Chapter 16 - by Jouley

Mash

Sometimes I wish they had never found out I could fight. Being beaten, or raped by those dirty pigs couldn't be worse than being made to hurt one of my friends.

I remember vaguely the term 'gladiator' from a poster we had salvaged back at the Heartbreak. Despite my lack of weapons, or protective covering, thats what I feel like. Someone who's sole purpose is to survive, and who's only way of doing so is to make sure others don't.

They haven't had me kill anyone yet, but in the heat of the moment I sometimes wonder if I were capable of completing the act of murder. I might be, and that scares me.

I was told I would be fighting again today, though I had already gathered from the extra helping they had given me the night before. I'd given it to Prince, the once stocky man now reduced to bones from malnutrition. He'd lost his last fight, so at least I know he wouldn't be my opponent today. In his current state, he would be no challenge.

Me, the diminutive Mash, would be too much for him.

Soon the door to our cell opens, and knowing the drill I rise to my feet. This doesn't stop them from grabbing me and roughly pushing me through the door. Sometimes I wonder if they aren't scared of me, knowing what I can do when put into the 'ring'.

As we walk, I wonder how my challenger for the day would be. Not Prince, definitely. And not Seal, as I had fought her last time. That was probably my toughest match, and I'm not too sure she hadn't given in at the end to spare me the pain of losing.

Because if you lose.. Well, let's just say I've only lost once, and don't plan on losing again.

But at the expense of injuring a friend?

I hang my head as I'm led into the room, only to realize there are no other challengers there. As has been custom, the winner enters second, giving the challenger more time to prepare. As I take my place in my corner, one of the higher ups comes over to me and I tense, fearing reprimand for something I hadn't even done yet.

"The rules have changed. You lose, you die.."

I watch in horror as he walks away, unable to bring myself to protest the change. Why would they suddenly change the rules on me? Were they trying to make certain I wouldn't throw the fight? Why? Who were they going to make me fight this time?

As the door opens once more, It all makes sense.

Two large men are dragging a protesting Hamster into the room, the poor girls already bloody and torn clothing hanging from her thin frame. They want me to hurt my adopted daughter..

When the girl sees me, she stops struggling. We haven't seen each other since the raid, almost four weeks ago, and part of me feared she had been killed long ago. Though, another part of me wishes she had been, to spare her from what I have to do to her.

I watch as she breaks free from the guards and runs towards me, screaming out my name in her tiny, crackling voice. I have to do it, I know that the guard was serious. If I don't, they really will kill me. When she nears, and stretches her arms out to embrace me, I close my eyes and cry out as my hand lashes out, slapping the girl across the cheek.

When I open my eyes, it's worse than I imagined. The girl had been tossed backwards onto her back, her pasty cheek reddening from the contact. Her eyes have caught mine, she looks as if she has seen a ghost, and maybe she has. But it doesn't stop me from advancing on her and kicking her tiny body further across the room.

"Momma no-o--o.."

I can't help the tears from falling down my cheeks as she cries out for me to stop hitting her. But I can't. Survival. We all need to survive. They won't kill Hamster if she loses. She will survive. She will get past this. It's my own survival at stake, I repeat to myself as I once more slap the girl pinned beneath me.

Even though my heart is already dead, I don't want to die.