april kisses

regret

by: samthegreat

disclaimer: sexual content discussed. a little angst but happy ending. be warned.

He had tripped over his own feet. Honestly. That was all there was to it. He hadn't wanted to deliver the small bundle of unknown content to that jerk, Doumeki, but he wouldn't dare defy a sober Yuuko. Had it been his decision, he would have thrown the package in the nearest gutter. If he had, he wouldn't have gotten into the predicament that followed his arrival.

The usual barbs were thrown out at each other when he got to the shrine. But, instead of taking the package immediately, Doumeki ventured further into the temple grounds with a very annoyed boy trailing him. It was the sudden stop of the exorcist that caused the bespectacled boy to trip on himself. In retrospect, he probably would have preferred to land flat on his face as opposed to the solid frame of the taller boy.

The bundle lay forgotten on the ground and blue eyes looked startled into those darker ones that mirrored the shock and discomfort. And there was something else. Something that Watanuki had not expected to see in those still eyes. As accidental as the trip was, what came next was as much of a mistake.

It was his first kiss. The way Doumeki kissed, he'd have to imagine that it was his first as well. It was clumsy and hard and terribly unromantic. But, it did the trick. He felt himself react instantly. His inexperience added to the awkwardness of the kiss, but it didn't matter much to the two boys. He felt the taller boy's need as he pushed his slim body into the other.

Watanuki wasn't exactly sure how they had gotten to the bedroom, but it didn't seem very important. He cursed the weather as he stripped off the many layers he had donned that morning to protect himself from the cold. Having enough sense to remember his self consciousness and his nude situation, he was grateful for the darkness that consumed the room. All modesty that Doumeki might have had at one time was completely forgotten as he eagerly attacked the thin boy.

It felt like an outer body experience, Watanuki mused as his mouth was impatiently probed. He felt as if he wasn't himself. He wished he could stop, say something. Doumeki would understand. He looked up into the eyes of the other boy and found them clouded with passion. They didn't look back at the blue ones that studied them. The tall boy looked intently over the head of the boy he had trapped between his weight and the bed.

Watanuki bit his lip. He was confused by all the sensations he was feeling at once. Of course, it felt good. God, it felt great! Through the pleasure, though, there was still the initial confusion. Along with the intensity of the moans and cries and gasps of ecstasy, there was also the overwhelming concentration of unhappiness. And underneath all that joy, pleasure, confusion, and sadness, there was the biggest cause of his discomfort. Regret.

Though it was amazing physically, it was still horribly impersonal. He thought his first time would be more intimate. When it was over, he dressed quickly and avoided the smoky glances of the other boy. He turned to leave the room but was stopped by that voice. "Oi…"

"Don't." And he left.

The next day was accompanied by an air of discomfort. The bespectacled boy avoided the taller as if he were one of the many pesky spirits that haunted him. The other didn't actively seek the shorter out either. Watanuki was almost certain that he had overcome the most awkward part of the day as he exited the school grounds. But things never seem to go his way.

He was stopped by a heavy hand on his shoulder. "Oi, I'll walk you to Yuuko's shop."

He refused to meet the eyes of the other, but showed his defiance by shrugging the hand off. "I'm not going to the shop today," he said with watered-down annoyance.

"Then, I'll walk you home." He didn't reply. Doumeki remained one step behind him as they walked in a begrudging silence. His eyes remained constantly on the smaller boy before him and he patiently waited for an opening that didn't seem to be presenting itself. Watanuki sure was stubborn at times.

"I'm sorry about yesterday. We should have taken it a little slower."

Watanuki stopped abruptly. "No," he bit out as he turned to the taller of the two, "It shouldn't have happened at all. It was a mistake. I regret it and you should too so let's never talk about it again."

He turned to leave, but was slightly choked as Doumeki grabbed onto the back of his collar in attempts to stop him. "I regret how it happened, but not that it did. I'm sorry that it wasn't what I wanted it to be. I'm sorry that it wasn't what you wanted either."

Watanuki ventured a look into the eyes of his captor. In his eyes was the look he had so wanted the previous afternoon. "What was it that you wanted?"

He felt himself being drawn deeply into the other boy's chest. Nestling his head into the other's body, Watanuki nearly missed the admission, "I wanted to make you mine and I wanted you to enjoy that."

The two were still for a while as the gravity of Doumeki's confession settled in. Watanuki slowly drew away from the other and smiled softly. He took the other boy by his hand and pulled him towards the direction of his apartment. "Oi, what are you doing?"

The shorter boy turned back to the other as they continued down the street. Doumeki made note of the visible blush on the bespectacled boy's cheeks. With a sly smile, Watanuki replied, "The good thing about this is that we can keep trying until we get it right."

Doumeki smirked and nodded to the boy he adored, "Until there's nothing to regret."

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