Disclaimer- I don't own Evangelion, property of Studio Gainax, Anno-san, plus a bunch of other people and associations.
Chapter 3 Rapprochement
For a moment, an eternity, neither Child moved, nor spoke.
Shinji only met her gaze for a moment, briefly noting that she was wearing Misato's flight jacket, her feature's hardened and matured...
Except her eyes. Those mismatched eyes that screamed his failure right back at him.
Asuka glared at him almost expectantly, arms crossed over her chest, standing in that confident, aggressive manner he had come to admire and respect. She seemed to be waiting, wanting to hear... something.
While she did, she took a moment to study the Third Child. He had grown taller, though was about as skinny as ever. The meek look had been replaced with an air of constant anguish and torment, and his every movement made it seem that he was trying not to run away again.
Shinji, unable to look into her mismatched eyes any longer, looked downwards. What could he say? Hey, its been awhile? How's your scarred, battered body? Are you mad I left you out there to die?
Or maybe, just, I'm sorry?
After another eternity of silence, Asuka snorted. "Well, you're as delightful as ever, Third Child."
Still, the pilot of Unit 01 did not react, and did not look her in the eye.
The Second Child's eyes narrowed and her glare intensified. That bastard! What right does he have to self-pity! He's not the broken one, he's not the one whose been disfigured! She growled, and without another word, stormed off.
And still, Shinji simply stared downwards. Long after she was gone, and he still stood, alone, in that empty Spartan hallway, he finally spoke, in a whisper.
"I'm sorry."
A light knock at her door brought Misato Katsuragi's attention away from the mountain of paperwork. "Come in." The Sub Commander said, glancing upwards before smiling slightly. "Oh, hi Shinji."
The young man stood awkwardly in the doorway, shifting uncomfortably. "Are you busy?"
Misato shook her head. Technically, she was, but it must have been difficult to come back to NERV after so long, so she cut Shinji some slack. "What's on your mind?" she asked, leaning back slightly into her wheelchair.
"Um... do you know where I can find a place to stay?" Shinji asked awkwardly, casting his gaze downwards.
This posed a difficult question for the older woman. He was old enough to look after himself, but living alone in a strange city... "Are you still used to living alone?" Misato asked quietly.
The Third Child nodded. "Yeah..."
"Then I guess I'll have to take you in." The Sub Commander said calmly, but her lips quirked into a smile.
Shinji blinked, looking surprised, but smiled back. "Thank you."
Touji looked up at the apartment building. It looked the same, dark red, rectangular, multiple balconies, and only a few residents.
But one of those residents was bound to be the Third Child.
Shinji...
"Aw, hell... he's probably not even there." Touji tried to convince himself, chuckling slightly, falsely. It didn't work...
But he pretended it did.
And so, with a slow and steady pace, he ran away, far from what was bound to be a painful reunion.
Shinji felt some of the tension he had felt since landing in Tokyo-3 dissipate as he laid on his old bed. For a moment, he simply stared at the ceiling.
"Familiar ceiling..." the pilot whispered softly, and somehow, it felt... right.
A knock on his door brought his attention away from the ceiling.
"Shinji? Can I come in?" Misato asked quietly, muffled by the door.
"Sure." He said, sitting himself up.
Misato paused as she opened the door, staring at him, a slight smile crossing her face. "You answered me this time." At Shinji's dumbfounded look, she elaborated, "The first night you stayed here... I said the same thing, but you didn't answer."
Realization struck him, and he nodded, swallowing down the memories of the first sortie against the Third Angel.
"I'm glad you came back Shinji..." the Sub Commander whispered softly, wheeling herself next to the bed. "I know you don't want to be here... but there are people who missed you."
Shinji glanced at her, touched by the admonition but otherwise still overwhelmed by his return.
"Did you see Asuka?" Misato asked, her tone still in a whisper.
The Third Child stiffened slightly, but noticeably. "Ye-yeah... she didn't look too happy to see me." He paused, and glanced over at his former guardian. "Where does she live now?"
"She's in an apartment a few floors down. She moved out three years ago, when she was old enough." Misato replied, glancing out the window. "She said she wanted to get out of here... but still ended up so close that I see her every day."
"I see."
Silence fell once more, a chilling reminder of the last days of 2015, when their strange little family had fallen apart like a deck of cards.
Finally, Shinji had to ask. "I thought you were dead Misato... how..."
