Samwise of the Celeb-Gur: The shippy dalek, or just a normal one? Actually either way, I'd likely not survive, so here's the next chapter! ;)

Eevee: Keep on smiling! And, yes, fanfic is all there is until Christmas…am just hoping it's Chris-tmas of the Eccleston kind…

Moon maiden: I don't want to spoil it, but, let's be honest, if she was dead, wouldn't be much of a story…although… ;)

Staticrhubarb: You're one of the only ones to start asking those questions and they're the ones I'm getting at; you're right to be doing so…I'm just not going to answer them yet:p Haha! ;)

Blue Tajiri So glad you think it's in character for the Doctor, I was a little worried about it when I started this one.

Everyone: Thanks so much for the reviews. They mean a lot. HUGS

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Part Five: Not His After All

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He sniffs the air as they exit the TARDIS, loving the familiarity of London that comes with it. Snatches of forgotten memories whir through his mind and his determination increases. Someone has done something to him and he will find out what it is and make them pay.

They walk slowly towards the nearest block of flats, something inside him telling him that's where he needs to head. He looks up through the rain, feeling as though he should know exactly where to go, and wishing that he knew what to do. This has never happened to him before, never has he felt this kind of helplessness before. What happened in the time wars was…necessary and, yes, he was helpless to do anything other than what he had to, but this was so different; something had been stolen from him, his memories had been changed and altered and he had been 'rewired' to not remember or care.

The more he thought of Rose, the more he needed her. She was as essential to him as any other part of his life was. She was a part of him. Memories were coming back now, slowly, but surely and there was so much more at stake than just Rose. Jack was gone and he didn't know where or why.

Whilst the first time he had thought of Jack when asleep he had been jealous, he now knew that hadn't lasted. Jack had become a part of the team. He had changed the dynamic between them, but it had been welcome. Spending every day with Rose was all he had wanted, but it was also becoming more and more difficult to maintain the need for only friendship. He had wanted her; he still wants her. Throwing Jack into the mix had allowed for the camaraderie to continue and even added to the tension at the same time. It was exciting and he loved it…had loved it…wanted it again.

"Well? Any ideas?" Kit asks, breaking into his thoughts.

"Nope."

"Well, aren't you just full of ideas," she says, rolling her eyes.

"Hey! I'm full of good ideas, me, I'm just drawing a blank at the moment and, given the circumstances, I think I'm allowed. I've lost memories." Whilst he had intended to maintain the joviality, the last part came out sounding sad and lost.

"We will find her."

He glances at Kit and smiles, squeezing her hand. "I know we will. I just hate this."

She nods, knowing, without asking, exactly what he's talking about. He hates to feel helpless, he hates not knowing what happened to him and to Rose, and he hates that he knows something is wrong, but has to let it unravel on its own.

"Oi! You!"

He starts as a thickly accented London voice breaks through the moment and turns. He has no idea what he's done, but whoever she is, she doesn't look all that happy to see him. Something tells him that he shouldn't be too happy to see her either.

"Don't you move a muscle!" the woman says, stopping right in front of them. If glares could kill, he muses, he'd be dust. "Where the hell have you been?"

He frowns. "Who are you?"

"Who am I? You cheeky clown! Don't you play dumb with me. I'm not as stupid as you seem to think I am." Her hands land on her hips and the word 'battleaxe' comes to mind. "It's been six months! I've been waiting for six months for a visit and you're trying to pretend you don't know who I am?" She looks as if she's only just beginning to get started, when she spots Kit and frowns. "Who's she? And where's Rose?"

"You know Rose?" he asks, suddenly not caring about the fact that he had been ready to turn and leave. "Where is she? Is she here?"

"Is she here? Of course she's not here, she's with you! What are you playing at?" A thought strikes her and her face instantly pales. "Where's my little girl? If you've hurt her I swear to God I'll-"

"He hasn't hurt anyone," Kit says, finally breaking into the conversation. "I haven't got a clue who you are and I really don't care right now. His memories have been altered."

"Altered?" the woman asks. "What do you mean? Where's my Rose?" She looks behind them and, spotting no one, looks at them questioningly. "And where's Jack?"

"You know Jack?" The Doctor seems shocked. "Jack…I wondered if he was involved," he says, more to himself the others.

"Do you remember why he left?" Kit asks and he shakes his head.

"Jack left?" The woman frowns. "But he thought the world of you and Rose, why would he leave?"

She's beginning to look frightened as well as confused and he can't blame her. Despite the fact that she's rather irritating, to put it mildly, she clearly loves Rose and, from what he can gather from her conversation, she has every right to; he's pretty sure he's just found Rose's mother.

"What's your name?"

"Kit," his companion answers. From the tone of her voice, he can tell that Kit has reached the same conclusion, because she's being nicer than she was a few moments ago. "And you are?"

"Jackie. I'm Rose's mum." Jack looks at him with sad eyes. "Where is she?"

He shakes his head. "I don't know."

There must be something in his eyes, he concedes, when she doesn't strike out. A few memories are surfacing and, from what he's getting, Jackie doesn't like him too much, so it's a surprise when she doesn't lash out. Instead, she begins to lead them up through the estate and into a house that's bursting with familiarity.

"I've been here," he mutters, but Jackie must have heard him because the fear in her gaze just increased.

"You really don't remember, do you?"

