11/9/05 - I'm tacking on Chapter 7 to this Chapter, because Ch. 7 is just too short to be a chapter.

Chapter 6 – Lying is Only Temporary

May 2002 -

She awoke to a warm body wrapped around her. It was early, and she didn't want to be blinded by the bright sun. So she closed her eyes, and he ran his hand down her arm. It was so smooth, so comforting… she wanted him to keep it there forever. "Boone…" she sighed, "I love you."

"What?" said the ragged voice of Jean Bordeaux. Shit. Had she just said, 'Boone'?

"I said that I loved you," she answered quickly.

"I know, but before that?" he said pointedly, tightening his grip on her shoulders.

"I don't know." Smooth, she thought. Jean dislodged himself from her and stood up.

"Alright," he said suspiciously. "I must take Pierre to school now."

"Okay," she said, longing for someone to hold her and want her, so she could pretend it was… no. "Can you stay just a few more minutes?" She nodded to the bed suggestively.

"American girls think they need to prove their sex appeal to get men, don't they? You aren't an exhibitionist, Shannon."

"What?" What had she done now?

"Though it may come as a surprise to you," he smirked. What would Boone have said if she had asked him to stay with her for a few minutes? He would have cuddled against her and nuzzled her neck, he would have… no, a voice said, you don't want Boone. You're in love with Jean. Jean, Jean, Jean! Oh, who the fuck was she kidding?

"Don't talk to me like that," Shannon said, more than a little peeved.

"I was only kidding. See you this afternoon, love," he kissed her on cheek. 'Love', he called her. How very European of him. Shannon rolled out of bed, put on some clothes, and headed towards the kitchen. That damn kid had been watching that idiotic movie again. "La Mer" wafted from the television set. She poured herself some cereal and sliced an apple. Had Camilla sliced an apple on this very same counter, the angelic portrait of a wife?

Shannon loved Jean's house when she was alone the most. She liked to imagine her mother in it, going about her daily life. In her fantasies, Cammie always looked flawless, smiling, patient, and pure – never right before her death, and especially not the night when she had dragged herself from her bed and let the bleach burn in her throat… no, that sent shivers down her back, made her want to throw up, or scrub herself until that image was erased from her memory.

Time for Shannon's daily argument with the telephone. Call Boone, or don't call Boone. The telephone teased her, sitting there nonchalantly. It was as if it begged to be used. The phone had won, once. She had called him and the conversation had been short, awkward, and meaningless. She hadn't told him about Camilla – she had practically fainted when she heard his voice. Despicable, like she was in love with him or something.

Today, Shannon stared at the shiny plastic cordless for a few lingering seconds, then turned back to slicing the apple into fourths, then eights, then sixteenths, then thirty-seconds. She ate three pieces. She smiled spitefully, Boone would have hated this, begged her to eat more. He would have hated everything about her life… Jean, especially. Well, that made two of them.

Later that afternoon, Shannon went to the bank and was dumbfounded when the teller told her the final balance of her account. Shannon had to sit down for a moment – her worst fear had been granted… she was practically broke. God, life sucked. She was a pathetic thing, really – an orphan, broke, and dependent on some guy and his kid who she didn't know where he came from. And she loved Boone. No, said the voice in her head, but Shannon was too depressed to deny it further. Suddenly it came to her. She was broke… Boone.

But if she asked him for it, he would think of her as inferior, and tell her to get a job, laugh at her. She was the strong one, it always had to be that way, and she couldn't just ask him for money. And once she had it, what would she do? She didn't want to stay with Jean… maybe if she left him, she could find someone better. Someone more like Boone. But she didn't even like Boone. He was annoying as hell. But no one kissed her like he did. She sat at the bench at the bank for a while, and finally took out the remainder of her money and closed the bank account.

The plan came to her that night at dinner. Pierre was blowing bubbles in his milk, his father laughing at him and laughing at Shannon for her disgusted looks. God, she despised them both. Once, she had found Jean mysterious and sexy, now he was just stupid and cold. She kind of wished he would slap her, kick her, and do something that would give her a decent excuse to leave him. She couldn't just… God. That was it.

"Jean?" she said. He ignored her, chuckling at his son over something he had said. "Jean?" she repeated.

"Yes, Shannon?" he sighed.

"Didn't you say you were a little behind on the rent?"

"Jean tried to rape me a couple days ago," she said over the phone sadly, partially disgusted at her blatant lie, partially pleased at her acting abilities.

"WHAT?" Boone exploded.

"Can you come and get me… please?"

"Of course, just tell me how to get there and I'll – " Suddenly, to both of their surprises, Shannon started sobbing. Was she that great an actress? No… oh God, this was real.

"I miss you! Boone, I miss you so much… I…"

"It's okay… just stay away from him, I'll be there tomorrow, okay?"

"Yes," she sniffled. She looked at Jean, who looked rather disgusted.

"We're going to get the money from him, we're going to split it, and you'll come back to me? Right?" Shannon was quiet. She tapped her feet on the rug. Camilla's rug. "Right?"

"Yes."

When Boone knocked on the door of Jean's house, Shannon wanted to fuck him. She had to grab onto the door to keep herself from jumping on him, but that wasn't the proper behavior of a girl who had just been raped. Or of a girl in the presence of her boyfriend.

"Hi," she said, and hugged him quickly. If she hugged him too long, got too used to the shape of his body, she wouldn't be able to let him go.

"Hey, Shannon. I missed you." He smiled, so real and genuine. A sinking feeling of guilt pervaded her stomach.

