Whoohoo! The last chappy. I won't keep your reading up with a long...uh...beginning...thing...

Disclaimer: None of the Harry Potter and LOTR characters are mine.

Poop! Did I just give away something? Maybeh ah did. (Dr. Evil Pose)

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#5: Dennis and Sauerkraut

Dennis Creevy was a perfectly normal British boy. Unlike Neville, Justin, Cedric, and Seamus he was the only one featured in this story that didn't try the house elves special for dinner last year.

He and his brother Colin were trying to crack the mystery as to why some of the boys at Hogwarts had strange experiences.

Instead of just waving it off like it was nothing as the professors did, they decided to get to the bottom of it.

All clues lead to the one dinner special that the house elves had prepared one year ago. The boys that had the strange occurrences were the only ones to dare to try it. It was a special that they were dared to eat, naturally.

No one would eat it otherwise.

All of the descriptions of the special food were different, but all were ghastly.

Dennis was just on his way to the Hufflepuff common room to talk to Cedric (a/n: Altering what happened in year 4 (sob) oh, and while I'm at it, I am altering what happened in year 5…obviously), when he walked right by the portrait that lead to the kitchens.

Deciding to talk with the house elves about their special that night, Dennis tickled the pear and walked inside.

A house elf promptly popped by his side (a/n: isn't that fun to say? Promptly popped. Promptly popped. Tehe! .).

"Is you be needing something young sir?" It asked in the usual squeaky house elf way.

The Creevy brother nodded.

"I was wondering what the ingredients were in the dinner special that you made last year."

The house elf shook its head.

"I was not here then sir. You's should be speaking to Dobby." And with that, the little house elf popped away.

Dennis picked at a loose string on his pants pocket, and looked around at all of the busy house elves.

They were scuttling about with dirty clothes, dirty dishes, and a manner of things that made them look busy.

He timidly walked up to one of the house elves that were washing dishes in a very large sink.

He cleared his throat.

"Excuse me? But do you know where I could find Dobby?"

The house elf turned to him, still keeping busy with the dishes as it started to talk in the house elf squeak.

"Yes, sir. Dobby be's in the Gryffindor commons with Mr. Potter."

Dennis nodded.

"Thank you."

He backed away, careful not to trip over the busy house elves, and went out the portrait door.

He ran a hand through his hair, trying to decide on what to do.

He heard laughing around the corner.

Dennis walked up quietly and peered around the corner, careful not to be seen.

It was his brother Colin, along with Cedric, Justin, Seamus, and Neville. What were they talking about?

"He doesn't suspect a thing." He heard his brother say.

"How can you be sure?" Cedric said as he shuffled his feet nervously.

"Yeah. How do you know?" Seamus added. "What if he knows?"

He saw Colin shake his head.

"Not a chance."

"Well I guess we're safe then." Neville nervously squeaked out, "I mean, if no one knows." He added as he looked suspiciously about.

Dennis shied back around the corner as Neville's eyes came his way, but he backed too far and knocked into a suit of armor.

"Who's there?" Justin called out as all the boys walked to where Dennis was.

He looked sheepily at them.

"Oh, it's just Dennis." Said Colin as he wiped imaginary sweat from his brow.

All the boys sighed with relief.

"What all did you hear Dennis?" Cedric asked as he took another look around, to make sure no one else knew of their meeting.

Dennis shrugged. "Nothing."

All of them nodded, and Colin said, "Let's keep it that way."

They all then dispersed to their common rooms, leaving Dennis in the hall.

Leaving him to wonder what it was that they were talking about.

After awhile of pondering, Dennis decided to resume his search for Dobby; and headed to the Gryffindor common room.

Dennis sighed as we walked up the last stairwell. They really could use some escalators.

"Password dearie? Hic." Asked the drunken portrait of the Fat Lady.

Dennis shook his head, she really needed to stop lying and saying that she went to go have 'tea' with the portrait of the Skinny Lady. Everyone knew that they could pull some strings with the Bar Tender portrait.

"Everlasting youth." He said as the portrait swung open…drunkenly.

Dennis walked inside the common room and tried to seek out Harry.

The Gryffindors sure liked their common room.

It was almost completely full.

