Altercations

By Neurotica

Two

"Face it, Sirius, you're useless," the voice was saying. Sirius could hear the laughter in the voice, even if the source was hidden in the shadows. "You've never done anything that's worth a damn. Oh sure, you've captured a few worthless Death Eaters, but what about the ones you really want to get? They're still free to do as they please. You know, at this rate, I'll bet you, Remus and Harry will all be dead within six months..."

The voice had been taunting him for what seemed like hours—he honestly had no idea how long it'd been. All he really knew was that every time he got closer to the voice, it seemed to move further into the shadows.

"You're the reason everyone you love is dead, Sirius," the voice continued. "Julia, Hestia, Kingsley, Lily... me... Voldemort got us all and it's all because we were connected with you. I've had to watch my son grow up, tortured by Wormtail, Malfoy, dreams of Voldemort, and there hasn't been anything I could do to help him—"

"I've been helping him!" Sirius yelled in frustration, trying to squint into the darkness to see the source of the voice. A light fell where he stood, like a spotlight, but everything around him was nothing more than a black abyss. "Remus has been helping him..."

"Yeah, but look at everything that's happened to Remus. He was stuck in France for three months. Going through absolute hell, and you were back at home, wallowing in self pity, and trying to make the moves on his girl—"

"That's not true!" Sirius screamed, his voice echoing into nothingness. "I've never tried to go after Emmeline! I always knew she was Remus'!"

"But what about the time you kissed Lily in fourth year? You knew she was mine, then..."

"That was different and you know it," Sirius growled. "It wasn't even that much of a kiss, and she slapped me afterwards."

Finally, James moved out of the shadows and into the small amount of light of wherever it was they were. Sirius wished he'd go back into the shadows. This wasn't James. This wasn't his best friend, his brother, his Prongs. This was something evil and horrible... This was a monster incarnation of James Potter. "I don't know why I spent so much time with you, idolizing you, wanting to be like you. All you ever were was a problem, and now you're a danger to everyone you supposedly love. Who needs someone around who can't even help fight? Who wants someone around who's a liability? I've told you before, Padfoot," he spat the nickname, "if it wasn't for you, we'd all be alive and happy."

"No..." Sirius said, shaking his head. James walked closer and Sirius tried to back away—he had a feeling he knew what was coming. "No, you get away from me. You're not James..."

James laughed loudly, sending a cold chill down Sirius' spine. "Believe me old, dear friend, I am James. Why don't you just do everyone a favor and leave? Run away, Sirius; you know you want to. Oh yes, I know all about that..." he added as Sirius paled. "I know all about the nights you've laid awake in bed, wishing you could just leave England, leave the war and your family behind. You want to start a new life for yourself, don't you, Sirius? Go to America... Meet a nice girl... Maybe even have a few kids of your own. Because I know Harry just isn't enough. Oh, you love him enough, but it's not the same knowing he's someone else's son."

"Shut up," Sirius snarled. "You don't know what you're talking about. I love Harry more than I could if he was my own son."

"You say that now... But don't you remember that only a few hours ago he tried to kill you?"

"That wasn't Harry," Sirius said automatically. "That was Voldemort."

"And that's your excuse for everything!" James shouted. "Voldemort killed my friends! Voldemort poisoned Harry and had Remus tortured! Did you ever think, Sirius, that if you weren't around, none of this would have ever happened?" James moved closer, and Sirius felt as if he'd hit a brick wall behind him; though, when he looked over his shoulder nothing was there. He tried to turn his head away, trying to avoid the putrid smell of James' rotting breath, but for some reason, he couldn't—he and James had always been about the same height. "Get out of England, Sirius," James' voice said softly, only it wasn't James' voice anymore—it was the same voice he'd heard just before Harry raised his wand against him. "Get out, and your life will be spared. Otherwise," Sirius' own breathing increased as he saw a flash of red behind James' hazel eyes. "Otherwise, Black, you will meet the same fate as all of your loved ones…"

"No!" Sirius said forcefully. "I'm not leaving my family, and there's not a damn thing you can do to change my mind!"

