Chapter 2
Batista saw the two best friends walking up to him with glazed, red eyes. He turned around quickly and tried to get away before they saw him but it was to no avail. They were at his side in seconds.
"Batistaaaa! Mr. Champ-i-on! Wazzup!"
"Whass crack-a-lackin, my nizzle?"
"Er..." Batista raised an eyebrow. Crack-a-lackin? "Nothing much."
"So listen up, Mr. Champ-i-on."
"We needs your assistance for a second."
"A nanosecond."
"A millisecond."
"A centimeter."
"A millimeter."
"Guys?" Batista asked. "What do you need my help with?"
"Ya seen Gene Snitsky around?"
"Big ugly guy, fucked up face?"
"Guys, this is Smackdown," Batista said. "I don't think Snitsky would be around here because he's a Raw superstar, remember?"
"Oh yeah."
"We're thinking about the wrong show."
"So if we can't get Snitsky to screw Orton, who can we get?"
"Who wants to screw Randy? That prick!"
"Might I suggest Heidenreich?" Batista said, trying to think of something to get them away from him.
"Heiden-roach?"
"Roachy-roach?"
"Roachy-roach roach."
"Roach, roach, roach, roach."
"Roach infinity! I win!"
"See you guys around," Batista said, backing away.
"No, wait!"
"We want to offer you something for helping us."
"We know we're not well-liked around here."
"But you helped us anyway."
"So..."
"We'd like to..."
"Extend..."
"The Peace Pipe."
"The Peace Pipe?" Batista wondered.
"Duuuude, we don't actually have a pipe."
"Cuz pipes are for crackheads."
"But we have a blunt..."
"Made of Easter grass and chocolate syrup..."
"Wrapped in brown bag goodness..."
"Ready to light up! So what do you say?"
"I don't smoke," Batista said carefully.
"Duuuude! You have no clue what you're missing!"
"You're missing a lot!"
"Getting high off artificial blunts is cool!"
"Really cool!"
"The coolest!"
"Cool infinity! I win!"
"Ok, maybe I'll take just one puff," Batista said, giving in. He wondered how it felt to feel so loose and relaxed.
"Once you puff..."
"You'll never have enough..."
"So puff!"
"If you're tough..."
"I'm the toughest!" Batista grabbed their "peace offering" and took a puff. Immediately, he was dizzy. He started coughing.
"Dude, like I was telling this assclown earlier, you totally have to exhale. Ex-hale."
"Like, breathe out!"
Cough, cough. "What do you call this freaky combination?"
"Wonder Weed. With artificial grass. And chocolate. Rolled with a brown bag."
"It's the magic blunt. Hee, hee."
Cough, cough. "Cool." Batista's eyes were red now, too, and a bit glazed over.
"Yeah, you're a member of our crew now."
"Yah! Our, like, stoner's club."
"Stoned! It rocks!"
"Totally. On totally harmless stuff."
"Totally."
"Totally totally."
"Totally infinity! I win!"
"You guys are asses," Batista said. He took another puff of the Wonder Weed. "Let's go find Heidenreich."
"Heiden-roach."
"Roachy-roach."
"Roachy-roach roach."
"Roach, roach, roach, roach."
"Roach infinity! I win!" Batista exclaimed.
Then the three of them were off to find Heiden-roach.