He then spotted Harry talking to Dobby in the corner.

Dennis walked over.

"Hi Harry!" He waved, and beamed like a spotlight. He was a fan of the boy-who-lived, as was every Creevy.

Harry gave a small wave. "Hi Dennis. What can I do for you?"

He said this in a sarcastic tone, but Dennis was too hyped up to notice.

"I was wondering if I could talk to Dobby, Harry." Dennis said as he still beamed like a spotlight.

Harry looked surprised and relieved at the same time.

He nodded and said, "Sure." Then went up to his dorm.

Dobby turned to the Creevy, "What is Mr. Creevy be's wanting with Dobby?"

Dennis took out his quill and parchment.

"Do you remember the ingredients put in the dinner special last year?"

Dobby tilted his head, and blinked.

"Why is you be wanting to know?"

Dennis shrugged.

Dobby cleared his throat and listed the ingredients.

"Live chicken, lemon, cracked pepper, three kinds of cheeses: cheddar, parmesan, and blue, chocolate sauce, lettuce picked on the eleventh month of leap year, page 245 out of How to Kill a Dark Lord, and some paprika for added flavor."

After writing down all the ingredients, and cringing after reading them.

Dennis nodded, thanked Dobby, and went to his dorm room to think.

Later that night, Dennis decided to seek out his brother to find out about the strange meeting with the group.

He was certainly not expecting to be intercepted by Harry on the stairs.

Harry waved Dennis over in somewhat a stiff way as he made sure that no one else was coming down the hallway.

Dennis walked up to Harry with an inquisitive look.

"What is it Harry?"

"Did you happen to hear anything?"

Dennis blinked.

"I'm not deaf, if that's what you mean."

"So…you heard the conversation between me and Dobby?" Harry asked as he narrowed his eyes.

"No, no I didn't."

Harry sighed in relief, and relaxed visibly.

It was Dennis's turn to narrow his eyes.

"Why?"

Harry shook his head. "Nothing. Nothing at all. G'bye Dennis."

Harry said quickly as he briskly walked back in the direction of the Gryffindor common room.

Dennis shook his head.

What was it with people keeping secret conversations from him?

It was that opportune moment that his brother happened to walk around the corner.

Dennis waved him over.

"Hey Colin!"

Colin quickly did a 180 and ran back down the stairway where he came from.

Dennis ran after him.

"Colin! Wait up; I have a question for you!"

But, as you might have cleverly guessed, he did not wait up. Instead, he sped up.

Dennis quickly skirted into a hallway as a shortcut to try and cut Colin off.

It worked.

Dennis ran in front of Colin and somehow avoided colliding and breaking something important on the marble floor.

Panting, both brothers took a moment to catch their breath.

"So, what was that conversation about this morning?" Dennis asked Colin when they finally caught their breath.

Colin shrugged and shuffled his feet.

Dennis sighed with impatience.

"Colin! C'mon you can tell me. I'm your brother!"

He said as he pouted, Creevys don't like secrets being kept from them.

Colin sighed.

"All right."

Dennis bounced up and down.

"But you've got to keep quiet!" Colin warned as he pulled his brother into an abandoned classroom.

Later the next morning, all of the students were at their appointed tables eating breakfast when the beginning of a very strange morning started.

Most of the strangeness came from the Gryffindor table.

Hermione looked around, "Where's Harry?" She asked Ron.

Ron shrugged. "He didn't come to the dorm room last night." He said as he loaded up his plate with bacon.

"Yeah, I saw him leave; but not come back." Seamus added.

Just as the enchanted sky turned dark with storm clouds, and thunder and lightning rolled across; the doors burst open.

All of the students left their breakfast and turned to the person that made the dramatic entrance.

Harry Potter.

Dumbledore stood up.

"Harry. Why the theatrics?"

Instead of answering normally, like everyone thought he would, Harry laughed maniacally.

Draco stood up in a huff.

"That's MY laugh!"

He promptly sat down…in a huff.

Not even sparing Draco a glance, Harry spoke.

"I have figured it out! I've finally figured out YOUR secret!"

He said insanely, pointing at Dumbledore.

Dumbledore looked falsely amused.

"Whatever do you mean?"

"Ha!…oh yes…I know your secret."

