WARNING: THE CORNIEST PICK UP LINE ENSUES.
OOO
Dear Winifred,
Who knew wooing the little Weasley would be so hard? I must now reside to muggle pep talk books in the library, hiding from civilization so that they would never ever find out.
Here's a few good pick-up lines I've picked up, though. HAHA! I must be amazing with puns.
"Do you need to go to the hospital? Because it must have hurt when you fell out of heaven."
"Are you a parking ticket? Because you've got fine-fine-fine written all over you."
"If I got a galleon for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have a galleon."
Ahh… that's all I can think of for now.
I'm practicing tomorrow on the third years. They're the easiest. If you know what I mean.
OOO
Used this one today:
I saw a cute little girl going into level three History of Magic so I followed her in because Professor Binns is just that blind.
I said, "Hey, you dropped something…"
"What?" She asked.
"My jaw."
She and her little friends all giggled their little giggles until she straightened up and looked me in the eye.
"And you are…" she asked.
"In heaven because I've just seen an angel."
They started giggling even harder.
"I don't even know you! You're soo weird!"
"I'm weird? You're weird! I'm not the one who gets their pants are from outer space because your butt is out of this world."
They didn't giggle this time.
"Uh…eeeeyah… I think I'll be heading out now…" I said.
That was definitely a don't use.
OOO
Ran into a fourth year today. I helped her up and said, "Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again?"
She smiled a little. "Thanks." And walked away.
That was lame.
OOO
I decided that after 3 more successful tries, I'm going to make my first move on Ginny Weasley.
So today, I met another fourth year. We were in line to get out of the hall and she was in front of me.
"Hey, excuse me?" I asked, tapping her.
"Yes?"
"Can I check something on your shirt?"
"Um… sure?"
I flipped the tag up from the neck. "Yup. That's what I thought. Made in Heaven."
She raised an eyebrow.
"Aren't you the head boy?"
Damn it. I ran away.
Maybe I should start doing this with people I know and have already gotten accustomed to the fact that I am indeed a pervy head boy.
OOO
Milicent was helping me with Transfiguration today. That stuff just confuses the hell out of me and I got irritated and threw my paper across the room.
"You know what?" I asked.
"What."
"If I could rewrite the alphabet, I'd put U and I together."
"Why? I like the way I is next to H and J and how U is next to T and V. Why would you change it?"
"Uh… never mind."
OOO
Last person today. I chose the person who was closest to Ginny.
Dun Dun Dun… Time to sweep Luna Lovegood off her little radish feet.
"Hey! Loon- I mean… Luna!"
She turned around, little radishes dangling from her ears.
"Yes?"
"Your parents must be retarded because you're pretty special."
She stared at me for a while, and then burst into tears, running away.
Ahh. Maybe she wasn't the right person to try that one on.
OOO
This is it. The big day!
Oh, boy, I'm HELLA psyched.
OOO
Here's what happened.
I saw her walking out of Potions today so I called her over.
"Hey, Ginny… can you take some time and let me hit on you?"
She looked completely puzzled…
And then she came.
"What do you want, Malfoy?"
"You."
"Really, Malfoy, what's the deal?"
"I want to talk… sort of as a continuation from last time."
"We didn't talk last time. You DIDN'T WANT to talk. You wanted to shag. So I offered you that and you walked away. That was it, Draco. I've given up on you."
"No you haven't. Because I haven't given up on you and I'm just starting and it's just not fair!" I whined. I know I know, it's childish, but when desperate measures come your way…
"Malfoy, you've had your chance to shag me and you walked away from it."
"I don't want to shag you this time."
"Oh really? What do you want to do? Talk? Cuddle?"
"I just want to… I don't know… talk? Tell you that your father must be in jail because he stole the stars from the sky and put it in your eyes?"
She cracked a grin. SHE CRACKED A GRIN! OH THANK YOU SWEET MERLIN.
"Malfoy… you're going to have to prove that."
"What? That I'm not shallow? Or that your father is a thief?"
"How about both?"
"And if I do, will you accept me?"
She stood there… maybe thinking, maybe torturing me.
"…we'll see about that."
OOO
"Hey, hey! Ginny!"
She turned around.
"Hey, Ginny, you must be a sergeant because you make my privates stand straight."
I can't describe her face, but it was one of the faces you see when it's between laughter, cringing, and embarrassment.
"Draco Malfoy… that is disgusting."
