eeveekitty85: I know! I can't believe he's all gone...whimper

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Part Four: Breathe Me In

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The trip back to where they had left the TARDIS had seemed to take forever and he stumbles slightly when they finally open the door. The confusion and panic left behind them is all but forgotten and he can't ignore the slight hint of guilt at leaving them that way, but he can always come back to the same place in time and fix things. One of the things that has always been his weakness is the way he departs; the way he never deals with the consequences of his actions, but Kit was an adamant believer in making sure the job was done right and he had altered his way of doing things ever so slightly since bringing her on board. It wasn't an unwelcome change and she handled most of the fall out, but it was a change none the less. However, at this precise moment, his companion is pacing the TARDIS control room and he knows that the problems with these people are the last thing on her mind.

She hadn't asked anything more of him since they had left the castle, simply guided him back to the TARDIS, her hand clutching onto her rose tightly. He hadn't spoken either, not particularly sure what he could say. He had no idea what was going on with him, but his dreams were plaguing him now, taunting the edges of his conscience in such a way that he couldn't rest; he wouldn't rest until he knew something.

"I have an idea."

Her words startle him and he looks up at her, not something he normally has to do, given her small stature. The worried look in her eyes touches him in a way that he didn't think he'd ever feel again, because he never thought he'd find someone who cared again; he didn't particularly want to look. Jack might have touched that place had he stayed, but he had gone…and why had Jack left?

"I think you should go to sleep."

"I'm sorry, what?" He frowns at her, still unsure as to what she's getting at.

"I think that your dreams are clearly telling you something." She sighs and runs a hand through her hair, beginning to pace again. He'd always found the act amusing whenever she reverted to 'think mode' and began walking the TARDIS floor as though it were a tread mill, however it was getting on his nerves at this particular point in time. "I didn't want to say anything, but I've been checking up on you lately," she continues, startling him.

"Excuse me?"

"Look, I was worried and so was the TARDIS. Every time I got up in the night to go to the kitchen, or whatever, I would suddenly find myself at your room. She cares about you and she was worried…and so am I."

He looks at his feet, wanting to refute her claims that something's wrong, but knowing he can't. For the TARDIS to take such action with him was not unheard of, but to trust one of his companions enough to let her see him sleeping was clearly an indication that something was really wrong.

"Doctor." The closeness of her voice startles him and he raises his head to find her at his eyelevel, sitting on her haunches, her hands resting on his arms. "You call for her in your sleep." He doesn't answer, not sure there's anything he can say. "I've heard you whisper her name so many times, but we're not like that, we don't talk about stuff like that so I never said anything. You've never mentioned her when you were awake, so I never mentioned her to you. It was like I was spying…which, I guess, I was, but…I want to help you."

"I know you do," he says softly and part of him wants to reply that he wants her to help, but that's not something he needs to say. He doesn't need anyone's help…but he'll get it anyway.

"Please…I can't help you unless you let me in. If you don't trust me, then that's fine, but trust the TARDIS."

"I trust you, Kit, but this is…I don't know what this is."

She smiles sadly at him. "Then go find out. Maybe whatever Kylahna did to you will end up helping you remember when you're awake. You seem so confused whenever you say her name; it's weird that you don't know who she is, but she seems to be everywhere around you."

"Around me, in me; I don't know who she is, but she's got a lot to answer for," he says with fake joviality and Kit chuckles softly.

"Go on, sleep. I'll see if I can have a word with your lovely TARDIS here and see if she can help."

He nods and stands, moving towards the corridor as Kit heads to the central column, tapping on the keyboard. He smiles softly for a moment before turning away and heading towards the room, but it doesn't take long to get there; one turn and he's outside the door.

"Thanks old girl," he says, tapping the door frame as he enters. He takes a moment to look around and is struck by memory; a cheeky smile as she bounces on the bed, eyebrows raised as he watches her from this very doorway. A moment later and it's gone. The room is once more empty and he feels bereft without her.

He glances around the room, looking at the things scattered around. He's never really taken much time to actually look at the items, something almost telling him that would be prying. The makeup on the desktop, the clothes on the chair, and the old trainers lying haphazardly by the cupboard seem more familiar to him now than they ever have before. He wants to know why.

Sleep tugs at him and he doesn't fight it as he heads over to the bed. He's not even sure if he manages to lie down before he's with her. Only this time he's conscious that it's not real.

She's looking at him, seeming more worn than she ever has before. He takes a moment to drink her in; the blonde hair, those sparkling eyes - which seem sadder than eh remembers ever seeing them before…and he does remember - her lips, her hands, her nose…everything about her is so real and he can almost believe that she is right there with him. But where are they?

