-1So. We excited? We're actually almost to the ending! Which is a shame since I have no idea how to end this thing. And because of that, this fan fiction has been canceled. HA! You fell for it! No, I wouldn't do that, I'm having too much fun being crazy. But you shoulda seen the look on your face! Priceless! "For everything else, there's MasterCard"! Woohoo! Wow, what was in that Sudafed?
"No, don't put that there, THERE!"
"You mean here?"
"NO DON'T DO THAT!"
CLANG!
"Oops."
"You got that right."
'It'd take a few hours,' my patookus. These were the words that could be heard through the door of Dean's workshop, where he put Lucious and Robert to work helping him rebuild the Robot Rat Assassin thing while Helen and the kids waited in Dean's house. Which Helen was less than thrilled with simply because of the fact that mothers like clean houses and (most) bachelors are slobs.
"How long's it been?" Dash asked, laying on the back of Dean's couch.
"About ten hours, Sweetie."
"Mom, don't call me that, I'm eleven!"
"Forget it, Twerp. You've been dubbed 'sweetie' for the rest of your life," Violet said from the floor. Dash stuck his tongue out at her, and Violet returned the gesture.
"Enough you two. Honestly, can't you ever be nice to each other?"
"We are being nice."
"No, you're not."
"Look, Mom, it's a sibling thing."
"Yeah, you wouldn't understand."
"I'd watch it if I were you," Helen said warningly as she fed Jack-Jack.
"Goo-goo-maana?"
"You tell her, Kid."
"Violet, you feel okay? You aren't, like, drunk or something?" Dash asked.
"Never better," the not-okay teen said. You would be the same way if you were half-asleep in an old coffee stain. And preparing to save the city from a deranged rat-man who knows you're a super-hero, who probably found out from your former boyfriend. Hm, personally, I wouldn't be preparing to save the city by being half-asleep in a coffee stain.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Helen and the kids looked up at the sound of terror. At about the same time, Lucious came bursting into the room, his jacket on fire.
"TURN IT OFF! PUT IT OUT! I SWEAR I'M GONNA-!"
"Dude, chill," Dash said.
"… Oh yeah…" Lucious said (his jacket STILL on fire!). He then pointed his hand at his face and-
"NO YOU CRAZY-!" Helen shrieked as she reached across the room and moved his hand away from his head and face.
"YIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEE, THAT'S COLD!"
"What a shock."
Frozone's torso was in a very large ice-cube.
"THIS WAS A NEW JACKET!"
"SHOULDA THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE YOU GOT TO PLAYING WITH THE PROPANE TORCH!" Dean shouted as he came stomping into the room, Robert close behind and carrying about five very large metal things.
"OH SURE, BLAME THE BLACK GUY!"
"Uh, guys…?"
"NOW YOU WAIT JUST MINUTE!"
"Lucious, don't you think you might be over-reacting just a bit?"
"-AND I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING ELSE, YOU HISPANIC-HATING-"
"OH, DON'T EVEN TRY PULLING THE RACE CARD ON ME, YOU TEENAGER!"
"HEY!" (Violet was awake now) "WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA!"
This is where Bob dropped everything he was carrying. On his foot.
"OW!
"WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM! I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE SUPER STRONG!"
"THAT DOESN'T MEAN I CAN JUGGLE!"
"Boys, calm down."
"HELEN, WE'VE BEEN IN A WAREHOUSE FOR TEN HOURS, I DO NOT FEEL LIKE COOLING DOWN!"
"HOWEVER, IT LOOKS LIKE I DON'T HAVE A CHOICE IN THE MATTER!" Lucious said, motioning to the block of ice around him.
"I said calm down, not cool."
"YOU SAID COOL!"
"I SAID CALM!"
"SHUT UP, JACK-JACK'S KILLING ME!" Dash shouted as Jack-Jack went lead while sitting on his brother's stomach.
"HEY!" Violet shouted over the pandemonium. Unheard. "HEY!" Nothing. She sighed. At that point, a truly evil thought crossed her mind. No. No no no no… but it would work. No! She had to get them to shut up! No!
Again, the teenager sighed. Sometimes a girl's got to do, what a girl's got to do… I am so dead.
"Mom."
"BLAH BLAH ARG BLAH BLECK!"
"Oh, Moo-o-om."
"GARBLE ERG ANGRY GOING GONE BLAH!"
"Okay, don't say I didn't warn you…" she said, turning around and grabbing the keys from her mother's purse and moved towards the exit. Well…
"Hey Dash!"
WHOOSH!
Violet walked outside to find her brother leaning against the car. "Thought you'd never ask."
VROOOOOOOOOOOM, SCREEEEEEEEECH! VROOOOOOM-
"I thought you were supposed to be learning how to drive, not drag race!"
"Shut up and put on your seat belt!"
VROOOOOOOOOOOOM, ERRRRRR, SCREECH!
"Here."
Ten minutes after the kids had left, the 'adults' were still fighting (although what they were fighting over, no one knows anymore). What they needed was someone to actually take charge. Someone who could handle any situation. Someone BIGGER than a superhero. Someone like…
BAM! (That would be the door slamming open)
"Dahlings, what on Earth are you dooing!"
"EDNA!"
Correct! None other than Edna Mode was standing in Dean's front-doorframe with Violet and a spooked-looking Dash behind her.
"Kids- I- what!"
"Helen, dahling, do tell me zat you do not live here," E said with a level of distaste as she waddled her way into the room, kids in tow. Seriously, Dash had not taken meeting this woman well. The poor kid looked like he'd been struck by lightning.
"This would be my home, E," Dean said loudly with his arms crossed over his chest.
"DEAN, DAHLING! It haz been agez! How has your marvelous business been going?"
"Great, E."
"What- how did- I-" Bob was confused.
"Yes, well, it seemz you lot 'ave found a way to find ze Undertaker, or whatever his name is?"
"W-well, yeah, I mean, we're working on it-"
"Lucious! I haven't seen you in yearz! 'Ow is 'Oney? Good? Good. 'Ere, take her some tea. You know, your sut could uze some changez, Dahling. Yes, I've already sent ze package, ze bill will arrive by T'ursday."
"I-"
"Now, as I understand you 'ave been fighting over icicles?"
"Well-"
"Not exactly-"
"We, uh, were discussing-"
"For supar 'eroes, you are not setting good examples."
"Now listen E-"
However, E was waddling her way back into Dean's so-called 'warehouse.'
"Now zen, 'ow about we all actually get some work done! Someone 'and me a screwdrivar or something!"
Dean didn't miss a beat. "Would a propane torch do the job?" he asked as he joined the line of people following E into the 'warehouse,' that being Vi, Dash, and Jack-Jack.
"Yes, zat would do vary nicely, Dahling. Do you 'ave any tea, by chance?"
SLAM!
Thus were all the over-thirty-year-olds left to attempt to figure out what the heck just happened.
Wow. What a waste of chapter space. But it's nice having the pop-tarts back, you gotta admit!
Now if you'll excuse me (ahem) (singin') MY POWER OVER YOU GROWS STRONGER STILL! AND THOUGH YOU TURN FROM ME, TO GLANCE BEHIND! THE PHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANTOM OF THE OPERA IS THEERRRRRE INSIDE YOUR MIND!
Review…?