Chapter Five
Job Ate Shyt
HDM: I would like to thank everyone for all of the über nice reviews -give you all a cookie and a hug- . Oh, and do NOT try to threaten my seal, busters -hugs Bianca, the seal, protectively- XD
Bianca: O.O;; -holds a sign saying 'help me she's nuts'-
HDM: awww you're so precious!
Bianca: T.T;;
If blood is thicker than water but water is better for you, why do we choose blood anyways?
I'm not going to fathom a reason why he does the things he does. I want to believe that it's all a long but fantasized nightmare and I haven't awoken yet. The whips knock me out of that fantasy. I find myself on the roof of my house crying. It doesn't matter anyways. It doesn't matter if you cry or scream. You can pray to whatever god you believe in. You can wish that it'll all change. Fact of the matter is, it won't change. Even if it does change, it didn't change for you. No, they would never try to help you. They want to punish you for whatever sin you committed. They want you to suffer.
I feel like Job...
If you don't know, Job is a character in the Christian Bible. Yes, I know why would white trash read the Bible...good question. Actually, I've read quite a few novels on random religious books. I read up on Buddha, Judaism, and Christianity so far and touched on Deism and Wicca. Job is a guy who's the pawn in God and Satan's hands. Satan basically makes a bet with God that Job won't worship God if he isn't 'comfortable'. Job is left with no wife or kids, no house, no money, and is sick.
Now, why would God let this happen? Job did NOTHING to God. It goes on that Job still questions God and He gets mad at Job and said something about being too arrogant about the mystery of God. I would question why I was suffering when I did what I was told! They took away everything when all the sinners and betrayers get everything. We cannot rely that they'll get their just desserts because maybe there's a flaw in the system! See, God fucks with us all...
If I never get credited for anything; I'm born hated. God hates me, Satan hates me, and Earth hates me. I mean, why would the heavens kill a fucking eight year old! I realize that it may be just South Park in general but that's not it either! I was struck by lightning in the Amazon! I figured that it was the people I hang out with, maybe they are the reason I'm like this...but I cannot blame those simple thoughtless monkeys. They laugh at pain, they do not care if I live or die but as long as someone else doesn't get killed with me. I wanted to believe that they were my friends...but would friends really just forget?
I am at the bus stop once again. It feels so robotic sometimes, as if it's da-sha-vu. My so-called friends are bickering with one another as usual. I wanted to throw up my inners from their childish banter. Maybe being a hated mongrel, I shouldn't let it affect my social life. 'What social life?' you may ask once again. I am not quite sure but enough that people do know me or for my infamous ways of women. "So, McCormick did you knock up a broad last night?" I hear Cartman's voice rasp. "Why would do you call girls 'broads'?" Stan muttered, "Are they people or objects to you?" Cartman looks at him and grunts. "It's not me who uses them like that!"
"No..." I replied, breaking up their argument, "I didn't have my way with anyone this week." I think the first time Eric had nothing to say for about ten seconds. Kyle decides to break the silence. "That's great Kenny, um did you get home okay last night?" I love the hypocrisy, he actually cares if I was either home or sleeping outside, it doesn't make a difference anyway. "Yeah..." I answered monotonously. "Did your old man care?" Stan asked. "Does he ever?" I replied sourly. Stan falls silent to my response; I guess he doesn't want to act anymore.
Before class started Kyle pulled me over to talk one-on-one I guess. Oh, persistence, naive, and incredible simple Kyle. He actually thinks we're friends, does he not know of how close of being enemies we are? Hm, he's making an effort, I guess I should play along..."Kenny, what the fuck is wrong?" he flat out spoke, "What's going on with you? Are you hurt? Did something happen last night? Tell me!" He threw all of these lines of questioning at me. I just kept shaking my head but I didn't avoid his eye contact just in case he thought I was hiding something.
He grabs my wrist and pulls me forward; I wince. I bit my lower lip to try not to cry out. He doesn't realize that I'm sore from the handcuffs. He stares at me; he knows something that is not right. "Kenny..." he breathed, "Does he hit you?" I whipped my wrist out of his grip. Why does he want to pry himself into my life? When will he learn that you never meddle in a McCormick's affair but you let them rot in peace? I try to say something but nothing came out of my mouth. Soft noises escapes my vocals but that was it.
