This is "A Decemberween Carol" based on you-know-what. I would have posted this three days ago, but I didn't know about the 3-day waiting period until after I signed up. Tenth of a score ago, I posted this on a message board when Homestar Runner fans were deprived of a Decemberween toon. The same has happened this year and so I post this again, now on enjoy.
Rated T for Strong Bad's favorite word.
A Decemberween Carol
Cast:
Scrooge Bad – Strong Bad
Homestar Cratcher – Homestar Runner
Scrooge's Nephew – Strong Sad
Donation Collectors – Pom-Pom and Coach Z
Ghost of Madley – Strong Mad
Ghost of DW Past – Sickly Sam
Ghost of DW Present – King of Town
Ghost of DW Yet-to-come – Poopsmith
Scrooge's Former Boss – 1936 Bubs
Scrooge's Past Love – 1936 Marzipan
Marzi Cratcher – Marzipan
Homsar Cratcher – Homsar
Tiny Cheat – The Cheat
Black Merchant/Gravediggers – 20X6 and Sweet Cuppin Cakes Characters
Scene 1
Strong Bad (Scrooge) answers a letter like an e-mail.
Strong Bad: Dear Scrooge Bad, Scrooge Bad? How do you use pen and ink while wearing fighting gloves? Your enemy, like we all are, Phil. Geez, what's wrong with these people, they keep asking me how I write with gloves on? Can't they see that I have better things to do, you know like taking peoples money, and making them suffer while I have a big dark house full of nothing, or at least my blow up hoochie girl, and a few cold ones, and I think that my hoochie girl is real and also rich and I'm her lover. It would be so hot, so hot, so hot-, (Strong Bad soon realizes the temperature has risen in the office.) Hey what, why is it so hot in here?
(Strong Bad walks over to the fireplace where Homestar (Bob Crachet) is shoveling in coal)
Homestar: Oh hello, I was just loading up the thermostat; (with feeling) it's just gets go co-o-old in here.
Strong Bad: Oh yeah, you're going to be feeling much colder at your house if I start using your salary to pay for more stones. Now don't you have work to do?
Homestar: Oh right, right, hey Scrooge Bad.
Strong Bad: What? Why does everyone call me that?
Homestar: Oh I don't know, hey anyway I was wondering if I could have the day off tomorrow.
Strong Bad: What? A day off? Don't you know how important your job is? How am I supposed to work by myself?
Homestar: Well, tomorrow is Decemberween, and I was wondering if I could spend the day with my hippie, I mean, my family.
Strong Bad: I say, bah crapbug! (Turns around) Anyway, I should get back to work.
Homestar: Oh well, hey Scrooge Bad.
Strong Bad: Don't call me that! What do you want now?
Homestar: Could I have half the day off?
Strong Bad: You want half the day off; you want half the day off, FINE! You can have half the day off, but that's all you get, now leave me alone. (Strong Bad returns to his desk, mumbling, soon the door knocks) I'll get it. (Strong Bad answers the door; Strong Sad (his nephew) enters)
Strong Bad: Well if it ain't my little wiener nephew. What do you want?
Strong Sad: Oh I was just here to invite you to my Decemberween party tomorrow. I plan to play lots of games and eat lots of candy and I even,
Strong Bad: Oh so you are inviting me over to your puny little house for some stupid party, well I'm sorry I won't be attending, now get out of here! (Strong Bad pushes him out into the cold)
Strong Sad: (in the snow) Ow! (Strong Bad slams the door, snow falls where he landed) Oh, this is the third time today this happened.
(Strong Bad is just about to sit back down when the door knocks again)
Strong Bad: Ah crap, how many interruptions can I have today? (Strong Bad answers the door; Coach Z and Pom-Pom are collecting donations)
Strong Bad: Who are you guys?
Coach Z: Oh, we're just a couple of guys from the humanitarian institution; we're just collecting donations for the poer. I mean, poyor. (Turns to Pom-Pom) Um, how do you say it? (Pom-Pom says something)
Strong Bad: You mean those people who live on the street, and sing songs and ask for pennies?
Coach Z: Yep, that's them.
Strong Bad: Well, forget it; I wouldn't donate to any of those weasels.
Coach Z: Well don't you have a sense of decency in there? These people are dying!
Strong Bad: Well, that's fine; after all, it's more food for me.
