A/N: Please read and review
"You have grown stronger, my youngest one," the Sith Lord's voice vibrated through the air.
"Thank you, My Lord. It is due to your tutelage that I am advancing."
He began to laugh, "but, alas, the Jedi have a great hand in your coming. Of course, your connection with them grow stronger."
"It has, My Lord, but I have seen the foolishness of their ways."
"Excellent, young one. Gain their trust and undermine their control over the Republic. The tyranny of the Jedi must end!"
For three months Finn had stayed at the Temple and was the perfect padawan. She got up early in the morning, meditated then practiced her fighting skills, afterwards she spend her evenings with Obi-Wan, learning the ways to Inner Peace. She wore the Jedi robes, obeyed the Code, and ate the food. Nonetheless, one morning, her master found her quite restless. "What is it, Fina?"
She dug her fingers into her scalp and sighed, "Master, am I making any progress?"
He was surprised. Finn never had doubts about her abilities. She had always been so confident and composed that it bordered on arrogance. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, not just at saber practices and self control, have I become a better person?"
His eyes widened even more, he stuttered at first, "you, you mean your connection with the Force?"
"Maybe," she looked down as she fidgeted with a piece of string, "have I improved much since I came here?"
"I believe you have improved a great deal, and not just speed and strength wise. Your patience and inner serenity are much better, much more Jedi-like." He grinned, but found the look in her eyes more troubled. "What is it? Is there something wrong?"
"Nothing," she looked down again, "actually, I was wondering if you had any trouble keeping your vows. Ben, you have always seemed so unruffled at anything. You have always been the perfect Jedi. I still feel like I'm just a little girl, trailing behind you and Qui Gon, never seemed to be able to shorten the gap between us."
"Did, eh," he was not sure how to put this delicately, "did anything happen that make you feel as if you are not making progress?" she shook her head, but it was clear that she hesitated. "Believe me, Finn, I'm not as great as you think. Heck, I'm not even close to half as great as you think." He grinned, which made her smile, then he ruffled her hair. "For example, I never seem to resist your taunts and I used to get into so much trouble because of you." She straightened out her hair and laughed at him. "I have been angry, especially when I was younger. Attachments are forbidden to a Jedi—"
"Have you ever… ummm, had an attachment?" she was curious. Obi-Wan blinked. He saw the reflected light of the rising sun on her soft hair. He could not help but marvel at the delicateness of her skin and the glisten in her intelligent eyes. "No, not the kind that most would think of. The attachment between Master and Padawan, yes. The attachment between friends, yes. But there are certain things that I have found it easy to keep clear of." He had seen the young man speaking to her many times, when she was outside of the Temple. He was a military commander, escorting the ruler of Endor to Coruscant for an important treaty. His name was… either Carl or Karl. He had black curly hair, penetrating brown eyes, and a killer smile. Obi-Wan knew that it was pointless to feel robbed by this handsome soldier. Finn was not a Jedi, she may do whatever she pleased. Nonetheless, he felt gravely disappointed to lose her again. It felt good to have her company near and it felt good to be wanted by an apprentice again. He could not help but wonder what his life would be like if he never was discovered by Master Jinn. He would probably end up a nameless farmer or soldier in some dismal land. But he would go where he pleased and be with his family of loved ones. For the first time in his life, Obi-Wan had slight doubts about his destiny in the Jedi.
Finn nodded, unaware of the shielded struggle her master had just undertook. She stood up, brushed her trousers free of dust from the floor, and headed toward the training quad.
It was then the messenger from the Council found them. Much surprised at the Council's decision, Finn and Obi-Wan began to pack for their trip to Jabiim. Finn had been restless as she trained day after day while a full-scale war waged on and her former classmates from the Academy were attacked battle after battle. Obi-Wan, on the other hand, expected the change. He had a feeling that the reason that he spent the past few months in the Temple was to train the Young Palpatine, rather than to continue the campaign he was involved in since the beginning of the Clone War. Was the girl child worth the battles involving millions of life forms? Nonetheless, he did not doubt the wisdom of the Jedi Council and he believed that the regiments were in good hands.
Finn had been restless all her life. This was probably the longest she had ever stayed at any one particular place. It was the soldier blood in her. Even in her stations, she was often called on to travel to the most obscure and dangerous corners of the planets. The commanders preferred her witticisms and resourcefullness in harsh times. Despite all her taunts and jokes about her superiors, she obeyed the orders relentlessly and faithfully, if she believed they were in the right. The Jedi Temple reminded her so much of her childhood between Naboo and Coruscant. There were traces of her uncle, Qui Gon, all around her. When passing by an open door that led to a class for younglings taught by Master Yoda, she heard his lectures and could almost see Qui Gon, his tall figure standing in front of him. His shoulder was in a sling. It was when he was resting his wounds on Naboo. Her mother would read quietly while glancing their way once in a while. His hair was much shorter at the time and his gray eyes were always laughing. "Feel the Force flowing through you. Through the blood in you veins, fusing inside of you and becoming a part of you."
