Princess Jennifer: I can't believe I'm almost finished either! Do you realise this is the first fic I've written from start to finish without taking major time off in the middle? Just goes to show the power of reviews and the love I have for this fic!
Mel: So glad you like the way I portrayed Rose and that you saw she was strong, despite finally showing some side effects to what she's having to endure.
Chaimera: Hah! The 'Jack and Kit go screw in a corner' thing had me laughing! Hee, I think my Kit muse would abandon me if I did that! As for Rose, I won't spoil anything, but will let you into a little secret; whilst some of my fics do end badly, I love a happy ending, even if it's sad and just filled with hope for the future.
YamiKITG: blush - no bowing required, but thank you so much for your review!
I'm a little disturbed that you all think I'm insane! But insanely (heh) pleased that you loved the way I write insanity. :) Thanks for the reviews, as always.
You guys rock!
Authors note: I've decided to jump back to first person with this one, much like I did with the TARDIS. I've been using third person for The Doctor and Rose but, like with the TARDIS, this one would only write this way. Don't ask me to explain it, because I don't think I could! It's just the way it needed to be written.
Now the POV will become clear as we go on and the reason I chose this person is because it's often the people in the background, the ones we overlook, that have the most information. You all want and need to know what's going on now, but this was the only way I could find that would allow me to give you the information in a way that gave you all the details.
Hope you all enjoy it and, don't worry, we're returning to the main cast in the next chapter. I'm hoping to write Jack next (but only if I can find his 'voice' properly – I won't do it if it's going to be OOC), followed by The Doctor, Rose, the Doctor again and then an epilogue, where I've yet to chose the POV.
Thanks once again for the wonderful reviews, I believe I even threw out a marriage proposal after one of them! ;) You guys rock.
Keep letting me know what you think!
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Part Eleven: Once Upon A Time
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"All around the mulberry bush,
The monkey chased the weasel.
The monkey thought it was all in good fun.
Pop! Goes the weasel."
The words ring round the empty corridors, filling the eerie silence with their childish innocence. The foreign lyrics mixed with subtle melody bring an almost chilling air to the room I'm sitting in. It's strange how much of ourselves we're willing to let go of in order to survive in an easy, uncomplicated existence. I'd never really noticed before just how much I gave up to be here. Not before them. I stopped questioning my reasons and started to look at everything I did have, so much so that I lost myself along the way. A designation, a role in life, motherhood, friendship, safety; somehow asking for more seems irrelevant, but I used to want it all the same.
The room around me is empty; it usually is at this time of night so why it surprises me I'm not sure. The dulcet tones of the library walls usually keep my mind at ease, but the gentle singing of someone I barely know is enough to upset my peaceful existence. To exist…it's something people take for granted. I used to. I can't say that my life before this castle was anything other than fast paced and exciting. It definitely wasn't what one would call reputable by any standards and it lacked meaning and purpose. She's different. The one before her was different and I certainly can't blame either of them for the choices they make. I tried to do the same and I'm not ashamed to admit that I wasn't strong enough. It was the silence that broke the one before, but I can't even say I got as far as this one. I've always been someone who loved to touch, and I don't just mean intimately; just running my hands against the grain of a wall was always enough to make me smile; to feel the little irregularities of what is perceived as perfectly straight, to feel the texture of a beautiful gown, or the roughness of a tree as I scrambled up after my older sisters. I sometime wonder what happened to them.
"A penny for a spool of thread,
A penny for a needle
That's the way the money goes.
Pop! Goes the weasel."
I'm not entirely sure what it is that compels me to leave the comfort of my arm chair and follow the sound of her voice; perhaps it's just curiosity to learn the meaning of the words, or perhaps it's the overwhelming sense of sadness and lack of hope that's making me want to help her. She's a pretty little thing, small and curvy – although no longer as filled out as she once was. I wish she would eat. I wish that I wasn't the one that has to take her food to her and watch as she doesn't eat it. I wish a lot of things, but I stopped actually wanting them a long time ago. There's no use in wanting the impossible.
