Uh... This chapter is very perverted.

If you do not want to be corrupted by this chapter, please do not read it. Actually, I think this chapter is pretty important. So please REVIEW and I will personally tell you. Aren't I kind? Hehe. Yeah. Anyway, it's not that bad. It just has a lot of mentions of PENISES and if that doesn't bother you, then I say: READ!

Oh! The beginning of this chapter starts off as a chapter from the book "The Perks of being a Wallflower." That book is very very very very good and I DEEPLY recommend it. It is my favorite book of all times and it will be until the next Harry Potter comes out. XD READ THAT BOOK!

ENJOY:)

OOO

Dear Winifred

Do you know what masturbation is?

I'll tell you. It is when you rub your genitals until you get an orgasm.

Wow.

That is just...

Wow.

Who does that?

OOO

I gave up on masturbation. It's just too weird. Why masturbate to orgasm when you can just shag someone instead?

Blaise Zabini is becoming a very very good friend of mine. He knows almost MORE about girls than I do. His mom's a model.

Anyway, he's the one who told me about masturbation. When I confided with him that it was really lame, he said

"I know it's lame. That's why I told you about it."

But he's cool because he can actually in my face tell me that I'm a stuck up arse randomly.

Anyway. He's been talking about Weasley and how I shouldn't waste my time on her. He said

"If you really like her, just leave it be and everything will fall into place as it goes."

So I've been living my life pretty normally, if you were wondering after last last entry. I was reading it and I sounded so pissed, it's not funny. I guess I was pissed. I guess I still am, but penis, I don't care.

And I did not call you penis. It's a fad these days.

It's a substitute word for Merlin, penis is.

Hah. I just sounded like Yoda from Star Wars!

OOO

I got me a girl. She's really pretty.

OOO

I forgot to say that she's really pretty and her name is Melanie.

The best part is that it's Weasley's best friend.

OOO

Melanie and I haven't shagged yet.

Don't worry, Winifred. I'm not becoming virgin. I'm thinking about banging her this week.

OOO

Today, I talked with Weasley. Or me and Melanie were talking with her. Hah. I think she turned a bit green when she saw Melanie and me all wrapped up in each other.

She deserved it.

OOO

Haha. Remember in the beginning of this diary, when I used to say "Are you kidding my penis?"

Well I remember now. I think it's funny. It's cool though, because it means that I thought of the whole penis thing first. Maybe I should patent it. When I took Muggle Studies 2 years ago, Profesor Sinistra told us about patenting. Rather cool if I had to speak the truth.

But since when did Malfoys speak the truth?

OOO

Finally, I shagged Melanie. I was actually glad she wasn't a virgin. I hate doing virgins because I know I'm going to dump her anyway and they're going to get even sadder than regular girls. After, I asked her why she waited so long to shag me when she wasn't even a virgin and she said she feels dirty doing that so she likes to get to know the guys better and then shag.

That's smart. Maybe I should start doing that.

…

…

Haha. Are you kidding my penis?

OOO

I just remembered. Wasn't I hella happy a few weeks ago when Potter and Weasley broke up?

But wasn't it because of Potter that Weasley had to end the whole bodyguard thing with me?

I must go ask Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown. They know everything going on in the school.

--

Detective Malfoy back.

Okay. Apparently, when I heard they broke up, they actually weren't broken up. But they broke up a week ago.

So all's well and swell.

OOO

If you're wondering what happened to Melanie, we sort of separated. She didn't really like me anymore and I wasn't very interested in her anymore. So we just said "let's be friends and just ended.

That was the best break-up ever because she didn't cry and hang onto me.

OOO

This is so girly, but I'm putting it her because I have nothing to write in you today, Winifred.

This is a quiz from Witch Weekly's that Pansy gave me. Everyone's doing it because none of us have better things to do.

The surface/

Name: Draco Malfoy

Occupation: Sex God

Age: 17

Hair: Blonde.

The second layer/

Favorite color: Honestly, I think yellow is a pretty color because it reminds me of the sun. hehe.

Favorite sport: Quidditch. Duh.

Favorite team: GO SLYTHERINS! I'm pathetic

What do you want to be when you grow up: Anything but a death eater. Sort of freaky. I don't like working under people.

Favorite music: No preference. I actually don't listen to music a lot.

Let's dig deeper/ Please don't.

Virgin: Is this a trick question?

If not, who/when: Don't remember.

Favorite class: Potions

Do you like muggles: I don't really care. I was born not to. But I really don't see the difference between them and me.

The core/

Are you a nice person: No, not really.

