Unaware of what was happening at the Cooper house, Binky wandered aimlessly along the street, recalling in horror the unwelcome knowledge Odette had imparted to him. Girls are creepier than I ever imagined, he thought. In his mind's eye he pictured a vast spacecraft setting down on a primordial Earth, and thousands of girls in frilly dresses pouring out of its hatches.
After thoughtlessly circling the block a few times, he finally walked into his own house. His mother was there, busy with her embroidery, as usual. What made the scene different on this occasion was the fact that his girlfriend, Molly, was also embroidering.
He began to stammer. "Molly? You…you're…"
"Hey, Binky," said Molly, her red skirt bouncing as she jumped up. "Come over here and give me a kiss, you big lug."
"You're knitting," Binky marveled.
"Yeah, it's fun," said Molly, showing him a half-complete pattern with hearts and birds. "What do you think?"
Binky's brain began to liquefy at an alarming rate. What should I say? I don't know what to say!
He pictured himself and Molly three years in the future. While he was much taller and considerably more muscular, Molly had metamorphosed into a slender figure of grace, waltzing about in a white chiffon dress. The blue highlights in her hair complemented her hazel eyes. She had an object in her hands—a pillow upon which she had stitched the images of several Disney princesses in full regalia.
"Do you like it, Binky Winkums?" she asked sweetly.
"Heck, no," her boyfriend replied.
Molly immediately burst into tears. Binky's blood curdled at the sound of her anguished wails.
"I'm…I'm sorry…" he tried to say, but the girl continued to weep bitterly, even using the pillow to mop the tears from her cheeks.
After bawling constantly for about five minutes, Molly finally regained her composure. "Well," she said with a sniffle, "I don't like it either." She then kicked the pillow aside like a soccer ball, and proceeded to blow her nose on her dress.
In the real world, Molly was waiting impatiently for her boyfriend to stop stuttering and answer her question. "You know, in the time it's taking you to answer," she remarked, "I could have saved 15 percent on my car insurance."
"Uh, it's cool," said Binky. "Really cool."
"Whatever," said Molly flippantly. "So, how's about you and me go to Muffin Man, and have some Danish nuthorns?"
"Uh, I'm allergic to peanuts," Binky excused himself. I think I just became allergic to girls, too, he thought.
"Danish nuthorns are made with walnuts," Molly informed him.
She stepped closer, caressing the nervous boy's cheek. So that's why they want boyfriends, Binky theorized. They're so creepy, they even creep themselves out. They'll do anything to hang out with someone who isn't like them…
"Er, I'd love to go out with you," he said anxiously, "but I have a really important, er, spelling bee to study for."
Molly peered suspiciously at the bulldog boy. "An important spelling bee? What's so important about a spelling bee? And when have you even come close to winning one?"
"Uh, never," said Binky sheepishly. "But there's a first time for everything."
The rabbit girl smiled wistfully at him. "At least one of us has aspirations. Kick butt, big boy."
With a final kiss on Binky's cheek, Molly skipped away. I thought she'd never leave me alone, the boy thought.
Wandering into his bedroom, he imagined what he would do under the pretense of studying for the bee. I could watch TV, he thought, but my mom would catch me and tell Molly. I can't go outside, 'cause she might see me. I could just sleep, but sleep's boring.
Picking up the dictionary on his shelf, he opened it up to the middle and weighed it carefully in his hands. Then again, I could do what I'm pretending to do—study.
The bed made a creaking sound as his rear end fell upon it. He opened the large book to its first page. Aardvark, he read. A-A-R-D-V-A-R-K. That one's easy. Let's see if I can spell it with my eyes closed. A-A-R-D-Zzzzzz…"
"Moo with me!" yelled Mary Moo Cow from the TV screen. "Everybody moo! Mooooo!"
"Moo! Moo!" repeated D.W. and her friend Nadine.
"Quiet down, girls," called Mrs. Read, but they only mooed louder…and louder.
"Moo with me! Moo with me!" Mary Moo Cow called out, as a fiberglass moon descended from the rafters behind her.
D.W. and Nadine mooed at the top of their lungs. Mrs. Read, unable to bear more, clutched her ears and fantasized about plunging her head into the sink to drown out the racket.
The telephone rang, and she answered it. "Hello?"
"Mom, it's Arthur. Is D.W. there?"
"Sorry, I can't hear you," said the aardvark woman as deafening moos filled the house. "What did you say about underwear?"