Turning the corner, I can see the two 'guards' fast asleep in their chairs. They are two of Agnon's oldest concubines and therefore his most trusted; that I rank high in that chain doesn't fill me with the same sense of satisfaction as the others.
"Up and down the City Road
In and out of the Eagle,
That's the way the money goes.
Pop! Goes the weasel."
She sitting in the corner by the window, rocking slowly back and forth on her haunches, scratching at the stone wall with her too long fingernails. I remember what she looked like when she arrived here, so vibrant, so full of life. I'd seen it so many times, too many times. She was never meant for this life. I wish I could argue that I wasn't, but I can barely remember who I was back then, so perhaps I'd be lying. She looked the same when I brought her to Agnon yesterday and the day before that, so gradually she became broken and I'm ashamed that I didn't realise it was happening.
She's strong, this one. Stronger than any I've seen in my time here. The one who chose her, her predecessor as number 24, I thought she'd refuse until Agnon gave up. Agnon never gives up, but with her I though he might. The loss of hearing on top of everything else is what broke that girl and that's why I think he remains so adamant with the almost child I see before me. She may be even stronger than the last, but he will wait.
"Half a pound of tuppenny rice,
Half a pound of treacle,
Mix it up and make it nice,
Pop! Goes the weasel."
The words are clearly over, but 24 isn't finished. She continues to hum gently under her voice, each gentle sway on her feet adding a strange percussion as her nails continue to scratch at the wall. She hasn't talked to him in a few days now. I used to watch her, fascinated by her ability to imagine him as if he were there; her form of escapism. I used my eldest sister…I can't remember her name now, I can barely remember what mine once was. I am 8. That's my designation, my place in the order of things. When I am too old to continue in my duties another will be called. It's supposed to give us a sense of order, a place within the universe. It does, I suppose. I have four children that barely know me, but they are something I can claim as my own.
"Doctor?"
Her voice startles me from my reverie and I glance at her again. She's staring at the corner of her cell that I'm standing nearest to. It's the first I've heard her address him since her quiet statement those few days ago when I first went to collect her. She looked up at me with those soulful eyes of hers, and I had to pretend I couldn't see the dullness caused by the lasers, and said, "he's coming for me." It's the last thing I heard her say until now. I actually thought that Agnon had removed her voice again, but it seems 18's favouring him with a son gave the young girl more of a reprieve than I had originally suspected.
She's spotted me and resumed her humming, but I feel compelled to go to her. Something tells me that I don't want to leave her alone or she will break…I don't want this one to break. Perhaps it's my way of saving myself in a sense. She had a life of hope and passion and, dare I say, love. Her adamant belief that he's coming for her is both her saving grace and the one thing that's condemning her to insanity. The brunette that chose her had no one to find her, all she had was her strength , this one has her hope of rescue and it adds to her formidable strength, but every shadow is her saviour, every sound is his arrival and I don't know how she survives it.
I remember this man, her 'Doctor'. I remember both of them; one impish and full of life, yet soulful, as if his entire existence hung on his two companions, because all else was lost to him; the other, beautiful and charming, but filled with love and compassion for his friends. The trio was complete only with the woman she once was. I hope they do find her, I hope that inside she still exists. Someone should be able to break free of this life. It won't be me, but I hope it's her. I hope she escapes to a better life than the other; one without memories that aren't her own.
"What's your name?"
I'm startled by her voice, not so much that she's spoken but that she's speaking to me. Without really thinking, I unlock the barred door and walk towards her. Slowly I sit beside her and am unnerved by her penetrating gaze. This is one of her moments of clarity, the moments where she knows both who she is and why she's here. They continue to get further and further apart, but I prefer them to the lies. I have enough lies in my life already.
"I am 8."
She looks at me strangely for a moment, as if she's trying to figure me out.
"Can't you remember your name?" she asks curiously. "I'm Rose."
