"Merry, why should a place as lovely as this make you fall into such a sadness?"

Merry looked up, startled, and for a moment his eyes couldn't shake the glare of the fire he'd been watching for so long.

Pippin regarded him, his gaze puzzled. "You bore the darkness of Moria and cheered me when I thought we'd never see sunlight again. You held me up after...after he fell. And yet we're here, finally able to rest and feel safe, and now you look as if you'd give anything to be another place entirely. And don't you go putting me off, telling me I'm imagining things. Fool of a Took I might have been dubbed, but when it comes to Meriadoc I am as learned as any schoolmaster."

Merry smiled at that, at the stubbornness in Pippin's face. "I don't want to tell you that. Sit down and stop glaring at me, Pip."

And Pippin sat, looking at him in interest. "You're going to tell me, then?"

"Tell you what? I know I'm suddenly melancholy, and I agree with you that it's wrong to be so in this place. But there's nothing to tell. I don't know why I feel so sad. Except I have a feeling that my mind is simply too small to grasp the full measure of what's happening. I feel small, Pippin. And I don't mean in size. I mean in will and in thought. I feel like I don't belong among these people. I hardly belong in the same world as them, much less the same quest."

"Merry, that's ridiculous. You're not part of this to think grand thoughts and plan for the future of the earth. We're both of us here to help our cousin. That's all we ever wanted to do."

He nodded after a moment. "But we should want more. Even if we began to help Frodo and keep the Shire safe, shouldn't we be concerned with bigger things now? Should we be warriors, since there are no others here from the Shire to serve? Shouldn't we be bent with the care that Gandalf had for the future of every race? "

"No. That's what Gandalf was here for. If someone's got to be bent double by care than he served. Now he is gone Aragorn is taking it on himself. How many times have we heard from different people that the silly carelessness of the Shire was protected and made that way for a reason? Silly people lighten the hearts of the important, and if that's our sole purpose here than it's a good purpose, and we should be happy to do it."

"And what if we wish to be important ourselves?"

Pip laughed. "I know that's not your problem, Merry. You're important enough to a lot of people, and you well know it. Maybe you think if you were different than you were you'd be important to someone new, though."

Merry looked up at him at that and for a moment studied his younger cousin.

Pip laughed. "Come, Merry, you're terrible at secrets. And I know your looks too well not to know when you're being moon-eyed over someone. I have to admit it's no one I would have expected, but all this talk about importance makes it clear enough."

He sighed and studied the fire again, hearing the low murmur of talking above them, on the paths in the trees. He spoke quietly enough that only his cousin might here, and even that wasn't certain. "Do you think I'm so ridiculous?"

"Well." Pippin spoke quietly as well, if not in Merry's hushed whisper. "Yes, I do, but that's gone on for years. Regarding this matter, I hope you might recover your wits soon. It isn't that it's ridiculous, you understand. It's just that it's very unlikely that we'll all come out of this matter alive, and I would hate to think you spent the journey upsetting yourself over something like this. Over anything, really, but especially over this. He's a very great person, but it's becoming more obvious that his path doesn't lie with us. He wants to go home to his city, and he'll leave us to take our parts where we can."

Merry nodded silently. There was nothing in that that he didn't know. He knew it in his mind, but there was really no getting through to the other parts of him. "I suppose hope doesn't limit itself to what's likely, though. And also not with what's sensible, or even possible. How does a person stop himself hoping for something?"

"I wish I knew, for I'd tell you right here and now if I did and I'd see you smile again as you ought to in a magical sort of place like this."

Merry smiled obediently, and it was sincere in the face of his cousin's concern. Pip wasn't one to worry, and it was rather touching, really, that he was so worried now. Especially when there were so many bigger things to worry about.

"Do you know what I think?" Pip asked suddenly, studying Merry's face with a careful scrutiny. "I think that if we ever get through this entire mess alive, and we come through the darkness and get to see Gondor one day...I think you ought to make a go of it. See if you can't maybe attract the interest of your strong Gondorian friend. It's not in me to ever think there's a soul out there with the power to resist the most charming and fair hobbit I know."

Merry laughed quietly, gratitude in his eyes. "Pip, you're..."

Behind him, there was a soft clearing of a throat.

Merry wasn't sure if a person could really recognize a particular voice clearing, but he did. And he shut his eyes for a moment and felt a burning in his stomach.

Pip looked up in surprise, and his eyes went round and wide, magnified against his face in the glow of the fire. "Oh."

Merry's fears were confirmed and he let out a slow breath, tense but completely unwilling to turn around.

Pip's eyes went to him, apologetic and nervous, and he leapt to his feet instantly. "Well then, I see better people than me have come to keep you company. I've got to go accompany Sam on a walk anyway. I did promise, and..." He gave up, meeting Merry's eyes for a moment before darting out into the darkness.

Merry had to clench his teeth and fight the urge to fly into the safety of evening behind his cousin. "I don't suppose my luck is with me tonight. Have you been there long?"

"Only a moment," came the quiet, low rumble of a response. "I do not eavesdrop, master hobbit. It's dishonest."

"You may as well sit and warm yourself," Merry answered hesitantly. It was hard speaking to his friend without looking at him, but since he was apparently frozen solid where he sat, it was for Boromir to come round to him.

"I don't think that's a very good idea."

Merry felt himself crumble just a little bit, slumping where he sat, head bowing, back curling. As if he'd just been melted, just a tiny bit, just enough for a subtle reshaping. "Oh."

And then his frozen body obeyed an unthought wish, and he rose to his feet and moved into the darkness, away from the fire without ever once turning to look at the man behind him. He didn't follow Pip, just set out into the cool evening and wondered if he hadn't better simply keep going right back to the Shire.

Boromir didn't try to stop him.

When Merry fell asleep that night it was far away from his party, sitting against a tree in a small courtyard fully dressed. At one point he felt himself being lifted, and opened his eyes to see kind elf eyes looking out ahead as he was carried. He was asleep again before he was set down, but he woke up with the warm and comforting body of his cousin wrapped tightly around him, better than any blanket.