"KENNY!" Kyle screams, "DOES HE OR DOES HE NOT HIT YOU!" Some kids looked to see what was going on, I felt my cheeks start to redden. I can hear mumbling, "white trash" or "flamers" or the great "man whore" when they saw me. I backed away, I wanted to get away from it all. Kyle's eyes widen; I know he didn't expect this on a Wednesday morning. I stare into his true green eyes, without any flaw or imperfection. I want to rip them out. No, I don't want to do that. Oh god almighty what the fuck is wrong with my brain? I...I need to run, get far away!
All I can hear behind me is Kyle's scream. I wince at the sound of his voice. The tint of concern and sincerity shrieks in my ears like a cat that got its tail stepped on. It was snowing so the blinding white flakes whipped against my poorly covered skin. I got the snow in my eyes, which isn't too pleasant. The fact is that I'm afraid; I'm afraid of telling anyone especially Kyle about my circumstances. I don't want my paternal unit to get in any more trouble than he already is. I wanted to tell him; I really did. There's just too much at risk.
I reek of filth...of everyone's filth. Maybe it's all right for everyone else to roll around in this filthy mess we call life but I'm not satisfied. Damn you to the dankest regions of Tartarus...maybe when you are with the great sinners and scandals you'll listen. Who am I talking to? I'm totally off the deep end to the point I'm falling. I'm free falling and enjoying the rush of new feeling. It's a feeling that I have never really tasted before. It dulls my sense of reality. I cannot comprehend the vision of the perception I could, it's all fucked up like being high all the time. Nothing has a consequence anymore. I cannot be bound by normal human limitations anymore.
I'm officially insane I think...
Enemy inside of me!
I'm caught! I cannot kick them out
Their claws are wrapped around my throat and they are squeezing tighter
Insanity is coming over me
Their every wish is my command
No way out
I need to celebrate this new-found feeling of release! I need to steal a bus, go get my tongue done, get involved with a fifteen-person orgy! I need to let out this amazing feeling of release! I don't need any kind of drug to make me feel like this! It kicks my cigarette craving right out of my head! I have so much energy it's incredible! I could run a mile and go hiking in time for dinner! I wonder if I bled I would feel it?
I feed them, you will too!
They're gonna take control of you!
You'll know when they have got you trapped
Everything looks cloudy and you feel like you're on fire
Inhabited, I wish that I were dead
My blood has turned from red to black
No way out!
My house, where is my house? Where's that barren shit hole of a house to be? Did it run away or something? Hah! I can laugh without feeling guilty! Is this what my little friends were pushing for me to feel all of this long? Sure, they did it in a different way but they wanted me to release my feelings and I have! I don't want this feeling to ever go away! Hehe...I'm laughing, I like that.
When they come for you
They see right through your flesh and bones for soon you'll be their home
They know you deep inside, the things you can't try to hide
No hope after the first bite
What if it goes away? How do I keep this feeling in me forever? Is it something that's eternal or does it need to be refilled like a SUV? That would suck; I would pay a grand a year. Hah! Another joke I just said! I like this me! I don't feel so inclined to be cold and insincere. I feel so...fabulous it's unnerving!
Look out 'cause they are onto you
They'll cut you open, crawl inside and you'll be lost forever
Don't try to run 'cause you're the chosen one
Your world is gone, no turning back
No way out!
The Invasion from Within by Tsunami Bomb
Still, this feeling must lead to one thing to another. It's all a flip of a coin, but a pretty coin, though...I like the shininess. Concentrate, Kenny! Okay, do I really want to go in the direction of homicidal maniac that fans love or will I be one of those gothic morbids who slit my wrists because I'm different? The homicidal one is catchy but unlawful and the suicidal one is really old and cliché. Hm, some can balance both; I wonder if I can be a mixture of both. Hm, I don't have much to be either one. I guess I have to work on it...
I have a lot of work to do...
End of Chapter Five
HDM: Kenny is official cwazy! Hahahaha! Thank you all for the reviews! Now, Bianca can have a treat! XD
Bianca: Oo;;
HDM: well we got seven reviews for the last chapter so you get seven fishies!
Bianca: -eats fish- XD -has on a sign 'review or I don't eat'- o.o;;;
HDM: bye!