I nod, but don't reply. To vocally acknowledge her as anything other than 24 is not permitted, but in silence I can, perhaps, save one small part of her dignity.
"Tell me," she says with a frown, "tell me why I'm here."
"You were chosen. The Act of Substitution was brought into effect."
"What's that?" she asks.
I want to answer her. I want so much to explain to her, but how do I tell her this without letting her know I am to blame? Perhaps she deserves to know. I answered this question once before and it resulted in the broken girl before me. I'm not sure I can do it again. I don't think I can condemn another soul to this. Can I really watch as she's torn apart piece by piece?
"Please."
It's the pleading. Or perhaps it's because she reminds me of someone. Someone I thought I'd lost long ago.
"My eldest sister's name was M'Riyan," I say softly. "She had hair of gold and eyes like the sea."
"I used to look like that." She smiles, but it wavers a little. "But I can't remember colour. I remember me mum used to take me to the beach when I was little. It was her favourite place. She said I was like the sea and the sand."
Her moment is fading.
"I followed the blue spider again, but I can't find my way. Will you help me?"
"I cannot tell your future, but I can help with your past." She used to remember this, I rationalise, so telling her again cannot be so much of a sin. "I can tell you a story. Would you like that?"
"Yes," she says with childlike glee.
I can only hope that if she remembers, she will forgive. I was told this story once and it didn't help me get out of here, but it did hep me understand something about why I was there. I hope it can help her more.
"Once upon a time, there was a castle on a hill. The castle was very majestic, it looked like a child's dream come true. Now inside this castle live a large family; there was a mother and a father and sixteen children. There were eleven little boys and five little girls and all of them were loved very much. Now the castle on the hill was a place of power and the man of the house was looked up to and loved by those who called him 'King'. But every story has its share of evil and in this story it was another man from a far away land known as 'Emperor'."
She settles back against the wall, still listening avidly and I smile. This is how I wish it was with my children, but I need to keep reminding myself that wishes don't always come true.
"Now the Emperor was a ruthless man, but his people loved him all the same. One day, he spotted the castle on the hill and wanted it and its people to rule for himself. The King, however, would not surrender and a vicious war broke out among the people of the two nations. One night, not long past midnight, the castle walls were breached and the poor King and his family were killed. The Emperor took his place on the throne and his years of ruling both lands began.
"What the Emperor did not know was that the younget child, the littlest boy of the family was a child who loved to play hide and seek. By the age of four he had discovered many hidden passages within the palace and, on the night the Emperor came, he was hidden away in the walls of his home. He was unknowingly spared. The King's people had remained loyal, despite their new ruler, and the servants, without the Emperor's knowledge, raised the child in his father's image. The boy grew into a powerful young man and, one day, he challenged the Emperor. After telling who he was, he went on to defeat the Emperor and take back what had once been his father's.
"In memory of his parents and the wonderful first four years of his life, the boy wished for nothing more than a castle full of children, for a family he could call his own. From all around the land cam beautiful women whom he charmed and loved and raised children with. But, sometimes, he wanted more. He had grown up to fight and his adventurous spirit still lived inside him, so, once day, when some travellers came by, he found challenge in wooing the youngest woman of the group; a mere girl on her first adventure away from home. She had left her home and her parents and sisters to find adventure and, so she thought, love. She agreed to marry the man and return to his castle."
"Did they live happily ever after?" Rose asks and I want to say that they did.
"They lived. The woman was one of many wives and her four children were small within the numbers of others. But never think that the man does not know them and love them. He cares for each child and loves them all as if they were the only one."
"But the woman," Rose asks, far to perceptive for her own good, or perhaps just mine. "How do you live?"
I smile at her. "I lived for adventure, but I wanted love."
"Does Agnon really love you?"
"In his own way, I believe he does."
"What about me?"
I sigh. I cannot continue this without betraying my part in it. She figured out my part already and I don't know if I want to tell her more.
"Please," she pleads softly, "finish the story."
