Disclaimer: I do NOT own anything.
Note: No, I am not dead. Not yet, anyway.
-hajime
Impassive
Such was the word often used to describe him.
He was always said to be emotionless, blank and distant. They said no one and nothing can reach him except rationality. They said that he had always been too damn smart for his own good. They said that his aloofness was a good thing because it would never mess with his right judgements. They said that since his emotions – if he ever had such- would not mislead his practical and logical decisions.
Or so they say.
But they never really bothered with what he had to say for himself. They never wondered if he was human; they never looked for traces of humanity inside him. All they saw was the perfect soldier.
From his point of view, everything was so different. He wasn't as invincible as he was said to be. His logic wasn't as indomitable as they said. And, unfortunately, his emotions weren't as less as they had –he had- hoped to be. Unfortunately, he still retained those godforsaken weaknesses.
Really, if he could just erase them, he would without second thoughts.
Emotions startled him more than he ever deemed possible. Emotions confused him very much because he has never been confused before. For the first time of his god-knows-how-many years, his realistic reasoning gave him no answer.
He looked at her from a distance of ten paces behind, wracking his mind to think of something up.
And then, there was nothing. Nothing but a simple question:
Why?
Why? He asked himself.
Why her?
Out of millions of people out there, why was his case more complicated?
He never thought he could be caught up like this.
Fenris is a nice girl. She's smart, she's polite and she's prettier than any other girl he'd known. She was perfect.
It would have been perfect too if Loki could just walk over, tell her how he feels and take her with him. Indeed, it would have been great.
But no.
She had to fall for someone else. She had to fall for Chaos. She had to fall for a man who had already fallen for another.
Right then and there, a part of his brain could almost scream in agony.
How obvious can you get? Pining for someone who pines for someone else is suicide. It's impractical. It's unrealistic. It's unreasonable. It's- -
" Chaos! Look at that! Isn't it cute?" Iris' voice cut all his train of thoughts.
"Where?"
Loki watched as the young Irine grabbed the rune knight by the forearm, momentarily forgetting the existence of a certain warlock. The warlock sighed and shook her head.
"Fenris, is there something wrong?" Without knowing the how, when and why the assassin found himself looking at Fenris' orbs, silently searching for an answer.
She smiled at him tiredly, "Nothing. I'm just a little worn out, that's all."
But we've just started.
"I see. Perhaps it would be good if you take time to rest a little longer while Chaos and Iris roam about."
He simply couldn't help himself.
-owari