Chapter 34 – Getting Desperate

"I'm not here to comfort you," Shannon clarified to the brooding Charlie as she sat down on a log near him. "There's just nowhere else to sit."

Charlie didn't respond, he just looked up. Okay then. Suddenly, Shannon felt a weird churning in her stomach. For a moment, she thought that it was a clue that she was going to throw up, but when she stood up looking for somewhere to do so, she realized that the pain was a bit… lower. Her eyes widened. Cramps! Moments later, her suspicions were confirmed, and after finding a tampon in a flurry, she wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry.

This was a good thing, right? She wasn't pregnant! Why wasn't she fucking jumping for joy? She sat on a rock somewhere, thinking. It might have been good, if Boone had come around, and they could be that family they always wanted to be. That she always wanted them to be. She didn't even know what he had wanted, she hadn't had the sense to ask. Just then, Sun walked by and sat next to Shannon.

"How are you doing?" Sun asked her sympathetically. "I brought you this," she handed Shannon a few branches of Eucalyptus. "Because you've been stressed lately."

"Thanks," Shannon said. "I… I got my period," she whispered. "I thought it would be such a big relief, but… it's not."

"Because it would have been an excuse to be with him," Sun deducted.

Shannon nodded. "Yes. What should I fucking do?"

"Maybe you should tell him what you told me earlier. But wait a few days. He needs time to think."

"How am I supposed to wait a few days to talk to him?"

"I think you have the power to." Sun nodded. "You're strong enough."

"I'm not," she responded. "And I don't want.. the news… to sink in for him if it's not true, you know?"

"That's a good point. But you should think about what you're going to say. Think… rationally."

"You're right," Shannon nodded. "I need to be mature about it."

But she wasn't. Five minutes later she was at Sawyer's tent. "Sawyer!" She whispered loudly.

He looked up with a start. "Aw, Sticks, you know never to wake a sleeping man!"

"It's urgent." She told him, sitting next to him. "I need to ask you a favor."

"What kind of favor?" Sawyer smiled lewdly.

"I need alcohol," Sawyer's face dropped significantly. "Please?"

"Well," Sawyer answered, "What's in it for me?"

"Whatever," Shannon said. She was that desperate. "Except sex."

"Aw, shucks." Sawyer said. "You know, you can't just drown your sorrows in a mini-bottle. Wanna talk about it?"

"I was actually thinking more than one mini-bottle." She mumbled, looking down.

"This about Metro?"

"Quit pretending you know everything about me!" Shannon snapped.

"Oh, Sticks. You're pretty easy." Shannon glared. "To figure out, that is. I know more about you than you give me credit for. What do you think I sit around doin' all day?"

"Being an asshole, I might guess."

"Sticks, I love your snark. But I doubt its going to get you anywhere with Ghandi. But I don't think you mind, on account a'you rollin' those eyes whenever you see him coming. Now tell me what's goin' on with you andMetro."

"No, it's none of your business."

"Fine. No mini-bottles." But Shannon fucking needed those mini-bottles. She needed to get crazy drunk right now.

"How about I pull a Kate on you and kiss you?" Seriously, at this point, she was more interested in kissing Sawyer then talking to Sawyer about sex with other people.

"Nah, that'd be repetitive. How about a lap dance?"

Shannon smirked. "Yeah, no."

"Here's the choices, sweetheart. Either tell me what's going on with you brother lover, give me a lap dance, or no liquor for you."

"Fine, but you can't tell anybody. Promise."

"I promise. I've done mighty well with your other secrets, 'cept maybe that's because I got free porn out of it. That jungle blowjob? Damn, that was – "

"You were WATCHING that?" Shannon exploded.

"Naw, I was just pulling your leg. Lucky guess?"

"No, that never happened. I was just being paranoid." She claimed.

"Sure… so what were you saying 'fore you were rudely interrupted by yours truly?"

"Oh…" Shannon looked down. "Boone doesn't love me anymore."

"That translate to 'Boone won't fuck me anymore?'"

"No, it doesn't."

"So why's it matter if you're still getting some?"

"I'm not getting any."

"Then why'd you –" Sawyer looked confused, completely unaware of that little fine line between sex and love. What an idiot, she thought.

"He won't fuck me, he won't touch me, he won't talk to me, nothing." Shannon crossed her arms.

"You think this is cuz of Smokey the Bear?"

"Who? Locke?" Shannon wrinkled her nose. "I know it's about Locke. Boone told me today when I told him I was pregnant."

"Wait, wait, wait. Rewind for a second? When you told him you were pregnant?"

"Yeah, I thought I was. But I'm not."

"And he won't talk to you?"

"Nope. He's always avoiding me. I miss him," she pouted, almost beginning to cry again.

"Aw, Sticks, don't cry. Here, you need these more than I do." He handed her two of his mini-bottles.

"More," she demanded. He gave her another. "More, Sawyer." He gave her three more.

"Don't do anythin' stupid, Sweet cheeks." But Shannon was already halfway down the beach.

If it had been a girl, she would have named her Haley, she decided after downing the first bottle. And when they got back, they would buy a big ass house with a gigantic swimming pool (with a cover, so it wouldn't be dangerous for the kid), and Haley's room could be creamy pinks.

After her second bottle, she thought more about what her life would have been like. Every Saturday morning, they'd wake up at ten, and he'd roll on top of her and they'd have morning sex, and then afterwards, he would carry her downstairs in a blanket and make her pancakes. With strawberries and powdered sugar, her now slightly drunk mind added.