Coach Z: Oh geez, I guess I ain't getting through to you at all, well come on here Pom-Pom. (Coach Z and Pom-Pom leave)
Strong Sad: (in the snow) I'd like to donate, well I would anyway, if only I wasn't covered in all this snow. Is someone going to dig me out?
(Later in the evening)
Homestar: Scrooge Bad, can I go home now? It's after 5.
Strong Bad: Yes, whatever, just remember to be here at 8.
Homestar: Oh okay, so then I leave at noon?
Strong Bad: Yes, fine, now go!
Homestar: Oh okay.
Scene 2
(Strong Bad walks up to his doorstep, as he unlocks his door, the doorknocker expands into a screaming Strong Mad, startling Strong Bad)
Strong Bad: Oh man, that doesn't happen every day.
(Strong Bad goes inside his house and starts going down to his basement, a shadow of Strong Mad in chains follows him. Strong Bad gets on his couch and starts flipping channels on his TV, seeing an assortment of Decemberween shows. He then turns his TV off.)
Strong Bad: Geez, there's nothing on but Decemberween shows. Oh maybe I should get something to eat.
(Strong Bad goes to his kitchen and opens his refrigerator to find Strong Mad coming out of it, glowing with chains)
Strong Bad: Wha wh wh what is this?
Strong Mad: I'M STRONG MADLEY!
Strong Bad: Yes I see that big guy, hey, uh, whatever happened to you?
Strong Mad: SPIRITS TOOK ME! I AM BEING PUNISHED FOR CRUELTY!
Strong Bad: Punished? You're dead? Spirits killed you? So, why are you here?
Strong Mad: SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN TO YOU!
Strong Bad: What? I'll be in chains too?
Strong Mad: THREE GHOSTS WILL COME!
Strong Bad: What, what three ghosts?
Strong Mad: I'M GONE! (Strong Mad disappears)
Strong Bad: Wait, what three ghosts? (Strong Bad looks around) Oh never mind, it's probably nothing important. Needless to say, it cost me my appetite. Maybe I should just turn in. (leaves the kitchen)
Scene 4
(Strong Bad is in bed sleeping when suddenly a bright light shines)
Strong Bad: (waking up) Oh, what is it? (He notices are glowing figure of Sickly Sam (Ghost of DW Past) What? Who are you?
Sickly Sam: I'm the ghost of Decemberween Past.
Strong Bad: Decemberween Past? What past?
Sickly Sam: Your past, it's on this old filmstrip.
Strong Bad: Sorry, I only have a VCR.
Sickly Sam: Oh. (The filmstrip puffs into a videocassette)
Strong Bad: What are you going to do? Show me the way I once was?
Sickly Sam: Perhaps this will make you think. Come with me.
Strong Bad: (sighs) Fine, but do me a favor and don't speak too much, your voice freaks me out.
(Strong Bad and Sickly Sam go into the TV room and they play the tape)
Scene 5
(On the TV, a title reads "Scrooge Bad's Past © 1936")
Strong Bad: Why in the world does everyone keep calling me that?
(The TV shows a Decemberween party with all the 1936 characters.)
Bubs 1936: Let the Decemberween party begin.
Homestar 1936: I never seen this many bread loafs before. (Fat Dudley speaks)
Strong Bad 1936: (looking through a telescope) Oooh, just get look at all that bread, all that bread will soon be ourrrrs! (Strong Man and the Sneak cheer)
King of Town 1936: (with accent) Don't forget that the government owns that bread.
Strong Bad 1936: The government eh? Well I'll show you politicians how we do things around here. I'll fight you!
(Strong Bad watching the tape)
Strong Bad: Uh oh, I think I know what happens next.
(On the TV, Strong Bad 1936 creeps toward the edge of a board with a gun in his hand)
Strong Bad: No, don't go over the edge!
(But he does, and yells)
Strong Bad: Oh you crap for crap, now you're going to land in compost!
Sickly Sam: It's only an image; they can't see or hear you.
Strong Bad: Hey SHUT UP! I've watched TV before. I know that.
(The TV screen shows Strong Bad 1936 in a compost pile, a 1936 Poopsmith is present.)
Strong Bad 1936: Curses, I landed in compost, it stinks so bad!
Marzipan 1936: Do you want some help?
Strong Bad 1936: You could help me out with finding me the nearest bathhouse around here.
Marzipan 1936: I was going to the one down the street; I'll walk you over.
(Strong Bad remembers something)
Strong Bad: Oh wait, this is where I meet that one girl, and she was so nice to me and everything.
