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Obi-Wan had always been able to keep certain forbidden emotions at bay. Only a few times he had ever lose control of his connection with the light side of the Force. It was the time when he was consumed with joy when he learned that the great Master Qui Gon Jinn had chosen him as his padawan. There was the time when he sank into anger at himself for allowing his master die and hopelessness at the situation when he suddenly found himself no longer an apprentice but a master to the willful Anakin. There was also the time when he was filled with dejection because of Finn. It was right after Qui Gon's death, when he was still on Naboo.
After Anakin had settled down with his situation and was ready to pack for their trip back to Coruscant, Obi-Wan took a personal trip into the country. He was worried when neither Finn nor her mother showed up at Qui Gon's funeral, and that no word came when he tried to contact them. He went to the Jinn Estate, a beautiful and luscious place near the Lake Country. It was a large mansion owned by the family for centuries. Obi-Wan was surprised to see the entire estate was shrouded in black, as a sign of mourning. A servant came out of the front door, evidently on his way out. He spotted Obi-Wan and recognized him, who was staring at the gate and hesitant about going in, and said, "The Lady of the House has just died a few days ago."
"Dead?" Obi-Wan thought about the beautiful Lady Ofelia, who always seemed too delicate and feeble.
"Yes, dead." The servant affirmed. "Lady Finn is not taking it well, with her uncle and brother just died and all that."
"Kyler's dead also?" Obi-Wan was taken back. He had been sunken in glooms due to the death of his master. Yet now, he realized the despair and pain Finn must have suffered, losing three closest members of her family. "May I go see her?"
"No can do," the servant shook his head, "she refuses to see anyone. Not the servants, her sister, and not even her father. She left this morning, alone." The servant shook his head again.
"Then, where did she go?" Obi-Wan was desperate. He could not believe that Finn would just run away like this, without telling anyone, especially him.
"No one knows," he shook his head, "I judge her father will be here soon, closing down the place. I'm sorry," he patted the broken-hearted young man on the shoulder. He had seen him and Lady Finn together. It was a match made in heaven. He felt sorry that the young man felt abandoned. He was sorry for himself, too. Now, he had to find another position, and work like this rarely come by quickly. He had always liked Lady Ofelia and her daughter.
Obi-Wan felt like he could go mad with grief. It seemed that everyone dear to him was destined to be torn away from him. Nonetheless, he felt that there need to be a steel casing covering the tempest underneath. He returned to Coruscant with Anakin the next day, following his orders. Obi-Wan carried on with his duties like a dead man. It was months before he recovered as news of Finn arrived to him.
He thought that he should be angry with her for rejecting him and distrusting him. He could have taken her in, he could have taken care of her and comforted her. Yet he remembered that Finn was not a delicate and soft girl. She was a warrior. He swelled with pride when he heard that she had broken the record by joining the Naboo Military Academy before she was old enough. She never contacted him, so Obi-Wan assumed that she did not want any reminders of her painful loss. But he followed her progress closely and heard with delight as important political officials praised her of her services to the Galactic Republic. He kept himself at bay and he had almost pushed her into the back of his mind, until she stormed back into his life.
He thought about all the years that he had known her and how much she meant to him. He caressed her hair with his fingertips. Finn shifted on his shoulder and yawned and stretched. "I'm tired," she muttered, "I'm going to sleep." She stood up and looked down at him, "are you coming?"
Obi-Wan nodded and followed her into a nearby hut.
"This is where I usually stay when I come here," she tore away the sheets and snuggled herself in-between. Finn pulled the sheets over her shoulder and flipped herself over to look at Obi-Wan. He cocked his head, smiling at her silly pose. Suddenly, he felt himself nudged at the knees, then he saw two black figures pounced onto the bed with Finn.
"Relax," Finn laughed as she wrestled with the creatures, when she saw Obi-Wan reached for his utility belt. They were hairy and black, but not menacing. "They are domesticated huurtons, they won't hurt you." Finn giggled as one of them licked her toes, while the other nibbled her shirttail. "These are Bob and Hob, go meet Master Kenobi. Go," she urged.
Obi-Wan was alarmed at the creatures' large teeth, but he realized that their mouths were enlarged into two large silly grins. He petted them on the head lightly while they sniffed around him to memorize his scent. After that was done, they jumped back to the bed. "That's a good boy," Finn embraces one of them around the neck and rocked, "aren't you a good boy?" she kissed her pet.
The two huurtons circled themselves and laid themselves down. "Are you going to sleep with the animals?" Obi-Wan asked.
"Huh?" she raised her head, "what's wrong with that?" Seeing the look on his face, she rolled her eyes, "oh, alright. Get off, now, boys." The huurtons whimpered and begged, but obeyed her. "Do you care to be my bedmate, Obi-Wan?" Finn drawled in a mock-seductive tone. Obi-Wan opened his mouth then closed it. She got up quickly and slapped his arm, "what's wrong now? We slept in the same bed back in the cabin."
