Year 10
At 7:00 Christmas morning, I started to pack my breifcase. This would've been her first Christmas. I couldn't be here. I couldn't stay here and think about how perfect last Christmas was and how this Christmas, she wasn't with us.
" Addi, you're going to the hospital?" I couldn't believe that he was so calm
" Yeah, Cheif's request." I lied.
" Umm when will you be back?"
" I don't know, Derek,"
" Ok,"
" Bye," I waved and walked out the door.
Six hours, 5 patients, and 1 sugery later, the pressure finally got to me. I went into an empty conference room and started to bawl my eyes out. I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't put on this happy, I'm-totally-fine look for the world anymore. I just needed to cry about it. I heard the door start to open and there Mark was.
" Hey, are you okay," he asked.
" Yeah, I'm fine," I grabbed a tissue out of the box and blew my nose.
" You should go home. You're in no condition to practice medicine and it is Christmas after all."
" I can't be in that house," I started to cry again. " I can't sit there knowing someone's not there and it's all my fault."
" Addi, it's okay," He came to my side and held me. " It's not your fault. You know that right."
" I can't look at Derek. I failed him. I screwed up the one thing he ever wanted,"
" You didn't screw up. It was an accident. Accidents happen." he stroked my hair.
" I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't be around here. I can't do this anymore. I'm just so lost,"
" Addi, you should go home and talk to him. I'll call you a cab. Come on," Why was he being so good to me?
" I don't know."
" Come on. Go home. It's Christmas," Maybe, he was right. He probably was right. He seemed right.
" Okay,"
OOO It's Addi and Mark. I didn't want to bring him in, but I had to. I personally hate Mark and the whole Addi/Mark thing, but I still had to bring him in.