Sickly Sam: But you weren't any nice to her.
(Sickly Sam fast-forwards the tape to the break-up scene)
Marzipan 1936: Aren't you going to marry me?
Strong Bad 1936: What, and raise my taxes to kingdom come, you've got to be crazy!
Marzipan 1936: I didn't know you were that selfish. I don't love you anymore. Boo hoo hoo.
(Strong Bad cries on the couch)
Strong Bad: Why? Why did I say that?
Sickly Sam: You just did. And that's how it ends.
Strong Bad: (Stops crying) Well, I've had it with this, it's too depressing.
Sickly Sam: What's more depressing is that I never got one slice of bread. Could I have some of your bread?
Strong Bad: What? Go buy your own bread.
Sickly Sam: Okay, I guess I'm finished. (Puffs away)
Strong Bad: Fine with me, Ghost of Christmas Past, I mean Decemberween Past. I should get some more sleep.
Scene 6
(Strong Bad is back in bed, soon hears noises from his basement)
Strong Bad: What, where is that noise coming from? (Strong Bad goes back down to his basement, and finds the King of Town (Ghost of Decemberween Present) surrounded by food.) Oh, look at this, a fat old man humming and eating. And where did all this food come from?
King of Town: Most of it I brought, though I must say that pizza you had in your freezer was delicious.
Strong Bad: What? Who said you could raid my fridge?
King of Town: I figured you wouldn't be generous otherwise, so I just took it. Anyway, I am the Ghost of Decemberween Present, and I'm here to take you on a tour to two different places.
Strong Bad: At this time of night, this better be good.
Scene 7
(Strong Bad follows the King of Town to Strong Sad's house on the edge of town)
Strong Bad: Hey, this is my nephew's house.
King of Town: Let's see what's happening at the party.
Strong Bad: What? It's not Decemberween yet.
King of Town: This is what you would call a sneak preview, like eating a jelly donut, jelly first.
(The two of them go inside to find Strong Sad by himself with cardboard characters)
Strong Sad: Well I'm glad we had a successful turnout, I guess. Anyway, who wants to play a game? I have a deck of cards that I just bought three days ago. Anyone want to play Canasta, or Klondike? (Pause) Klondike it is.
Strong Bad: Oh man, what a loser.
King of Town: He's your own nephew.
Strong Bad: As I was saying.
(The doorbell rings)
Strong Sad: Oh, that must be the turkey. (Strong Sad opens the door, Bubs has a turkey.)
Bubs: Hey there, I didn't know if you wanted me to cook the turkey or not, so I brought it raw.
Strong Sad: Oh gee, I was kind of hoping it would come cooked because my oven is broken, but it not like there is anyone here to care.
Bubs: (looking inside) Yep, looks pretty stale in here. Well, I got more deliveries to make, see ya.
Strong Bad: I guess this party has gone cold turkey, he he.
King of Town: I know something that's colder than this. Follow me.
Scene 8
(Strong Bad and the King of Town go to Homestar's house)
Strong Bad: What's this place?
King of Town: This is the home of your employee, the one that you so callously overwork.
Strong Bad: So I see.
King of Town: Perhaps we should go inside.
(Strong Bad and the King of Town go in through the wall. Inside, Marzipan (Mrs. Cratcher) is mixing up something in a bowl. Homsar is turning a tofu block on a fire)
Strong Bad: Hey, I don't see my worker around here, you sure you have the right house?
King of Town: He's not home yet.
Strong Bad: What, he's actually working later than noon? I knew he would come to his senses.
King of Town: No, he's out for a walk with his other son.
Homsar: Aiih hey mommy, I want to eat an aeroplane.
Marzipan: I know you are hungry dear, but we must wait for your father and Tiny Cheat.
Strong Bad: Tiny Cheat, what kind of a name is that?
(Homestar comes through the front door; The Cheat is on his shoulder with a crutch)
Homestar: Hello, my good family, on this Decemberween day.
Marzipan: Hello Homestar, how did Tiny Cheat do in town?
Homestar: Oh, he was tripping the townsfolk like always, but else wise he did all right. (Homestar puts Tiny Cheat on the floor, using his crutch to walk to the table. He then uses his crutch to knock Homsar off his chair, and then jumps on the chair)
Homsar: (on the floor) Elvis has left the building.
Strong Bad: You know, that little guy doesn't seem that bad, I kind of like him.
King of Town: (looking older) It's too bad he's doomed to walk on that crutch that is if you believe that.
