Chapter 26 - by Sugar Faerie

Madonna

You know, in a way I understand why she doesn't want to be touched. That was her defence, her 'you only get me when I want it' attitude. She lived by it, and beware the person who tried to break that. If anyone at the Heartbreak groped her unannounced, she'd knee them in the balls. Prince would call her a snob, and she laughed in his face.

That was Oz's way, controlled and confident, her true feelings always carefully hidden by a facade of light heartedness. I think Brit was the only one who saw her more emotional side, and vice versa. They needed each other, those two.

To have her facade ripped away, to be forced into something she didn't want, must have been torture for her.

I woke up to find her huddled in the corner, shivering with cold. Was it only cold? She wouldn't speak to us.

I tried talking to her, telling her about my experiences in hope that she might talk about hers. It didn't work, she wouldn't say a word.

I go up to her again. She doesn't seem to take notice of me, and if she does, she doesn't acknowledge my presence.

"Oz?" I say softly. She doesn't even look at me.

My hand brushes her bruised arm accidently, and she recoils as if she's been stung. "Don't do that!" she exclaims, almost with desperation in her voice.

She must have seen my hurt expression, because she turns away from me. "It's not your fault..." She looks back at me, her voice choked. "It's not you, Mads. It's not you."

I put my arms around her before she can jerk away, because I know she needs it, dispite her abhor to it. It's just a friendly hug, not suggestive or anything, because if it did it would have killed her.

She stiffens and doesn't move, neither away from me, nor towards. But her horrible trembling stops, and I realise that she's let herself relax, just a little bit.

Slowly I let go of her, knowing I can't hold her for too long. I lean against Charlotte and she lets me, as she's done countless times before.

I don't have a carefully structured act, a painted wall to hide my feelings behind, like Charlotte and Oz do. I let everyone see what I felt, what I wanted, and I ended up in trouble so many times. It was because I can't control myself, as Charlotte would constantly remind me.

Oz had her defences ripped away, her pain now there for all to see. I think that's killing her more than anything the SP could dish out.

"Oz is dead," I whisper in Charlotte's ear. As cryptic as my words sound, I know she'll understand me, because Charlotte always does.

"I know," she replies. "She died long ago."