Chapter 7
A/N: Thanks for reviewing, everyone! This chapter is kind of gross... But really, when you throw these two "divas" into the plot, what do you expect?
Booker, Christian, Batista, JBL, Taker, and Eddie walked down the hall on the way to find Randy Orton and Heiden-roach.
"We've been searching far and wide!" Booker sang.
"So we can make Randy a bride!" Taker sang.
"Heiden-roach, he's our man!" Christian sang.
"If anyone can do it, Heiden-roach can!" Eddie sang.
"Come on, Batista, take my haaand..." JBL winked at Batista and held his hand out.
"Dude, I don't know where that hand has been and I like women, not men," Batista said, rolling his eyes. "So get that through your thick skull."
"Can..."
"...you..."
"...prove..."
"...it?"
JBL pursed his lips. "Baby?" he added, trying to provoke Batista.
It worked. "I'm going to kiss the next woman I see, no matter who she is!" Batista promised. "That'll show you all what my sexual preference is!"
"You shouldn't have made that promise, ese," Eddie said, grimacing at something that seemed to be behind Batista.
"But you can't back down now," Taker said, taking a puff on the blunt, which seemed to be everlasting. "Because then you'd be less than a man."
"What are you guys talking about?" Batista asked, confused.
"Turn around and take a look for yourself," Christian said with a shudder. "Ugh. I mean, this is just sick. Sick!"
Batista turned around and his eyes widened when he saw The Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young standing behind him with their hands on their hips, sizing him up. "Oh, God, no," he whispered, shaking his head in horror. "No. Now that would just be wrong on so many levels."
"You did say you'd kiss the next woman you saw no matter who she would be," Booker said, patting Batista on the back and pushing him slightly towards the women. "Think about it, dawg. Now you got two women to choose from, two."
"If you don't do it then I'll just assume that you and I are two of a kind," JBL said. "And then we'll have some real fun together, just me and you."
"Never." Batista swore softly and grabbed the blunt from Taker's hand. He took a loooong drag from it, closing his eyes to get the full effect. About two minutes later, he was a new man. He opened his glazed eyes, grinned, and stuck the blunt into Taker's mouth. Then he turned to look at the old women and smiled suggestively.
"He's really going to do it?" Taker asked, nearly dropping the blunt.
"That..." Booker began.
"...is so..." Eddie continued.
"...fucking..." JBL went on.
"...sick!" Christian finished.
"Hey ladies, how's it going today?" Batista asked the two old divas, ignoring what his companions had said.
"It's going wonderful, Mr. Champion," Moolah said. She elbowed Mae.
"You are sexy! I could ride you all night long!" Mae said to Batista, and she immediately started groping him.
"Fucking sick," Christian said again, retching.
"Mae! Don't do that!' Moolah admonished. "I swear, I can never take you anywhere!"
"It's ok," Batista said with a lazy smile. He was feeling so high right now, and he had resolved to make good on his promise... He grabbed Mae and lifted her up to his height.
Mae wrapped her arms around his neck and also wrapped her legs around his waist. "You want me to lay one on you, big guy?" she asked.
"Maybe... Nah, I think I want to lay one on you," Batista said, and then he fused his mouth to hers and kissed her deeply.
"Oh! Gah! That's just nasty!" JBL exclaimed.
Taker looked at the display with wide eyes. "I think I'm going to be sick!"
"Me, too. Quick, give me that damn blunt!" Moolah demanded, snatching it. She puffed on it as she watched them kissing, shaking her head disapprovingly.
Batista broke the kiss and slowly pulled away from Mae. A trail of saliva connected their lips. She licked his lip, and it was at that moment that the momentary high he had received from the blunt went away. He put her down and turned away from her, immediately starting to throw up.
"That was good. How about we go for another round?" Mae asked, licking her lips as she watched Batista puke. "Come on, Animal, I can really make you scream... I'd ride you like a pony!"
"Aw, I just visualized that. Wrinkled skin, sagging tits, floppy butt cheeks, a ratty carpet, dentures..." Christian turned green and gagged. "Seriously uncool. I just threw up a little in my mouth."