(The Cratchers are now sitting at the table and ready to eat.)
Marzipan: This year I decided we had enough money for a better-textured tofu block than last year.
Homestar: Yes, it does look better, (whispering to Tiny Cheat) not that it tastes better.
Marzipan: What?
Homestar: Oh, nothing. Anyway, let's say grace. (Everyone at the table bows their heads, except Homsar) We ask that you bless this family the best that you can, for we really need to eat something else besides cheap tofu, and maybe give our little Cheat some hope, and if only I can make enough to support this family better, oh you know, anyway you rule us forever.
All: Amen
Homestar: And I should also say that I'm glad to have a boss that gives me the money for this feast, Scrooge Bad.
Marzipan: What?
Homestar: Well, he does give me the money.
Marzipan: Homestar, I have half a mind not to ever be thankful for whatever he does to support us. Scrooge Bad is mean, cruel, and careless.
Strong Bad: And I'm only paying you because I'm forced to.
King of Town: They can't hear you.
Strong Bad: Why? I'm not watching this on TV.
King of Town: Well, I have to go home to eat my deep fried goose. We should end this now.
Strong Bad: Does this mean I can I go home now?
Scene 9
(Suddenly the scenery switches from Homestar's house to a graveyard.)
Strong Bad: What? A graveyard? What am I doing here? (Some tombstones catch his attention) Who are these people? Homeschool Winner? The girl next to him? The Un-gur-aits? Carrot Head? Some weird names. Weirder than Tiny Cheat. (He then smells something.) Geez, what smells like crap? (A cast shadow causes him to turn around, noticing the Poopsmith (Ghost of DW Future) in a cloak and a staff.)
Strong Bad: AHHHH! What are you, are you the third ghost? (The Poopsmith doesn't talk, of course) Look, I don't know what your purpose is, but I have had a rough enough night as it is. (The Poopsmith points him into a portal, which they both go through; on the other side is the same graveyard).
Strong Bad: What? This is the same graveyard! What is this nonsense? (The Poopsmith points him to Homestar and Marzipan standing by a grave)
Marzipan: (crying) Why did this happen?
Homestar: I guess we just weren't supportive enough. Hey I was wondering, now that we have one less mouth to feed, can we go out for dinner tonight?
Marzipan: I don't really like that idea with the circumstance, but I guess it does give me a break. (They leave)
Strong Bad: Oh no! You mean to tell me that Tiny Cheat is, dead? (The Poopsmith points him directly to the tombstone; it reads "Homsar Cratcher".) "Homsar Cratcher", oh, that must have been the other kid in the house. But where is Tiny Cheat? (The Poopsmith leads him into another portal that they both go into, they are now in a dungeon, and Tiny Cheat is in chains struggling.)
Strong Bad: Oh, that poor little fellow, what did he do to deserve this? You mean to tell me he killed the other kid? Not that I really mind, that other kid, Homsar, I don't know how to describe him. So, anything else you want to show me? (Both of them go through another portal, we are now at the same graveyard but in the 20X6 universe.)
Strong Bad: Ok, so we're here at this graveyard again. (Looking at background) But I don't ever recall any of those buildings here before.
(Soon enough, Stinkoman shows up with Strong Bad's items in his arms)
Stinkoman: Man, this stuff is so heavy.
(A 20X6 version ofBubs (the Black Merchant) shows up)
20X6 Bubs: Well I'm afraid that's what you get for being a relative of someone particular. Now put your great uncle's things there, and I'll see how much dough I can rack up before days end.
Strong Bad: He's going to sell all that stuff? Wait a minute that looks just like my stuff!
(1-Up 20X6 Homestar shows up)
1-Up: Hey Stinkoman, everyone says they don't trust you, but why?
Stinkoman: Oh, it's because of a stupid great uncle of mine, nobody mentions his name, but they don't like me because I look like him.
1-Up: But I trust you, I think you're the greatest!
(Pan-Pan comes and starts bouncing on 1-Up)
Stinkoman: You see what I mean? You can't even say you like me either.
