A play about Lily Evans
Scene One Go to hell, Snape
Lily Evans, Mackie Banks, and Harriet Wytowski are standing on the Hogwarts grounds a few days after start of term. Lucius Malfoy, Severus Snape, Herbert Crabbe, and Howard Goyle are standing a few feet away. A third group on the other side consists of Peter Pettigrew, Remus Lupin, James Potter and Sirius Black.
(Lily to Mackie) LE: Mackie, who's the Slytherin standing with Snape?
MB: Crabbe, or Goyle? Lily, we've known them for five years now, I think you should recognize their ugly faces by now.
HW: Mackie, you idiot, she's talking about the fourth one. I don't know who he is either.
(Shay O'Connor comes rushing up to the group) SOC: So, Lily, have you heard the news?
LE: What news?
SOC: Slytherin has a transfer student this year.
LE: Is he the one standing over there with Snape?
SOC: That's the one. Gorgeous, isn't he?
HW: We're not supposed to encourage inter-house romance, Shay, you of all people should know that by now.
MB: Yes, Shay, remember the ill-fated romance of last year with the Ravenclaw seeker? How did that turn out, I ask you?
SOC: It only lasted two weeks! How was I supposed to know he was trying to put me off my game! It was an innocent mistake!
LE: (soothingly) Calm down Shay, you're still the best keeper gryffindor could ask for. You learned from your mistake, didn't you?
SOC: I may have learned from that mistake, but from the looks of him, I could be taught another lesson, as long as he was the teacher!
MB: Shay, stop it! You're going to get in trouble again. After all, Sirius isn't going to take much more of your attitude if you keep this up.
LE: I don't know, maybe Shay's right for once, he is kind of cute.
SOC: Kind of? He's the best thing to come out of Durmstrang since they invented the Bat Bogey Hex. His name is Lucius Malfoy. Isn't that the most beautiful name you've ever heard? It just rolls off your tongue. You should go after him.
HW: Shay! She's got Potter to take care of yet! She can't be going off on some Slytherin, when we all know that she's fated for James Potter.
SOC: Oh, Harriet, hush up. Next you'll be saying she'll name her first boy Harry, after you. Remember third year, when you all said that I was fated for Arthur Weasley? Now look how that turned out! He's off dating Molly Heezan now. Aren't they perfect for each other too. I bet you that they'll settle down and have six or seven kids and live in a tumble down shack in Surrey! Just you wait! Lily'll nail that Lucius by the end of the semester.
LE: Why me? Shay, I thought you were going for him.
SOC: Me? Well, Mackie's right. Sirius is getting rather tired of my antics. I have to pay a little attention to him, to make sure he don't run off with someone like Tansy Wheaton.
(collective shudder) MB: I hate Tansy. She's always trying to get my Remus away. She makes me believe that when he disappears every month, he's running away with her to some private love hideaway.
HW: Don't worry about it Mackie, you know he's doing no such thing. Although it wouldn't hurt him to take you out for a midnight stroll under the full moon once in awhile. You really should give him a hint or two that he's close to losing you.
MB: But he's not. I will always stay faithful to him.
SOC: You need a little fun in your life, girl. You should flirt with someone else for a few days. Let him know that you just won't trail along while he's flirting with all these other girls. You flirt with Lucius.
MB: Oh no, Shay, I could never do something like that, you know it's strictly verboten.
SOC: You and your silly german ways. I know it's forbidden, and I don't care. Lily, I think you should go for it.
LE: Why not Harriet? She can charm in other ways than magic. I admit, he's gorgeous, but I'm not so sure I should break rules like that.
HW: I will not date a Slytherin. The very name leaves a bad taste in my mouth. If any of us should flirt with him, and I'm not saying anyone should, because it's definitely wrong, it should be Shay. She's used to breaking rules. Lily couldn't handle it.
LE: What? I could so handle it! You know what? I'm going to prove you wrong! I'll have that Lucius Malfoy, before Christmas holidays. How do you feel about that, Miss Wytowski?