He shrugs. "It's coming back slowly." He walks through living room, picking up photos and smiling as Rose looks out at him. She's everywhere in this house and he wants to take it all in…he wants to breathe her in.

"He looks lost," Jackie says to Kit and he hasn't the heart nor the energy to let her know he's not deaf.

"He is," Kit replies. His companion must know he can hear them, but Kit's never really cared about stuff like that; she obviously wants him to hear. "He's been having dreams for as long as I've been with him, but he could never remember them when he was awake. She's a part of him, Jackie."

"I know."

It was spoken softly, but he heard it and he's not sure if that was intentional or not. More of his memories of Jackie have returned and he's never really experienced anything other than dislike from the woman. But that's something he can't understand; why was Jackie a part of his life? No other companion ever got to go home, so why did Rose? He's fooling himself, of course, because he already knows the answer to that.

"When was the last time you saw her?" Kit asks and he turns around, wanting to fully be a part of the conversation now.

"About six months ago. There was a ruckus in the living room one morning and I came down with a bat in my hand," she says, smiling slightly at the memory. "There's this loud American sitting on the couch, with his feet on my table, watching old reruns of Star Trek and shouting 'Spock' as if he was having some sort of epiphany." The Doctor laughs and she looks at him. "You were in the kitchen with Rose, making breakfast and moaning about how you 'didn't do domestic' and how she was turning you into an old maid before your time-"

"That sounds like you," Kit says with a laugh.

"But it was obvious you didn't care, not really." Jackie looks at him closely and he suddenly feels like he's under a microscope. "She's my little girl, you know? And you took her away from me. I really hated you for that."

"I remember." He nods. "You hit me once."

"And I'll do it again if you don't bring her back to me." There's a slight waver in her voice and he suddenly feels sorry for her. "I once asked you to promise to keep her safe…I knew you wouldn't, but then I knew that I couldn't either. She's my baby and I just want to keep her safe but all she wanted was you. I couldn't stop her, but I would've if I could." She chuckles softly. "I should be hitting you again right now."

"Then why aren't you?" he asks, feeling as if he deserves a lot more than a punch from someone's mother.

"Because you look so lost without her."

He nods, but doesn't say anything. "Do you remember anything about where we were headed next?"

"Jack said something about water so dense you could walk on it and a…a…oh, what was it?" she growls, trying to force herself to remember.

"A blend of species so vast you couldn't see anyone the same for miles…and all they want to do is party," he finishes, a hint of hope bubbling inside.

"That's it!" Jackie says enthusiastically. "I couldn't pronounce the name."

"Neither could Rose," he returns, feeling as if, if he could remember her, he would be hitting himself for getting along with the woman. Somehow he thinks he might change his opinion of her slightly.

"Well?" Kit asks.

"That's where I left Jack…I remember him saying that I was holding him back from 'all the fun in the universe' so that's where I left him."

"That doesn't sound right." Jackie shakes her head.

"No, it doesn't," he says softly.

"That boy was a charmer," she smiles, "and he loved to party, but you and Rose were all he had and he loved you both."

"I know."

"Well, I think we have our first stop," Kit says, placing her hand on his arm and squeezing it gently. "If we can find Jack, maybe we can find Rose."

He smiles at her. "Then what are we waiting here for."

"Wait!"

He turns to Jackie expectantly, but she seems unable to speak. He doesn't care what she asks, but if it's 'can I come?' the answer will be a decided 'NO'.

"Will you…will you have something to eat first?"

There's something in her voice, a loneliness in her eyes that he can't ignore. It's something he knows well. She misses her daughter and, surely, he owes it to her.

"Course we will," Kit replies and he's grateful. He might not remember Jackie, but he's sure that when his memories return he won't want the reminder that he agreed to eat with her.

The meal was pleasant and he found that, although a lot of her conversation was boring and irritating, he actually got on all right with her. Kit seemed pained at times, but was able to talk freely when she got used to Jackie; by the end of the meal Jackie had made him promise to return soon, not matter what. She had also made another friend of another companion. He wondered what it was about Kit and Jack that he didn't have. Perhaps it was just the inclination, or perhaps Kit was just a good actor.

"Oh, my God, that woman could talk for the entire planet. Don't ever leave me with her again," Kit almost shouts as they walk towards the TARDIS. "I mean she's nice enough, but, dear God, she doesn't stop! I mean, who cares!"

He smirks at her. "And here I thought you'd enjoyed yourself."

"She's all right, but, I swear, if Rose is like her, I have no idea what we're bothering to look for."

"Rose isn't like her. Rose is…perfect."

Kit rolls her eyes and he knows she about to make some comment with the word 'mushy' in it when he's saved by someone.

"Oi! Doctor!"

Although, looking at the boy, he's not sure he wants this kind of saving. "Ricky?" he says questioningly.

"How many times do I have to tell you, it's Mickey."

"One more apparently," Kit says smugly.

"Who the hell are you?"

"None of your business, who the hell are you?"

"I'm Rose's boyfriend. Where is she?"

He blinks at Mickey, not sure he's heard right. Rose is his…isn't she? But no, he remembers this boy, he remembers Rose coming to see him…pretending she needed a passport. Rose has a boyfriend. For so long he's thought she was a dream only to find that she isn't. She's real. She's lost and he has to find her, but there's one thing that's worse than all that. Maybe she is real, but it doesn't matter.

She's not his after all.

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End of Part Five

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Hope you like! ;)