A/N: I WAS going to wait to bring this chapter out, but I have many more to come, so I figured it wouldn't hurt to bring this one out so soon. You have animeobsessed3191 to thank for this chapter. I love you too Just like I love all my readers, specially the ones who review. (wink:wink). Thanks and enjoy the next chapter!
Chapter 2:..Sick...Voices..:
Inuyasha burst through the door and skidded to a stop. He was breathing hard and he looked to Sango who seemed surprised by his abrupt entrance. He then looked to Kagome who was awake and staring at him questionably as Kaede whipped her face with a cool wet rag.
"I take it Miroku found you?" Sango simply asked.
"I thought there was something wrong." Inuyasha sighed with relief when he saw that Kagome wasn't in danger. He sat down next to Kagome on the other side of Kaede.
"I got worried." Kagome said in a raspy voice. Fever shone in her eyes and she still looked tired. Inuyasha's nose was stung with the smell of sweat and sickness. His heart sank at the sight of her, but he was at least thankful she was alive. "Inuyasha?" Kagome's voice caught Inuyasha's attention. "Thank you. Sango told me how this all came to be and thank you." Kagome's eyes twinkled a bit as she smiled weakly at him.
"I'm sorry. I couldn't save Shippo and he was my responsibility as well as you too." Inuyasha broke down as his voice cracked. Guilt overwhelmed him and he began to softly sob. He lowered he head to Kagome's shoulder and nuzzled her softly. Kagome realized that this was a hard blow to Inuyasha. She knew he felt he needed to protect her, but she now knew on what level he felt responsible for her. She understood his decision to become what he is now and knew that change was to be expected, but even though he was full demon, he was acting more human.
"I think we shall be tending to Shippo now and leave ye two to talk. It has been a hard day for ye and it's going to be a rough road. Come Sango, please assist me." Kaede spoke, years of wisdom showing through her voice as she coaxed Sango to leave just as a tired Miroku returned only to find himself being dragged away again.
"Shh, Inuyasha, I don't blame you." Kagome said softly into Inuyasha's ear.
"I know, but I still feel responsible. I feel so awkward in this new body, I'm physically much stronger, but my mind has been falling apart and yet clearing up all at the same time. You're not afraid of me now, are you? I feel like such a monster." Inuyasha said as he held out his claws for her to see.
"No, Inuyasha, I couldn't be afraid of you, you're still here. The times before, you were a monster and I thought you were gone, but not now. Promise me you won't forget who you are and become that monster." Kagome's request was so simple yet so complex to Inuyasha. He knew that he had lost all humanity the times before when he became full demon. The memory of the beast's voice clouding his thoughts with death and destruction came flooding back and Inuyasha almost gagged at the once hazy memory.
"I promise. I'm won't be that killing machine ever again." Inuyasha smiled half-heartedly at Kagome. "I would like it if you'd want to stay here for a while. Kaede promises a great funeral for Shippo and I'm sure we can get you a place to live while we all adjust to the new changes that are guaranteed to come." Inuyasha took Kagome's hand in his and continued. "Shippo would want you to stay and so would Sango and Miroku."
"You want me to stay?" Kagome asked slowly.
"Yes." Inuyasha said flatly. He raised an eyebrow at Kagome when she looked as if she'd expect a different answer.
"I just wanted to hear you say it." Kagome said with a yawn. She looked tired and her eyes reflected pain and sorrow. Wordlessly, Inuyasha took the rag that was soaking in a bowl of cold water and pressed it to Kagome's face. He whipped the sweat from her cheeks and she closed her eyes as he tend to her. She smiled inwardly as the thought crossed her mind that Inuyasha was acting almost 'motherly' to her. She knew that demons were very loyal to their pack, this she knew from observing Kouga with his tribe. Maybe that's how Inuyasha imagined them. They were part of a different tribe, one that didn't need to be tied by blood but by friendship and a certain loss.
"You should let yourself sleep." Inuyasha's deep voice broke through the silence.