The Sub Commander didn't look at him, a far away look in her eyes, but spoke. "I got lucky again... just like Second Impact." Her chuckle was bitter, and she paused, allowing memory to narrate for her.
The elevator hummed, beginning its rapid ascent to the cages. She slumped against the wall, leaving a trail of blood against the metal surface.
Her vision narrowed into a tunnel of utter darkness.
"Look's like this is the end..." Misato whispered, clutching her bleeding side.
Outside, a soldier barked out orders to pull back so they could demolish this area. They were to sweep the facility and exterminate any NERV personnel still in the area.
They were going to annihilate NERV down to the last man.
Her words to Shinji returned to her. How could she just lay there and die when other's were still fighting?
Trying to stand, the major staggered over to the far wall, trying to find another exit, a vent, anything.
Luck was with her, for at that moment, an explosion engulfed the room, burning the place where she once lay...
And everything went black.
"Apparently that explosion knocked me into a vat of LCL... that managed to keep me alive until they found me. But my legs were badly damaged in the explosion... too damaged." Misato finished, and finally looked at Shinji, who simply sat there, silent.
"I'm glad you made it... I thought you were dead." The pilot said softly, after a few minutes of contemplative silence.
"Some people thought you were too, Shinji..." Misato replied, glancing away again. "After the battle, all we found was an empty entry plug in the woods."
Shinji didn't reply, remembering his horror induced panic, and the indeterminate amount of time he spent running. After that, it was just a blur until he found himself outside the Geofront, staring down into the battlefield he just left... all the bodies he had piled up in order to survive.
He remembered vomiting... a lot of vomiting. Just the thought of the aftermath still made him queasy.
"Well... good night Shinji." Misato said, and smiled at him again, that smile he remembered so well, one of teasing and flirting. "I'll wait till tomorrow to finish what we started back there." She winked at him, and sauntered off, somehow managing to retain that pseudo-seductive look despite her handicap.
As the Third Child sputtered and blushed, the Sub Commander laughed loudly. It was good to see that some thing's never changed.
Meanwhile, a few floors down, a discussion about the Third Child was taking place.
"You saw Ikari today?" Hikari asked, her voice unusually calm over the phone.
Asuka's eyes narrowed, though no one was around to feel her fearsome glare. "You don't seem surprised..." she growled.
"I bumped into him earlier today, just before he went to NERV." Hikari explained patiently, not at all affected by her friend's temper. "Why do you think he's back?"
"I don't know and I don't care." The redhead replied in a matter-of-fact tone, though her voice carried a sharp edge to it. "That idiot just waltzes back into NERV, and no one cares enough to tell me!"
"Maybe they wanted to keep it a secret... after all, the media would probably swarm all over him." After the JSSDF attack, the media renewed its efforts to contact the Children. Rei of course, brushed it off, but Asuka reveled in it. However, the news always tried to find the Third Child, the hero or villain, depending on your point of view, of that fateful day.
A lot of hoaxes about false sightings came in for the first three years, then gradually slackened off until nearly everyone believed that Shinji Ikari was either dead or in hiding.
So why now?
"That's true... but I'm the God damn Operations Director!" Asuka shouted, gripping the phone tightly as a growl emanated from her throat. "I should be informed if a pilot of all people is returning."
For an indeterminate amount of time, both young women were silent.
"Its strange... seven years and there was never a word from him. Then now, out of the blue, he just comes back." Asuka mumbled, eyes on the floor. "Something's going on... the Eva's unfrozen, Shinji coming back..."
"Do you think its an Angel?" Hikari asked, a tone of nervousness in her voice. After all, the last few Angels had demolished Tokyo 3, leaving it a mighty ruin.
"Maybe... the Commander said there were no more Angels though." The redhead replied quietly. If it had been Commander Ikari, the word would have been scrutinized. But Fuyutsuki had proven himself more trustworthy than the previous commander, though the idea of him keeping secrets was not easily dismissed.
"You should ask Misato tomorrow..." Hikari yawned, and smacked her lips sleepily. "Now I think we've talked enough about Ikari for one night... I'm going to bed."
"Good night Hikari."
"Night Asuka."
Click.
Setting the phone down slowly, the redhead walked to her bedroom in a slight daze, haphazardly falling onto the mattress.
And although the Second Child laid on her bed and closed her eyes, she was unable to get her mind away from her unanswered questions.