If not, do you want to be: Depends. I like them rough.

What smell is sexually pleasing you: WHAT THE PENIS. I don't know.

What makes you sexually vulnerable: Someone naked. Duh.

Is there something you deeply regret: Yes.

If yes, what: None of your beeswax.

Yay. Now you know more about me, I'll be leaving to finish my Transfiguration essay.

OOO

I finally revenged Weasley for setting me up like that.

I found her all alone in the library today so me and Blaise decided to give her a bit of a visit.

"Hello Ginevra." I whispered, Blaise right beside me.

"What do you want?"

"I want to kiss you."

She looked at me all weird. I leaned in a lot and her eyes started fluttering. And she came closer… closer…

And then BAM! I moved to the side and the girl almost fell off her chair face first. Blaise had a laugh. I tagged my finger at her.

"You bad girl. Haven't you learned of 'abstinence before marriage?'"

I saw her furiously blushing. "Go away."

"No? You haven't? Well well well. How very unexpected of you. You know what masturbation is?"

She ignored me but her eyes cried out "NO! TELL ME!"

"It means that you rub your genitals until you orgasm. Does that sound alluring to you, dear girl?"

She ignored me but her eyes cried out "YES!"

"Then come meet me tonight at 11." I whispered into her ear. "You know where."

And then, I FINALLY proved my masculinity with her. She got a taste of my magic.

And I won't be modest about me.

I cupped my hands… my magic hands around her face and kissed her jaw, slowly and menacingly. She MOANED. She actually moaned.

And then, I kissed her neckline and all the way down to her collar bone.

And then, I let go of her, winked, and followed Blaise out.

I know she'll come tonight.

I'm still deciding how far I should go with her.

Blaise says all the way.

OOO

The girl actually came.

The nerve.

"I didn't expect our innocent little Gryffindor to come to the big bad Slytherin tonight. What shall we do? Shall we shag?"

"Not… quite yet."

"Then… shall we snog?"

"Not yet."

"Did you just come here so I can tell you more about masturbation?"

"Uh… no. I came here because I wanted to talk."

"OH. Sorry. I don't do that."

"I knew it. You're the same slimy githead that I've always known you. You're just like Ron and Lavender. They just suck their faces off and they don't know the other's birthday. Malfoy. If I'm going to get anywhere with you, I demand that I get to talk to you."

"Talk to me? Pah- why would you do that?"

"Because while I had my injury, you've always talked to me then."

"I told you. That doesn't last long. And you lied to me."

"Me? Lie? To you? Excuse me?"

"You're excused."

"Malfoy I am not joking around."

"Neither am I."

"You don't mean to say that there is nothing between us?"

"No. I wanted you to come tonight so we can shag."

"Really, Malfoy. How low can you get? Is there anything that means something to you?"

"Uh. Yes. But I've lost most of it." It's sad really. My favorite blanket was never found again after I turned 6. My stuffed bear was ripped and eaten by the neighborhood dog. The bitch. Haha. Get it?

"Don't I mean something to you? Do you know that I broke up with Harry, the PERFECT man because I couldn't get over you?"

"I told you not to fret about me too much. I'm a naturally cold sided man who's warm and fuzzy only to the people he really cares about."

I feel really bad because when I said that, there was like a sudden dropping of all faith in here eyes.

"You're absolutely impossible." She said, sort of teary and sort of strongly.

And then, she grabbed my face and kissed me.

And then, she did the most unbelievable thing ever. She started unbuttoning her blouse. One by one, ever so slowly and menacingly.

And I just stood there like a fucking penis paralyzed or something.

She slipped off her shirt and began to unzip her skirt when I did the most unbelievable thing in the world.

I left.

OOO

I haven't told Blaise about what happened. Partly because I'm TERRIFIED of what's going to come out. I don't really know what happened and I'm afraid that it's something bad that's deep down there in my Adam's Apple and when I say it to someone, it'll come out. And I know it's going to be embarrassing.

Giving up sex with Ginny Weasley, the most untouchable hottest most wanted shagging virgin in the school (says Blaise) is just impossible.

Me! DRACO MALFOY?

HELLO?

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY DRACO?

WINIFRED

I BLAME IT ALL ON YOU.

EVERY

SINGLE

BIT

OF

THIS

OOO

I'm a boobless girl with a penis.

OOO

Maybe if I gave you a sex-change and made you into a man, you would give me manly influences and stop making me into a wussy.

So I therefore give thy Winifred Diary right to bear penises and lose thy breasts.

Winifred Diary is now thy Dacono Diary.