"It's okay." Kagome murmured as she lifted heavy eyelids to look at Inuyasha's worried face.
"Rest, you'll need your strength for the days to come." Inuyasha demanded as he pressed his thumb against Kagome's forehead, between her eyebrows. She smiled softly and her eyes closed as she fell asleep.
Inuyasha sat quietly and dabbed the cold cloth to Kagome's face now and then, but he mostly sat in silence for a good fifteen minutes after she fell asleep.
"Is the child feeling any better?" Kaede asked as she re-entered the hut with a weepy Sango and a somber Miroku right behind her. Inuyasha guessed they found Shippo's body and his suspicion was confirmed when Kaede spoke again. "Shippo is presentable for a public viewing. He has no visible injuries and his face can be painted to hide his current color."
"Poor Shippo. He looks so little and helpless now." Sango cried. Miroku was even saddened by the kitsune's appearance. Of anyone in that group, Shippo was least likely expected to die first and that fact made his death that much more traumatic. Inuyasha's posture slouched in sadness as he dropped his eyes, unable to look at his friends. He felt so horrible at the sudden loss, but the guilt came of being the only one with him when he passed.
"I'm sorry everyone." Inuyasha said sadly. Sango decided not to say anything because she knew the hanyou's guilt better then anyone. She knelt down beside him and put her hand on his shoulder and that small gesture alone spoke volumes to Inuyasha. He put his hand on Sango's and squeezed lightly. "Thank you, Sango." He said softly.
"Let's hope Kagome can sleep for a while, she's going to need to be strong on so many different levels." Miroku said as he watched Kagome sleep. Inuyasha looked from Miroku to Kagome and knew exactly what the monk meant.
The rest of the day slipped by with nothing out of the ordinary happening. Quietness hung over the village like a dark omen in anticipation of the events to come. The villagers had grown fond of the fox demon child and his amusing antics he used to entertain the village children and so for them, Shippo's death was a heavy loss. Kagome slept while Inuyasha and Kaede sat quietly with her. Kaede tended to her hut, arranging various potions and herbs as well as cleaning the floors while Inuyasha sat wordlessly in a corner near Kagome. Kaede started to become unnerved when she felt the demon's red eyes silently follow her every movement from the dark corner as she did her every day chores. As every second ticked on, Inuyasha's mind tore at a peice of him.
'Sadness, weak human emotion. Crying, doesn't help, you're sad about the child yet crying does not bring him back, so why cry? He made her happy when he was here, so she should use that memory to make her happy afterwards, she doesn't need to cry and the same goes for you. Can't show weakness now.' Inuyasha's eyes suddenly became fixed on Kagome as his mind slipped away from him.
'They will still want to take her away. She's not safe.' A low and firm voice told Inuyasha.
'What's that suppose to mean? She's not safe from what? Who wants to take her?' Inuyasha screamed at the voice.
'The world, Inuyasha!' The voice snaked and then at the mention of his name, it echoed and faded to the familiar call of Sango's voice.
"Inuyasha? You awake?" Sango asked as she held a steamy bowl of soup up to meet Inuyasha's nose. He snorted and his eyes shot open and he jumped back as he let a feral growl escape his throat. Sango jumped back in surprise, nearly dropping the soup. Inuyasha had been dreaming and his heart still raced high in his chest. "Are you alright, Inuyasha? Nightmare?" Sango asked, making sure he was orientated before she made a move towards him.
"Huh? Yea, nightmare, something like that. I'm sorry for startling you." Inuyasha said as he reached forward and took the offered bowl from Sango. Inuyasha glanced around and forgot at what point he fell asleep, but that voice was still echoing in his head and he found himself eating wordlessly while he watched his friends around him.
Miroku had Kagome semi-conscious and was feeding her spoonfuls of soup and encouraged her with each bite she took. "Just a bit more, then you can sleep", or "That a girl, you'll be feeling well in no time", were some of the things he used to keep her focused on the nourishment being fed to her.