Shinji awoke early the next morning, and for a moment, felt that he had taken a trip back in time. He half expected to hear Asuka screaming through the door, ordering him to make breakfast and not peek at her in the shower.
But, the moment passed, and the Third Child wandered over to the kitchen, intent on making breakfast. Cooking calmed his nerves somewhat, and the sleep had given him some clarity.
Pen-pen staggered out of his fridge, the warm water penguin still going strong, though graying now. With a smile, Shinji tossed him a can of open fish, which the penguin eagerly devoured.
After all, the difference between Misato and Shinji's cooking was... wide, to say the least.
Misato's door opened, and the Sub Commander wheeled in slowly, rubbing her eyes and smacking her lips sleepily.
"Morning." Shinji greeted, glancing over at the older woman.
Blinking, Misato's eyes widened as she saw the pilot, but quickly regained her composure. "Morning Shinji," she yawned, and went to the fridge, taking out a beer and chugging it down.
Some things never change, Shinji thought wryly. "I thought you gave up drinking." He said out loud, eyes fixed on the miso soup.
"Yeah well, I went back." The Sub Commander replied in a matter-of-fact tone. "But I've cut down... not as young as I once was, you know."
They descended into a strange, but comfortable silence as they sat down for breakfast. Midway through the meal, however, Shinji spoke, having reflected on Misato's words from seven years ago.
"I still don't have any answers, Misato." The Sub Commander blinked and looked up, uncomprehending, but Shinji continued, briefly biting into the toast. "I learned things... but nothing that I needed. Just a whole lot of things I didn't need or want."
Misato, realizing what he was talking about, responded quietly, "So, is that why you came back? For an answer?"
Shinji sighed, taking his finished dishes and placing them in the sink. With his back to the woman, he replied, "Maybe."
Again, silence.
As Misato finished her meal, she complimented, "Good work, Shinji. I see you improved while you were away." It wasn't clear if she was talking about the food or himself. When he didn't respond, gazing out of the window, she continued in a less cheerful tone, "You don't have to come in today. You should look around town... maybe see your friends."
Shinji stiffened.
Noticing this, Misato continued, "They might already know you're here, Shinji. You should at least try to talk to them."
The Third Child didn't respond.
With a sigh, the Sub Commander wheeled outside, heading towards the bullet train in the next block, installed mostly for her use.
Before she left, Misato said softly, "Please Shinji. Don't wall your heart away... don't run away again."
And though Shinji didn't respond, she knew he heard.
Shinji wandered the streets of Tokyo 3 apathetically, not really searching for anything, not really going anywhere. Most people had already gone to work, so he was relatively alone.
So he wandered...
Much like he had wandered for the past seven years.
Was there even a point in returning? Everyone had seemingly moved on with their lives, gotten past that day, seven years ago.
Everyone except him.
He carried the burden of that day.
No... no he didn't, Shinji realized. Misato would never walk again, thousands if not millions of people had been affected by the events, and Asuka had been disfigured.
He was being selfish again.
"I hate myself." He whispered softly, bowing his head.
"I can't say I'm too happy to see you too, Shin-man."
Shinji's head whipped up so fast he could have hurt himself. "Touji?" he whispered disbelievingly.
Crossing his prosthetic and real arms, Touji Suzuhara nodded slightly, his face neutral. He was taller now, half a head taller than Shinji, his hair unruly and his entire frame seemed stronger, despite the false limbs.
To Touji, it seemed like the pilot hadn't changed much at all. Still had the quiet, reserved air of hidden pain, was still skinny and uncertain.
The two old friends stared at each other, until Shinji glanced away, unable to look at Touji anymore. This was the first time he had seen Touji since the Thirteenth Angel...
"I should hit you, y'know. But I still owe you one." Touji said, his tone with a slight edge to it.
"R-right." Shinji stuttered, remembering the beating he had incurred within moments of their first meeting. Not getting punched out seemed a nice break. "Listen, Touji... I'm so-"
"Are you sorry about what happened to me? Because if you are, forget it. It was me or you." Touji interrupted brusquely, eyes narrowing. "I'd only accept an apology if you're sorry for leaving your friends without a damn word."
The Third Child bowed his head.
Touji's eyes narrowed further, a slight glare burning from his gaze. "I thought you were better than that, Shinji. I thought you weren't going to run away anymore."