How he wished he could just snuggle down with her and never wake up, instead, he drew a cold face, "this is different, there are other beds."
"So you would rather cramp yourself with the little boys?" Finn was amused. "Come now, I don't bite."
"Finn, stop pretending that you are still eleven and that I'm your best friend and that there's nothing between us."
"But you didn't want there to be anything between us!" Finn's face was pale. She was hurt. All she wanted was to have him near. "Is it so wrong that I want you to be happy with the way things are going between us?" Tears began to brim in her eyes. She turned her head to hide her face while she wiped away her tears.
"No, no," he cooed to her and put his arms around her shoulders to draw her closer, "there's nothing wrong. I love you so much, Finn, and I can't pretend that we are still children."
"I'd give anything to go back," Finn murmured as she stole out of bed and glided toward the window. "We were so happy then, don't you remember?" She gasped at the sight of the stars and galaxies across the sky. "Remember how you would teach me all the names and coordinates of important star systems? Then we would make patterns out of their shapes and make up stories?" she looked at him briefly and turned back, "I tried to forget and just be content with my life."
"Is that why you went into the military and never wrote or contacted me?" his tone was accusing.
"Yes," she nodded her head sadly, "it was nice to wander from place to place, I'd suffocate if I live anywhere for too long. There were always missions and situations to distract me. The Galactic Republic is such a big and fascinating place, you know," she gave him a bitter smile, "it's such a beautiful place… and I was its guardian. There were so many lovely places and wonderful creatures. My duties seemed much important than some childhood memories and fairytales of long ago. The sense of duty almost consumed me. The Republic is grander and bigger than any bond between two people, Obi-Wan." She almost had to force the words out. They may be comforting to her sometimes. Now, they just seemed like a line from a badly written play.
"Is that what you think?" he tried hard to keep his voice from cracking up. He had never before wanted to leave the Jedi this badly. She was insane to say these things to comfort him, and to comfort herself. He felt broken. Almost at impulse, he grabbed her arms and closed her mouth with his.
He tasted her lips and his mind was occupied with nothing but Finn. Little Finn with her wild curls and upturned rosy mouth. He thought about her sighs and tears. Papa was never home to take care of Mama. She was just a child. She couldn't take care of her. She was even wary and dutiful as a youngling. He thought about Lieutenant Palpatine with her distinct military uniform and wry smile. Her proud carriage and impressive record. Then Fina, his Fina, the Fina in his arms. He wanted to kiss the living force out of her and take all her pains and burdens away.
Halfway through the kiss, Obi-Wan saw the look in her eyes and had to force himself to let her go, "I'm sorry, you must hate me for this."
"I don't hate you," she brushed her hair behind her ears.
"Yes, you do. If not, then why don't you call me 'Ben' anymore?"
Finn's eyes widened. It was true. She had not called him Ben for a while now. She had resisted the urge and focus on the fact that he was Obi-Wan Kenobi, the Jedi master. "Ben…" she began to speak in a soft voice. Obi-Wan could not stand to see her standing there looking so beautiful and pained. He drew her close to him again, pressed her hard into himself, and forced their lips into a passionate kiss.
"We can't do this, Ben," Finn panted after he released her. She had emotionally and mentally loved him for so long, yet she was unprepared for the physical contact part of the relationship. She felt strange and awkward under his touch, yet at the same time, excited.
"I know," he agreed sadly and pressed their foreheads together. He was so close to her that their noses touched and that she could feel the heat radiating from his body.
She could feel his passion mingled in with hers and settled into exquisite warmth. The fire was threatening to consume them both. "There is no passion; there is serenity," she recited and stared at him, "you know my feelings, Ben. I'll follow you on whichever path you choose."
He knew, Obi-Wan knew that second, that he should have stood up, walked out, and never look back. Nevertheless, he couldn't. It was as if she was drawing him close with invisible bonds. Any distance between them was a tug at his heartstrings. No, he couldn't. He would then be forsaking the Order and ruining both of them. Finn watched him with pleading eyes as he decided their fate. She had a doomed, sickening feeling in the pit of her stomach. She turned her face to hide her hurt, and Obi-Wan caught the lovely gray silhouette of her face and neck against the dimming starlight. She had a sharp nose and an elegant neck. Her thick eyelashes glided up and down as she blinked softly. He realized that how impossible it was for him to leave her. He gathered her close and felt their hearts beating together. At first they beat wildly, contradicting each other, then they began to coincide, as if the hearts were beating as one.