There's a familiarity about the place and he finally tears his eyes away and looks around. It's the end of the world; that's why it looks so familiar. They're in that same room they had sat opposite each other; they're almost back at the start. He knows everything about her when he sleeps and this time he hopes he'll remember when he wakes.

He knows her name, her first love, her smile, her wishes, her hopes, her dreams. He knows her. She's a part of him, has become something he cannot live without and that explains why he's so lost without her. He doesn't understand why he lost her, how he lost her, but she's his and he wants her back.

She looks the same as she did when he took her to that viewing station. His Rose. She's wearing the same clothes, the same shoes, holding the same phone…but she's not wearing her smile. She seems scared; scared and silent and he wants to know why, but something is keeping him from moving, something is making him say the same things he said when he was actually with her. They're talking about the TARDIS, how it gets inside their heads…how he didn't ask her permission. Or rather, he's talking, he's responding, but she's not saying what she's supposed to. She sits there, silent and unresponsive, only her eyes pleading with him; just like the last dream. The eyes are said to be the windows to the soul by more than just humans and he understands why, because he can see her soul…and she's losing hold of it.

Something in him snaps and he cries out as he fights it. He pushes against the memory and hope lights up her soul. He's fighting it, on his knees, forcing the memory to stop playing out. This time he's in charge.

A breath.

Closed eyes for a moment.

Another breath.

She's so close, but she can't fight it.

So he will.

"Rose…"

He speaks, almost as if he's forgotten how to. Pushing against the grain is all but excruciating, but he'll do it for her. He's standing now; turning; looking at her hopeful eyes. A moment later he's in front of her, holding her hands in his.

"Rose."

She smiles and a tear trickles down her face. He's never said her name in the memories before, even when he had in the past. That was one constant, she never spoke and her name never left his lips; as if he wasn't meant to know her…he wasn't meant to remember. But she's too much a part of him to ever really forget.

"I know you."


She smiles.

"You're in both my hearts."

She takes a breath.

"I'm going to figure this out."

The hope rises.

"And then I'm going to come get you."

She nods.

And then she's gone.

He sits up, gasping for breath; holding onto the memories as if they're slipping through his fingers like quicksand and perhaps they are. But he's a Time Lord. He won't let them go. Not this time. Some things are gone, but the essence remains and he remembers the dream. He remembers some of the past, but not all of it. He will figure this out. He promised his Rose.

The TARDIS jerks in landing and he frowns, pulling himself together and standing up. For a moment, something in the corner catches his eye and he moves towards it. Crouching onto his haunches, he reaches into the cupboard by one of the discarded trainers and picks up a small box. It's made of metal, is coloured silver, Celtic in design…Rhone Mackintosh or something like that, he's sure. He inspects it, opening it up and fingering the delicate chain inside. He replaces the lid and frowns when he feels something on the bottom. He turns it upside down and the breath catches in his throat, his hearts stop…

Rose,

Happy Birthday, sweetheart,

Lots of love,

Mum

Rose. His Rose. He stands with renewed vigour and places the box on the cabinet beside the bed…her bed, before running out the door to the control room. He can't fight the grin on his face and he wouldn't want to, because he can remember everything about the dream and she's real. His Rose is real and he's not going to let anything get in his way.

"We're here," Kit announces as he reaches the central column. "I was about to come get you."

"Where are we exactly?" he asks, feeling strange. It's not often that he's the one asking that.

"Take a look," she says with a mysterious smile.

He jogs over to the door and pushes it open, frowning at what greets him. "I thought you didn't want to ever see those 'ruddy counsel houses' again."

She nods. "I didn't particularly, but I had an idea. You said yourself that the TARDIS had been acting a bit off lately, but you couldn't see anything wrong."

"Yeah."

"She's alive remember."

He frowns as Kit moves towards him, understanding finally catching up with him. "Just because something was stopping me remembering Rose…"

"Doesn't mean that the TARDIS had forgotten her."

He glances outside, something stirring inside him at the bleak, graffiti covered walls, as the rain pours around them. He knows this place. He knows it and the Rose inside him seems to be rejoicing.

"I asked her nicely to help us…to help you and she kept bringing me here. I think she wants to find Rose as much as you do."

He smiles and pats the door. "She's a good friend."

"Yes, she is. Now come on," Kit says, leaving the TARDIS and reaching out a hand to him, smiling as he takes it. "You bought me a Rose…it's time I help you find yours."

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End of Part Four

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