"Ooh, yummy, did you swallow it?" Mae asked. "And did it burn?"
"Yo, Grandma, that just ain't cool," Booker said.
Mae turned to look at him. "Now I would be offended if anybody else called me Grandma, but you're a nice lookin' fella," she said. "I could really work you. I'd have you pulling out your hair."
"She didn't just say that," Booker said, a look of disgust on his face. "Tell me she did not just say that!"
"She said it," JBL said. "And I think she meant it."
"Enough." Moolah gave Booker the blunt so he could calm down, then grabbed Mae's arm. "Come on, you horny old coot," she said. "You're embarrassing yourself, coming on to these young men like this."
"You let me go! Us old ladies have sexual needs, too!" Mae exclaimed. "I need a young man to keep up with an old pro like myself!"
"You mean an old ho like yourself," Moolah muttered, leading Mae away down the hall.
Eddie, who had been mainly silent during the whole fiasco, had a brilliant idea all of a sudden. "Amigos, I have been inspired. I have an idea," he said as he watched the two old women slowly shuffling away down the hall.
"Like, what?" JBL asked absently, watching and admiring Batista's butt as he bent over.
"Like I know something, someone, worse than Heiden-roach who, if they got their hands on Randy Orton, would scar him for life," Eddie said excitedly. All eyes were on him within seconds, all puking being suspended because the idea of being able to torture Randy Orton for life was so appealing.
"What do you suggest?" Christian asked. "Who could be better than Heiden-roach?"
"All we have to do is set Mae Young loose on Randy," Eddie said, smirking.
They all looked at each other. Devilish smiles appeared on their faces, and for an instant, their was an identical evil gleam in each one of their eyes.
"Oh Mae!" JBL called. The two women turned around, and the men jogged over to them. "We need a favor."
"What's in it for me?" Mae asked irritably. She had just received a short lecture from Moolah on the proper way she should conduct herself around young men, and it hadn't been a pleasant experience for her.
"You get some young, fresh meat," Christian said. "And I'm not talking about the kind you can by at the meat market, if you catch my drift."
"Whose meat is it?" Mae asked, getting excitedly.
"That of Randy Orton, the self-proclaimed 'Legend Killer'," Taker spat, with a look on his face that would make one think that just the name "Randy Orton" tasted nasty.
"He can't handle this legend!" Mae said, grinning. "I'm going to be the Legend Killer's killer... Where is he?"
"Right this way..."
So Booker, Christian, Batista, JBL, Taker, Eddie, Mae Young, and The Fabulous Moolah all headed for the shower where Ken Kennedy (Kennedy!) had previously said Randy Orton would be.
Periodically, Batista paused to puke a little near the side of the wall. His high had worn off and the kiss with Mae Young had left him physically ill.
Well this is the pits, Batista thought as he leaned against the wall and puked for the fourth time since he had kissed Mae. Everyone else kept walking except for JBL, but Batista didn't notice. I hope I don't throw up again after this... I think my intestines are going to come out my mouth!
"You ok, baby?" JBL asked, gently stroking the muscles in Batista's lower back.
What the hell is he doing? I'll show him... Told his ass there'd be serious consequences if he kept touching me, Batista thought. He stood up straight, wiped his mouth, and smiled. JBL smiled back. Batista reached up and took JBL's hat off.
"This is a very nice hat," Batista commented.
"Why, thank you," JBL said.
Batista leaned over the hat and threw up inside of it as JBL looked on in disbelief. Then he put the hat back on top of JBL's head.
"What the hell?" JBL asked angrily as puke dripped from his hair and down his face in little rivulets.
Batista grinned. "Oops," he said, not sounding apologetic in the least. He memorized the look of his puke on JBL, then laughed and jogged away to catch up with the others. He felt better than he had in a long, long time...
A/N: Ok, this was a pretty weird chapter, right? I think I'm going to do one more chapter and then the story will be done. But who knows when my "stoned" muse will return? It came to me today in my Economics Honors class and I was like, "Wow." LOL. Review! Thanks!