Obi-Wan marveled at how precious she felt in his arms, as if the second he let go she would shatter into a million pieces like a crystal statuette. Finn calmed herself after her first surprise and turned around in his arms. She reached for his face and kissed him deeply and sweetly. His stubbly beard tickled her cheeks but she savored the sensation. He reached down into her clothes with his strong hands. Finn had known about love and emotions. Nonetheless, she was unprepared for the physical ardor her mate displayed. I will never let you go, Obi-Wan thought.
Finn saddled happily on her brother Kyler's shoulders. She must have been four. Kyler was tall. He was the tallest boy she ever knew, taller even than Ben. At first, she was afraid that she might plummet down and hit her face smack on the ground. But Kyler held her little legs steadily. She held on to Kyler's shiny blonde hair when he ran wildly, and they would laugh like idiots as they fall onto the soft grass.
They were on their old family estate. It was spring and the trees were a lush green. Mother sat in her reclining chair, in a white dress and with a smile on her lips. She was so beautiful. A warm breezy passed by as they lied on the grass. Finn looked up at the blue sky and the clouds, feeling sleepy. For a moment, she thought that if this were death, she wouldn't be afraid. Then she felt her brother's hand slipping out of hers. She immediately got up and followed him with her eyes.
Kyler was far away, only a dark figure against a gray sky. She jumped as he whipped out a lightsaber and attacked a cloaked figure, who also drew out a lightsaber. They sparred quickly as if in a dance. Finn watched with childish delight. Without warning, Kyler fell down and did not get up as at other times. The other figure paused as he watched him die. Finn's eyes widened, anger raged underneath her skin. This cannot be. This cannot be. She screamed inside her head but she couldn't move. The cloaked figure spotted her. She could feel his eyes darkened underneath the shadowy hood. He was moving closer to her now. His lightsaber hissed menacingly, declaring his purpose. She tried to run but couldn't. Suddenly, a strange voice echoed—
Finn found herself lying in Obi-Wan's arms, her head rested against his bare shoulder. He had his arms locked in a tight embrace. She struggled in vain and found herself stuck even more than before as he tightened his grip. Obi-Wan's commlink had woken her. It was beeping obnoxiously. "Ben…" she whispered softly, then louder, "Ben… wake up!"
"What…" he murmured and gathered her even closer to him. She felt warm, snuggling against his chest. A little too warm. "I can't breath," she warned him gently.
"What? Oh, sorry," reluctantly, he let her go.
"Your commlink's beeping," she took it from the floor, amidst a commingled pile of their clothing.
"It can't be that important," he caught her from behind and rubbed her naked back with his scratchy beard, leaving soft pink trails on her skin. She laughed and relished the sensation. Last night… had been unbelievable. She couldn't get rid of the exquisite shock of the two of them, standing naked in front of each other, as they had been meant to. She just wanted to hang onto him and never let go. He was as ferocious and attentive as her perfect lover.
"You have to take it, they'll get suspicious and send a search party after you. You wouldn't like that now, would you?" she rationalized with a bewitching smile.
He couldn't deny her anything. He was entire within her powers. Obi-Wan took the commlink like a guilty little boy and spoke into it, "Kenobi here."
"Thank the Force, Master Kenobi. We were afraid that something had happened to you," it was the voice of Master Mundi.
"It's nothing. Sorry, I was asleep." Obi-Wan cleared his throat as Finn teased him with kisses down his neck. It was difficult for him to sound official.
"I'm sorry about this, Master Kenobi." He did not sound apologetic at all. "The Council would like a brief status report on your situation."
"N—now?" Obi-Wan stuttered and raised his eyebrows, while Finn caress his sandy-colored locks and put her arms around his firm torso. "Well, err, there hasn't been anything suspicious about Finn Palpatine's activities. She had just been visiting… umm, some old friends."
"If your assessment is that you are not needed there, the Council would like to urge you to come back to Coruscant. A grave situation has arisen."
"What is it?" he stole a quick look at Finn, who looked worried.
"The Supreme Chancellor has been taken by Count Dooku. We need you here, Obi-Wan." Master Mundi pleaded almost personally, which was rare for him.
"I'll be right there," with a click, he turned off the commlink.
"I'm coming with you," Finn said firmly as he began to dress. Obi-Wan paused, thinking about arguing with her, then sighed. He could deny her nothing. He nodded and then helped her into her clothes. They walked out the door, only their arms brushed slightly in passing. They couldn't acknowledge anything between them openly. Yet, that was enough. Wanda and Tanda fared them well as they look their leave. The twins had wicked twinkles in their eyes, accompanied by approving looks toward Obi-Wan and loving glances at Finn. They know, Finn smiled to herself as the public transporter rocked them slowly. Obi-Wan snored softly on her shoulder. She chuckled uncharacteristically. He is so handsome, she thought as she planted a small kiss on his cheek with a bright smile.
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