I nod. What else is there to do? "One day, the man believed he had truly fallen in love. But this woman was also a traveller and she did not wish to give up that life. The man pleaded and promised and did all he could, but the woman would not stay. His need to love had grown to desperation and so he locked the woman in a room and, every day, he would visit her, asking her to change his mind. After years of persuasion, each more desperate than the last, the woman begged him to release her and, at the sight of his beloved being so broken, he agreed. But on one condition. The woman had to agree to a substitute. He had hope that she would be persuaded not to put her own life above another's. So, he went down to the village and chose the prettiest girl he could find…the pretty girl was on her way to be married.
"Thinking that his beloved could not place the girl in a situation where she would be forced to marry a man other than the one she loved, he made his beloved choose. Driven to near madness by his years of persuasion, she looked the pretty girl in the eye and said, 'I'm sorry'. She chose to leave and let the girl take her place."
There's a silence in the room. She seems to be taking it all in and I hope she understands why I don't want to go on. But I doubt she's sure at this point.
"You-you said that's why I'm here."
I nod, resigning myself to the fact that I must continue. "The girl that was left in her place was so young, barely a woman. She was not of this world, but had come exploring and fallen in love with a local boy who would never challenge his King, even for true love. She denied Agnon as her predecessor had. She denied him longer than anyone could imagine. Then, one day, when there was so little of her left, so little of her that I was no longer sure she still existed in the hollow shell of her body, I told her a story. I told her this story…"
Rose nods and tears begin to spill over her cheeks. "And she chose me."
I shake my head. "No, Agnon chose you. He chose a fiery girl that was so much like the young woman she had once been. He chose you because he thought she couldn't allow the same to happen to you, but he forgot one thing. He forgot that she didn't remember who she had once been. You were a prize unlike any he has ever had. He values beauty and diversity. Your likeness to the sea and the sand, Rose," I say, her name sounding foreign on my lips, "that's what made it okay for him to have lost this time. He gave the girl new memories, he returned her name…"
"And he gave her my Doctor."
She doesn't need me to answer that. Although, how she knows I'm unsure. I didn't think she remembered anything from that far back.
Hearing movement from the hallway outside, I stand, leaving Rose to think about what I've just told her. Perhaps she'll abandon another to her fate, as was done to her, perhaps it will give her the strength to accept Agnon…or perhaps it will give her the strength she needs to hold onto until her Doctor arrives. For her sake, I hope he does.
I glance at her once more, the cropped blonde hair beginning to fall once more into her eyes as it grows, she looks more like my sister than ever. I always wanted M'Riyan's beautiful locks, but was cursed with the colour of fire…like my temper, my father used to say. I haven't thought of my family in so long, but it has reminded me of how much I valued it. Perhaps I should visit my own children.
Maybe I did this for her, but I think, deep down, I also did it for myself. I hope her Doctor saves her, maybe it'll save a little part of me as well.
"What's your name?"
The words float gently behind me and I turn to her as I close over the cell door once more. She seems to want to know and I think I do as well. I think I want to remember just a little bit more, maybe then I can reclaim a small piece of the woman I once was.
"Y'Lana," I whisper, and that's when I know I was right to tell her. No one should have to be a stranger to themself.
"Thank you, Y'Lana," she replies. "I might not get to say goodbye, but I can still say thank you for helping me. My Doctor's coming."
"I hope he is, Rose," I say as I give her one last look. As I turn towards the children's wing I wonder if I'll ever see her again. She's singing once more, but her voice is stronger and the words less heartbroken.
"All around the mulberry bush,
The monkey chased the weasel.
The monkey thought it was all in good fun.
Pop! Goes the weasel."
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End of Part Elevenxxxxx
Well, I hope that has answered all of your questions! I will be returning to the main characters next, as I mentioned in the opening note. Until then, I hope this was okay!
Oh, and if you lot are all humming Pop! Goes the Weasel for the rest of the night, welcome to my world. It's driving me mad, too!
Please keep up the reviewing, it's doing wonders for my muses! ;p