James' face began to melt away into a flat, waxy mask with scarlet slits for eyes, and snake-like nostrils. His mouth formed into an evil grin—Sirius could see a few jagged teeth, as if the man had eaten too much raw meat, and had to use his teeth to tear through the flesh. "We'll see about that..."

Sirius jolted awake, sweating profusely. He looked around wildly, not noticing the group of people that had congregated around him. Vaguely, he felt a hand on his arm and turned to his left, expecting to see Lord Voldemort again. But it was Remus looking up to him from his kneeling position on the floor. "Moony..." he breathed.

"Hey, Padfoot," Remus said quietly. "Are you all right?"

Sirius didn't answer immediately. He looked around the living room, glancing at all the concerned eyes that were fixed upon him. Right, Order meeting tonight... Dumbledore moved it here so we could stay with Harry, he thought. Must've fallen asleep, that's all... "Yeah, I'm fine. Just... just had a bad dream..."

The only people who didn't look convinced were Remus, Dumbledore, Emmeline, and to Sirius' slight surprise, Naomi.

Dumbledore must've taken the charms down for her to get here... He wiped his hand across his forehead and averted his eyes from his friends'.

"Sorry for the interruption, Albus," he said hoarsely and a bit shakily. "Please, go on..."

Reluctantly, it seemed, Remus moved back to his spot on the sofa beside Emmeline, still watching his best friend very closely. Sirius leaned back into the cushion of his armchair and tuned out whatever it was Dumbledore was talking about. He knew he should be listening—they were probably discussing Harry—but his mind was stuck on the dream he'd just had. He assumed he'd just been through too much in the last few weeks, and his mind was overactive. He tried not to read too much into the dream; he'd tell Remus about it later, and let him analyze it to death.

This wasn't the first time Sirius had dreamt of James blaming him for the deaths of his friends. The worst dream he could remember ever having had occurred just after Harry had come to live with Sirius and Remus. Then James' face hadn't turned into Voldemort, but had completely decayed as James tried to strangle Sirius. For a few years following his Azkaban release, he'd had recurring dreams about Lily and James accusing him of stealing their son. Thankfully, the dreams stopped, and after that, the worst dreams Sirius had were about pranks gone horribly wrong.

He heard once that trauma and stress could cause nightmares. And if a person's godson nearly killing them wasn't traumatic and stressful, well then, what was, exactly?

Sirius thought briefly that perhaps Voldemort himself had planted the dream into his head. But Harry was the one with the direct connection with the Dark Lord, not him...

"Whatever you're suggesting, Mad-Eye," Remus was saying mildly as Sirius reentered reality. "I suggest you forget it right now. Harry's gone through enough already without others putting him through anymore."

"All I'm saying, Lupin, is that Potter is our direct link to You-Know-Who. If there's any way to turn the tables on him, we should use it," Mad-Eye said. Sirius raised an eyebrow, hoping for Mad-Eye's sake he wasn't suggesting what Sirius thought he was suggesting.

But Sirius didn't have a chance to find out for sure before Dumbledore intervened. "I do not believe, Alastor, that anything as drastic as that is necessary. We have other ways of gaining information than by forcing Harry to attempt something as dangerous as possessing Lord Voldemort."

Sirius snapped his head to Mad-Eye, half-tempted to punch his former mentor for even thinking something like that. Besides, Harry wasn't powerful or evil enough to possess even a gerbil, let alone a dark wizard like Voldemort. He was just a kid, regardless of how most of the Order thought of him. To them, Harry was a tool to be used at their leisure. Dumbledore had become more wary of using Harry, knowing how the boy's guardians would react. Sirius knew Dumbledore cared a lot for Harry, and he hoped Dumbledore's caring nature would keep the other, less-caring members of the Order from doing something stupid concerning his godson.