She tried, but only managed to clench her little fists really tight and bruising her palms.
"A good Jedi does not need to think, he," the child glared at him, he smiled and continued, "or she, can feel the guidance of the Force on impulse."
That was their first lesson.
"Would you like to meet someone?" It was weeks later in Coruscant.
The four-year-old Finn nodded and peeked shyly from behind her uncle's legs.
"This is my Padawan, his name is Obi-Wan Kenobi." The boy extended a friendly hand and a friendly face, "nice meeting you, Fina. Master Jinn has told me a great deal about you." Hearing his soft voice, she overcame her anxiety.
"Hello, Oben Kenobi." She mumbled.
"No, young one," Qui Gon laughed and shook his head, "his name is Obi-Wan."
It was her turn to shake her small blond head furiously, "no! His name is Ben." Almost by impulse, Fina had given him a new name that she stuck to most of her life. Obi-Wan accepted it, liking the less strange sounding name coming from the mouth of the young girl. She immediately attached herself to him. Soon enough, they were running around like puppies and chasing each other in games. He was her Ben, and no one, not even Qui Gon should take him away from her. A few days later, the little child declared to her uncle and friend that when she grew up, she was going to marry Obi-Wan.
They both began to chuckle at her, and then the chuckle broke into great bursts of laughter. She just stood there, looking at them, embarrassed and confused.
Pitying her confusion, her uncle said, "sorry, little one. Jedi are not allowed to marry."
"Why?"
"Because attachments are forbidden."
"Why?"
"Because it is stated in the Jedi Code."
"Why?"
"Because that is the rule."
"Then why do you have to follow the rule?"
"You have to follow the rule to be a Jedi."
"Then why should you want to be a Jedi?"
Tired of her questions, Qui Gon bounced the question back, "why do you want to marry Obi-Wan?"
"So Ben and I can be together forever. We are best friends."
"But best friends don't have to get married," Obi-Wan instructed his young friend patiently. "They can just stay friends and be with each other forever, without breaking the rules."
"But why would you have to follow the rules all the time?" she wrinkled her little nose, "why do you have to be a Jedi, Ben?" she looked at him with her inquisitive gray eyes. She asked him that question still.
It was from that day that she began to dislike the Jedi. It was the Jedi that always order Ben and Uncle away in the middle of the night. It was the Jedi that forbid her to play with Ben all the time. It was the Jedi that sent Uncle to his last mission. It was the Jedi that sent that last pitiful message of condolence to her mother, which eventually worsened her sickness and killed her.
"The battles will be dangerous and the ways will be perilous, my youngest one."
"My lord, the Republic is weak and useless. Our opportunity will come soon," said the Sith apprentice.
"Go on, then. Further our cause and may you shine in glory."
"You know," she marveled at a sudden whim, as she swung her knapsack over her shoulder as they boarded the spaceship, "you give me a lot more allowances than I deserve."
Master Kenobi cocked an eyebrow at her, "what makes you say that, Finn?"
"Oh, nothing," she grinned, "just a reminder that you should continue to give me more allowances than I deserve." He snorted at that and shoved her into the ship.
Anakin shook his former master's hand politely and wished him farewell. His post along side of the Chancellor prevented him from joining in on the battle against the separatists. The paper duties began to grow tedious and he longed to fight side-by-side with Obi-Wan again. Then, he saw Finn in her military outfit and felt a twinge of jealousy. She has been a better apprentice than I had, he thought as she bowed to him and wished him goodbye. She will serve him better than I ever had. I was not worthy to be Obi-Wan's padawan. He knew that the journey would be a turbulent and dangerous one. Nonetheless, he would not be missed.
"Anakin seems reluctant to let you go," Finn remarked as the shuttle readied itself, "he wants to go with you."
Obi-Wan just scoffed, "no, he is far attached to Padmé to leave. I'm worried that his attachment to her grows stronger everyday. It might further into something that would anger the Council."
If you only knew, Kenobi, Finn thought to herself, what your padawan has done. How has your little apprentice surpassed you and accomplished what you would not even dare to dream.
