"Aye, Mum."
"Good. I've invited your Uncle Magnus and John for lunch."
Things were getting worse. He couldn't tell her that he didn't want to see them. That he'd only come to see her, to make sure that she was well and that she forgave him. That he'd come from another galaxy to tell her face to face that he loved her. That when he'd accepted to go on the mission to the Pegasus Galaxy he wasn't running away.
"Okay, Mum."
When Carson came downstairs his shoulders were hunched like they hadn't been for a long time. He'd wished he could be happy, the way he was before his father died in the car crash. He'd felt so helpless, so frustrated. He would have given everything to change the way things went, but there had been nothing he could do. After that, he'd tried to help his mother and to protect her. Make her think that he was okay by not showing his grief. Instead, they'd grown apart. He'd grown apart from everything and everyone he loved. And then he had the chance to start again, with new people and new places.
His mother was remembering her husband's funeral. How Carson had stood and watched everything unfold without showing any emotion. She'd been sorry she didn't understand him. By the time she had , it had been too late. She'd been afraid that he'd quit Med School, afraid that he'd let go of his dream. Now, looking at his dejected posture, she felt the same way. Carson wasn't the boy she used to know.
"So, tell me about where you work."
"You know I can't, Mum."
"You can tell your mother about your colleagues. How you get along, what you're doing there."
"No, I can't." He sounded harsher than he'd meant to. He wished he could close his eyes and wake up in a different place. Why couldn't people understand that he was human, that he had his limits. He hoped that of all the people, his mother would stop seeing him as Doctor Carson Beckett, the one who was always patient, available and willing to help, the one everyone would turn to. He wanted someone he could turn to.
- - -
His cousin John loved to hear himself talk, and Carson just hoped things would end quickly.
"So, Carson, what's it like at... where was it?"
"Classified. You know I can't say."
"Right. So what is it you do there?"
"I'm a Medical Doctor. What do you think I'd be doing?"
Carson hoped his mother would ask John to stop, but she didn't. She seemed curious herself and was expecting an answer. She didn't understand.
"I fix people. They get injured, I heal them." So he tried, at least.
"So, how do you get along with the military?"
"Fine."
"Great. Do you have a girlfriend?"
"Girlfriend?" That was an odd turn. Carson hoped his mother hadn't put John up to asking these questions.
"No, lad, I don't have a girlfriend."
"It figures."
Carson felt how he imagined Rodney must have felt when he was talking to Kavanaugh. No, this was worse. Kavanaugh wasn't Rodney's family.
"You couldn't find a friend, let alone a girlfriend, if you searched the whole galaxy."
"What's this? Are you doing a psychology project on me? Let me be."
"It must be lonely in your little world, Carson."
The blood left Carson's face. He slowly rose from the table, arranged the chair and went to the phone to place a call to Elizabeth Weir.
"Hello?" came a sleepy voice from the other side of the ocean.
"Hello, Elizabeth. I'm sorry to wake you up."
"It's okay, Carson. How's home?"
Carson felt tears cloud his vision. He'd been such a fool to think that he could just come here and it would feel like home. He was a different man. He had changed with the places and times around him.
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. When are we going home?"
"Um... I'm not sure I understand."
"When are we going back? When will Col. Caldwell be ready?"
"Carson, I know it can be difficult. Readjusting takes time, but you love home. You love Scotland."
"I'm finding that it's a bit of an acquired taste."
He remembered Perna's face. Her faith, her friendship.
"Carson, you can come here if you want to."
"I'll be fine. But give me a call as soon as it's time."
He turned to face his family, who were still sitting at the table. John had an awful smirk on his face.
"You lied to us, Carson."
"Really?"
"Elizabeth? Home?"
"There's more to friendship than you'll ever know. And there's more to home than family."
Carson left the room. He closed the door and rested his hand on the doorknob, wishing he was back in Atlantis.