Dumbledore ended the discussion without a word—his talent of ordering people to do something without actually giving them an order was one of the things that made him great.

Naomi stood before the Order, glancing worriedly at Sirius from time to time, and began explaining Voldemort's next plan of attack. Sirius mentally shivered at the very mention of dementors—though he'd made impeccable progress, he still hadn't fully recovered from his time in Azkaban. This would definitely be one mission he'd be sitting out on—without any magical abilities, he'd return to the cottage without a soul, most likely. The date of the attack was unknown as of yet, but Dumbledore requested volunteers to stand by just in case. Hesitantly, a few members of the Order began raising their hands—Remus and Emmeline among them, much to Sirius' annoyance.

There were a few more items of discussion (a report from Arthur on an increase of Muggles being harmed by jinxed items; Dung's little drunken speech about how the wizard crooks were starting to be approached by Death Eaters—Dung had been approached just two days before; Tonks told them of Scrimgeour's appearance in the Ministry that day—Sirius desperately wanted to throw something against a wall, but Remus had moved all the breakables away from him) before the meeting ended.

Not many hung around that night—it was late, and many of them had to be into the Ministry early the next morning. Among those who stayed late were Molly, Arthur, Tonks, Mad-Eye, and Dumbledore. McGonagall had to return to the school to prepare for an excursion she'd be taking to Germany the next day. Her story was that she had a cousin out there, but Sirius thought it was more like attempting to gather contacts in other countries.

Remus and Emmeline went into the kitchen with the others, but Sirius remained behind. They'd probably still be discussing Harry, and he wasn't yet ready to participate in that conversation. He'd hoped the entire day, from Harry's getting hit by the bludger to the dream he'd had during the Order meeting, had all been just one big, long nightmare. He could still see Harry with that evil grin on his face—it'd been so out of place; Harry didn't have an evil bone in his body. Sirius had to remind himself continuously that it hadn't been Harry who'd raised that wand against him, but Voldemort using his godson's body and mind. Sirius would have to add this as another item on the ever-growing list of things to get revenge against the Dark Lord for...

"Are you all right?" asked a quiet voice Sirius had no trouble recognizing. He started a bit and turned to Naomi.

"I've definitely been better," he replied, his voice still annoyingly hoarse.

She nodded and looked into the kitchen where it seemed Remus and Mad-Eye were once again arguing. "You want to come outside for some fresh air?"

Sirius hesitated. It wouldn't be hard for Naomi to overpower him; she had a wand and he didn't. But somehow he knew she wouldn't try anything, and he'd stick close enough to the cottage just in case, anyway. "Yeah, sure, I could use some fresh air, actually..."

She smiled and led the way out onto the lawn where she sat against a large tree Sirius recalled her and Remus frequenting when they were together. Old habits die hard, I suppose, he thought with a mental sigh before sitting beside her on the grass. For a while, they sat there in silence enjoying the cool breeze and the woods surrounding them.

Sirius' hostility towards Naomi had faded away months ago when they'd started talking late after Order meetings. Though it had taken a long time for him to buildup a sense of trust towards his old friend, Sirius found talking to her just as easy as it ever was. They usually discussed meaningless things—Quidditch, food, Muggle inventions—but occasionally they'd talk about Harry. Naomi had adored the baby boy when he'd been born. Though she wasn't officially named his godmother, she'd played the part well by spoiling him rotten.

One of the things she'd wanted most was a family of her own with Remus. Remus' condition had never been a factor with her, no matter how often he'd tried to convince her that the two of them having children would be a great risk. Remus had always wanted a family, his own children, but he was deathly afraid of infecting them with his curse. Sirius knew he'd never be able to live with himself if he somehow infected another human being—and if it was his own child, Sirius was willing to bet Remus would heavily consider suicide. But there were medical breakthroughs everyday, and maybe someday there would be a way to prevent the infection of Lycanthropy from being passed from parent to child through birth.