How does it feel now?

Good I believe.

Yes. It must be.

Catch you later Dacono homeboy.

OOO

Yo WUZZAH my Dracono! Wuzzah happening yo?

That's this gangster language I read in a book once. Guys use it all the time when they're cool. And that's me. Right here. As cool as a cat.

And uh. Yeah. Dude homie G, I've been making my way home to the library these days. I don't know why. I've become another Mudblood Granger man!

But really. It's not like I do homework there. I just sit… sit… and watch the… door.

What am I waiting for?

I don't know.

Too hard. Too hard, man.

Men are just too simple minded like you, Dracono!

Haha! Burn!

DAMN!

I just dissed myself as well.

OOO

I love muggles.

I think they are actually quite fascinating.

I just read a book about microwaves.

I mean really.

Where in the world did some stingy little dingbat think of an idea to make food warmer?

"Oh dear lord! My sandwich is cold! I shall invent something that makes it warmer and spend half my life making it! And by the time I finish, I'll be so old, I'll never get laid! So I'll die a virgin! Hooray!"

Anyway.

That's the find of the day

Catch you later, Dracono my man.

OOO

I found something today in one of the self guidance for love books, and it made me do something… really un Draco-ish.

I'm still blown away at what I did

I'll tell you. You seem excited.

It all started this morning when I got my guitar from the package I ordered from one of the books. My owl almost died carrying that thing in for me. Everyone was looking at it and I took it up to my room to practice.

And then, I got some notes down so I took a small itty bitty rest and went to read some books.

And then, I found an open Love Guidance books and I found this thing for girls. And no. I did not look for it. It caught my attention because the girl who had been looking at it had marks all over the paper that was like "AWW! WHY ISN'T SO AND SO LIKE THIS?"

So I checked out the book. Even though Madame Pince was looking at me a bit weird because I was checking out this Love Guidance books for girls in need.

And she'd probably heard of my skills.

Anyway. I was like delirious and I made myself a song with it. I don't know who and what I decided to sing it to, but I just did it.

And then, finally, I did it.

There is sat in front of the Grand Staircase with my guitar out like a freaking hobo on the streets begging for money.

But I have to say, I rather enjoyed the attention.

Hehe.

Here's my song:

I know I've been wrong

But something tells me

If we make this right

I'll be a different guy.

I'll be the guy who wakes up early

Every single morning

Just to give you a good morning

And at night wish you sweet dreams

I'll be the guy who will yell out

I love you

Just to see you smile

I'll be the guy who will take you away

To the ocean

Run the sand through your toes

And make you guess where we are

I'll be the guy to show up at your games

No matter if you're my rival

Just to surprise you

And let you be the best that you have ever been

I'll be the guy to hold you

When you cry

And wipe away your tears

I'll be the guy who says you're beautiful

With no makeup

And in sweats and sweat

I'll be the guy who won't pressure you

To do what you don't want to

I'll be waiting for endless years

Until you're ready for me

I'll be the guy who shows up at your room

With bowl of soup and blanket

When you're not feeling well

I'll be the guy to kiss your forehead

I'll be the guy who won't

Kiss and tell

I'll be the guy to listen when you talk

And be excited all day

For our date at night

I'll be the guy who is content

Just to hold you

And want nothing more

I'll be the guy who can't help but smile

When you walk into the room

I'll be perfectly content

Just to sit and cuddle with you

I'll be the guy who won't lie to you

About where I'm going

Where I've been

Who I've been with

I'll e the guy who'll get butterflies

Whenever I hear your name

Being said to my ears

I'll be the guy who picks you

Over my friends

And not be afraid to tell them

That I love you

I'll be the guy who doesn't care about

Your imperfections

Because I'll love you more for them

And I'll hold you while we watch the sunset

I'm the guy who really wants to make you the happiest

Girl in the world.

I know it's sweet. You don't have to tell me, Dracono.

The best part is that Ginny Weasley walked by and listened to over half of it. I'll tell you more later.

I'm in good mood!

Time for some cake.

OOO

I hope it was better?

REVIEW?

I was rather dissappointed at the number of reviews last chapter. I mean, I know it was bad, but please, if it was, don't go, "Hey! Since this chapter sucked ass, I'm not going to review and make her jus SO much more motivated to write more."

Blah. But I love you all anyway:)

So please Review!

Oh and you can't sue me for the song because it's not actual lyrics of a song and its from this like poem thing my friend sent me made into a song.

So hah!

Hehe.

Take care. I think i'm going to hook them up soon. :)