Strong Bad: What's the whole point of this tripe? You're not saying that I'm his uncle are you, or great uncle? (The Poopsmith points at a tombstone that says "Scrooge Bad (Stinkoman is related to him)" Strong Bad reads it)
Strong Bad: All right, so let me get this straight. Everyone will keep calling me Scrooge Bad to my death, a little yellow Cheat gets sent to a dungeon for murder, and a cool action fighter will be mocked just because he's related to me? Hmmm, maybe there is some room for change. So, is this all you want to show me? (The Poopsmith holds up a sign that says "one more thing" and points Strong Bad to another portal that they go through)
Scene 10
(Strong Bad enters the Sweet Cuppin Cakes universe but the Poopsmith doesn't follow)
Strong Bad: Where am I? What is this place? (The Sweet Cuppin Cakes theme starts playing) Hey, where are the guitar sounds coming from? (Sherlock the cow-copter comes from the other side with an axe and says something in his language) What did you just say? (Sherlock gets closer to Strong Bad) So, what are you doing with that axe? (At that moment Eh! Steve slams onto Strong Bad)
Eh! Steve: EH! STEVE!
Strong Bad: Ooh, it feels like a ton, I mean, you are a ton.
(Eh! Steve jumps off Strong Bad,Sherlock continues toward Strong Bad until the wheelchair zooms in)
Wheelchair: I don't care how long I have to chase you Eh! Steve, someday I'll chop you into TWOOOOOOOOOO! (Zooms off)
Strong Bad: I feel like I'm being, destroyed, by, my own, creation. (Sherlock gets closer to Strong Bad, the worm pops up,Sherlock takes a strike but misses and instead chops Strong Bad's head off, and then sticks an old electric keyboard in it's place, the now keyboard headed Strong Bad begins playing a disco demo, whichSherlock starts dancing to. The floor starts flashing in different colors as the Dancing Brothers emerge from the left and start dancing along.)
Scene 11
(Soon Strong Bad wakes from his bed, screaming)
Strong Bad: Huh? Hey, my head is still here! Wow, that whole thing was a dream. Of course, I did remember something. I'd better get over to that employee of mine's house.
(Strong Bad gets out of bed and hurries out the door where Strong Sad is, he runs into him)
Strong Bad: What are you doing here?
Strong Sad: Oh I just wanted to see if you changed your mind about coming to my party. I forgot to tell you that I have a turkey being delivered.
Strong Bad: Yes I know, I mean, yes I would like to come, but not if I have to eat raw meat just because someone's oven is broken. Anyway, I'd better get moving. (Runs off)
Strong Sad: My oven isn't broken!
(Strong Bad runs down to Homestar's house, on the way he drops a coin by Pom-Pom and Coach Z)
Coach Z: Hey, thanks for the care, Scrooge Bad.
Strong Bad: (yelling off screen) That was an accident!
(Scrooge Bad makes it to Homestar's house)
Strong Bad: Phew! I made it.
(Homestar comes out)
Homestar: Oh hello boss, I was just headed your direction.
Strong Bad: Well, change of plans. I just realized that you have a crippled Cheat in your house, and I was wondering if you need him to have a better chance at life.
Homestar: You mean Tiny Cheat? Um, he does look pretty bad. (Marzipan comes outside)
Marzipan: Scrooge Bad, whatever help you can give our crippled child, we would be certainly grateful.
Strong Bad: Glad to hear it, because I have decided to take him under my wing, starting now. (Tiny Cheat comes out and says something) Did you hear that, you're going to live me, instead of your low-income parents that don't get paid enough to take care of you.
Homestar: (squinting his eyes) Oh, and I wonder who pays the father, Scrooge Bad.
Strong Bad: First of all, I don't like the name Scrooge Bad, call me Strong Bad. Second of all, I can give this Cheat a better life than you have, mainly because of how awesome I am, and last but not least, he has a chance to be free, and not put in chains for murdering your other son, who I see is going to die anyway.
(Homsar is in a kettle of boiling water over fire)
Homsar: Aiih I'm sinking in the bathtub.
Strong Bad: So anyway, I'll help pack his bags if you like.
Marzipan: Scrooge Bad-
Strong Bad: It's STRONG BAD!
Marzipan: Whatever, I think you are just taking away a member of our family as an excuse not to change.
Strong Bad: Oh yeah, well let's see what Tiny Cheat thinks, Tiny Cheat?
(Tiny Cheat whistles with his fingers, and a taxi drives up)
Strong Bad: Ha, I knew it, you guys aren't good enough, come on Tiny Cheat, let's roll. Better yet, I think I'll just call you The Cheat instead. (The two of them get in the car and leave)
Homestar: Well, I guess he made his choice.
Marzipan: Somehow I wonder if he was manipulated.
Homestar: It doesn't matter; this is the best Decemberween ever.
THE END