.
Why on earth had he remembered that? It wasn't a very pleasant experience.
He then turned to the window where a scratching noise was heard.
It was a squirrel.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"
He ran screaming down to the common room.
"What's he so afraid of?" Justin asked as he turned to his friend.
"Well, Mr. Lamp. What are you doing for Christmas?"
"Ah, well that's nice. I heard Wyoming is lovely this time of year. All that snow." He 'remarked at the lamp's answer'.
"Are you talking to that lamp again, Justin? You know that's not healthy."
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I was very tempted to make the squirrels dance and sing the "I like to move it, move it" song; but I thought that it would be better if the atmosphere completely changed.
Cute, fluffy, brown squirrel: I do not like how we became rabid, man-eaters.
Me: Too bad, the boat has sailed.
Squirrel: Blast. When's the next one?
Me: Probably tomorrow.
Squirrel: Good!
Me: But the tickets are sold out.
Squirrel: Pooper scooper.
Me: Reviews keep the rabid squirrels away!