In the depths of space, the enormous alien Glieph was showing the Crosswires and Nordgrens to a high doorway filled with waves of light. "This passage will take you directly to the lobby of Scaly Arms," she informed them. "It's a fifteen-star hotel. I'm sure you'll enjoy your stay."
"Fifteen stars?" said Mr. Crosswire incredulously. "What exactly does that mean?"
"At Scaly Arms, each room comes with its own chef and masseuse," Glieph explained. "Don't worry about the expense—it's all paid for by the administration."
"Oh, I just can't wait," said Muffy dreamily.
"I've informed the hotel of your arrival," Glieph assured them. "An Earth-speaking staff member will meet you as soon as you touch down."
"Touch down?" said George nervously.
"It's just an expression," said the alien.
"Good," said the moose boy with a sigh of relief. "I'm afraid of airplanes."
"Let's go, Georgie," said Sal, tugging on her brother's sleeve. "I want to see the mile-high roller coaster."
Glieph saluted the Earthlings as they stepped through the gateway and vanished into the waves. "Have a good time in Elci Kahaf," she called after them. "I wish it were me going there."
The familiar tingling in the antlers was the first thing George experienced. Then, for a split second, he was engulfed in yawning darkness. Just as he feared he would fall forever, what appeared to be a marble floor abruptly materialized under his feet.
Muffy was still next to him, holding his hand tenderly. They and their families were in the center of a palatial room that seemed to stretch onward for miles. Soaring buttresses held a curved roof in place, and a row of large picture windows offered vistas of unbelievable color and variety. They strained to recognize even one object.
Living beings of various forms and sizes walked and slithered past them, many pushing wheeled vehicles packed with metallic containers. Muffy was especially enticed by a pair of almost-identical teddy bear creatures, who waddled along surrounded by about eighteen similar but smaller bears.
George, while watching a silver-eyed alien strut along on spindly, mantis-like legs, suddenly felt moisture hit the back of his head. He whirled, and saw a snail-like creature with an ornate spiral shell, wiping green slime from its face with a cloth. "Zebuguh platchy," the giant snail apologized in a pleasantly feminine voice.
"This is like the Grand Central Station of the galaxy," Mrs. Nordgren remarked.
"It's like Lost in Translation meets Lost in Space," Mrs. Crosswire added.
"Gulvax ni mev onga yehyeh," droned a male-sounding voice from the overhead speakers.
Just as Mr. Crosswire wandered off to look for an information desk, a slender humanoid with pointed ears, white skin, and hair like artichoke leaves walked up to them on tiny feet. "Welcome to the Scaly Arms of Elci Kahaf, my friends from Earth," it spoke in what seemed like three voices at once. "You are the Elwood and Starbucks families, are you not?"
Mr. Crosswire nodded slowly. "Yes. Yes, we are."
"My name is Ablikablukapelifrotz," the alien continued, its lipless mouth forming a smile, "but you may call me Jenny." Indeed, the greeter wore a badge on the lapel of her shirt with the name JENNY in Earth letters.
"Jenny?" said Muffy with surprise. "Are you a girl, then?"
"Yes," replied Ablikablukapelifrotz.
"Do you have a boyfriend?" asked Muffy, glancing affectionately at George.
"Yes, I do," said Jenny excitedly. "He is very handsome. He has two heads."
"When you have babies, where do they come out?" Muffy asked her.
"That's quite enough," said Mrs. Crosswire, laying a hand over her daughter's mouth.
"I will lead you to your rooms now," said Jenny, striding away on her rubbery legs.
She led the families into a chamber that resembled an elevator with glass walls, and more parts of the fantastic alien city became visible to them. "Your rooms are on the 1,313th floor," said the alien concierge. "I hope you're not superstitious."
The elevator shot upward at fantastic speed, nearly knocking over the Crosswires and Nordgrens like bowling pins. The concrete-covered ground became more and more distant, until they felt as if they were viewing it from space.
"I think I'm gonna be sick," moaned George, and Jenny promptly handed him a white paper bag.
Not even in their dreams had they seen such a sight as was unfolding below them. Vast, monolithic towers stretched in every direction, gleaming in the light of the setting blue sun. Rail vehicles rocketed between them, occasionally stopping to take on new passengers. "It's nothing but trains," Muffy realized. "Doesn't anyone drive a car here?"
"In Elci Kahaf?" said Jenny with a chuckle. "You can't be serious. There's nowhere to park."
"How can there be nowhere to park if there are no cars?" Muffy pressed her.
"Elci Kahaf was designed to be an environmentally friendly paradise," Jenny answered. "Therefore, no parking lots. It's the city of the future. The city of the future. The city of the future. The city of…"
"Okay, I got it," said Muffy impatiently.
"I'm sorry," said Jenny, putting her root-like fingers over her mouth. "We Galizorians have a custom of repeating ourselves when we say something important."