Sirius allowed himself a small smile at the thought of kids running around the cottage with Remus' sandy brown hair and Emmeline's warm brown eyes. Those would be some intelligent kids—their mother being a former Ravenclaw and their father being able to recite half the books in the Hogwarts library from memory. And of course, Sirius would be right there to spoil them rotten, ignoring all the rules set by their parents about limits on chocolate and other sweets, just like he had with Harry. After all, what good was it to have a godchild if you couldn't load them with sugar during the day and send them back to their unsuspecting parents to deal with the repercussions at night?

"So what were you dreaming about?" Naomi asked quietly, startling Sirius from his thoughts again. She chuckled. "A little jumpy tonight, aren't we?"

Sirius rolled his eyes and nudged her shoulder with his. He sighed. "At first, it was James," he began quietly, feeling Naomi's eyes boring into his head as he stared down at his hands. "He was accusing me of things I'd never do in my life. Then he started telling me I was useless, a liability to my family, and that if it hadn't been for me, he, Lily, and Julia never would have been killed. He told me to run away, get out of England, and I would be spared. I pretty much told him where he could stick his threats, and he turned into Voldemort. That's about when I woke up."

Naomi watched him thoughtfully for a moment. "You frighten him," she said clearly. Sirius looked up, startled. "No, really, you do. He knows you, Sirius. He knows what you're capable of, and that if things keep going the way they are with you, Remus, and Harry working together, he won't stand a chance in the end."

"How do you know that?" he asked skeptically.

She shrugged. "It's a mixture of things I've heard and feelings I've gotten from the Dark Lord—"

"I've asked you before not to call him the Dark Lord around me. Around others, you can call him Lord Banana-Face for all I care—" Naomi burst out laughing at the absurdity of that statement. Sirius grinned. "But in my presence, call him by his proper name..."

After a few minutes, Naomi sobered up a bit. "And I've told you it's not that easy."

"It used to be," Sirius countered. "You used to be able to say his name without any problem. Care to tell me how some tattoo can change that?"

She shrugged, torn between glaring at him and laughing. She settled on averting her eyes and running her hand across the grass. "A lot of things changed the night I became a Death Eater, Sirius," she explained softly. "Yes, I used to call him by his true name, and I honestly can't explain why that changed when I got the Dark Mark. Fear, maybe?" She sighed.

"Fear of a name only increases the fear of the thing itself," Sirius recited quietly.

Naomi snorted a laugh. "Thank you, Professor Dumbledore," she muttered, her lips twitching. "Fine, if you're going to be so bloody insistent on it... Lord Voldemort," she said firmly. She paused for a moment as if she expected something to happen, but sighed in relief seconds later. "Happy now?"

"Very. Was that so hard?" Sirius asked brightly.

Naomi rolled her eyes. "So how's it going around here without your magic to keep you sane? Not that you've really ever been sane..."

Sirius chose to ignore her last comment. "It's getting better, I suppose. There are still days where I'll automatically reach for my wand, ready to cast a spell, and then realize I can't. But Remus and Emmeline have been really helpful."

"That's good," Naomi said a bit stiffly. Sirius assumed it was because of his mention of Remus' girlfriend. "Well, you'll be happy to know that I've been trying to find out what curse Malfoy used. Hopefully, once I've figure out what it is, Dumbledore can work on reversing it."

"And how close are you to finding out what it was?"

Naomi shrugged again. "Malfoy hasn't been too keen on me since he's been visiting his own place for the last few weeks, but I'm working on it."

"Working on it or working on him?"

Sirius saw Naomi stiffen a bit. "What d'you mean by that?" she asked uncomfortably.

"I don't know. I'm just trying to figure out how you're managing to get all this information from Malfoy, considering his past feelings for you were nothing short of disgust."

"Things change..." Naomi muttered.