"You've been sleeping most of the day. I thought I'd at least wake you up for dinner." Sango said and pointed out the fact that it was now dark out.
"Thank you. I must be tired. Your return didn't even stir me from my sleep." Inuyasha yawned as he stood up and stretched out. He looked over each of his friends and evaluated their current state. Kaede had already eaten and was asleep on her bedroll as Miroku took over care of Kagome. Miroku looked tired and stressed, his lips were drawn into a thin line as he spoke comforting words to Kagome, trying to ease her fever induced mind. And he smiled softly when she fell asleep after finishing the last bite. Sango was drifting off to sleep herself. She was worried about her friends and sad about Shippo at the same time. She had Kirara in her lap and was absentmindedly stroking the demon neko's back while she loudly purred.
"Inuyasha, would you like to go for a walk in the fresh night air?" Miroku's tired voice asked.
"Are you sure you're not too tired, monk?" Inuyasha questioned.
"No, I'm not sure, but I need the fresh air anyway." Miroku rose to his feet and stretching, cracked his back.
Miroku and Inuyasha walked a while in silence when Inuyasha realized that they had come to Kagome's favorite hot spring. Inuyasha looked at Miroku quizzically and Miroku only answered by smiling and suddenly stripping his clothing off and dove into the naturally warmed water.
"Ahhh! That feels great. It's also good for a troubled soul." Miroku said and winked at Inuyasha. The demon didn't even argue, he shed his fire-rat clothing and then removed his white inner shirt and lowered himself into the water.
"This does feel good. So, what did you want to talk about?" Inuyasha leaned back against a rock and glared at his friend.
"What's it like? You know, getting your wish?" Miroku asked.
"I really didn't expect it. Sorta happened, but I guess for the best. It really does feel weird because I've been experiencing new emotions and new instincts that all seem very natural, but at the same time awkward." Inuyasha spoke as he stared at his new reflection in the water.
"Do you think the demon in you is taking over?" Miroku asked cautiously.
"I don't think so. I still feel like the same old guy, just different senses have become much stronger."
"What do you mean?" Miroku leaned in to read Inuyasha's expression.
"Well..." Inuyasha looked up at the stars as he contemplated his next sentence. "...family structure for one. Weird, huh? I haven't been a demon for very long, but the need to keep my 'pack' together after watching Shippo die has become my number one priority." Inuyasha looked to the monk for a reaction.
"I see. Understandable that you'd consider us a pack, we've been through enough trials that we might as well be a family. Your need to keep Kagome close to you is becoming a problem, isn't it?" Miroku had read his mind. Inuyasha looked at the monk with a dropped jaw and nodded. "It's been written all over your face since you returned from the battle. You're afraid of her leaving and that triggers that primal instinct in you. From my travels and studies, I've learned some things about demon nature, so don't look so surprised." Miroku smirked at Inuyasha as a blush crept across the demon's face.
"So you can read me like a book, huh?" Inuyasha shyly asked.
"A downfall to becoming demon, what emotions you have reflect on your face plain as day." Miroku laughed and Inuyasha found himself, for the first time that day, laughing too. He was embarrassed that he could no longer keep a wall up, but excepted it at the same time.
The two friends spent the rest of their baths talking about old times and what they would expect in the future. They both agreed that the next few weeks and months to come would carry a lot of grieving and changes, but they hoped for an equal share of mile stones of healing as well.
'Tomorrow ends the laughing too.' The snake like voice echoed in the deep recesses of Inuyasha's mind, but he chose to ignore it for the night and let the new dawn bring new changes and challenges, tonight, he would forget that he had made the ultimate sacrifice...his sanity.
A/N
Hehe, told you I was in one of those "moods". I hope the story isn't going too slow for you, but then again, we're witnessing a slow slip into oblivion for Inuyasha. Remember, the beast can only be caged for so long. With that, I bid you ado.
Sunny