HW: I think it's wrong. Not only are you breaking school rules, the mandates of Slytherin are so completely different than ours, you could get into very serious trouble.
SOC: Unwritten school rules, Harriet. Unwritten means that they can easily be broken. And as for the mandates of Slytherin, to hell with them. If Lily sleeps with him, she sleeps with him. That's all there is to say on the subject.
LE: Hey! I never said I'd sleep with him!
SOC: I dare you. In fact, I'm willing to bet thirty Galleons that you won't sleep with him before the end of sixth year.
HW: Shay! That's shocking. I can't believe you'd be willing to make that kind of bet.
LE: Harriet, Shut up! You know something Shay, I'll take you up on that bet. And to prove it, I'll up the bet twenty galleons that I get a ring from him. And what's more, I'll get it before the Easter Holidays.
SOC: Now that's more like it, Lily. And what shall we tell James? How about he's scum of the earth, and not even fit to marry Snivellus's mother?
LE: No. We'll be kind to him, let him know gently.
MB: (shouts to James's group) Hey Potter! Lily here just told us she wants to nail the new transfer student! (claps hand to her mouth) Oh no, I'm sorry Lily.
LE: So much for gently.
(Lucius walks over to their group, receiving dark looks from James's group) LM: I believe I would be said transfer student. Which of you is Lily?
SOC: (points to Lily) That would be said Lily. (jabs her in the side)
LE: I'm sorry, Mackie here sometimes gets the wrong idea and it just comes out her mouth somehow.
LM: (interrupts) Oh, I think she had the right idea. I'm glad I didn't have to try and figure it out on my own. It could have taken weeks that way. This way, I can feel free to tell you, Miss Lily, that I'd rather like to nail you too. Care to walk with me?
LE: (blushing) Of course.
(they go off toward the school together. Sirus, Peter, Remus, and James rush over to the remaining girls. Remus goes to Mackie and puts his arm around her) JP: What was that all about? Lily is brushing me off again? And for a Slytherin none the less?
HW: Yes, well, we tried to talk her out of it, but she just wouldn't listen to us. And then Mackie here had to tell the world right away. (gives Mackie dark look)(Mackie looks scared)
RL: Harriet, careful. Mackie didn't do anything wrong, James would found out sooner or later anyway. (hugs Mackie protectively and whispers something in her ear. Mackie relaxes visibly)
SB: (bitterly) So, Shay, what made you let Lily go after him. I expected you'd be all over him from the start.
SOC: (pouty) Sirius, How could you say such a thing, (puppy dog eyes) I'm yours, aren't I?
SB: Alright, I forgive you. How can I resist when you act like that?
HW: That doesn't solve the problem at hand here, nor does it account for the fact that Shay and James were making out before Quidditch last week. (totally unrepentant) Oh, oops, did I say that?
SB: (furious) Shay, can I never leave you alone? And James, I expected more of you than this! To hell with both of you then! (stomps off)
SOC: Thanks a lot Harriet, now look what you've done! I'll have to let him calm down for a week before I can even talk to him again!
HW: You mean sleep with him, don't you Shay? Why not say what you mean instead of letting us do the guesswork? (smirk)
SOC: You Mudblood Bitch! (lunges at her but is caught by James)
JP: Calm down, Shay. Let's walk. Coming Remus?
RL: Come on Mackie, Let's go. (follows James and Shay)
HW: Well Peter, I guess it's just you and me to solve this problem.
PP: (eyes wide) Hell no, you got to be crazy! (takes off running towards the castle)
HW: Fine then, run away you sorry bastard! (Severus Snape walks toward Harriet)
SS: You're quite a girl, you know that Harriet?
HW: (disgusted) Oh shut up and go back to your slimy dungeons!
SS: Alright, but don't hesitate to owl me if you change your mind. (winks at her)
HW: Go to hell, Snape. (Harriet wanders toward the castle and Snape returns to his group)
End Scene