Sirius raised an eyebrow, but decided not to press the subject any further that night. Whatever it was that was going on between her and Malfoy, she seemed right ashamed of it. Sirius had a theory on how Naomi was getting information, but he hoped, for Naomi's sake, he was wrong—not only was it completely wrong and disgusting to imagine, but... well, it was just very wrong and disgusting.

He heard a familiar flick and swish and saw the flicker of a flame out of the corner of his eye. He turned back to Naomi and could see a glowing red dot at the end of a lit cigarette. Again, he raised an eyebrow. "When did you start that?"

"A few months ago," she admitted as she exhaled the smoke.

"It's deadly, you know."

"So is spying on Lord Voldemort," she said flatly.

Sirius laughed. "Touché." He looked towards the cottage and saw the fireplace light up with emerald green flames. He'd never realized before how much the light of Flooing and the Killing Curse resembled one another. "Well, I guess I'd better get inside before Moony freaks out."

The two stood. "Yeah, you wouldn't want him to catch you talking to me... He'd probably curse me, thinking I'm brainwashing you or something."

"What, you mean you're not brainwashing me?"

Naomi glared at him, but her lips were twitching. "The last time I brainwashed anyone was second year when I had Peter thinking James and I were rulers of the universe."

Sirius grinned. "I still can't believe he actually believed that..."

"That was Peter," she said with a shrug. "He was always a naïve little git. Of course, Remus was always there to ruin the fun and tell him we were just full of ourselves."

"Something Remus still does to me on a daily basis, by the way."

Naomi smiled a bit sadly. "I just wish he didn't hate me, you know. I know I'll never have his friendship like I did when we were kids, but this whole ignoring my entire existence thing is rather depressing."

"He doesn't hate you, Naomi," Sirius said. She raised an eyebrow. "Honestly, he doesn't. Now, he's not exactly fond of you, but he definitely doesn't hate you. I don't think Remus could ever hate you unless you hurt me or Harry or Emmeline. And I know you and Emmeline were at each other's throats a while back, and I'm sure it was over Remus, but that's a conversation for another night..."

"What makes you think he doesn't hate me? As much as I don't want him to, I don't deserve any less after what I did to him."

"Well, I can't say I can argue with that logic, but I know Remus can't ever hate you because you were his first love, and first loves always leave some feelings deep down, regardless of how you left him. You were everything to him, and he was crushed when you left, but he got past that eventually. He never forgot you or what the two of you had or could have had, just like I could never forget Julia..." Sirius sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I know the circumstances are different, but it's the same idea. No matter what happens, a person can never completely get over their first true love. And Remus has only ever had two loves, and it's been so long since he's dated, so he's disguising whatever feeling he has for you as loathing."

"Since when are you an expert on all this?" Naomi asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Remus is my best friend, Naomi, and I know him better than he knows himself sometimes. How do you think I knew it wasn't him Kingsley found dead in France? Look, I'm not saying Remus is still in love with you; in fact, I know he's not. All I'm saying is that there's still some loyalty for you somewhere in his heart, whether he's going to admit it or not. Now, whether he'll ever try to make civilized conversation with you... I don't know, but there's always a chance. You know Remus, Naomi; he's not a hateful man—he's the most caring person in the world and there are very few people he truly hates—Malfoy, Voldemort... Just give him time and don't piss him off."

Naomi cracked a smile. "I'll keep that in mind. You might want to get inside. I see Remus coming to the door."

Sirius looked over his shoulder briefly, feeling oddly like a teenager sneaking behind his parents' backs. "Alright, then. I'll see you at the next meeting, I suppose. Take care of yourself, Naomi."

"I will. You do the same, Sirius."

Sirius watched her turn on her heel and walk into the woods, the tip of her wand lighting her path as she went. He watched until he could no longer see the light before turning on his own heel and going into the cottage. When Remus asked where he'd gone, Sirius told him he just needed a bit of fresh air. Remus accepted this and checked in on Harry before going to bed. Sirius made sure the doors were locked and the lights were out before going to his own bedroom for some much needed sleep.