"I need to talk to D.W.," said Arthur, raising his voice. "It's an emergency."
"I'll get her," offered Mrs. Read. "D.W.!" she shouted, but the little girl only mooed frantically.
"Tell her that Greta needs her help," said Arthur.
Five seconds later, D.W. was rushing out of the house, mumbling, "Must help Greta…must help Greta…"
At the Cooper house, Arthur and Francine were trying in vain to calm the weeping and quacking Vanessa. "Why did you send for D.W.?" Francine asked Arthur.
"I've got a hunch," the boy answered. "If Vanessa's contaminated with unicorn magic, then maybe we can change her by wishing."
Vanessa pulled her hands away from her sore eyes, only to discover that she had grown webs between her fingers. "Quaaaaaack!" she wailed in misery.
"If it's that easy," said Francine, "then why don't we just wish for her to turn back into her old self?"
"First, she doesn't want to go back to being a crippled boy," Arthur explained. "Second, she'd still be contaminated—she'd just start changing again."
Mrs. Cooper gave them both a patronizing look. "It's not your problem anymore," she said decisively. "She's going to the hospital, and then we're leaving this God-forsaken city and never coming back."
"What makes you think she'll get better at the hospital?" Francine chided the woman. Nearby, Odette lugged a suitcase out of her room and laid it down.
"I'm not going to argue about it anymore," said Mrs. Cooper, just as D.W. came hurtling through the door.
"I ran here as fast as my little legs would carry me," said the aardvark girl. "Where's Greta? I don't see her."
"She's right here," said Arthur, motioning at Vanessa.
D.W. looked at the sorrowing girl and folded her arms. "That's not Greta," she said peevishly.
"An evil magic spell is turning her into a duck," Arthur told her.
"Quack quack quack," sobbed Vanessa, trying to play along with the deception.
D.W.'s eyes widened with childish gullibility. "Omigosh, she's covered with feathers!" she cried. "What can I do to help?"
"There's only one way to break the spell," said Arthur mysteriously. "Her very best friend in the whole world must wish for her to turn back into a unicorn."
"Quack quack?" said Vanessa, startled at her friend's pronouncement.
"No, it won't hurt at all," Arthur assured her.
Her heart bursting, D.W. threw her arms around the black swan girl. "I do wish it!" she exclaimed. "I wish for you to stop turning into a duck, and become a unicorn again!"
Despite her sincerity, nothing happened.
While D.W. waited for the magic to happen, Francine pulled Arthur aside. "A unicorn?" she whispered in outrage. "What on Earth are you thinking?"
"Unicorns are immune to their own magic," Arthur reminded her. "If she turns into a unicorn, the magical contamination won't hurt her anymore."
"That just might work," said Francine, her voice growing louder. "Except you didn't bother to explain to her that once she turns into a unicorn, she's stuck—for thousands of years!"
"Well, I didn't want to get her hopes up," said Arthur with a shrug.
D.W. strengthened her grip on Vanessa's heaving waist. "Become a unicorn again!" she chanted. "Be a unicorn again! I wish it with all my heart!"
"I wish with all my heart that you'd give it up," said Mrs. Cooper, setting a hand on D.W.'s shoulder and rudely yanking her backwards. "It's time for you kids to go home, because we're leaving now."
"No!" cried Arthur. "Wait for the Sentinels to come back!"
But the duck woman was no longer listening. Seizing Vanessa's webbed hand, she dragged the girl toward the front door, accompanied by Odette and her suitcase.
"Wait! Wait!" called D.W. She tried to run after Vanessa, but Arthur and Francine restrained her arms.
While she was being pushed out of the house, Vanessa swiveled her neck and looked sadly at her friends. They watched the hope drain from her eyes.
And then they saw something strange develop between her eyes.
A crusty growth appeared in the center of her forehead. It began to spread and twist, becoming longer and sharper. Then she turned her face away from them for the last time. They followed her as far as the yard, but Mrs. Cooper was determined to leave quickly, and the Buick sped away before they could get another look.
"Was that what I thought it was?" wondered Francine.
"I guess we'll never know," said Arthur dolefully.
A tear wended its way down D.W.'s cheek. "I knew she was alive," she lamented. "And she was alive. But now I've lost her again."
"Uh, D.W.," said Arthur slowly, "I have something to confess."
To be continued—as soon as I get more reviews!