Shinji raised his head, trying to defend himself. "I couldn't stay! You must have heard what I did..." he turned his head, "I wouldn't be surprised if I was hated by most of this country."
"Well, the jury is still out on whether you were a hero or villain that day," Touji replied, his gaze still boring into the smaller man's head, "But to me, that depends on one thing. Did you care at all, that you were leaving your friends behind?" his voice raised slightly.
"Did you care that Misato cried when she woke up in the hospital, when she found you were gone? She didn't cry when she found out she couldn't walk, but for you, you ungrateful bastard, she did!"
This struck a chord in Shinji, and he whipped his head back, his own voice raised, "Of course I did, damn it! I didn't want to leave Misato, or you, or..."- everyone- "I didn't want to do that."
"But you did anyway."
"I had no choice!" the pilot of Unit 01's shout caused a few curious glances, but most people went on their way. "You wouldn't understand..."
Now it was Touji's turn to be angry, as he grabbed Shinji's collar, hoisting him up in the air. "I wouldn't understand?" he hissed furiously, "How do you think I felt when all those people got killed at Matushiro! Knowing that it was my Eva who caused that explosion! I can barely look at Misato, knowing that she could have died too!"
"That's not the same!" Shinji snapped. "You had no control! That was an Angel! But I killed those people... I lost control and I murdered those soldiers, and I enjoyed it! You knew it was wrong... I didn't."
That seemed to make Touji blinked in surprise. He had preferred to believe that it had been Unit 01 going to berserk that accomplished that brutal massacre, but hearing these words from Shinji... "Then why do you care now?"
"Because I regret it..." the Third Child trailed off, and his gaze turned to the floor again. "But it doesn't matter... because I'll never get clean. Not anymore."
"You know Sohryu killed some of the JSSDF too." The Second Child's name caused Shinji to flinch. "For a devil, she seemed a little sad. But she didn't go running off."
"She killed some. I killed them all." His fists clenched. "I should have been the one to die that day. I should have stopped, should have kept control..."
"Then keep control. Stop next time you go on a rampage," Touji said dryly, but the humor was lost on the Third Child, "You made a mistake. So accept that, and move on."
Blinking in surprise again, Shinji smiled slightly. "You've grown up, Touji."
Rubbing the back of his head, Touji merely replied sheepishly, "Don't tell anyone. It'll ruin my reputation."
Grinning, the Third Child rolled his eyes. "We can't have that." He said sardonically. As they shared a glance, they both chuckled.
"You want to grab some lunch?" Touji asked, glancing at the pilot.
Shinji paused. He didn't really come back to Tokyo-3 to catch up with old friends, renew relationships... but why he came back didn't seem so important right now. "Sure."
After a moment, Shinji asked lightly, "So, how's Kensuke?"
"He's good. Always traveling, photographing everything in sight." Touji replied, and began walking forward.
"Just like old times." Shinji commented, and the two shared another look, as if they were fourteen again, glancing at each other as Kensuke went on a military rant, as if to say, Why do we hang out with him again?
Laughing slightly, the two friends began to mend a barrier of seven years.
Across the street, a man ducked into an alley. With an almost gleeful look, he punched in a number on his cell phone.
"Hello? Its me. You won't believe whose come back to Tokyo-3..."
Author's Remarks
Parts of the chapter are a parallel to Episode 2 (evidenced in all the quotes and reminiscing). This took longer to finish because of the lack of action, but then again, most of this story revolves around character interaction, not action.
Shinji felt (to me, anyway) a bit out of character in the final paragraphs, but he is hanging out with his friends, something we only catch glimpses of in the series. Touji feels more mature, but taking into account his lost limbs and the time passed, I think it should be accurate.
I wish I could have put Rei in this chapter, but unfortunately, there was nowhere I could place her and keep the flow of the story.
Some people have asked about romance, namely whether this is an Asuka/Shinji or Shinji/Rei story. Its neither. Its not a romance story at all, actually. It will have A/S overtones, but is free of any actual romance. This is not that sort of story.
The spelling of Kaoru/Kaworu has been put into debate. I know that in one screen in Episode 24 is says Kaworu, but the English translation refers to him as Kaoru. And since I've already spelled it that way, I'll keep it that way.
But the name doesn't matter, really. You'll see why.
Oh, and to anyone who managed to read "The NERV Guide To Angel Attacks" the one day it was here before demolished it, I've moved it to Mediaminer. You'll find me under the same name over there.