"I missed you, too." She couldn't help but hug him again. This time she sunk into his chest, her arms tightly around his neck. She could feel his heart beating, and Shannon felt so warm and safe…

"Shannon." He said. "I –" he was going to let go. No, no, no! Boone let go, but Shannon just stayed there, pressed into him. He kissed her forehead. Oh god, she felt awful.

"What's going on?" said Jean suspiciously. Boone looked at him; his eyes furious as he looked at the person he had thought raped his sister. Shannon finally let go, and backed away from Jean like she was supposed to.

"I – " she started saying the line she had planned, "I'm leaving you, Jean."

"Excuse me?" Well, wasn't Shannon the poster-child bitch? Fucking with not one, but two people's minds. And other parts…

"I'm just going to go to the bathroom, and I'll be off." She exited to the bathroom, and pressed her ear to the door, listening to Boone's "tough" voice.

"What's that?" Jean was saying.

"A check."

"For what?"

The second Boone and Shannon got to the hotel, Shannon, unrestrained, kissed Boone. It was slow and questioning, with just the tiniest hint of tongue. She was expecting him to argue, but no words came from his mouth. He just kissed back, harder and with more urgency, but after a few minutes, it was Shannon who pulled away. "No," she whispered. He looked surprised, but respected her orders.

Then Shannon went downstairs to call Jean. "Hi," she said quietly into her cell phone from the lobby.

"What was that? You weren't supposed to leave! That isn't how we said it was going to happen!"

"Hey," she laughed, "Calm down, it's not true! I'm coming back in a few weeks, I promise! Just send me the money, and then I'll be back.

"Um," said Jean.

"I love you," she lied.

"I'll send it today."

"Just to the post office, I'll get it from there. Okay?"

"Yeah." She hated herself so much right now. What the hell was her problem? Was she born this way, or was it her fault? And did she want to change her ways? No, not really. Said the voice in her head. Did she really want a guy like sweet, innocent Boone? No, not really. Well... maybe. Was she going to go back to Jean like she had said?

Fuck no.

Shannon trudged down the hall and entered room 481 again. "Hello?" she said to the empty suite. "Boone, where are you?" Shadows loomed on the dusk stricken walls, and air rushed through the open window… Camilla mercilessly poured that drippy white bleach down her throat, in the dark, her perfectly manicured fingers trying to shield her fall… Shannon couldn't chase that image from her head. "Boone, where ARE you?" Her voice filled with panic. Suddenly, she heard a door creak, and Boone emerged. "Boone!" She grabbed his hands and forced them around her. "I was so scared, I…" He rocked her back and forth, his lips resting on the top of her head.

"I'm right here, Shan." He told her. She could feel his breath on her hair. "It's okay now."

"No, it's not. I – she's gone… she didn't love me, nobody loves me, I'm just a pathetic… she's gone!" Tears sprung into her eyes.

"God, Shannon, that is so not true. You don't realize – you're so special, we, I mean, lots of people care about you… and, who's gone?"

"Name one person who loves me. Just one."

"I – " he started, but then he was silent. Then she was full-out bawling, the tears would not stop coming.

"I used to be so nice, and now I'm just a filthy little slutty bitch, I don't deserve – " I don't deserve you, she was going to say, but didn't.

"It's that what that guy told you? God, I'm so furious at him, I'd kill him if I could, just, I can't stand to see you in so much pain."

"She's dead."

"What?"

"My mother, she's dead. She… it's my fault, if I had made more effort she wouldn't have felt so alone, like I do now." Boone sat on the bed, and she sat beside him, her head on his shoulder. He wiped her tears with him thumb, and held her close to his chest.

"Did she – "

"She had cancer, then that guy left her… and she… poured… she poured…" He clasped her fingers in his hand, urging her to go on. "Bleach." Shannon noticed Boone's face pale. "Down her… throat… it – it killed her and I get scared that it'll happen to me, too. That I might become her."

"No… you're so strong, Shannon," he brought his lips to her ear and whispered, "So much stronger than I'll ever be… when I think of you, I think of this amazing, beautiful, st – "

"But that's not me." Shannon felt so guilty…

"Yes, it is. I – " She knew what he was going to say, but she couldn't hear it right now, so she looked in his eyes and placed her lips on his, moving them slightly. Then she pulled away, and kissed him again, numerous quick pecks on his lips. He was going along, not trying anything more, but not holding back either. They were very slow – inquisitive and searching. These kisses were the rare ones that demonstrated their true feelings – not the urgent, usual ones that were about sex and sex only.

He held her to his chest and placed a single, lingering kiss upon her neck. She put her arms around his shoulders and just looked at him. He was looking back, amazed and utterly intrigued by her. She wondered how he could find her so remarkable, what was so special? She also wondered how her expression differed. "I just want you to be happy…" he whispered, so quiet she could barely hear. Shannon couldn't think of a time when she had loved him more. Oh god, she was falling now, sinking into the crook of his arm as he rocked her delicate body to sleep. As she drifted off, she could feel the warmth of his mournful smile hovering above her, his finger leisurely tracing over her cheek, her collarbone, and arms. Finally, he lay her down on the bed and whispered something – oh, how Shannon knew what he had said… and it was so true, so bare and true. And Shannon had lied… she was still lying…

She sensed Boone sitting there for a moment, then he climbed up next to her, his arms around her, protecting her and making her feel safe for the first time in a long time. His warm breath sighed into her ear, and she didn't even try to suppress the shiver that ran down her back.

Hours later, their bodies matched up with one another, they were each painfully and wonderfully aware of this. They each wished they could stay this way forever, dreading the mask that daylight would bring to their faces.