Harry said as he walked forward.

"What secret Harry?" Dennis asked, ever the snoopy one.

Harry glanced at him, stopped walking right next to the Gryffindor table, and looked back up at Dumbledore.

"You want to know his secret?"

He asked with an evil grin.

Dumbledore looked nervous.

The professors looked interested.

Snape looked positively delighted…sort of…

The Slytherins looked absolutely eager.

Colin glanced around, noting that Harry still hadn't said the secret.

"Well?" He asked impatiently.

"He's a fake." Harry said, his evil grin getting wider.

Dumbledore's eyes got wide.

"What?"

"What's he talking about?"

"What kind of fake?"

"Do you like pie?"

And other such questions were asked around the room…mostly the first three.

"Yes. He's a big fake. He isn't a wizard."

Harry said as he walked closer to the teachers table, with another maniacal laugh.

This raised more questions to be asked around the room.

What was Harry talking about? Not a wizard?

Harry was now standing at the teachers table, having a staring contest with Dumbledore.

"Harry. What are you talking about? Have you gone mad!" Hermione asked as she stood up, ever the prude.

"No, I have not gone mad! Now stop asking." Harry yelled.

Hermione sat back down.

He laughed maniacally again.

"Want to know another secret? Dumbledore's not even human." Harry said as Dumbledore looked about the room.

Everyone was all astir now.

He chuckled.

"Harry, why are you making up such lies?" He asked.

Harry tilted his head, "Well, if you would like me to prove it."

He said as he raised his wand.

"No wait!" Dumbledore yelled as he tried to run away.

Harry was too fast, he swished his wand and Dumbledore turned into a…

Shrimp?

The Slytherins laughed with glee.

Dumbledore was a tiny little shrimp!

"How did you find out Potter? How did you discover my secret!" He said in a voice like the little shrimp from Shark Tale.

Harry just laughed maniacally.

Then, Dennis decided that now was the time to reveal another secret.

Jumping up on the table, he yelled dramatically, "There is another secret."

Cedric, Neville, Justin, Seamus, and Colin all stiffened.

Everyone's attention was now on Dennis.

"The dinner special last year made several of the students here have strange experiences, and I know why!" He said triumphantly.

"It was the ingredients. They mixed to form a very old spell. It made a spell called Strangefanfictionwithaveryweirdplot!"

Everyone gasped, that was a forbidden spell.

"What will we do!"

"There's nothing we can do."

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

Dumbledore, now turned shrimp, raised his little shrimp…uh…hands, and said, "Calm, calm down. I'm sure there is something that we can do." (a/n: by the way, Dumbledore is floating in the air…magically)

Harry smirked evilly, and began to chuckle in an ominous way.

Draco stood up indignantly once more.

"That's MY evil chuckle! Mine!"

He sat back down.

Once again ignoring him, Harry continued to chuckle.

He got louder, and louder, until he was laughing maniacally again.

"What is it now Harry?" Dumbledore asked in his shrimpy squeak.

"This makes it so much easier." He said with another evil smirk.

Everyone shared questioning looks.

Now what was he talking about?

"Now that the school is under the Strangefanfictionwithaveryweirdplot spell, it makes it so much easier to take over the world! MWUAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!"

Harry said as everyone gasped.

Draco stood up again.

"That's MY evil plan! Mine!"

He sat back down.

No one was paying any attention to him at this point.

The professors all whipped out their wands.

"Expelliarmous!"

Harry was too quick, with his expelliarmous spell all of their wands flew out of their hands to the floor.

"You cannot stop me!"

He yelled insanely as he made all of the students' wands as well as the professors fly out the nearest window, breaking the glass.

"They miyet no' bve able too. Bvut ve can."

Neville gasped.

"It's my starfish friends!"

He yelled, pointing at the broken window.

Harry whipped around.

There was the whole group of starfish that were in McGonagall's tank yesterday standing on the window sill.

They jumped off the sill.

Harry pointed his wand at them.

"You think that you can defeat me?"

He asked with another evil smirk.

"No. Bvut perhaps ve can vith our frrlends."

The leader starfish said as everyone turned to see who was now sitting on the window sill.

It was the rabid squirrels…and lamps.

