Susan woke up feeling disoriented. Why was she sleeping on a stone floor? Then she remembered. They were back in Narnia. She glanced around. Lucy was fast asleep on one side of her and Edmund slept on the other side. Peter had been sleeping on the other side of Lucy but his spot was empty. His shield with the red lion was still on there but his sword was gone. The fire still burned. It looked like a few pieces of wood had recently been added to the fire. Peter must have been up for a while.
Susan shook her head. This made no sense. A year ago, she had been dancing in this hall and now it was in ruins. What had happened? She slowly got up trying to not disturb her younger brother and sister. She picked up her bow and arrows and slung them on her back. She slowly walked away from the dias looking for her older brother. She saw Peter sitting watching the sun rise from the Eastern Ocean. He was wearing his sword. She smiled at the sight and went to join him.
"This brings back memories, does it not?" asked Susan as she sat down on the broken wall next to her brother.
"Some things are so familiar as if it was just yesterday" replied Peter.
There was silence as the brother and sister watched the glorious sunrise for several minutes.
"Oh, Peter, what do you think happened? How can Cair Paravel be in ruins like this in just a year? What happened to Galen, Melina, all our friends?" asked Susan.
Susan felt the tears in her eyes as she spoke. She blinked and tried not to cry.
"I don't know anymore than you, Su. I've trying to sort it out but it makes no sense. I can't imagine Narnians would ever willingly abandon Cair Paravel" replied Peter. "But we must be here for some purpose. It doesn't appear that anyone lives on this island. Once Lu and Ed are awake, we should try to get off the island."
Later that morning, they had gone back down to the beach. It was so confusing. How could Cair Paravel be in ruins in one year? Why was a channel dug through the peninsula? It was a mystery. Edmund always loved mysteries so it wasn't a surprise that he was the one to realize what had happened.
"You know that, however long we seemed to live in Narnia, when we got back through the wardrobe, it seemed to have taken no time at all? And that means, that once you're out of Narnia, you have no idea how Narnian time is going. Why shouldn't hundreds of years have gone past in Narnia while only one year passed in England?" asked Edmund.
Susan felt stunned by this idea. Logically it made sense. Emotionally, it was overwhelming. It meant Galen was dead. Melina was dead. All their friends and courtiers were dead. Susan began to cry. She had known in her heart that she would never see Galen again. But now it felt real. Lucy reached out and hugged her. Lucy was weeping too.
And then there was no time to cry. The boat had appeared with the two soldiers and their prisoner, a dwarf. It was an automatic reflex to reach for her bow and arrows. Then she plunged into the water after Peter to get the boat and drag it to shore. The dwarf confirmed their suspicions. It had been over a thousand years since they ruled in Narnia's Golden Age. It was as if King Arthur appeared in England. They had been summoned back by Susan's magical horn to aid Prince Caspian in his battle against his evil uncle. Peter was correct; they were here for a purpose.
The next two days were horrible. Susan was always tired although the physical exhaustion helped push away her emotional turmoil. She quarreled with her siblings. She could tell Peter was losing patience with her complaints. But she couldn't help herself. Memories flooded back – memories of battles and celebrations and love. There were memories of fifteen years of living and growing up. She felt so frightened, so overwhelmed, so sad. Then Aslan appeared to Lucy and she could not see Him. At first, Peter and Edmund could not see Him either. But then they did see Him and it was only her, only Susan who could not see Aslan. When she finally did Him, she wept. Then He breathed on her and she felt brave again, she felt like a queen.
Susan and Lucy had a glorious romp with Aslan. Then they went to the battlefield. Peter, of course, was victorious. Prince Caspian was crowned king and Aslan made a great feast. Almost everyone was asleep but Susan couldn't think of sleep. She looked around and realized Peter was gone.
She stood up and saw her older brother standing at the top of the small hill. She trudged up the hill and he turned and smiled.
"What are you doing, Peter?" asked Susan.
He answered: "Just looking at the stars, they are so beautiful here in Narnia. Everything is so beautiful. I am just thinking of how much I love this country."
Susan laughed and replied "That is good, your Majesty. It would be sad state if the High King of Narnia did not love his country."
Peter laughed and then tilted his head and said "There is Aslan. Let us go speak with Him."
The great lion stood still in the moonlight waiting for them. They knelt before Him.
"My son. My daughter. What troubles your hearts?" asked Aslan.
Susan had so many questions but she could not speak. She felt afraid again. What if Aslan refused to answer their questions? What if she would never know what happened?
"Dear Aslan. I know you can only tell us our own stories. But what happened to the loved ones we left behind feels like it is part of our own stories. Please can you tell us what happened to them after we left Narnia?" asked Peter.
Aslan gazed at them in silence. Then He spoke.
"Why do you want to know my son? It will not change anything" said the great lion.
"I know nothing will change Aslan. I did not choose to walk back through the wardrobe but I cannot help but feel that I deserted my family, deserted my country. I guess I need to know that they were alright" replied the young High King.
Aslan replied "After you returned to your world, I told your court to not search, that you were gone. Melina ruled wisely as Regent while Galen led Narnia's army. Neither of them re-married. Your son and his descendents ruled Narnia for hundreds of years in peace and prosperity." The great lion paused for a moment and then continued: " Now King Peter and Queen Susan, take King Caspian to Cair Paravel. The treasures in the throne room belong to him as Narnia's rightful king. Along with the gold and jewels and weapons, you will find chests with historical records. The records will answer some of your questions. You will also find the plans for Cair Paravel itself so Caspian can rebuild it. I am leaving now but I will see you again in five days at Burena. We will speak again at that time my children."
Peter and Susan bowed their heads. When they looked up the lion was gone. Peter stood up and reached out his hand to help Susan to her feet.
Peter said "Come Su, let's go back to the camp and sleep. Tomorrow we will ride to Cair Paravel."
A week later, Susan was back at boarding school. She was sitting outside in the garden reading when Lucy appeared. The garden was in late summer bloom but it appeared dull compared to Narnia.
"Su, I have been looking for you" whispered Lucy. "I wanted to make sure you were alright. I feel so sad that Aslan told you and Peter that you could never return to Narnia. I can't imagine how you feel."
Susan quietly replied "In the last week, I learned that Galen, Melina and all our friends have been dead for over a thousand years. Aslan will never let me return to Narnia. I feel torn in two – part of me is very sad and part of me is angry. But mostly, I am grateful that the memories are fading. I want to forget."
Lucy gasped and said "Susan, you don't mean that do you? How can you ever forget Narnia? Or forget Aslan?"
Susan looked at her little sister. Lucy was so kind, so loving and innocent. She didn't want to upset Lucy. But she didn't want to remember this pain, this horrible loss nor did she want to deal with the rage she felt at losing her life as Queen Susan. The anger was the worst part – Susan had never been truly angry in her life and she didn't know how to cope with the feelings of rage.
"I don't like feeling this way – so sad, so angry. I can't do anything to change it so it is easiest to try not to think about it" answered Susan. "I just can't think about Narnia every day or I will go mad. Aslan told Peter and me that it was time to live in this world so that is what I need to do. Don't worry Lu. I'll be fine" said Susan.