OOO
"Hey Ginny!" I called.
"What?"
"Can you do me a favor?"
"Depends what it is."
"Could you let me borrow Potter's Marauder's map?"
"Why?"
"Because I'm getting lost in you."
She let out a cry of either scoffing or laughing. It was one of those one time "Hah" things.
"You're funny. And no. I suggest a new map for you to make up for that dreadful pick up line."
Ouch. When was that book published, anyway?
OOO
Wait wait wait… was our deal about having me prove to her that her father is a thief and that I'm not shallow? Oh, what the hell? How am I supposed to do that? Neither are true!
That girl is tricky. I know that if I go up to her and prove to her that she's beautiful, she'll slash out at me and tell me: "You still haven't proven why my father is a thief"
And the thing is,
I AM A SHALLOW MAN!
AHH! BLOODY HELL, THIS IS NOT HAPPENING TO ME.
I HAVE JUST AGREED TO DO THE IMPOSSIBLE.
OOO
Is it just me, or is it that since the deal with Weasley, all the girls have become even lustier?
Am I really THAT shallow?
Why are all these girls hitting on me?
Why did I just ask that stupid question?
Maybe I got handsomer. Maybe that body lotion I found… in a backpack… that day really does give you healthy glowing skin.
I bet that's what it is. I should stop using it then because I'm really not going to get anywhere trying to prove my deep wise side when I have girls hanging all over my healthy glowing skin.
OOO
Oh, fuck this healthy glowing skin. I just made out with one girl because she was hot. Prove I'm not shallow, huh?
Should I just forget Weasley? Were really not meant to be?
OOO
I've layed down on the pick up lines on Weasley. It's decreased from one every day to one every week.
It's soon going to be over and I'm going to regret it.
The thing is, me and my healthy glowing skin are sort of in a like with her. And when you are in a like with someone, it means that when you walk around amidst all these people, the only person you see is them.
Well, partially to blame is her ridiculous hair.
But really… does it make much of a difference?
Whatever. Time for moisturizing my skin.
OOO
I've become addicted to skin. All I care about now is healthy glowing skin. And I judge all girls by their healthy glowing skins. See?
Out of 1-10, here is the list of ratings I've personally given. Feel free to interject.
Pansy Parkinsong: 7. Too guilty.
Bridget Jones: 7. It's alright.
Milicent Bustrode: 5. No comment. It IS an improvement though.
Janet Pentwater: 8. If only she wasn't so oily.
Lavender Brown: 4. Have you SEEN the pimples?
The Patil Twins: 7. It's not very healthy looking. Looks rather frail.
Sarah Jenkins: 1. Sweet girl, really.
Leanne Cho: 8. Great… just a tiny bit dry.
Leah Clarks: 7. Too pale.
Granger: 7. I'm surprised she's not disgusting. I bet it's the muggle products she uses.
Hannah Abbott: 7. Fair. Too tan, I think.
Ginny Weasley: 10.
Yeah.
OOO
My skin is getting healthier and glowier by the second. I'm almost out of the bottle though, so I'm thinking of taking it to Snape and asking to examine it. Maybe he knows what goes in there. On the other hand, I'm still deciding what to do with Ginny Weasley.
Maybe I should just give up?
Now that is a sad thought.
XXX
Word just in: that lotion is a muggle product.
AHH!
XXX
More words just in: That lotion is Granger's. How do I know? I overheard her talking to Ginny about how her lotion was in her backpack and the next second, it was gone.
Wow. Wow. My life is over.
What shall I do?
OOO
Save me! I was almost raped today. A bunch of girls game over and started taking off my shirt and it was really weird.
OOO
Okay, I didn't describe that too well. It was all just so weird, I couldn't think straight. What really happened was that I was sitting there when a bunch of fairly cute girls with fairly healthy and glowing skins came over and started to talk to me.
"Hi. We want to talk to you."
Those are their exact words.
So anyway, they started giggling and talking and then… STRIPPING! It was really REALLY weird. Sure, I'm a sex loving freak and I've done a total of like one threesome before (and we were DRUNK!), but come on. A 20-some? That's just really wrong. They all sort of came down on me and at first, it started with only one girl, so it was all right. A bit weird though, because I didn't really know them. So, I didn't really get that into her and just played along with what she was doing, you know?
And then, they all jumped on me. It was weird, like I said.