"I need to pee," said Sal urgently. "I need to pee. I need to pee. I need to…"
"Look over there!" exclaimed George, pointing to their left.
All heads turned. A short distance from the hotel towered a winding tube held aloft by massive steel supports. George, Sal, and Muffy held their breaths as a group of aliens strapped to a train-like vehicle hurtled through the twisting sky tunnel, then plunged down a steep slope that seemed to extend half a mile toward the ground.
"Good Lord," Mr. Nordgren commented. "They must be moving faster than the speed of sound."
"The Tube of Terror has a top speed of 762 Earth miles per hour," Jenny told him. "It's the tallest, fastest amusement park ride of any Alliance planet."
"Hold me, George," said Muffy queasily.
"I-I don't want to throw up all over you," said George, stepping back from her.
"I don't need to pee anymore," said Sal, blushing.
Once the dizzying glass elevator ride was over, Jenny led her guests to a moving walkway that transported them along an endless corridor to their rooms. "I see that you have no luggage," remarked Jenny as she slid a card through a laser reader.
"That's right, we don't," said Mr. Crosswire.
"Whatever we need, we'll buy here," his wife added. "We're very rich people on our home planet."
"Ah, yes," said Jenny, escorting the Nordgrens into their room. The Crosswires entered as well, curious to see the interior. "I've heard of Starbucks. You own all the coffee on Earth, no?"
"In addition to several third-world countries," joked Mr. Crosswire.
George's nausea quickly left him when he looked upon the hotel room. It featured two bedrooms, one with a double bed and one with two singles; the wall dividing them had a giant TV screen embedded in each side. Through the large window they could see the continuation of the tube coaster, as well as a panorama of mountains, river gorges, and other cities.
"I didn't think it was possible for a city to be so big," said Mrs. Nordgren in awe.
"Elci Kahaf has a population of 460 million," Jenny stated. "It's the largest city on the planet Orelob."
As Mrs. Crosswire examined the bizarre-looking culinary devices in the kitchen, another alien burst into the room. This one had blue skin, a pig-like nose, and four arms, which it waved about enthusiastically.
"Are you hungry?" asked the creature in a tone like that of a TV host.
"No, we just…" Mrs. Crosswire began to say.
"Scaly Arms features exotic cuisine from the farthest reaches of the Alliance," the blue man went on. "Dishes you've never heard of. Tastes you've never imagined. Flesh of creatures that would eat you if they were still alive. We even serve man! If you're dissatisfied with any of my creations, just let me know, and I'll kick it up a notch. Bam!"
The monkey woman smiled, glad to have someone to do her cooking again.
Sal and George had no sooner climbed onto the double bed and begun to hop up and down, when a disconcerting beeping noise was heard. "What's that sound?" asked Mrs. Nordgren.
"It's what Earthlings call the telephone," Jenny told her. "And I think it's for you."
The moose woman traced the noise to a control console. Seeing a prominent green button, she pressed it, and a booming voice spoke to her. "Amanda Nordgren."
She knew the voice—it belonged to Lieutenant T'l'p'g'r. "Er, yes?" she responded.
"I have some bad news," said the Thrag. Mrs. Nordgren noticed that the people around her seemed oblivious to her conversation. Looking up, she saw a plastic dome hanging over her antlers. It's some sort of sound shield, she thought.
"My son witnessed a murder, and we've been carried off into outer space," said the woman. "Can any news be worse than that?"
"It's about Heath Holcombe," came T'l'p'g'r's authoritative voice. "We've learned something very disturbing about him."
"Which is?"
"He was not the tabloid reporter you believed him to be," the Thrag continued. "One of our officers examined the contents of his wallet, and discovered that he was an agent of the Black Veil."
"Pardon my ignorance," said Mrs. Nordgren, "but what's the Black Veil?"
"It's an activist group," T'l'p'g'r replied. "It's well-funded, and has cells throughout the Alliance. Its stated goal is to put an end to Alliance interference in the affairs of fourth-galaxy planets."
"You've lost me again," said the moose woman.
"By fourth-galaxy planets, I mean those worlds that haven't yet developed space-warp technology. Yes, that includes Earth."
"Slow down," said George, who had suddenly joined his mother underneath the sound dome. If Holcombe was working for this organization, wouldn't that make him an alien?"
"No," answered the sphere-headed space cop. "He was a human, employed by the Black Veil to gather evidence of alien meddling on Earth."
"So that's why he was always bugging us for alien stories," George mused.
"And why is this bad news?" asked Mrs. Nordgren.
"The Black Veil has many powerful sympathizers among the planetary councils," said T'l'p'g'r. "When they hear that Thrag officers murdered a Black Veil agent on a fourth-galaxy world, an explanation is the least that they'll demand."
to be continued