If they were married, they would have a lot of barbeques. And they'd be the most attractive couple in town, and the object of all their gossip, always the center of attention. And maybe their step-sibling thing would stop being taboo, and would get hip. Step-sibling relationships could so be the new three-way, she thought.

As she drank, her thoughts became more vague and bizarre, and by the time she polished off the sixth mini-bottle, she could barely walk, and her judgment was completely non-existent, Sun's advice miles away by this point.

She staggered around the beach, looking for Boone. Finally, in a corner close to the outskirts of the jungle, she saw him, lying on his back half-asleep. Locke was somewhat nearby as well, but she could hear snores signifying that he was sound asleep. As she approached Boone, she noticed that he was only wearing a t-shirt and boxers. She slid next to him, pressing her breasts into his shoulder.

"Shannon?" He whispered. "What are you doing?"

She slid down so that her chin was even with his. "Boone."

"Go to bed," he mumbled, still not completely awake. "'Night."

"No…" Shannon scrambled her fingers to the bottom of his boxer shorts. "I love you…"

"Are you drunk?" He asked her, the whole situation feeling oddly familiar.

She dodged his question. "Remember when you came to France and I told you about my mom?"

"Shannon, it's the middle of the night. Can't we talk about this later?"

She started tearing up. "No, you won't talk to me." She felt the fabric of his boxers between her fingers. "You don't talk to me anymore. Why?"

"I told you, I'm sick of always being at your whim all the time. Like now," he grabbed her hand and tried to move it from his vicinity, but she was stronger, wrapping her hand around his thumb, pulling it away, and leaving it to rest at his hips, and subtly eased down the shorts.

"Boone," she murmured into his shoulder, moving down a little. "I need you, okay?" She kissed his neck, and then slid down so that her lips were equal with his collarbone. She kissed there as well. "I need you," she repeated, digging her fingers under his boxers to pull them down more. "I miss you," she whispered, tears coming into her eyes. "Cuz I love you, but you don't anymore," her voice started to get all squeaky and pathetic at this point. She scratched her fingernails down his sides, kneeling next to his hips. She kissed his elbow, mumbling that she loved him again.

"Shannon, please stop." He begged, but this was like the old days again, she thought. She could do whatever the hell she wanted, she thought as she pressed her hands between his thighs. "Shit," he muttered, "Stop."

"I miss you so much," she slurred, tears running freely down her face. She leaned over, moaning softly, and brought him into her mouth.

"You are so wasted," he commented in disbelief as she sucked. The thing was, she was so drunk she had no idea when to stop. She dug her fingers into his thighs, using her teeth a little too much.

"Mmm… please…" she whispered, begging him to let her stay. She pulled back to breathe, but a second later her lips were around him again.

"Shannon, you are so fucking drunk, okay? You are… get the hell off of me, you're making an idiot out of yourself." She pulled back.

"But I love you," she mumbled, sniffling. "I really do, why don't you believe me?" Boone pushed her off of him altogether, pulling up his shorts.

"Shannon, I just can't trust you anymore. I'm sorry."

"Tell me you love me," she whispered.

"Are you even listening to a word I say?"

"You don't love me anymore. It's true then. Well, I guess it doesn't matter, cuz I got my fucking period anyway." she bit her lip. Boone turned over.

"I think it might be best if you just left, Shannon."

"Wh-what?" She cried. "Boone, what the hell has happened to you? Are you even listening? I'm saying I love you and you're not acknowledging it!"

"And to prove this you try to give me … whatever! If you wanted to have a relationship, maybe you should have tried to show me you had an ounce of sanity in that fucking head of yours?"

"Fuck you," she blubbered. "Fuck fucking you." She pushed off of his chest to stand up, and took a few tentative steps away from him. She weaved around the camp, pissed off, horny, and scared and drunk as hell. Eventually, she just collapsed on the sand somewhere.

"Shannon!" She heard a voice say the next morning. She opened her eyes, the light annoyingly bright around her.

"Wha…?"

"Shannon, it's dangerous for you to just fall asleep in any random place. If you had been taken, no one would have known where to find you." Sayid scolded her.

"Good." She started to stand up, but wobbled a little. Sayid grabbed her wrist (stupid pervert) to help her up.

"What do you mean 'good'?"

"I was joking," she said, even though she hadn't been.

"Not a very funny joke, especially after what happened to – "

"I'm kind of not in the mood, okay?" She snapped. Sayid gave her a rather frightening look. "Sorry." She walked away, towards the caves, to get a piece of fruit to eat. There, she overhead Locke talking behind a bush.

"You were very brave, Boone." She heard him say. "It must be hard for you, pushing her away, but what you did was commendable. You need to show her she's not the boss, and you've been doing a good job."

"Yeah…" Shannon flinched hearing his voice, even though Boone sounded unconvinced. God, fucking Locke! Shannon sat down, alone, unpeeling a grapefruit. When Boone walked by, she sneered at him in the most vulgar expression she could muster, which he returned eagerly.When he left, she burst into tears, which was beginning tobecome annoyingly predictable.

Damn, Shannon is a mess, isn't she? Oh dear lord, soon I have to do the Shayid kiss. I may die. Anyway, please review. Anyway, there was a sort of play on words thing in the Shannon/Boone scene, I wonder if anyone caught it, because that would make me all warm and fuzzy if they did.Also, because it's been so depressing and unhappy Shooney lately, I might have a really long, fluffy flashback, or do you think I should save that for a one-shot? I don't want it to be too non-sequitor, but it's sort of to help… dilute the Shayid. Haha. Please tell me what you like and don't like. Oh, and I'm sorry, ShannonBoone4evr, I know you wanted her to be pregnant.