Cedric and Justin stood up.

"Our…uh…friends!"

They said with uncertainty…they hadn't really been on good terms, they were more like acquaintances.

Harry still chuckled.

"Your little freak group still cannot defeat me."

"Then perhaps we can help."

Said the new group of oddities.

Seamus and Justin (once again) stood up…and resisted the urge to scream.

It was spoons and string.

The students were all puzzled. How could this strange group defeat Harry?

It was then that the cavalry arrived.

"Hullo. I do believe we are at the wrong party."

Dumbledore gulped. It was the poker playing dementors and ringwraiths.

Parvati Patil screamed.

Though not because of what you might think.

"That is the loveliest shade of pink!"

She squealed as she observed the dementors fingernails.

He was the one that had won the prized bottle of polish.

"Oh, I know! I won it in a poker game."

Harry backed away somewhat nervously, it was almost impossible to go against an army such as this.

They all lined up.

String in the front, followed by the spoons, squirrels, starfish, lamps, ringwraiths, then dementors.

They all faced Harry; he now had backed up against the wall, pointing his wand at the strange group.

Somehow the house tables had disappeared.

The students were on both sides of the strange group and Harry, wondering what would happen.

The Slytherins were all grinning.

This was the best Christmas Eve they had ever had.

All seemed to be at a standstill.

Everyone held their breath.

Harry had narrowed his eyes at the opposing group, raised his wand and said, "Av-"

But he was cut off by a loud-

BANG!

Everyone looked around.

Where had that come from?

It was then that everyone's attention then went to the roof of the Great Hall.

Sides of the roof crumbled and fell to the marble floor.

The roof was being lifted.

Students screamed and ran to the center of the Great Hall, away from the collapsing rubble.

Then, the roof was thrown away to reveal…

Space ships?

"What is this? A trick?" Harry asked as he aimed his wand at the oncoming ships.

"Incendio!" He yelled as his spell hit the nearest space ship and set it aflame, causing it to crash into the unoccupied teachers table.

The other space ships landed close to the crashed ship, the students backed up to the doors.

Dumbledore was floating close to McGonagall's shoulder, peering over Snape's greasy head, wondering what could possibly be inside the UFO's.

Everyone was thinking the same thing, but Dennis was the first to do something.

He walked up to the space ship that was on fire, past the other ships that landed, and said a spell that he had just recently learned.

"Aqua arecto!" Water burst from his wand tip and put out the flames.

Harry pushed his way through the crowd of students and stood beside Dennis.

The door to the once aflame ship opened.

The students and teachers, except for Dennis and Harry, took a step back. Whatever was in that ship could not be good.

It was then that the pilot of the strange alien ship stepped out.

It looked like…some sort of food.

"I do not appreciate your setting my ship on fire, young sir." Said the strange…thing.

Harry narrowed his eyes.

"What are you?" He asked.

"I am sauerkraut, from the planet Grocery." The sauerkraut then turned to Dennis.

"Thank you for putting the fire out. For that, we shall not destroy you." And with that, the other ships opened up and other sauerkraut stepped out; with big, gun like things.

Harry glared at them all.

"You shall not destroy me! Because I will take over the world! Av-"

But he was cut off again by the closest sauerkraut; with one shot Harry Potter-the-evil-wizard-who-was-trying-to-take-over-the-world was destroyed.

"Ha!" Draco yelled as he pointed to the dust pile that was once Harry Potter, but his victory was short lived.

For he was shot as well. sob

As were all the others.

Dennis looked around the now empty room other than him and the sauerkraut, and asked a question that he had to ask…because of the plot.

"So, what are you all doing for Christmas?"

The sauerkraut put away their evaporating guns and turned to him.

"Taking over the world."

THE END

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Me: (claps hands whilst jumping up and down) Did you like the ending? Please review, I must know if I should redo the ending. Was it random enough?

Fred: Was it random enough?

George: Who are you?

Fred: I'm Fred, dear brother.

George: No, no. Not you Freddy. I was saying that to the weird author of this mundane drabble.

Fred: Ah. Spot on.

Me: Pssh. I'm not weird.

Gred&Forge: Yes you are.

All characters mentioned in this mundane drabble: Review!