Sitting in her cabin, meditating with her eyes closed on her bed, Finn's long eyelashes fluttered periodically. She had come a long way in her life. Her short period of childhood with her mother on Naboo. Her miraculous entrance to the Military Academy. Her years of experience on many planets and moons. The battles she fought since the beginning of the Clone War. The deaths she experienced throughout her lifetime. Her brother Kyler was the first to die, then her uncle. Her mother, after years of sickness and grief, left her all alone in the world. Her father was just beginning to serve as Supreme Chancellor of the Galactic Senate at the time. Then it was the deaths of her fellow cadets in the war and her commanding officers. As young as she was, she was thinking about her own death. Funny thing. She always felt that any exact moment was the point of half of her life. When she was little, she always imagined her life as far as her teenage years and couldn't fathom anything farther away. Right now, she had the gut feeling that she would die before she was forty, before she would ever get old or decrepit. With so much rigor and strength in her, it was hard for anyone to imagine her ever getting old. Yet at that moment, she was no longer the spirited and slightly rebellious ward of her childhood friend but the lieutenant colonel of the Republican army. She was not afraid to die.
"Fear is not something you want to be possessing you on a battlefield, especially for a Jedi." Obi-Wan was leaning on her doorframe, eyeing her and sensing her thoughts.
"I am not afraid, not of anything," she stated and her voice echoed like it was a formal announcement. Without opening her eyes, she perceived his agitation. "What is it, Ben?" she opened her eyes and stared at him.
"Finn," he looked down at the tips of his boots. He always did that when he was afraid of her reaction. She knew whatever he was going to say next, it would make her angry. "This battle, this war, it's far more dangerous and extensive than anything I have ever experience. I," he looked up then looked down quickly again. She had a feeling of where this was going. "I will be in many difficult and risky positions, and I do not want you to be there with me."
"What are you saying, Kenobi?" her voice was burning with cold anger.
He drew a deep breath and finished his sentence as quickly as possible, "I want you to stay in the Shelter Base."
"Damn you, Kenobi. What if I refuse?"
"Then you would be committing an act of insubordination. I can put you in confinement regardless." He sat down next her, but she refused to look at him, so he turned she shoulders to face him, "I don't want to put you in danger, Finn. Try to be reasonable, please."
"Then why don't you listen to reason? I did not train in the Temple with you for the past months so that I can show buddies of mine that I can move pieces of rocks with my mind. I have fought in almost as many battles as you have. I am as capable of fighting in an aquatic and hostile war as you can. I am stating my final position now: I refuse." She moved her legs down the bed and stood up. "You would never do this to Anakin," she muttered as she head out the door. Her words stunned him. She was right. He never would tell Anakin to stay behind. He was letting his personal feelings to inhibit the campaign. Even before the campaign had even started! He crouched over and ran his fingers through his hair. What was happening to him? "General Kenobi?" a clone commander called on the comlink, "we are about to land on Handooine."
"And it is in our deepest regret to inform you that Master Jedi Qui Gon…"
"What is it, mother?" Finn set down a tray of fruits.
"Oh," her mother closed the holocam quickly, "it's nothing, dear. Here, eat. You look thin."
"Is it from the Jedi?" her eyes lit up, "are Uncle and Ben coming to visit?"
"No, m'dear. Here, sit by me," her mother smoothed out her daughter's wild curls with her long delicate fingers. She held her daughter by the shoulders, more to draw strength from the child than to comfort Finn. "Your uncle," she hesitated, "will not be coming to us any more." At first, Finn was confused. She loved Qui Gon and she was sure he liked her more than just as a pupil. Why would he not visit her and his sister anymore? Then the words "mission" and "duty" echoed in her mind. She knew. Her heart sank.
She left her mother in her bed and did not speak to anyone for days. She was angry and sad and torn. Qui Gon had served the Jedi loyally for all of his life. How could they let this happen? How could the almighty and righteous Jedi Council let him die? She thought of Ben and how she may never see him again. She thought of her brother and sister and father, who were so far away and never any comfort to her or Mother. Then Kyler died. Died on some godforsaken planet that their father sent him to. She didn't even remember what Kyler looked like anymore. What color were his eyes? Then mother's illness worsened, she could barely move due to the pain. After her mother died, there was nothing keeping her home. She did not want to stay with her father on Coruscant anymore than she wanted to stay at home with the reminders of all the deaths. She joined the Naboo Military Academy and traveled with the Special Forces throughout the galaxy. She had never returned to Naboo since. Home? It had become just a word to her. It was the place where she laid down her head to sleep. It was everywhere and nowhere. A restless ghost doomed to wander.