So I left and now I am here in my room reminiscing on it.
Bloody weird.
OOO
Granger found out I was using her lotion. She found out I've been stealing more too. Bloody mudblood liar.
Fine, Winifred. I'll tell you the truth, and this is the truth. I only took one other bottle of lotion after the first one I took. JUST one, but she's accusing me now of stealing her books, homework, hat, scarves, mittens, shoes, underwear, quills, parchment, toothbrush, shampoo, and floss. Okay, I'm exaggerating. But to make my point, she's accusing me of stealing virtually everything she owns.
I must go attend detention for her now.
Yes, it's true. I've just received detention from my fellow head girl.
And yes, it's true. You're allowed to do that.
And yes, it's true, I am planning a prank on her.
OOO
Guess who I saw at detention today?
…
…
…
…
…
…
GINNY WEASLEY! Granger gave her detention too. Who knows why? Maybe Ginny's been stealing her lotion too.
Ohh… that's probably it! No wonder Ginny had such healthy glowing skin as well!
I never found out. Sometimes, you just gotta love fate.
And the head girl. I swear when she was leaving the room, she winked.
That mudblood is just too smart for her own good.
Anyway, we were doing lines, ("I will not steal from the Head girl ever again." For me. I never found out what Weasley was up to.)
And then I heard God.
"Why did you do it?" It said.
"I'm sorry. It really gave me healthy glowing skin. I didn't mean to. It just happened."
"No, why didn't you sleep with the girls?"
"Because… I didn't want to?"
"Why?"
"What the hell, god, why are you asking me this?"
"Draco? It's me."
"God?"
"No, it's me, Ginny."
I looked toward my left, and there she was, staring at me questioningly.
"OH my god. Are you talking to me?" I asked.
"Yes, I am."
"Oh, thank YOU, god."
"… Why didn't you sleep with the girls?"
"Because I didn't want to sleep with them!"
"Why?"
"Because… sleeping with 20 girls is sort of gross?"
"But when that girl made a move on you…"
"Have you been watching me?"
"No."
"Does the whole school know about this?"
"No."
"How… do you know about this?"
"I… I set them up for it."
"YOU ALMOST GOT ME RAPED!"
"I'm sorry… you seemed to have a bit of trouble trying to prove to me that you're not shallow."
"So you did this to help me?"
"Yeah. Yeah, basically."
"Did I look like I REALLY needed that help?"
"Yeah. Hermione told me about the lotion."
"Have you noticed the difference?" I asked, flashing my right side. My right side is better.
"No, to tell you the truth. It looks the same to me."
"Oh." Oh man, was I dejected.
"But if it makes you feel any better, I'm really glad you didn't sleep with the girls."
"Why?"
"Because… it shows that you don't go for all the sex you can get. You have some dignity in your life."
"Thanks."
"No really, Draco. You've just proved to me that you aren't just a fluffy shallow piece of shit."
Can you say… hallelujah?
I love that man up there. Good buddy. Good ol' pal of mine.
"Ginny… I can prove to you why your father is a thief."
"Try me."
"You're his daughter."
"Yes…"
"You just stole my heart."
She wadded up her parchment and threw it at me.
"Where in the world did you get all these?"
"From looking into your eyes…"
"Draco Malfoy… I thought you can do better."
Raising an eyebrow, I cupped her chin lightly in my fingers and slowly brought her healthy glowing face to mine.
And then, with much master and profession, I kissed her with burning desire. Softly and delicately, with passion.
It's one of those moments when you can feel your heart dropping down into your stomach area.
When you can feel the heat in your already glowing face.
When you know that this is how great your life will be for a long… long time.
It's one of those moments when you find the missing piece to the puzzle and you feel complete. When there is warmth in your body when you can be stark naked.
I live for them.
"Marry me."
I said.
She laughed cheekily. "We'll see about that."
OOO
Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Review please.
I must make an average of 10 per chapter. Getting five last time really dropped it down so now I must get 10 this time or I will be sort of sad?
I hope you liked it.
Love always,
Youngwriter
P.S. HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE MOVIE IS THE BEST. TRUE WORK OF ART. MY FAVORITE. IT CONTRASTS BRILLIANTLY FROM BEING FREAKISHLY INTENSE(MAZE) TO EXTRAORDINARILY FUNNY(BATH).
I RECOMMEND IT FULLHEARTEDLY.
Happy Thanksgiving!