Hello again! I finally updated. (sniffle) I've had a cold, and was deviod of any inspiration. UNTIL TODAY! (punches fist in the air triumphantly) So enjoy!

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, mine is nothing. All except for my soul...which is trapped in two parts, one on one erasor, and the other on another. mmyess.

Oh, and I have some lines from 'Billy Triumphs Over Evil' and 'There is no Spoon' by Neil Circierga. He rocks. You should check out his website.

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#3: Seamus and Spoons

It was a perfectly normal day, Seamus Finnegan had gone down to breakfast and was looking up and down the table at what the house elves had prepared.

"Hey Seamus, can you pass me one of those spoons? For some reason I don't have one." Fred called from his place at the table.

Reaching to his right, Seamus looked for a spoon; after finding it, started to hand it to Fred.

But something was not right.

The spoon had eyes.

"AAAH!" Seamus screamed as he dropped the spoon.

Everyone at the Gryffindor table stared at him, then at the perfectly normal spoon.

"What's wrong Seamus?" Dean asked, concerned for his friends mental stability.

Panting, trying to catch his breath from his fright, Seamus answered shakily.

"Yeh….yeh ah think so."

Everyone returned to their breakfast as Fred picked up the spoon that Seamus was going to hand him, and started to eat his breakfast with no further interruptions.

Throughout the day Seamus went back to being his normal, Irish self.

Until that night…

Seamus tossed and turned in his bed, he couldn't get to sleep.

His stomach growled with hunger.

He hadn't eaten much dinner, or lunch (for fear of the spoons).

Deciding to give in to his stomach's rumbling and the fact that he couldn't possibly get to sleep in that state, Seamus got up and headed to the kitchens.

Walking slowly in his Irish robe and slippers, complete with shamrocks, Seamus tickled the green pair and walked through the painting.

House-elves immediately asked what he would like.

Trying to avoid having to use a spoon, Seamus decided on some Kidney-Pie.

A timid little house elf popped in front of him not much later, and handed him a plate with some Kidney-pie.

Wondering why the house elf looked frightened, Seamus asked, "Is something wrong?"

Taking a shaky breath and slightly squeaking, the elf answered, "We…w-we ran out of clean forks, sir. We had to give you a spoon."

Seamus' eyes got wide.

The timid, little, now squeaking house elf immediately popped away.

Seamus eyed up his pie, and lifted the spoon.

It didn't have eyes.

Seamus sighed, and dipped the spoon into the pie.

"AAAAAHH!" A squeaky voice screamed.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Seamus screamed as he dropped his spoon on the floor with a clatter.

The house elves seemed to be ignoring his fit of insanity, for they just continued on with what they were doing.

Seamus didn't even notice that he had knocked his pie onto the floor.

A house elf cleaned it up.

The spoon picked itself up on its little, stick legs and started to brush off the dust on him.

"Now that hurt." It squeaked as it started to wipe itself free of the cream from the kidney-pie on the carpet.

A house elf cleaned it up, again.

"W-w-w-what …. ….what…..w-w-w-who……did….augh." Seamus stuttered, entirely confused and slightly scared.

He was talking to a spoon.

The spoon answered, "I am a spoon. You may call me Neo."

Ignoring the possible Matrix reference, Seamus replied, "Ok….uh…..how are you ….um…."

Bouncing up on the table, the spoon said, "I don't know, but that's not the point. Do you believe in the Great Spoon?"

Blinking in confusion, and then raising his eyebrow in question, Seamus merely said, "uh…….the great spoon?"

The spoon shook its head….er….spoon-head, "No, no, and no. THE Great Spoon. The almighty and powerful spoon. RULER OF ALL! KEEPER OF THE SACRID WAYS OF THE SPOON!"

Seamus could only blink.

"I take that as a no, come with me human!" the spoon said as he lead Seamus out of the kitchen.

They walked, and walked, and walked some more.

Seamus sighed; they had been walking all over the school. "Are we there yet?"

The spoon answered, "What?"

"Are we there yet?" Seamus repeated.

"There, where?"

"Wherever the great spoon is; I thought you were taking me to him…er...it…thing?"

The spoon blinked.

"Oh, I was taking a walk. It's terrible staying in a drawer almost all your life."

"Follow me!" The spoon said as it jumped straight through a statue of cheese in Viking armor.

Seamus followed; there was time for questioning later.

"WHO DARES ENTER!" A loud voice boomed and echoed off the walls.

"Uh…..I'm…Seamus. Seamus Finnegan."

"AND WHY, AR E YOU HERE?"

Wondering why the voice still hadn't decreased in volume, Seamus started walking down the dark hallway where the voice was coming from.

"I er….I followed a spoon."

"YEEEEESSS……YEEEEEEESS I SEE. MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Why are you laughing?"

"WHO IS YOUR DADDY, AND WHAT DOES HE DO?"

Blinking in confusion, whilst still walking down the seemingly endless hallway, Seamus answered, "My daddy's name is Philip, he's a lawyer."

"DO NOT MOCK ME!"

Seamus merely kept walking.

"HAHAHAHAHA."

"You're laughing again."

"WHY ARE YOU HERE?"

"You already asked that."

"SO?"

"Why is your voice still projected?"

"IT MAKES ME FEEL SPECIAL."

"ok…"

"…"

"So…"

"STOP IT!"

"What did I-"

"SILENCE!"

"…"

"THANK YOU."

"Your welcome."

"SO, WHAT AR E YOU DOING THIS CHRISTMAS?"

"Going to visit my family; and yourself?"

"I AM GOING TO A 'HOW TO RULE THE WORLD IN 8 EASY STEPS' CONVENTION DOWN IN HAWAII. WE'RE HAVING A LUAU."

"Hmm, I like luaus."

"WANT TO COME?"

"Nah already have plans; but enjoy yourself."

"I WILL."

After finally turning around and heading back to the common room, Seamus ran into Dean; who was also on his way to the kitchens.

"Hey Seam. Wanna go get a bite to eat?"

"Sure."

Deciding to try kidney-pie again, they both started to dig in; but without spoons.

In Matrix-world:

The little kid who bends spoons is in an all-out war with the spoons because he bends them and leaves them crippled to live in shame. The spoons do not like this and-

Seamus: uh…is this related to the story?

Me: Well, no not really.

Seamus: so why are you typing it?

Me: I don't know.

Seamus: …

Me: …

Seamus: Well?

Me: Oh right! I guess I'll leave it on this note:

In the end, the almighty cheese and the great spoon have a battle of wits….tragically, both die.

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Me: There now, wasn't that exciting?

Seamus: N-

Me: Of course it was. Reviews shall earn you a seat at the 'How to Rule the World in 8 Easy Steps' convention.